For her twin Kit recounted everything, except for her relationship with Lucien. That was too painful to discuss.

Kira swore when she learned about Jason's imprisonment and escape, but didn't interrupt. At the end she jxclaimed, "My shy, straitlaced little sister played in The Gypsy Lass!"

"And cut my hair and got tattooed with that damned butterfly so that no one would notice any difference," Kit said acerbically.

Kira chuckled. "How were your notices?"

"The critics said I was in good form." Kit shrugged. 'I merely pretended that I was you. The audience saw what they expected of Cassie James."

"Maybe you should take my place permanently," Kira suggested. "I'm not going to continue acting, but it would be a pity to retire Cassie right when fame is there for he plucking."

Startled, Kit said, "You're going to leave the stage?"

"I've had enough. Sometimes it was wonderful- here's nothing like knowing you hold an audience in the palm of your hand. But the theater world is narrow and self-absorbed and takes itself far too seriously. I was often impatient with it."

"You never hinted at that before."

Kira's fingers moved restlessly within her sister's. "I didn't want to admit that it was a mistake to become an actress. And it wasn't a complete mistake-having done I can now walk away with no regrets." A warmer note entered her voice. "A good thing I've had enough, because continuing to act wouldn't be fair to Jason. Theater people should marry only other theater people."

"So you are going to marry him?"

"There's nothing on earth I want more. After I met him, damn his stubborn American hide, no one else would do. I assume he feels the same, or he never would have come for me." An anxious note sounded in her voice. "You like him, don't you? It would be dreadful if you didn't."

"I like him very much. The two of you should suit wonderfully."

"He has the ability to be emotionally intimate. That's rare in a man. I think it was because his mother raised him-he takes women seriously." Kira chuckled. "He probably didn't mention it, but he's also done rather well with his shipping business. Can you believe it? A Travers male who knows how to make money instead of wasting it! Papa would have considered that heresy."

"Obviously, two generations in America have improved the stock," Kit agreed. "But why did you refuse him three years ago? He said that you didn't want to leave England, but surely, since you loved him so much..."

"I couldn't bear to be so far from you, of course." Kira's clasp tightened again. "It was bad enough being separated when we were both in England, but to have a whole ocean between us... As much as I loved Jason, I simply couldn't go with him."

Kit was so moved that at first she couldn't reply. "I would have felt that way," she said quietly, "but I didn't know you did." She hesitated, wondering if she should ask the question that had nagged at her since she met Jason.

Inevitably, Kira noticed. "What are you not saying?"

"Why didn't you tell him about me?" Kit asked, trying to repress the hurt. "He knew I existed, but not that we were twins, much less what that means. Were you ashamed of me?"

"Kit, no! How could you think such a thing?"

"Why else would you keep silent?"

After a long silence Kira said haltingly, "I hate having to admit this-it sounds so horribly petty. But... I was afraid he would prefer you to me."

Kit sat bolt upright. "Have you run mad? No man has ever preferred me to you!"

"It's not a joking matter," Kira snapped. "I hate your false modesty. It's bad enough that you can out-think and out-talk me-you don't have to out-humble me as well."

Kit gasped at the sheer unfairness of the remark. "If I'm humble, it's because I have plenty of reason to be," she said, her voice trembling as she thought of Lucien. "I've spent my whole life trailing around in your shadow. The quiet twin. The dull twin. The twin who isn't Kristine, who looks exactly the same except that for some reason she isn't as pretty. I haven't minded that, but you have no right to accuse me of hypocrisy!"

Kira bit her lip. "Oh, Kit, I'm so sorry. My nerves are a wreck, but I shouldn't take it out on you of all people."

They went into each other's arms again, tears very close to the surface. Kit thought of their childhood, when they would creep into the same bed and sleep together like kittens. Impossible to imagine her life without her twin.

Eventually Kit disengaged herself. "Have you ever noticed that when we've been apart, we always have some stupid little disagreement shortly after we're reunited?"

Kira settled back and took her sister's hand again. "You're right, it happens every time. Why do you think that's so?"

"Because we miss each other so much." After a peaceful silence, Kit added, "I still can't believe you thought I could ever be a rival for Jason. Firstly, I would never, ever do that to you, and secondly, that man adores the water you walk on."

"I knew you wouldn't deliberately try to win him away, but men are always so intrigued by you," Kira said ruefully. "I'm such a frivolous creature. You're wiser, stronger, and you have a quality of female mystery that drives men wild. I didn't really doubt either Jason or you-but because you're both so important to me, I couldn't help worrying a little."

