"I wish I was kidding."

"That's just so strange. I mean, Ann never dated men in college. It doesn't make sense."

"Tell me about it. It's all I can think about. It sucks, Sharon. It really sucks. She was my whole world. And now..."

"When did this happen?"

"I caught her in the act over Christmas break, but I suspect that things had been going on for quite some time."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because ever since I got the teaching job in Youngstown, things have felt different between us."

"How so?"

"I thought that because I would be away all week, when I came home on the weekend, she would be excited to see me. But as time went on, my homecomings didn't seem to matter. She seemed so wrapped up in work and the tenure stuff that my being there didn't matter much. It was like being in a situation where you can't really point to what's wrong with the relationship, you just get to a point when you stop relating to each other."

"That's sad. You two were really good together."

Abbey managed a weak smile.

"How did you find out about the affair?"

"I came home early for Christmas break to surprise her with a special date night out before the craziness of the holidays, but I was the one in for the surprise."

When Abbey thought about seeing Ann and Jackson together, she felt nauseated. She swallowed the pain and despair that threatened in her throat. "It was awful. Seeing them together, I felt as if my whole world had just caved in."

"I bet. But you two must have worked something out, or you would have broken up then and there. There must still be some hope."

"We did back then. Ann promised to end the relationship, or whatever they had going on between her and Jackson, and we would work on putting our relationship back on track."

"That sounds like a good plan, so there really is hope."

"For a while, I thought there was, but now I'm not so sure. After seeing her with him again today, I'm afraid I'll never be able to trust her again."

Sharon looked at Abbey thoughtfully. "The last time I talked to her, she told me she wasn't crazy about you taking that teaching job in Youngstown. But I thought she was doing okay with it. I never thought things would get this out of hand."

Suddenly, a bolt of anger shot through Abbey. Her head snapped up as she looked at Sharon. "So you think this is all my fault?"

"No, not at all. I'm just saying Ann's never liked being alone. She's always had to have someone by her side."

"But she wasn't alone. I came home almost every weekend. We were still together. In a committed relationship...at least I thought it was a committed relationship."

"Well, don't give up just yet. Talk to her, at least to explain what's going on inside of you. Tell her it's safe to talk, that you want to understand what's going on. Maybe she'll open up then."

"You know you sound more like a therapist than a bartender."

Sharon smiled. "Being a bartender, you hear a lot of people's problems. I like to think of myself as a recreational therapist, all ears and advice but no education to back any of it up."

Abbey smiled for the first time that night. "Okay, I'll give it a shot," Abbey said. "But I'm not real optimistic. The last thing I said to her was, don't bother waiting up because I wasn't coming home."

"Well, good luck with that," Sharon said, and they laughed.

Abbey hugged Sharon goodbye. "Thanks for listening."

"It's what I do best." Sharon winked and walked toward her car.

As Abbey unlocked her car door, it started to rain. A few sputters at first, then big sloppy droplets splashed on her cheeks. The cool water felt good on her face.

Abbey got into her car and waited until Sharon got into hers safe and sound before driving home. As the wipers squeaked across her windshield clearing her view, Abbey wished the rain would wash away the brooding pain and heavy loneliness she felt.

When Abbey pulled into her driveway, the house was dark, but Ann's car was in the garage. Relief tinged with fear thumped in Abbey's heart. She took a deep breath to compose herself and to collect her thoughts. She needed to keep a cool head if she and Ann had any chance at getting to the bottom of what was causing their problems. She needed Ann to feel safe enough to talk this out so they could move on and get past this. After all, if they couldn't get past it, did they have a future? Abbey remembered what Sharon told her and took it under advis.e.m.e.nt.

Abbey looked at the dark house again and secretly hoped Ann would be asleep already and she wouldn't have to deal with any more drama that night. She cautiously got out of the car and walked to the front porch. She put her key into the lock and turned it. It made a satisfying click. Abbey quietly pushed open the front door, and dim silver light spilled into the foyer from the small utility light above the kitchen sink.

"I was beginning to believe that you really weren't coming home tonight." Ann's voice came from a dark corner of the living room.

Abbey jumped. She flicked on the foyer light and saw Ann, still dressed in her tweed suit, sitting in the easy chair next to the fireplace with a scotch in her hand. She looked exhausted.

"What are you doing sitting in the dark?" Abbey asked.

"Waiting for you to come home. You should have been here hours ago."

