I made my way into the kitchen, and pulled two mugs out of the cabinet. One of them still had Mom's lipstick stains on the rim. I put it in the sink and pulled out another one. After inspecting it, I set it on the counter and waited for the coffee to finish percolating. The aromatic scent of coffee permeated the kitchen, awakening my tired senses.

After pouring two cups, I carried them carefully into the family room.

"Thank you." Carol took hers.

I sat next to her, lifting the steaming cup to my lips. The piping hot liquid burned my tongue.

"Kenzie, I'm really worried about Josie." Carol set her mug down on the coffee table. Steam rose from it.

"You and me both."

"Your mom and I have been friends for years and I've seen her through a lot of bad relationships."

I nodded. More than I could count on all my fingers and toes, actually.

"But this time something feels different. There's something weird going on with this guy, Kenzie. He has some strange hold on her. She's not acting like herself." Carol seemed to be close to tears.

I sat forward. "I know exactly what you're saying. I feel the same thing. I've tried to talk to her about it but she won't listen to me."

"Me either." Carol lifted her hand, and stuck her fingernails back in her mouth.

I studied her for a minute, thinking about how she and Mom had been friends since I was a baby.

"Carol, a month or so ago, I woke up one night to all this noise in the house. When I came out here the family room was trashed and I found Mom standing out in the front yard looking lost."

As I spoke, Carol's eyes widened. She let her hands drop to her sides and rest on the thigh of her jeans.

"Afterward she muttered something about this happening again. I tried to get her to explain but she wouldn't. In fact, she's refused to talk about it since. Do you have any idea what she was talking about."

Carol nodded. "Yeah, I'm afraid I do."

"Does it have to do with my dad?"

"No, honey, I don't think so. Your mom used to sleepwalk a lot."

"That's what Grandma said."

"As far as I know she hasn't done it in a while. But when you were a baby she was having all these nightmares and stuff. And then she started sleepwalking and when she did she would throw stuff around and break stuff. She was really concerned she would hurt you without knowing it. So, I took her to the doctor and they prescribed her some meds. They thought she was just depressed or angry or something."

"So, it was my mom who trashed our family room?" I thought about how out of it Mom was when I found her outside. She did seem asleep. She definitely wasn't lucid. I suppose it made sense.

Carol placed her hand over mine. "Kenzie, your mom has been wrestling with demons for years."

"Demons? Like the devil, you mean?"

Carol laughed. "No silly, it's an expression. It just means that she's had a lot of issues. It's not your fault, Kenzie. It's just the way it is."

"But lately, she's just been acting so weird, Carol." I wanted to tell her about the other day when Mom attacked me with her vicious words, but I couldn't bring myself to. I was still so embarra.s.sed, so ashamed by the whole thing.

"I know, and that's what has me so worried. I just wanted to come talk to you and let you know that I'm here if you need me, honey."

I nodded, grateful to have someone on my side.

"I still can't believe I'm not gonna see you over Christmas break," I whined over the phone to Isaac. The minute Carol had left, I'd called him. It always comforted me to hear his voice. "When she first told me we weren't going I thought I'd just hop in my car and drive to you without her permission."

"Kenz, you can't do that."

"I know. Grandma said the same thing. I guess there's something in the Bible about obeying your parents or some junk." I stuck out my bottom lip in a pout.

Isaac chuckled. "Yeah, I've gotten mad about that verse before too."

"It's just that I've been looking forward to seeing you so much. I miss you ."

"I miss you too. But hey, just because you're not coming out here doesn't mean I can't come to you."

My heart jumped in my chest. "Really? You would do that?"

"I would do anything to see you, Kenzie. Don't you know that yet?"

A smile spread across my face. "When are you coming?"

"Well, nothing's set in stone yet, but I'm saving my money. I'll come to visit you as soon as I can."

"Oh, Isaac, I love you so much."

"Remember that when you're hanging out with Tanner."

My chest tightened at the sound of Tanner's name coming out of Isaac's mouth. "What do you mean?"

"You're still hanging out with him, right?"

"Yeah. But like I told you, we're just friends."

"I know. I trust you. I was just teasing." As light as he tried to sound, I heard the hint of jealousy under his words.

"So, now you're poisoning my friends against me, huh?" Mom said the next night when she returned from work.

"No, not at all. Carol came over because she's concerned about you."