"Are we talking about the same person?" Kit said incredulously. "Me as a mysterious enchanter of men? You're off your head, big sister! Back in Kendal, you were always the one who was surrounded three deep by admirers."

Kira shrugged. "They were boys, not men, and they found it easier to talk to a chatterbox like me. Oh, some of them fancied me, but half were hanging about as a way to get closer to you. Your intelligence intimidated them all fearfully, you know. I always knew you would come into your own when you were older and could meet men who were mature and confident."

"What about Philip Burke?" Kit asked, feeling a faint twinge even now. "I wanted desperately for him to notice me, but he didn't know that I was alive."

"Him? Oh, he was just one of those people, the sort that can't deal with identical twins," Kira said dismissively. "Since he needed something to do while visiting Kendal, he decided to dangle after me. So he did, which meant that you became invisible to him. I'm sorry that upset you, but honestly, he wasn't worth it. Those people never are."

"To think that I pined over him for one whole summer, yet missed something so obvious!" Kit sighed. "You overrate my intelligence."

"No, I don't." Kira sighed. "I'm not as strong as you, Kit. I knew that Jane was right when she insisted that we separate and learn to lead independent lives after Papa died. I tried my best, but I just couldn't manage as well as you. Professionally, you became an influential writer, read and respected by the most prominent men in the kingdom. Even more important, you were always so calm, so confident, so comfortable with yourself. Not at all like me."

"But you were a much greater success!" Kit retorted. "You made ten times the money I did. It was you who paid off most of Papa's debts, and you had so many friends and admirers."

Kira shrugged. "I did well enough as an actress, but as a person I was a fraud-incomplete. I desperately wanted to find someone who would love and take care of me. That was why it was so dreadful to fall in love . with an American. It was unthinkable to leave England, yet sending Jason away was almost as bad."

Again Kit had the sense that they were talking about two different people. "You really thought that I was successfully independent? I love Jane, and living with her has been very comfortable, but I would have accepted her offer of a home even if she'd been Caligula. When I left Westmoreland, I couldn't endure the thought of living alone or going among strangers. I had such respect for your courage in entering a whole new world. I spent four years lurking in my room, writing essays, which is about as far from real life as one can get."

"I needed the distraction of being constantly busy," Kira said simply. "I knew I would have a terrible time without you, but activity and novelty would help."

Understanding struck them simultaneously. They stared at each other in the darkness. "Jane kept emphasizing how well you were doing on your own," Kit said. "When she wrote you, did she go on about my success?"

"Yes!" Kira exclaimed. "I suppose she was only trying to be encouraging, but by telling each of us that the other was doing so well, she made us both feel like failures!"

"Though her intentions were good, the results weren't," Kit said half laughing, half exasperated. "For four years I've been blaming myself for my weak character."

"I did until I met Jason. That's when I realized it isn't in my nature to be frightfully independent like Jane. Oh, I can survive on my own, I know that now, but I'm far happier being with someone I love."

Her sister's words triggered a series of insights in Kit. She had been resisting Lucien with all her might. Part of that was her genuine fear that he would prefer Kira and leave her devastated, but she had also believed she shouldn't need him so much. Her experience had been that it wasn't safe to rely so much on men, and that had been reinforced by Jane, who was so splendidly independent herself.

But Lucien was not a Travers, and Kit should not doubt him because of her father's failings. Nor should she read so much into the way he had hugged Kira after she had shot Mace. Kit had been disposed to assume the worst, but apparently she and her sister had been misjudging each other for years. If she could do that with her twin, she could certainly be wrong about Lucien.

It was also high time for her to accept that it was no more her nature to be emotionally self-contained than it was Kira's. Thoughtfully she said, "We haven't talked like this in four years, Kira. Thank you for giving me a new perspective on life and love."

"Speaking of love, are you going to marry Lucien Fairchild? He's rather magnificent."

"So he is. As to marriage..." Kit hesitated, not wanting to discuss what was still so horrendously unresolved. "That remains to be seen. He thinks we should marry, but that's mostly because he feels guilty about all of the times we were in compromising situations. Since that was my fault, not his, it seems rather silly that he should have to marry me for the sake of my reputation."

"That's just an excuse-the truth is that he's another victim of your fatal charm." After a short pause, Kira inhaled sharply with surprise. "Kit, you sly thing, are you pregnant?"