"I was, but you weren't. You had somewhere more important to be, if I remember correctly." The tone in her voice even gave Abbey pause. She remembered Sharon's advice. She wasn't going to get anywhere with Ann if she was accusatory.

"Are you referring to the tenure committee meeting?"

"Yes, I guess, if that's what you want to call it." Ugh! This was harder than she thought, keeping her emotions in check.

Abbey pinched the bridge of her nose. "Ann, I'm sorry. Maybe I overreacted. Can we start over?"

Ann swirled the amber liquid and ice cubes in her gla.s.s and took a sip. "I thought that was what we were supposed to be doing anyway. At least until your little stunt this afternoon."

"Look, this is difficult for me. What was I supposed to think when I saw you and Jackson together again today? All those terrible feelings of anger and mistrust came flooding back. I was hurt again. Especially since I was hoping you would be home when I got home and..."

"Abbey, you really need to get over this insecurity stuff. I know it's been hard, but you've got to cut me some slack. As far as Jackson goes, I do still work with him. I can't totally eliminate him from my life."

"I know that. And I'm trying to be an adult about it, but for some reason, I just can't."

"Well, trust me, all today was, was work. The tenure meeting went on for hours until the committee agreed to accept my application, and by next week, everything will be in place."

Abbey felt sad because under different circ.u.mstances, this would have been a time when she and Ann would have celebrated like crazy. But all she could muster was a lukewarm congratulations.

"That's great. I know you've worked hard for this. You definitely deserve it."

Ann walked over to the silver tray and crystal bottles to refresh her drink. Ice cubes clinked as she swirled the crystal gla.s.s to mix the ice and scotch and took another sip. "Yes, I do," she said calmly.

Abbey leaned against the foyer wall and looked over at Ann. After everything that transpired, she may have wanted to hurt Ann for the pain and heartache she bestowed on her, but something deep inside her also wanted to make her want her again. She tried to force her confused emotions back in order but failed and fell back into defense mode, the only thing that felt safe to her.

"I'm sure Jackson is pretty pleased at the outcome after all his input on your getting tenure."

"Yes, I think he is. He worked pretty hard trying to persuade the board."

"And you looked pretty grateful yourself in that elevator."

Ann's gaze met Abbey's disparagingly. "Jesus, Abbey. I know what you think you saw in the elevator, but you're wrong. I promised you I would end things with Jackson and I did. I don't know what else to do to convince you of that."

"Well, for starters, you could have made it a point to let me know you weren't going to be home this afternoon. I was looking forward to spending some alone time together, it being my first night back and all. And you could have at least had the decency to have removed any belongings he had left behind, like the cologne that was still in our bathroom."

"What cologne?"

"There was a bottle of Polo in the medicine cabinet. When I went in our bathroom to get something for a headache, I saw it there."

"That's not Jackson's cologne."

"It's not? Then whose is it?"

"Mine."

"Yours? Since when do you wear men's cologne?"

"Oh, I don't wear it all the time. Just sometimes. I like how it smells."

"Really?"

Ann's lips thinned with irritation. "If we're going to work on this, you need to start trusting me."

"I want to, I really do. I can't help how I feel. And lately, it seems like everything else is important to you, except us."

"I planned on being home when you got here, but the tenure committee meeting was last minute. It was supposed to be next week. They changed it because of someone else's schedule. And I certainly didn't think it would last as long as it did." Ann ran her hand through her short hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you got home. I had good intentions. It didn't work out that way."

Ann looked down at the drink in her hand. "I know I haven't been the best partner lately. But now that this work stuff is behind me, hopefully things will get better."

She came closer to Abbey. "Look, Jackson and I are just friends. What you walked into those months ago was an experiment. A poorly thought-out experiment. There is no other relationship between Jack and me other than our work relationship." Ann took another sip.

Abbey nodded but still had her guard up. Ann was saying the words she wanted to hear, but something inside her didn't believe them. "I hope so."

Abbey's head hurt, and she was worn out. This was not how she envisioned her first night home ending.

Ann took one last gulp of her drink and set the empty gla.s.s on the silver tray. "Come on, it's late. Let's go to bed. You look exhausted and I'm beat. It's been an emotional day, one I'd like to put behind us."

Abbey followed Ann into the bedroom where they undressed in silence. Ann pulled the covers back on her side of the bed, and Abbey did the same on her side. Ann turned off the bedside lamp. Abbey lay there in the dark, her breathing shallow and her senses numb. She wanted to reach out to Ann, to make all this resentment go away, but Ann turned onto her side and faced the wall.

