"What?" The doctor sounded a little peeved.

"I can't say I really blame them on this one, Mitch. Just thought you'd want a heads-up."

"The kid was a ticking time bomb, Don. We do our best to stop 'em. This one went off."

"Well if I were you, you might want to look at it again. That it's all b.u.t.toned up."

"b.u.t.toned up?" The doctor's tone now had an edge of irascibility to it.

"Any loose ends . . ." Sherwood stared at the file, at the copy of Evan's medical records included there.

Ones the poor, grieving family would never see.

They didn't need anyone tugging on loose ends here. Not the family; not some pushy outsider from New York. The problem with loose ends was, once pulled, you just never knew what would tumble out.

"I think you know what I mean."

Chapter Ten.

I tried the hospital again as soon as we got back to the apartment.

Again, no luck.

The doctor in charge, Derosa, still hadn't called me back. Which was starting to p.i.s.s me off, since several hours had pa.s.sed, and it was professional courtesy to receive a reply. A secretary at his office said he was still at an outside consult.

Even a call to Brian, the mental health social worker there, went straight to his voice mail.

I was beginning to feel like a wall of silence was being erected, and the doctor and his staff were bricks in it.

Finally I got fed up. I was losing valuable time. I tried the nurse's station at the psych ward. I got to a Janie Middleton, who identified herself as the chief nurse on the ward. "I'm told you wanted some information on Evan Erlich?"

"Nurse Middleton"-I softened my tone-"my name is Jay Erlich. I'm a surgeon in vascular medicine at the Westchester Medical Center back east in New York. Evan was my nephew . . ."

"Oh," she said, betraying some nerves, "I a.s.sisted him while he was here. He seemed like a nice boy to me. We're all so, so sorry for what took place . . ."

"I appreciate that," I said. "Look, Janie, I know Dr. Derosa isn't around . . ."

"He's-" For a second I thought she was about to say He's right here. Then she seemed to catch herself. "I was told he might not be back for the day, but the first step in any patient inquiry is to request the doctor's report. The next of kin is ent.i.tled to it, of course . . ."

"Of course." Everyone was hiding behind the d.a.m.ned report. I just wanted to speak to somebody. . .

"Janie . . ." I took a breath, trying to hide my frustration. "Are you a parent?"

"Yes," she said, her reserve softening as well. "I am."

"Then you'll understand. My brother and sister-in-law have just lost their only child. They want an answer."

How Evan went from being on suicide watch to being released, after just days. How he was placed in an unrestricted facility and a day later he was dead. "You can understand that. They're feeling-they were making the responsible decision to put their son in the hands of the county when he got out of control. And no one's giving them any information on how this happened."

"Of course I can understand," the nurse replied. "Look, just pet.i.tion the medical records. Off the record . . . then the doctor has to officially respond to your questions. I honestly think that's the best way." She lowered her voice. "I hope you understand what I'm saying . . ."

Was there some kind of cover-up going on? Was that why no one was willing to get on the phone with me? What was the hospital hiding?

"I hear you," I said, sighing. "So how long does that generally take?"

"Four or five business days, I think."

"Four or five days!" I wouldn't even be there then.

"Ask for the medical reports," she said again. "That's about the best I can say. We're just all so sorry . . ."

Frustrated, I thanked her for her time.

"See, now you're starting to see what s.h.i.ts they are out here," my brother chortled, as if in vindication. "How no one lifts a finger for you if you're poor. You're just not used to that, little brother."

"I'm not done."

I called the hospital one last time and asked for the head of the Psych Department, a Dr. Emil Contreras. I explained to his a.s.sistant who I was. She told me Dr. Contreras was at a conference in New Orleans and wouldn't be back until Thursday.

Thursday I'd be going back home.

"When he checks in, if you can please have him give me a call. It concerns Evan Erlich. It's urgent."

I left my cell number. I wanted to slam down the phone.

It was only two. And I wasn't sure exactly what I had accomplished. "What's next . . . ?"

"I think I need to see it," Gabby said.

"See what?"

"Where it happened."

Charlie looked at her warily. "You're sure?"

Detective Sherwood had given us detailed directions to the spot where they found Evan. Underneath the rock.

"Yes. I have to see it." Gabriella nodded. "I have to see the place my son died."

Chapter Eleven.

It rose, gigantic and majestic. A single mound of volcanic rock dominating the coastline, six hundred feet high.

We could see it from miles away, before we even reached the quaint coastal town. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Partly because of its vast size. And partly because of what happened there.

"This is crazy," Gabriella said, hiding her face in her hands and glancing toward Charlie. "I can't believe I'm actually doing this. Going to the spot where my son died."

The ma.s.sive rock was situated on a narrow strip of land, overlooking the tiny fishing bay. Sherwood had said to drive all the way to the parking lot along the south side of the rock, then go through a chain-link gate and across the shoals. A narrow path snaked up the rock face there. He said to look for a ledge about a hundred feet up, above the jagged rocks.

The place where a couple of early-morning clammers had found Evan.

My heart poured out, thinking of Evan being drawn to the site as he walked there, alone and confused, voices clashing in his head.

"Now you see, you see what my poor boy climbed?" Gabby turned to me. "In the f.u.c.king dark. You have to be crazy to do that, right?"