"What?" Kit gasped. "That's impossible!"

"Is it?" Kira asked with interest.

Kit felt herself blushing so violently that the interior of the carriage should have warmed several degrees. "Well, not actually impossible. But certainly improbable."

Kira chuckled wickedly. "Nonetheless, I think it's true. I shall prepare myself to become an aunt."

Perhaps she was right; it was the sort of thing one twin would know about another. Kit thought about the possibility of having Lucien's child. Warmth sparked in her heart and spread through her whole body. It was a wonderful prospect-yet it complicated her situation enormously.

For the rest of the ride they chattered back and forth comparing notes, finishing each other's sentences, washing away four years of subtle estrangement in a flood tide of words. Then Kira glanced out the window and saw the manor house outlined against the night sky. "Incidentally, where are we going? I didn't think to ask."

"A small estate owned by a friend of Lucien's. It's vacant at the moment, so we've temporarily taken it over. Some of Lucien's servants came along to keep us comfortable."

"Did you bring some decent clothing? As soon as we get inside, I want you to help me take off this ghastly costume so that I can burn it."

"I packed several of your gowns," Kit assured her. "Warm, conservative ones because I knew that was what you would want."

Kira glanced down at herself. "Actually, Jason would enjoy seeing me in this outfit, but I can't bear having anything that Mace forced on me. Speaking of which, would you switch cloaks with me? You can have the sable cape; I don't want it anywhere near me."

Awkward in the cramped quarters, they exchanged their outer garments. As she wrapped the sumptuous fur around her, Kit remarked, "Since Mace is hardly one of my favorite people, I don't want to keep the cape either. Maybe we should give it to Cleo. She was wonderfully helpful, and she would love it."

"Good idea." A touch of defiance in her voice, Kira continued, "After I change, I'm going to find Jason and drag him off to his room for the night. We have a lot to catch up on."

Kit realized that her sister expected a scold. Once prim Lady Kathryn would have been scandalized at such immoral behavior, but not now. Not since she had learned something about passion and the bond it would forge between a man and a woman. "You certainly do. Having each survived a terrible captivity, I expect you'll be closer than ever."

"I hadn't thought of that, but you're right." After a slight hesitation, Kira said, "You needn't be jealous of Jason, you know. The connection between you and me has changed and evolved over the years, but it will always be there. Always."

Trust Kira to know and understand. Her heart full of love, Kit said, "And you say I'm clever. When it comes to the most important things in life, you've always been ahead of me."

"Only by ten minutes or so." The carriage rumbled to a halt in front of the manor. Already beginning to put her experience behind her, Kira continued buoyantly, "Now come help me out of this beastly outfit!"

Chapter 40.

Lucien had been unsurprised to see Kit and Kira enter the manor house, then dart upstairs together. He guessed that for the next few days it would take a crowbar to separate them. Quite understandable under the circumstances.

He kept his distance, not trusting himself near Kit. It was one thing to intellectually accept that their affair was over, another for him to stop craving her. But surely, in time, that would pass.

After drinking half his glass of brandy, he stood and wandered restlessly across his bedroom. The other two men were relaxing over supper and a celebratory drink, but he had chosen not to join them. He had no appetite, nor did he feel much like celebrating. Michael had frowned when he had excused himself, but had known better than to comment. Friendship was as much a matter of knowing when not to speak as when one should.

He opened the French doors and went out onto the small balcony. The wind was brutally cold, but the storm had blown away, and the moon rode high in the sky. Its cool light refracted brilliantly through the ice that sparkled on every twig and branch. Ice everywhere, especially in his heart.

He leaned against the railing and gazed into the crystalline night, consuming his brandy in slow sips. Perhaps when he was done, he would be able to sleep.

Kit helped her sister change from the bondage costume to a plain blue gown. With her hair brushed out and falling simply over her shoulders, Kira was beautiful, with the special glow that was uniquely her own. She looked exactly as a woman going to her lover should. Kit guessed that the next time she saw her sister and Jason, the two would be at peace for the first time in years. Certainly Kira would be.

She wanted to change her own clothing, but as soon as her sister left the bedroom, sharp anxiety washed through her. Something was very wrong where Lucien was concerned.

It wasn't until Kit reached out and found silence that she realized that she had become accustomed to feeling him in the background of her mind, rather as she did with her sister. His current blankness was unlike the time when she had feared Kira was dead. Instead, it was as if he had closed a door that had been gradually opening to her.