Ann was careful of how close she was to Abbey. Not because she didn't want her, but because she was afraid Abbey would be able to tell what had happened earlier that evening in her office with Jackson. She lay in the dark and berated herself for it. Abbey didn't ask for all this upheaval, and she certainly didn't deserve it. But Jackson had a hold on her that wasn't so easy to break free. Every time she thought about what they did, it excited and repulsed her at the same time.

When she finally surrendered to him, she hated it. Didn't know what all the fuss was about and swore she would never do it again. She told herself that it meant nothing, just two bodies coming together with no emotional involvement. Certainly not an enhancement of their friendship. At least that's how she would have liked things to be. Now she was finding out that wasn't so true, especially for Jack, and after that evening, he wasn't going to let her go without a fight.

Chapter Ten.

Bright morning sunlight streamed into Abbey and Ann's bedroom. Abbey stretched her arms over her head and reached over to Ann's side of the bed and found she wasn't there. She bolted upright and listened for the shower or Ann's electric toothbrush or any other sign that Ann might still be in the house.

Abbey grabbed her robe and peeked into the bathroom. No Ann. She padded into the kitchen and still no Ann. The smell of freshly brewed coffee lingered in the air. It was seven in the morning, but Ann was already up and out.

Ann had set out a coffee cup with a sticky note attached to it: Had to go into the office for a while to tie up some loose ends. Be back by noon. Ann.

Abbey tried to stay calm, but her intuition told her something was wrong. Terribly wrong. This certainly wasn't how someone acted when she was trying to put her relationship back on track. Abbey hoped it was just the pressures from Ann's job. That combined with the fact that they had gotten off to a bad start trying to get back into the rhythm of their life together. Maybe Ann needed some alone time to get a grip on things.

Abbey poured herself a cup of coffee. She sat at the kitchen table and dug her fingers into her scalp. Her throat felt tight as she fought back the tears, angry that it was happening again, that Ann put her second in her life. Whatever resolve she felt the night before about patching up their relationship had quickly dissolved in her mind.

Abbey gulped her coffee and headed into the bathroom to shower and get dressed. She needed some answers. Abbey decided to find Ann and find out what was going on. If she hurried, she could be at Ann's office before eight o'clock.

Abbey drove through the thirty foot-high wrought iron gates of Mercyhurst. The college entryway was a famous landmark in Erie. She drove along the narrow brick driveway and into the parking lot of Preston Hall. There were only two cars in the parking lot-Ann's car and a blue Buick that Abbey didn't recognize. The lobby was deserted. She punched the elevator b.u.t.ton, and the doors immediately yawned open. She let herself into the reception area of Ann's office. Since it was the weekend, there was no student worker to announce her arrival. She opened the door into a hallway that led to several professors' offices. Walking down the hall, she heard Ann's voice, as well as a man's. Abbey stopped in the hallway and listened to the conversation.

"What do you mean you didn't tell her?" the man said. There was a long pause, then Ann spoke.

"I couldn't. Not just yet. But I promise I will."

Abbey froze. She turned to leave, hoping she wouldn't be discovered but couldn't move.

"The tenure committee meets next week to finalize your appointment. If they get wind of your relationship with Abbey, they may pull the recommendation. You're so close, Ann. I'd hate to see you lose something this important over an insignificant fling."

"I know. I know. Okay, I'll talk to her tonight."

"That's my girl," Jack said.

Insignificant fling! You gotta be kidding me! Abbey's entire body trembled. She listened with a vague sense of unreality.

"A lot happened yesterday, and I just didn't have the strength to get into it with her. Oh, by the way, she found your bottle of cologne. I had to tell her it was mine to avoid more upheaval."

"Sorry about that. I must have forgotten it that morning we were running late."

Abbey's head felt as if it would explode. She felt bereft and devastated. Everything Ann said the night before was a lie. She was still involved with Jackson. That would explain why she was so distant. Or maybe they just wanted it to look that way for Ann to get what she wanted at work. And what was Ann planning on talking to her about? Did she want to hide behind the facade of a relationship with Jackson to advance her career? Or was she breaking up with her so she and Jackson could be together?

Abbey leaned against the wall. She held her hands over her ears and felt as if her legs could no longer hold her weight. She didn't want to hear any more and needed to get out of here.

"Abbey! What are you doing here?"

Abbey looked up. Her heart pounded with fear as she suddenly found herself face to face with Ann.