Jude was concerned about her feelings for Margaret. He could see the attraction easily enough, but was Lori in love with Margaret?

Lori was the perfect submissive in every way, but she wasn't weak. There was no f.u.c.king with her. She didn't cower.

What made her a perfect fit for Jude was they agreed on the same fundamental principles of D/s. She didn't have to cower to Jude because he knew her limits better than anyone. He'd never ask anything of her she couldn't accept.

Sure, he'd pushed her boundaries on many occasions, but always openly and consensually. If he'd intended something new, he told her up front. And let her know what he expected. She'd never had to use her safe word under his care. That was the sign of a good Dom. He prided himself on knowing his sub well enough that she never had to safe out.

But was Lori the same? She could have changed. He didn't believe people changed their fundamental personalities, but she was older. She could have evolved. Grown. h.e.l.l, she was a Domme. Why?

Lori was an authentic submissive. It came naturally to her. The tone of his voice alone brought her to her knees.

Jude moaned. He stood in the home office, staring out the window. Something moved in the background, catching his eye. He steadied his gaze on the trees behind the fence and narrowed his eyes to the location of the movement. He was trained to notice things. It was second nature.

Finally he shook his head and lifted his eyebrows. "Lord, Jude. Get a grip. Probably an animal. You're in the United States for Christ's sake. Not the Middle East." His words hung heavy in the air, making him shudder to hear his own voice. Now he was talking to himself.

He ran a hand across the top of his short hair. He did that a lot. Nerves. Stress. Lack of sleep. And now he was seeing things in the backyard that weren't real. He really needed a nap. At the very least he could close his eyes and lie on the couch. During the day he could usually catch a few winks while it was light out.

Turning to leave the office, he glanced back out the window and then shook his head at the absurdity of his actions. Dead men couldn't hunt you down.

Back in the living room, Jude turned on the radio and tuned in to a pop station. He wouldn't know any of the music, but that didn't matter. All he cared about was noise. The louder the better. It drowned out the insanity and helped him rest.

Lori stared out the window at the waning sun. She'd thought about Jude all week, but now that it was time to make a decision, she was nervous. He would be there tomorrow night and he would expect a firm answer.

She thought about what he was like and tried to visualize herself in the same position she'd been in two years ago. The man could make her h.o.r.n.y by being in the room. Even his voice on the phone could make her fidgety. But break his rules and she would find herself longing for release that wouldn't come.

Was he the same? Where the h.e.l.l had he been?

She didn't have a clue. Maybe he'd been sick or dying but then had miraculously recovered. She doubted that.

He'd been in the military-army. It could have been related to that. But he'd had more of a civilian job. Nothing crazy. And besides, why wouldn't he just tell me if he'd been sent overseas or something?

Maybe he had another family, or a wife. That thought was on the short list.

One thing she knew for sure-their relationship would never be the same as it had been before. If she went back to him, she would keep her job this time. She never wanted to be in a position like that again. Abandoned with no way to support herself.

She'd never been without a.s.sets because he left her everything. It was d.a.m.n hard to be mad at him for that very reason. He left the house, cars, money in the bank. Everything. Signed it all over to her.

He planned it in advance. It would have taken days to make sure she had everything she needed. Lori swallowed past the sadness as she relived those early days. She'd been so distraught, she'd barely understood what was happening around her. Jason had handled most of the hard decisions.

Although he might have put everything in her name long before that wicked day from h.e.l.l, she still didn't know why.

She hadn't wanted the memories of him, so she'd sold the house and used the money to live. She'd studied yoga. At first she went as a way to relax. She'd been so tight and stressed. But she'd loved it so much she decided to study and then teach.

"I can't quit my job. That would be suicide," she muttered to herself.

And s.h.i.t. She needed to call her sister. Stephanie wasn't going to understand this. She moaned. This wasn't a conversation she could have over the phone. She needed to go tell Stephanie in person.

Chapter Seven.

At noon Friday, Lori knocked reluctantly on the door to her half sister's fantastic loft apartment. Normally she loved visiting the s.p.a.cious luxury, and she'd been there many times in the last year-first as the sponsor to Aiden and Dane before any of them had met Stephanie, and then as a mentor to Stephanie herself before either of them knew they were sisters.

Today's visit was not one she was looking forward to. The tables were turned. Usually it was Stephanie needing advice. She was new to the lifestyle. So new she still blushed every time Lori saw her. She'd met her Doms and joined them after knowing them for less than two weeks. Plunging into the lifestyle had been a whirlwind, but Stephanie was amazing.

When the door opened, Lori was met with the huge smile on her sister's face. It fell in an instant. "What's wrong?" She grabbed Lori by the arm and dragged her inside, shutting the door with a snick. "Come in. Sit. I'll make tea."

"You don't have to do that."

"Sure I do. It's the only beverage I'm allowed today." She flashed a silly grin and hurried to turn on the teapot on the stove.

Lori watched her from the sofa in the huge, open living s.p.a.ce.

Stephanie scurried back and plopped down on the couch next to Lori.

"Cute dress," Lori teased.

Stephanie glanced down and then narrowed her gaze at Lori. "Don't try to change the subject. Tell me why your face is so stern." She crossed her arms. Lori couldn't blame her. The thin dress was pale pink, did nothing to hide the fact that Stephanie wasn't wearing a bra, and was totally inappropriate for the fall temperatures outside.

"Do they make you wear that in public?"

"Of course not. Now tell me what's the matter."

Lori blew out a breath. "There's this man."

"A man?"

"I've told you many times I'm not a lesbian." She smiled. "You won't listen."

"Oh, I've heard you. I'm just not sure I believe you is all." Stephanie jumped up when the teapot whistled. "Go on. I'm listening. There's a man."

"Years ago he was the love of my life."