"And I bet you just couldn't wait to tell her all about how awful I'm being. Don't think by enlisting my friends to help that you'll get to go see your boyfriend for Christmas."

"It has nothing to do with that, Mom. I'm just worried about you, that's all."

"There's no reason to worry about me, okay? I'm just fine. In fact, I've never been better."

Chapter Eighteen.

I wasn't surprised when he showed up at my door on Sat.u.r.day night. Mom was out and I'd been home alone watching TV and eating popcorn. He stood in the rain, his hair matted down to his head. Both hands were stuck in his jeans pockets, and he looked up at me sheepishly.

"You promised you wouldn't hate me."

"I don't, Tanner."

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

My face flamed. "It's just....I don't know. If it had been anything else, but what you shared with me has just been difficult for me to process."

He sluiced water from his face. It was coming down in sheets now. Our house didn't have much of an awning and he was almost completely drenched.

"Can I come in please?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry." I moved out of the doorway so he could pa.s.s.

When he got inside he shivered, rubbing his hands together.

"Can I get you something warm to drink? I think I have a couple packets of hot cocoa."

"Yeah, that sounds great."

"Okay, I'll make some." I started walking toward the kitchen.

"I'll help." He followed.

"It's okay. You can sit down and get warm."

"No way am I sitting alone in your family room with that creepy statue. I can't believe your mom still has that in her house."

If only he knew all the weird things going on lately.

I filled the teakettle with water and put in it on the stove. Then I reached into the cupboard and pulled out two mugs. On the counter, I found the box of hot cocoa mix. I was super grateful to find two bags inside.

"Here." Tanner reached out his hand. I gave him the packets and he dumped the contents into the mugs.

"It's because of what happened with you and Caleb, huh?" he asked, staring into one of the cups.

"How does everyone know about that? Was it in the school paper, or something?"

He shrugged. "You know how things spread in high school."

The kettle whistled on the stove. I pulled it off the burner. "It's not just Caleb." I poured the boiling water into our mugs. Steam rose from them, warming my hand. "My mom was raped. I'm a product of that."

Tanner's eyes widened in surprise. "I'm so sorry."

I put the kettle down on a cool burner on the stove. Tanner faced me, grabbing both my hands. I didn't stop him.

"Kenzie, please look at me."

I did. His eyes pierced into mine.

"You know me. I could never hurt someone like that."

I yanked my hands away. "Then why did you buy the drugs?"

He shook his head. "Because I was stupid. But I didn't think it would knock her out. The dude said it would just loosen her up. I'm not gonna lie to you, Kenzie. I did hope she'd sleep with me that night. I'd been waiting so long."

The words made my stomach hurt.

"But," he continued. "I wanted her consent. When she pa.s.sed out, I left her alone. I promise."

I bit my lip.

"You believe me, don't you?"

I stared into his eyes, and saw the genuineness there. This was Tanner, the boy I'd spent almost all my time with the last couple of months. He had become my best friend. At times, he was my only friend.

"Yes, I believe you."

He exhaled, visibly relieved.

"I also know that you'd never do that again." I grabbed my hot chocolate off the counter, and took a sip. "I've done horrible things before too, Tanner."

Tanner nodded. "That's why I was so excited when I went to youth camp. I was so happy to learn there was a G.o.d who would love me and show me grace even after all I'd done. He has changed me, Kenzie."

"I know. He's changed me too." I held my cup between both hands, letting the heat seep into my palms. Rain pelted the side of the house, streaking the windows. "Wanna go sit down? See if there's anything on TV?" I had no desire for him to leave me alone.

"Sure." He picked his mug off the counter and followed me into the other room. We plunked down on the couch and I picked up the remote. "Have some popcorn." I indicated the bowl on the coffee table.

"Wow. Somebody likes popcorn. Did you eat all that yourself?"

I looked into the bowl with only a few kernels left in it and laughed. "Sorry. I thought there was more left than that."

"Where does all the food go?" he reached out and tickled my stomach.

I giggled. "Stop."

The front door swung open. Cold hair rushed inside. My head snapped up. It was Mom and Drake. I felt Tanner stiffen beside me.

Oh, great.

"Are we interrupting something?" Mom wore a bemused smile on her face. She wore her leopard print heels again, only this time with a skin tight red dress. Where did she even find outfits like that? Drake wore his usual black suit and trench coat.