We didn't say anything-just stared at him.

He glanced at the crate. "Ah, I see you got the champagne."

We both spoke in unison. "You sent it?"

"Yes...yes...a small gesture of thanks. I returned from holiday only last night and...er...Lumsden told me what you did for Match."

"Oh, really, there's no need...only too pleased... " Siegfried for once was almost stammering.

Mottram, too, was finding things difficult. Tall and dignified as always, he was nevertheless acutely uncomfortable, unsmiling, searching desperately for words. "There is indeed a need...a need to express my grat.i.tude, which...which is deeper than I can...can truly say. And there is a need, also...to apologise to you gentlemen for my stupid and unforgiveable remarks when last we met."

"My dear chap, not another word," Siegfried burst out. "We never really-"

Mottram raised a hand. "Please let me say...I am profoundly sorry and ashamed. Why I said such things I do not know...I've done it before...I just seem to be much too...p.r.i.c.kly. I'm afraid I can't help it."

As he spoke, he still had his chin out, looking down his nose at us. Maybe he couldn't help that either. But it was obvious that his confession was costing the man dear, and I could feel the tension in the room rising.

Siegfried, it was clear, felt the situation needed defusing. He threw his arms wide in an all-embracing bonhomie.

"Mottram, Mottram, my dear fellow. What is all this? Just a simple misunderstanding immediately forgotten. Say no more, I beg of you. I a.s.sure you that the only concern of James and myself is that your beautiful horse has fully recovered."

The big man's face softened. "He is beautiful, isn't he?"

"I tell you this," Siegfried said softly, "I wish I had one like him. I do envy you."

I could see the flash of rapport as the two horse lovers faced each other.

Mottram nodded. "Ah well, so glad, so glad," he murmured.

"And by the way, I have something for you from Lumsden. He, too, is immensely grateful." He handed Siegfried a small parcel.

My partner unwrapped it quickly and gave a shout of pleasure. "A bottle of malt whisky! Good old Harry! This is our lucky day. And I think we ought to celebrate Match Box's recovery, among other things. We have all the ingredients right here." He lifted a bottle of champagne from the crate. "What do you say, Mottram, old chap? We have a little time to spare before lunch."

"You're very kind, Farnon. I'd like that."

"Splendid, splendid, do sit down and make yourself comfortable. Get the gla.s.ses, James!"

Within minutes the champagne had popped and we were seated round the table. Siegfried raised his gla.s.s and looked appreciatively at the sparkling contents. "Here's to Match Box, may he never have bellyache again!"

He drank, and Mottram cleared his throat. "There is just one more thing I want to say. I wish we had come to know each other socially long ago. I wonder if both of you would come to dinner next Friday?"

Chapter 9.

I WAS ALWAYS APPREHENSIVE and ill at ease when I had Mrs. Featherstone's problem dog on the table, but this time I felt relaxed and full of confidence. But then I was always like that when I was delirious.

Delirium was only one of the countless peculiar manifestations of brucellosis. This disease, which causes contagious abortion in cattle, ruined thousands of good farmers of my generation and was also a constant menace to the veterinary surgeons who had to deliver the premature calves and remove the afterbirths.

Thank heaven, the brucellosis scheme has now just about eradicated the disease but in the fifties such a thing hadn't been dreamed of, and I and my contemporaries wallowed almost daily in the horrible infection.

I remember standing stripped to the waist in cow byres-parturition gowns were still uncommon and the long plastic protective gloves unknown in those days-working away inside infected cows for hours and looking with wry recognition at the leathery placenta and the light-coloured, necrotic cotyledons that told me that I was in contact with millions of the bacteria. And as I swilled myself with disinfectant afterwards the place was filled with the distinctive acrid odour of abortion.

The effects on many of my fellow vets were wide and varied. One big fat chap faded away to a skeleton with undulant fever and was ill for years, others developed crippling arthritis and some went down with psychiatric conditions. One man wrote in The Veterinary Record that as part of his own syndrome he came home one night and decided it would be a good idea to murder his wife. He never got round actually to doing it, but recorded the impulse as an interesting example of what Brucella abortus could do to a man.

I used to pat myself on the back and thank G.o.d that I was immune. I had been bathing in the infection for years and had never experienced the slightest reaction, and as I looked around at some of my suffering friends I was so thankful that I had been spared their ordeal. And after all this time I just knew that such a thing would never happen to me.