Suddenly worried, she grabbed the cape and headed though the icy hall toward Lucien's room. Perhaps he was angry because she had wandered off and gotten herself captured. At the time she'd had as little volition as a sleepwalker, but her behavior had complicated events dreadfully. If she and Lucien had stayed together, Kira might have been rescued without any bloodshed-not that Mace and the other two were any great loss to society.

Her steps slowed as she approached his room. What if he really didn't want her? What if...?

Before she could lose her nerve, she rapped firmly on his door. No answer. Quietly she turned the knob and went inside.

The lamp was lit and the bed turned down, but he wasn't in it. Cold air gusted from the open French doors. She looked out to see Lucien standing on the balcony, his back to her.

He must have heard the knock, for he said without turning, "No need to check up on me, Michael. Nothing ails me that a night's sleep won't cure."

Uncertainly, she said, "Are you feeling unwell, Lucien?"

His broad shoulders became rigid. After a long pause, he turned and leaned casually against the railing of the balcony. He looked cool and elegant, with no trace of warrior remaining. "Only tired, Kit. It was a busy night."

She walked toward him, tugging the cape closer against the fierce cold. As she did, she realized that she was dressed exactly as her sister had been earlier. Needing to know if he could tell them apart, she offered him Kira's smile and Kira's glow. "Are you sure I'm Kit?"

Guessing that he was being tested, he said ironically, "Of course, even if you are still playing the role of Cassie James." His gaze went to the cape. "I assume that you and Kira exchanged cloaks because she didn't want anything that had come from Mace."

It was a relief that he could unerringly tell them apart. Equally clearly, he still knew how her mind worked. But his expression was as remote and unapproachable as the fallen archangel of his nickname. The silent communication that had been growing between them had vanished as absolutely as if it had never existed.

For an instant she felt a sick certainty that Kira really had dazzled him to the point where he was hoping Kit would quietly fade from his life. Of course, if she told him she was pregnant, he would certainly marry her. But that was not the marriage she wanted.

Her mouth tightened. She had never given up on finding Kira, and she was not going to give up on Lucien until she was absolutely sure he didn't want her.

The sable cape swirling about her calves, she joined him on the balcony. The house was L-shaped. with a formal garden lying in the angle between the wings. Not daring to look directly at him, she studied the frozen fountain, which the moonlight had transformed into an opalescent ice sculpture. "I said that when the crisis was over, I would be happy to give you anything you wished that was in my power. Have you decided what you want?"

There was a stillness so profound that she could hear the brittle sound of ice-crusted twigs tapping against each other in the wind. Finally, he said, "What I want is something that can't be given. You're under no obligation to me, Kit. I'm glad I could help find Kira. In the process I found the spies I was seeking, so the scales are balanced. Go and be happy."

It was blatant dismissal. She caught her breath, the frigid air searing her lungs. "You've changed your mind about wanting marriage?"

"Ever since Linnie died, I've been looking in vain for the other half of myself," he said in a voice as bleak as the winter night. "Whenever I sought it in a woman, I found loneliness instead. I hoped that with you, there was a chance of having the emotional intimacy I craved. You are a twin, you know how to give, how to make yourself vulnerable, and how to love without reservation. I wanted all of that."

He braced his hands on the railing and raised his face to the sky. The moonlight gilded his face to impossible handsomeness. Bright star of the morning, most beautiful of God's host, beyond the ken of man-or woman.

"But I was a fool to think it possible to have that kind of closeness with anyone else," he continued. "Elinor and I were born in the same hour, of the same blood. Together we learned to play, to talk, to laugh-to share all our thoughts and emotions. And even with Linnie, that would have waned when we grew up. Perhaps it's as much a curse as a blessing to be a twin, because it gives one an appetite for what can never again be attained."

After a long pause he said in a scarcely audible voice, "I suppose that what I really wanted was to recapture the golden days of my childhood, before I discovered what a painful place the world is. You can't give that time back to me. No one can, any more than I could have replaced Kira in your heart if she had died. She comes first with you. She always will. Tonight I realized that I would not be content with any shreds that are left over, and it's better not to try."

He looked at her then, his eyes a pale, moonstruck green. "It has been a pleasure knowing you, Lady Kathryn. I learned many useful things about myself."

She shivered, the chill of his distance far worse than the bitter wind.