I didn't answer, but there was nothing in me that disagreed.

We parked the car and walked out onto the rocky shoals in the shadow of the mountain. A handful of people were milling around. Fishermen tossing out lines, tourists snapping photos, a few makeshift souvenir stands. The breeze picked up, and Charlie and Gabriella seemed to waver.

My brother said, "Maybe he went up there to see G.o.d. Evan was like that. Maybe that's what he wanted to do."

I had heard about as much of this "Evan was Jesus" stuff as I could bear. "The kid was disturbed, Charlie. He wasn't looking for G.o.d. He was sick." I heard myself echoing Sherwood. "What the h.e.l.l do you think he was doing up there anyway?"

"I don't know if I can do this," Gabby said, suddenly white as a ghost.

I went over and put my arm around her. "You don't have to, Gabby. We can go back."

"No, I do. I do have to." She brushed back her hair and fortified herself with a breath. "Let's go."

We walked, Charlie trailing, until we found the chain-link fence Sherwood spoke of. There was a gate to walk through, but also a sign: NO VISITORS PERMITTED PAST THIS POINT.

There was no park ranger around, no one stopping us. Sherwood had said to keep going as far as we could walk.

"I think it's over here!" I shielded my eyes and looked up. A craggy overhang protruded high up the cliff face, nothing in its way to break a fall to the rocks below. I noticed a loose path winding up the face and another sign that cautioned against climbing.

Gabriella looked up, tears ma.s.sing in her eyes. "I can't believe this, Charlie, I really can't. I can't believe our boy would do this."

Charlie leaned against me, his long hair whipped by the wind. "He didn't kill himself. I know it. Don't you see, that's why they never found the other sneaker. He slipped somehow, climbing up. Maybe it lodged in the rock. It's up there somewhere. He wouldn't have jumped. I have to believe that, Jay, you understand?"

I wanted so much to tell him, Stop it, Charlie, just stop. Evan's dead. Like Sherwood said, accident or suicide, what did it even matter now? Instead, I just squeezed his shoulder and nodded. "I understand."

Gulls cawed, flapping in the breeze. We stood there for a while with my arms around both of them, solemnly staring at the place where Evan had fallen. Pain was etched in their drawn, anguished faces as they relived the image of their son's backward descent, picturing him landing hard onto the unforgiving rocks. They had seen the photos: the blood on his face, his spine shattered.

Having to think of him lying there all night. The surf washing against him. Gulls picking over his body.

I remembered Gabby's words: Your brother feels responsible, Jay.

Of course he feels responsible. Evan had become him. Charlie had pa.s.sed his legacy of disease and blame onto him. Fanned it, like a brush fire, with their anger and how they lived, pointing the finger at everyone for what had gone wrong in their failed lives.

And not to mention they were the ones who had called the police and sent him away.

Gabriella shook her head in frustration and balled her fists. "Oh, Jay, you don't know how tough this is. I held him in my arms. That first day. Every parent has a dream for their child. I told my son, 'You are going to make us proud. You are going to live the life we've never led.' A child is supposed to go farther than their parent. That's how it's supposed to happen, right? That's the law of nature. Not this . . ."

I gazed up at that ledge and knew whatever hope they still harbored that their son had simply slipped was just another of their delusions. Why would anyone have climbed all this way, other than to jump? Why would he have remained up there through the night? And, ultimately, like Sherwood grimly said, why did it matter? Evan was dead. No one would ever tell us what was in his mind.

Suddenly Gabriella picked up a stone and flung it against the rocks. Then another, freeing her pent-up rage. "You b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" she yelled into the wind. "d.a.m.n you!"

d.a.m.n you.

I didn't know if she meant Evan or G.o.d, or maybe even the giant rock.

She yelled, "I want to know why my son had to die! I know we're poor. I know we don't matter. But I deserve that, don't I, Jay? Evan deserves that."

She was right-this wasn't the ending that had to be. It was the ending Evan received, because the system looked the other way.

We all did, in our own way.

Gabby hurled another stone against the rocks.

Yes, Evan deserves that, I answered her in my mind. That's the least he deserves.

Watching her, I knew why I was there.

Chapter Twelve.

The Harbor View Recuperation Center was a converted white Victorian house with a large front porch and a green awning on a quiet street, a few blocks from the town's touristy center.

If Gabby wanted answers, this was the place to begin.

"You're sure you want to go in?" I asked Charlie and Gabby as we pulled up across the street.

"This woman killed our son!" Gabriella declared bitterly. "She let him leave-when he was supposed to be in the care of people who would watch over him."

"Okay," I said. We parked the car and headed in.

A couple of Adirondack-type chairs with chipped paint sat on the porch. The lawn was thick and a bit overgrown, in need of tr.i.m.m.i.n.g. Inside, we found a couple of elderly people milling about, just as Evan had described. I didn't see any guards or orderlies around.

"Look at this place," Gabriella said, her eyes flashing with barely controlled rage. "I can't believe they dumped my son in this s.h.i.t hole."

I knocked on an office door and a squat, pleasant-looking woman in black pants and a floral blouse glanced up from her desk. She appeared Filipino.