That was before I started my funny turns.

This was my family's term for a series of mysterious attacks that came unheralded and then pa.s.sed off just as quickly. At first I diagnosed them as repeated chills-I was always stripping off in open fields, often in the middle of the night-then I thought I must have a type of 'flu of short duration. The symptoms were always the same-a reeling of depression, then an ice-cold shiveriness that drove me to my bed, where within an hour I shot up to a temperature of 105 or 106 F. Once I had developed this ma.s.sive fever I felt great-warm and happy, laughing heartily, chattering to myself and finally breaking into song. I couldn't help the singing-I felt so good.

This was a source of great amus.e.m.e.nt to my children. When I was at the singing stage I could always hear them giggling outside the bedroom door, but I didn't mind-I didn't mind anything.

However, I finally had to find out what was happening to me and a blood test by Dr. Allinson dispelled all doubts by showing a nice positive t.i.tre to Brucella abortus. Reluctantly I had to admit that I had joined the club.

This particular attack when Mrs. Featherstone's dog arrived was on a Sat.u.r.day. I was driving back from a football match in Sunderland with some of my pals. Our team had won and we were all in high spirits, laughing and joking, and I hardly noticed just when I stopped being the life of the party and went quiet. I did know that when I got to Skeldale House and huddled miserably over the fire, shaking like a man with malaria, that another funny turn was on the way.

Helen took one look, chased me upstairs and began to fill the hot water bottles. Feeling like death, I crawled between the sheets and lay, cuddling one bottle, feet on another, while the bed vibrated with my terrific rigor. Helen piled another eiderdown on top of me, turned out the light and left me to it. We both knew what was going to happen.

It wasn't long before the familiar pattern started to set in. Quite soon I began to feel a bit better-warmer, more cheerful-then the warmth mounted and increased and spread through every corner of my being till I was floating along in a delicious languor, utterly at peace, all my troubles dissolved and gone. This, I felt, was heaven. I could stay like this forever, but the warmth developed to a fiery heat when I felt even better; no longer languorous, but powerful, dominant, foolishly and riotously happy.

This was the time when I usually extended a burning arm to pick up my bedside thermometer and stick it under my arm. Ah, yes, there it was, 106 as I thought. I chuckled with satisfaction. Everything was just fine.

Lying there I was so full of the joy of life that I began to talk aloud, discussing interesting matters with myself, and then my bursting high spirits had to find some further outlet and singing was the natural thing. "Maxwelltown braes are bonny, where early fa's the dew, and 'twas there that Annie Laurie gie'd me her promise true." I let rip at full volume; never had my voice sounded as rich and rounded.

A few hee-hee's sounded from behind the door followed by Jimmy's whisper, "There he goes," and a m.u.f.fled laugh from Rosie. The little beggars were there again, but what the h.e.l.l? "Gie'd me her promise true, that ne'er forget shall be!" I hit the high notes without a trace of self-consciousness, ignoring the further outburst from beyond the door.

I had a further chat with myself, agreeing whole-heartedly with everything I said, then I thought I'd try my John McCormack impression of "The Rose of Tralee." I took a long breath. "The pale moon was shining above the green mountain."

"Ha-ha-ha-haaa." My children were having a great time out there. Then I heard the ringing of the front doorbell, feet on the stairs, then a knock on the bedroom door.

Jimmy's head poked into the room. "h.e.l.lo, Dad." His face worked in his effort to stifle his laughter. "Mrs. Featherstone's downstairs with her dog. She says it's urgent and Mum's had to go out for a few minutes."

"Right-oh, old lad." I swung my legs from the bed. "I'll be down immediately."

My son's eyes widened. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I'll be down in two ticks. Put her in the consulting room."

With a final startled glance, Jimmy closed the door and left.

As I pulled on shirt and trousers, the blood thundered in my ears and my face was afire. Normally the very mention of Mrs. Featherstone made me shrink. Rich, middle-aged, imperious, she had plagued me for years with the imaginary ailments of her little poodle, Rollo.

