"I never realized how much time I spend alone in my apartment, you know?" Daphne let out a long sigh. "Like... I didn't used to be this lonely before I met Sam, so why does it feel like I spend so many hours of the day missing him?"

"I know exactly what you mean. After Adam left it felt like the nights got twice as long."

"But not anymore?"

Interesting question. "It's getting easier. I still miss him, but the longer he's gone..." I shook my head. "How can I love a man who keeps abandoning me?" Didn't I deserve better than that?

"But he only left to protect you."

"And they still sent the Angel of Death to kill me. Sounds like a pretty stupid plan if you ask me. If he really wanted to keep me safe, he would have stuck around. Or at least shown up after I killed Raziel." Remiel had to have filled him in on that little tidbit when he gave up his protection detail.

"I can't believe Raziel came after you like that. You know, I thought Sam was being melodramaculous when he left, but now..."

"Now you can see it's the real deal," I nodded grimly.

"What are you going to do if they send someone else after you?"

"I can't worry about that right now. All I can do is worry about this little one."

"Then you're not freaked out about the baby anymore?"

"Of course I am." My hand settled protectively over my growing belly. "But I'm getting used to the idea. Listen, I signed up for a child birthing cla.s.s on Monday nights, you want to come with me?"

"Sure, that sounds like fun, what time?"

Her definition of fun and mine differed greatly, but I was glad to have her on board. We talked about the time and location and descended into gossip about movies we'd seen; all that meaningless stuff that means so much in a friendship.

"Do you think he'll ever come back?" Daphne asked out of the blue as we cleared the dishes into the kitchen.

"Sam?"

"Yeah."

I wanted to say something to take away that hurt puppy look from her face, but at the same time, I couldn't give her false reason to hope. "I think he loves you, but no, I don't think he will."

"That's what I thought too."

"Face it, Daph, maybe we're not destined to be with angels, Fallen or otherwise. There's probably a good reason why it's forbidden, but d.a.m.ned if I can figure out why."

"It's a stupid rule," she frowned, setting her mug in the sink and I couldn't help but agree. "Does that mean you're going to give Parker a chance?"

I looked down to where Adam's ring still sat on my finger. "I don't know."

Chapter Fifteen.

"Thanks for doing this, Parker, especially on such short notice." I smiled as we left the car in the community center parking lot.

"No big deal, I'm happy to do it," he brushed off my thanks, two fluffy pillows in hand. Daphne had made it to the first two child birthing cla.s.ses with me, but got called in to work unexpectedly the final night when partners were recommended.

"Are you sure it's okay, you leaving the club like this?"

"It's fine. I do take nights off, you know."

"Yeah, but usually I'm there to keep an eye on things," I reminded him.

"Oh, so now you think you're indispensible to me, do you?"

"Aren't I?" I batted my eyelashes at him playfully.

Parker pulled the gla.s.s door open for me. "Get inside before I recover my good sense and kick you to the curb."

"Hey, you don't need to come with me if you don't want to."

"I want to, now scoot." He swatted me on the behind with one of the pillows and I darted inside. We were running late and all the other couples were already there, sitting next to each other, chatting amiably.

"Oh, you brought your fiance this time! Welcome, I'm Kitty." The instructor greeted us and I flashed Parker a look. "And you are?"

"Parker. Glad to be here, Kitty." Parker returned her grin, clasping her offered hand.

"Have a seat, kids, we're about to start."

We took a seat in the corner of the room, facing the monitor set up in the middle of the room to show us the miracle of birth. The movie was dated and grainy, and definitely didn't sugar coat the process at all.

"That is disgusting," Parker whispered, leaning close.

"What, the blood? It's not worse than anything in a sci-fi movie." I didn't figure him for the squeamish type.

"No, that part's tame. I'm talking about all the hair. Haven't any of these people heard of personal landscaping?"

I suppressed a smile. "It was the seventies, everybody looked like that back then. I would have thought you'd remember."

"I'm not that much older than you," Parker muttered, a disgruntled pout on his face.

"Of course not, Grandpa." I patted his knee with a condescending smile.

After the movie, we retrieved a yoga mat from a pile in the corner of the room and spread out. "Get comfy on the mats now, mommies in front with daddies supporting from behind," Kitty instructed.

"Kinky," Parker murmured, and I stepped on his foot accidentally on purpose.

"We're going to practice some ma.s.sage techniques to relieve low back pain during labor. Now, there's no real wrong way to do this. You'll want to apply firm pressure, yes, like that." Kitty circulated through the room helping couples figure out what to do. I began to see the need for partners for the cla.s.s.

"Do I have permission to touch you above the ankle?" Parker asked politely.

"You do," I nodded, tensing a little when I first felt his hands on me, but very quickly I relaxed under his care.

"How does that feel, darlin'?" he asked, scooting closer to change the angle and I suppressed a groan of pleasure.

"That feels wonderful. Where did you learn to do that?"

"I dated a girl in ma.s.sage school. She needed me as a guinea pig to practice on, I picked up a few tips. You like?"

"I like..." I nodded, enjoying the feel of his strong hands spreading warmth and relaxation.

"Let her know you're there for her." Kitty continued her coaching.

"I'm here for you," Parker parroted, and I caught the hint of a smirk in my peripheral vision.

"Tell her what a great job she's doing."

"You are doing a bang up job... sitting there doing nothing," he added and I elbowed him discreetly.

"Daddies take your cues from your mommies. She will guide you to what she wants. If she wants her back rubbed, she'll let you know. If she doesn't want to be touched, then don't touch her. Each birth is unique and there is no right or wrong way to experience it."

"So, tell me, angel..." Parker's voice sounded low and intimate at my ear. "Do you want me to touch you?"

