John gets oilcan, which he applies to each ear of the figure, which strikes a high note and sings with much expression and many trills, then makes a gurgling sound, as if running down, and suddenly stops again.

Costume: Evening dress.

VIII. THE YANKEE

Description: A tall, thin man, clean shaven, but for a tuft on chin, dressed in black, with broad-brimmed straw hat. He is seated on a low rocking-chair, with his legs resting on the back of another chair. He holds a wooden stick, which he is whittling with a jackknife.

"You here behold a specimen of our irrepressible, indomitable native Yankee, who has been everywhere, seen everything and knows everything.

He has explored the arid jungles of Africa, drawn forth the spotted cobra by his prehensile tail, s...o...b..lled the Russian bear on the snowy slopes of Alpine forests, and sold wooden nutmegs to the unsuspecting innocents of Patagonia. He has peddled patent medicines in the Desert of Sahara, and hung his hat and carved his name on the extreme top of the North Pole. The only difficulty I find in describing him is that I cannot tell what he cannot do. I will therefore set him in motion, as he hates to be quiet."

When, wound up he pushes his hat back on his head and begins to whittle.

IX. THE CANNIBAL

"Here you behold a curious cannibal from the Feejee Islands, first discovered by Captain Cook, who came very near being cooked by him.

In that case, the worthy captain would never have completed his celebrated voyage round the world. This individual was greatly interested in the cause of foreign missions. Indeed, he received the missionaries gladly and gave them a place near his heart. He was finally converted by a very tough tract-distributor, who had been brought up in a Bloomsbury boarding-house, and was induced to become civilized.

One of his evidences of a change of life was shown by his statement that he now had but one wife, like the English. 'What have you done with the other twelve which you said you had a month ago?' asked the tract distributor. 'Oh, I have eaten them!' replied the gentle savage.

This cannibal was very fond of children, especially those of a tender age; he holds in his hand a war-club, with which he prepared his daily meals, also a warwhoop, which is an original one."

Costume: Brown jersey and drawers, face and hands colored to match, very short skirt, feather headdress, large rings in nose and ears. One hand holds a war-club, the other a child's hoop.

Movement: When wound up he brandishes his club and raises hoop to his mouth.

X. BABES IN THE WOOD

Two men, the bigger the better, one dressed as a very small boy, the other as a little girl; each holds a penny bun.

"In the next group you behold the Babes in the Wood, who had the misfortune to have an uncle. This wicked man hired a villain to carry these babes away into the wood and leave them to wander until death put an end to their sorrow, and the little robins covered them up with leaves. These lifelike figures represent the children just after taking their leaves of the villain. By a master stroke of genius the artist has shown very delicately that human nature is not utterly depraved, for the villain has placed in the hand of each of the innocents a penny bun as a parting present. I have been often asked 'why I did not have a figure of the villain also added to the group?' but my reply always is, 'Villains are too common to be any curiosity.'

"Wind 'em up, John."

Each Babe offers to the other a bite of bun alternately.

XI. LITTLE RED RIDING-HOOD

A young lady carrying a basket on her arm. Costume in accordance with the story.

"Here you behold Little Red Riding-Hood, a model of grand filial devotion, for she was so fond of her granny that she wandered through the forest to take the old lady's luncheon, and was eaten by the wolf for so doing, which is a warning to all children to be careful how they do much for their grandmothers, unless they are rich and can leave them something in their wills. This personage was an especial favorite with children, who love to read about her, and shed tears over her unhappy fate, although some of them think that had she been as smart as her dress, she would have been too smart to have mistaken the wolf for her grandmother, unless she had been a very homely old lady, or he had been much better looking than most wolves."

When wound up, the figure curtseys and holds out her basket.

XII. LADY WITH GOLDEN LOCKS

Young lady with long hair, flowing over her shoulders, holds bottle (labelled Mrs. Blank's Hair Restorer) and curling-tongs.

"This is one of the most expensive of my costly collection, for blonde hair is very high, and you see how heavy and long are the golden locks which adorn her beautiful face. I cannot pa.s.s this figure without saying a few words in praise of the wonderful hair restorer, for this image had grown so bald from the effect of long journeys by road or rail that she was exhibited for two years as the Old Man of the Mountain. One bottle of this wonderful fluid, however, restored her hair to its present growth and beauty, and a little of the fluid being accidentally spilled upon the pine box in which the figure was carried, it immediately became an excellent hair trunk."

CHAPTER X.

CHURCH AND SCHOOL SOCIALS

ART EXHIBITIONS--LIST OF EXHIBITORS--"ARTISTS"--CURIOSITIES--EXPLANATIONS-- SUGGESTIONS

"ART" EXHIBITION

The elaborate "sell" which goes by this name used to be a regular inst.i.tution in church bazaars and might well be rejuvenated as a novelty.

A regular printed catalogue is got up, containing apparently the names of a collection of pictures or sculptures, each object duly numbered and with the name of the artist appended. In some instances the name of a (supposed) picture is followed by an appropriate quotation in poetry or prose, after the orthodox fashion of art galleries. We append, by way of ill.u.s.tration, a selection from the catalogue of a collection which has met with great success: EXHIBITION OF THE WORKS OF LIVING ARTISTS

PART I. WORKS OF ART

1. Horse Fair After Rosa Bonheur.

2. A Brush With a Cutter Off Deal Carpenter.

3. Caught in a Squall Off Yarmouth Fisher.

4. The Last of Poor Dog Tray Barker.

5. "He Will Return, I Know He Will" Lent by the Trustees of the Parish.

6. The Midnight Hour. C. Lock.

7. Heroes of Waterloo. Schumacher.

8. True to the Core. C. Odling.

9. "Spring, Spring, Beautiful Spring!" Mayne.

10. "Tears, Idle Tears." Strong.

11. The Midnight a.s.sa.s.sin. F. Sharpe.

12. The Dripping Well. T. Inman.

13. Family Jars. Potter.

14. Never Too Late to Mend. S. t.i.tch.

15. Past Healing. Kobler.

16. The First Sorrow. Smalchild.

17. Saved. S. Kinflint 18. Lost 19. First Love. Sweet.

20. The Death of the Camel. After Goodall.

21. His First Cigar. A. Young.

22. A Good Fellow Gone. M. I. Slade.

23. Portrait of a Gentleman. Anonymous.

24. Portrait of a Lady. Anonymous.

25. Our Churchwardens. Screw.

26. Portraits of the Reigning Sovereigns of Europe. (Taken by special order). G. P. O.

27. Waifs of Ocean. Fish. "Strange things come up to look at us, The Monsters of the deep."

28. The Last Man. Unknown.

29. Contribution from the Celebrated Sheepsbanks Collection. Butcher.

30. The Light of Other Days. Dimm.

31. The Meet of Her Majesty's Hounds. Pratt.

32. Water Scene. "And I hear Those waters rolling from the mountain springs With a sweet inland murmur."

33. The Maiden's Joy. Bachelor.

34. The Fall. Adam.

35. Motherhood.