Rollo was an outstandingly healthy little dog. In fact, like many poodles, he was a tough little animal with the characteristic of leaping six feet in the air from a standing position as though he were operated by springs, but where he was concerned Mrs. Featherstone was a raving hypochondriac. From a commercial point of view it may seem ideal to have a rich client willing to pay for regular visits with her perfectly healthy dog, but I found it increasingly wearing. Endless sessions of "Really, Mrs. Featherstone, the thing you are pointing out is quite normal," or "I a.s.sure you, Mrs. Featherstone, you are worrying needlessly," resulting in the lady drawing herself up and sticking out her chin. "Are you suggesting, Mr. Herriot, that I am dreaming these things? That I cannot believe the evidence of my own eyes? My poor Rollo is suffering and I expect you to do something about it."

Weak-mindedly I invariably submitted and fobbed her off with some form of placebo that would do the little animal no harm, but the sense of shame was deep. I had to admit that I was overawed by the woman, a jellyfish and a wimp in her presence, allowing her to dismiss my wafflings with a wave of her hand. Why couldn't I a.s.sert myself?

However, at this moment, knotting my tie, humming a happy tune as the glittering eyes in the vermilion face glared back at me from the mirror, my past diffidence seemed totally incomprehensible. I was really looking forward to seeing the lady again.

I ran downstairs, s.n.a.t.c.hed a white coat from its hook, trotted along the pa.s.sage and found Mrs. Featherstone standing by the consulting room table.

d.a.m.n, she wasn't a bad-looking woman! Very, very nice, in fact. Funny I had never noticed that before. Anyway, there was not the slightest doubt in my mind as to what I had to do. I would grab her, give her a big, smacking kiss and a good long squeeze and all our past misunderstandings would melt away like the morning mist in the sun.

I was advancing on her when I noticed something strange. She had vanished. I was quite sure she had been standing there a second ago. I was blinking around me in bewilderment when I saw that she had ducked behind the table. How wonderful that she, too, was feeling skittish and ready for a game of peekaboo.

In a moment her head bobbed up and I greeted it with a merry cry. "Yoo-hoo, I see you!" I trilled, but it seemed she had merely been stopping to lift her dog, which she deposited on the table.

She gave me an odd look. "Have you been on holiday, Mr. Herriot? You have such a high colour."

"No, no, no, no. I feel extraordinarily well. In fact, I..."

The lady pursed her lips and brushed off the rest of my sentence impatiently. "I really am most frightfully worried about poor Rollo."

At the sound of his name, the poodle, aggressively fit, began to caper around on the table and jump up at my face.

"You are? Oh, what a shame. Tell me all about it." I suppressed a chuckle.

"Well, we had just started on our evening walk when he coughed quite suddenly."

"Just one cough?"

"No, two, like this. Hock-hock."

"Hock-hock, eh?" I was having terrible trouble keeping a serious face. "And then what happened?"

"Nothing else happened! Isn't that enough? A nasty cough?"

"Well, tell me, do you mean two hocks or one hock-hock?" I could not suppress a giggle, captivated as I was by my wit.

"I mean, Mr. Herriot, one very unpleasant and alarming cough." A dangerous light glinted in the lady's eye.

"Ah, yes." I took out stethoscope and thermometer and began a thorough examination of the patient. Everything, of course, was normal, and I could swear I detected an apologetic glance from Rollo.

And all the time the giggle was struggling steadily to the surface and finally it burst out into a loud "Ha-ha!"

Mrs. Featherstone's eyebrows shot up and she stared at me. "Why are you laughing?" she enquired in glacial tones. She made the word seem more portentous by drawing it out into a long "laawfing."

"Well, really, you see, it's so funny." I leaned on the table and laughed some more.

"Funny!" Mrs. Featherstone's expression was a mixture of horror and disbelief. Her mouth opened soundlessly a few times. "I fail to see anything funny in an animal's suffering."

Wrapped in my cloak of heat and euphoria, I wagged a finger at her. "But he's not suffering, that's what's so funny. He never is suffering when you bring him in to me."

"I beg your pardon!"

"It's true, Mrs. Featherstone. All Rollo's ailments are imagined by you." The table shook as another paroxysm seized me.

"How dare you say such a thing!" The lady glared at me down her nose. "You are being insulting and I really cannot-"

"Hey, just wait a minute. Let me explain." I wiped a few tears away and took a few gasping breaths. "Do you remember being worried to death by that habit of Rollo's where he lifts up a hind leg for a few steps, then puts it down again? I told you it was nothing, just a mannerism, but you insisted on my treating him for arthritis?"