All manner of images flashed through my dirty mind that had nothing to do with the childbirth experience. Did I want him to touch me... right at that moment I didn't want him to stop. "I... um..."

"Tell me what you want." His lips dragged across my cheek and I felt myself turning instinctively towards them. "Guide me to what you need."

I hardly knew...

"Very good, kids! Alright, we'll open the floor up to some questions and answers now." Just like that, ma.s.sage time pa.s.sed and I was spared having to answer. I leaned back against Parker's solid chest, feeling very comfortable with the way his arms draped around my shoulders.

Most of the questions were ones I knew the answers to from hours spent poring over books about what to expect during the delivery process, but some of them were interesting.

Parker surprised me by raising his hand. "Kitty, I've read that sometimes the drugs used to take the edge off the contractions can make the mother nauseous. Is there anything we can do to counter that?"

"A very good question!" Kitty beamed, but I missed her answer, too busy trying to get a look at Parker. Where had that question come from? Was he kidding or had he really spent some time reading up on the stuff? From what I could see, he seemed pretty interested in her reply, and I had to shake my head on the inside over the change in Parker since I'd first met him.

Not that he'd ever been a man-s.l.u.t or anything, but he had a reputation as a player. The idea of him researching and partic.i.p.ating in anything like childbirth was... I wouldn't have believed it if anyone had told me I'd be sitting there with him even a year before.

Parker noticed me looking at him and dropped a quick wink before turning his attention back to Kitty.

"Alright, now we'll all take a stroll down to hospital admitting and fill out the pre-registration cards." Kitty motioned us to our feet. "That way, when the big day arrives you'll be all set to go."

"Stay put," Parker instructed, climbing to his feet and offering me his hands to help me up. "d.a.m.n, it's like pulling in a marlin."

"I'm so glad I invited you." I smiled sweetly, not offering any objections when he put the mat away and picked up our pillows without having to be asked. En ma.s.se, we left the community center for the short trek to the neighboring hospital. With so many couples, it took a while to get everything squared away, but eventually we strolled back outside into the mild evening air.

"You'll call me when the time comes, right?" he asked, tucking the pillows into the back seat of his Camaro.

"You want to be there when the baby's born?"

"I'd like to think I didn't just sit through an hour of heavy breathing for nothing. Of course I want to be there."

"Oh sure, the first time you see me naked and I'm pushing out a watermelon? I don't think so." I brushed past him to the pa.s.senger's side door, but he loped around the car, beating me to it.

"Fine, there's an easy way to fix that."

"What?" I guessed if he stayed up by my head, he wouldn't need to see all my unmentionables. Or maybe I could ask to be draped for privacy?

Parker had other ideas, though. "Let me see you naked now."

"What? I'm not doing that."

"Why not? It'll cut that particular tension and then on the big day we can get down to business. That way we're both satisfied."

"I'm not gonna strip down to satisfy your curiosity." I tried to reach past him to open the car door, but he blocked my access.

"I wasn't talking about that kind of satisfaction, darlin'." He waggled his brows playfully.

"G.o.d, I never know when to take you seriously..." I scowled and he dropped the smarmy bit, his face earnest.

"Okay really... I'm being serious. Will you call me when it's time?"

Did I want him there for such an incredibly intimate event? "I don't know, Parker, are you sure you want to be there for that? You saw the video, it doesn't look at all pleasant."

"That's why I want to be there for you." He brushed the hair back behind my ear. "To help you through it. And Daphne too, I'm pretty sure she'll want to be there, right?"

"That's true," I allowed. Somehow the idea of Daphne being there too made it feel less intimate, more like support and less like... I don't know what. The lines defining our friendship had grown all indistinct and blurry and I wasn't sure how I felt about that yet. "Yeah, okay, I'll call you when the time comes."

"That's my girl," he grinned, pulling the door open for me and I couldn't help but think... whose girl was I, really?

After Parker dropped me off, I trudged up the stairs to my apartment, a little preoccupied as I thought about the direction my life was headed in. Nearly six months pregnant and no sign of the father in sight. I'd be hard pressed to keep from dipping into Adam's funds after the baby came along, no matter how good my intentions were.

Despite the a.s.surances I'd given my mother to keep her from moving in with me, I wasn't all that confident in my parenting skills. Sure, I'd practically raised Matty from preschool on, but I had little to no experience with babies, and the idea of doing it alone felt incredibly daunting. Daphne and Parker could give me a hug and a.s.sure me I wouldn't be alone all they wanted, but it wouldn't change the fact that day in and day out I'd be a single parent.

No more crawling under the covers with a good book when I felt c.r.a.ptastic, I'd have to force myself to get up and take care of the baby whether I wanted to or not. No more cruising to Lolly's with the guys after work, I'd have to get home and relieve whatever sitter I'd tricked into watching Bunny for the night. No more impromptu shopping trips, no more midnight margaritas, no more dance parties. No more parties, period.

But I'd have someone to care for, someone to talk to, someone to love who would grow to love me back. Someone to share the simple joys of life with and teach about the wonders of chocolate explosion ice cream.

And I'd have a part of Adam with me he could never take away.

As I laid my hand on the doork.n.o.b, I heard low voices coming from inside my apartment, and my angelic spidey senses started to twitch nervously. Who was in there?

Making myself imperceptible, I opened the door as quietly as I could manage, the voices louder once I stepped inside. As soon as I saw the who it was, I forgot to be stealthy, my temper getting the better of me as I saw Bert & Hubie, Raum's minions, kicking back on my sofa, up to their elbows in snacks.

"What the h.e.l.l is this?" I demanded, and Nelo dropped a plate of cookies on the floor on the way from the kitchen.

"Beggin' yer pardon, miss." Bert snapped to attention, and Hubie followed quick suit, taking his dirty boots off my coffee table without having to be asked.