"Well, yes, but I was worried."

"I know, but you wouldn't believe me and he's still doing it. There's nothing wrong with him. Lots of little dogs do it."

"Well, possibly, but..."

"And another thing," I said between my chuckles. "There was the time you made me give him sleeping pills because of his terrible nightmares."

"Yes, and rightly so. He made the most pathetic whimpering sound while he was sleeping and his paws kept working as though he was running away from something terrible."

"He was dreaming, Mrs. Featherstone! Probably a nice dream about chasing his ball. All dogs have these dreams."

I took hold of Rollo's head. "And look here, ha-ha! You must recall your insistence that there were things growing over his eyes. You would never believe me that they were his normal third eyelids, ha-ha-ha! And see, they're still there, aren't they? You can see them now and he's quite happy with them, ha-ha-ha-ha!" I abandoned myself completely and bent over to dig her in the ribs, but she drew back and evaded my finger.

She put her hand over her mouth and continued to stare at me. Her eyebrows had taken up permanent residence high on her forehead. "You...you cannot really mean all this!"

Oh, but I do, I do. I could go on and on."

"Well, I don't know what to say. And about his cough tonight?"

"You can take him away," I said, "and if there are any more hock-hocks bring him back tomorrow, but there won't be." I wiped my streaming face and lifted Rollo from the table.

The lady seemed in a daze as I steered her along the pa.s.sage to the front door. She kept putting a hand over her mouth and giving me an incredulous sidelong glance, but she remained silent as though stunned.

After I had shown her out I retired to bed and drifted to sleep with the satisfied feeling of having cleared up a problem happily and effortlessly. I had handled the whole thing beautifully.

I didn't feel like that next morning. My latest funny turn was following its usual course. After the elation of the night before, a devastating deflation, lethargy, gloom, despondency and, in this case, the horrid spectre of remorse. As I lay in bed, pulling the sheets round my chin, my recollection of the previous evening was a frightening jumble. I couldn't get it all sorted out in my mind.

I had been awake only a few moments before the memory hit me. Mrs. Featherstone! Oh, my G.o.d! What had I said to her? What had I done? Desperately I tried to bring back the details without success, but the main indisputable fact was that I had laughed, even jeered at her, possibly even pawed at her person. Had I really attempted to embrace her? Had I given her a little cuddle as I walked her down the pa.s.sage? My mouth opened in a series of soft moans.

Of one thing I could be sure-I had been guilty of the most ghastly impropriety and I had a searing conviction that I would have to pay dearly for it. Certainly she would never set foot in my surgery again. The whole shameful story would get around. She might even report me to the Royal College. I could see the headlines in the Darrowby and Houlton Times. Veterinary Surgeon on Serious Charge, Herriot to Appear Before Disciplinary Body.

Groaning, I huddled deeper, gazing sightlessly at the cup of tea Helen had placed by my bedside. After my funny turns I always had a day's rest and after that I had always made a remarkably quick recovery. But this time the mental scars would take a long time to heal. And how about the dire consequences?

I couldn't stand the self-torture any longer. I swallowed my tea, pulled on my clothes and trailed downstairs.

"Feeling better, Jim?" my wife asked brightly as she washed the dishes. "You'll soon be okay again, you always are. What a strange business it is, but anyway, the kids enjoyed it. I understand you were in excellent voice last night." She giggled as she reached for the towel.

I thought a gentle stroll in the fresh air would make me feel better, so I set off to walk around the town. I could hardly believe it when I saw Mrs. Featherstone approaching a mere hundred yards away. Panic-stricken, I scuttled over to the other side of the street, but the lady had spotted me and she crossed over, too. And as the expensively tweeded figure bore down on me with purposeful strides I knew there was no escape.

Ah, well, I told myself, here it comes: Mr. Herriot, I thought you might be interested to know that I have placed the matter of Sat.u.r.day night in the hands of my solicitors. Your behaviour was quite outrageous and I feel it my duty to ensure that defenceless women are protected from you in future. I can scarcely believe that a professional man would act as you did-taking advantage of your situation, betraying the trust placed in you. And as for your incredible callousness in the face of my poor dog's suffering-I cannot bear to think of it.