Stephanie returned with two steaming mugs and set them on the coffee table. "A man?"

"Stop it." Lori swatted her arm. "A woman wearing no panties who is strangely allowed only tea today shouldn't be giving another submissive flack."

"Submissive? You?"

"Ugh." Lori raised her hands and pleaded with her sister. "Please. Let me tell the story."

Stephanie zipped her lips dramatically, folding them under her teeth. She turned sideways and settled back on the couch with her legs underneath her. It was comical but the most ladylike she could be in that dress.

Margaret had never let Lori choose anything for her to wear. It was a hard limit of hers. Lori...well, that was another story from a different time.

She shook her head. "So four years ago I met this man. I was dabbling in the fetish lifestyle and met him at Emergence."

"I bet Jason was super pleased." Sarcasm oozed out of Stephanie.

"Oh yeah. And more so now." Lori rolled her eyes. "Anyway, he swept me off my feet. He was amazing. I fell hard and he did too. At least I think he did. I moved in with him and became his full-time submissive."

"Why have I never heard this story?" Stephanie reached for her tea and held the mug with both hands, warming them below her chin.

"I try to block it out. It's...painful."

Stephanie nodded. For once she held her tongue. She blew on the tea and took a sip. She winced. It was clearly still too hot.

"I lived with him for two years. It was perfect bliss." Lori wrung her hands together and gathered the nerve to finish. "One day he came storming into the house, declared he was done and left without a trace in a whirlwind of insanity I've never been able to wrap my mind around."

"What?" Stephanie leaned forward.

Lori nodded. "That's the gist of it. He left me everything. I was set financially. But broken emotionally for a long time." She took a deep breath. "It took me about a year to get my s.h.i.t together. I took up yoga. I dabbled with other Doms who didn't compare to my Master, and then I met Margaret.

"I knew immediately she could fill a void I carried around with me. We clicked. We moved in together. She was a submissive. I'd been switching at the club for quite some time, trying to find my way. When she came along it was perfect."

"And now?"

"He's back." Lori stared at Stephanie, fighting the dryness suddenly making her lips stick together. She lowered her voice. "He waltzed into town two weeks ago, took over my scene with Margaret at Emergence, and crumbled my perfect world in about two seconds flat. No, less than that."

"s.h.i.t."

"Yeah."

"Now what? Oh f.u.c.k. Margaret?"

"Yeah. About that..." Lori looked Stephanie in the eye. "She left."

Stephanie gasped. "Left? As in moved out?"

"Yes. I needed time to sort through this."

"G.o.d, she must be so hurt." Stephanie reached for Lori and stroked a hand down her cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"She was very gracious. There was no other way. I can't concentrate on anything but Jude. I think I have to give this a chance."

Stephanie sucked in a quick breath. "So you've made your decision. You're going back to him?"

"Provisionally. I don't see how I have another option."

"Have you been seeing him?"

Deep breath. "No. I've only seen him one other time. He barreled into my apartment last Friday night and essentially proposed that I return to him."

"Why would you do this to yourself?"

"Why are you with Aiden and Dane? Because they make you tick, that's why. He isn't someone I can deny."

"But after all that you've been through. Did he at least tell you where he's been for two years?"

Lori shook her head and pursed her lips. "Not a word. I asked. He changed the subject."

"s.h.i.t. That's kind of bad." Stephanie sat back, deflated. "Are you sure about this?"

"No, but I'm sure I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't accept."

Stephanie let out a long exhale. She furrowed her brow in concern. "I'm worried about you."

Lori nodded. "I'm worried about me too." She tried to smile.

"What is this guy, some sort of s.e.x G.o.d?"

Lori chuckled. "That's an understatement."

Jude paced. It was the only thing he could think to do. He'd never been so idle for so many days in his life. And the clock on the mantle was moving at a snail's pace today.

He hadn't spoken to Jason since their one encounter two weeks ago. He a.s.sumed Lori had, but then again, Jason hadn't shown up to punch him in the face, so maybe not. He was in a rental property, but Jason was resourceful. It wouldn't be too hard to locate anyone. Jude no longer needed to be careful about his private life like he used to. He was so close to retirement, and all his past projects were wrapped up.

He plopped on the couch and set his head in his hands. He was exhausted as usual. But for the first time in months he had something to look forward to. Maybe incorporating Lori back into his life would chase away some of the demons he lived with. Her soft smile and gentle mannerisms could go a long way toward making him calmer and whole. And maybe she needed him as much as he needed her.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the horrific vision that had painted itself to the back of his eyelids. Death. Blood. The gruesome set of eyes that stared at him unseeing. He couldn't escape their mirth. Every time he saw them, they seemed to mock him as though a dead man could rise up and hunt him down.

He shivered and stood again, widening his eyes to erase the image. He knew it wasn't rational, but the thoughts that haunted him wouldn't abate.

At six forty-five he grabbed his keys and headed for Lori's apartment. What if she said no? He couldn't imagine that particular fate. It had rarely happened between the two of them before.

He drove on autopilot, gripping the steering wheel and trying to calm his nerves. The last thing he wanted was to appear less than completely composed when he arrived.

At the door he hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath before he knocked.

A second pa.s.sed that seemed like an eternity. On the next breath the door opened and Lori stood one foot from him.

He'd missed her. Her smell, her smile, the way she c.o.c.ked her hip when she leaned on one leg. She wasn't smiling now. She glanced at him briefly and then dipped her face. "Sir." She opened the door wider for him to enter.

His chest pounded. Her demeanor told him she'd made her choice.

"You've made your decision." He shut the door behind him and lifted Lori's chin with one finger. "I need to hear the words."

She swallowed, her throat bobbing as she prepared to speak. "I've decided to give this a chance, Sir." Her eyes were wide. She was scared. Good. He would have been concerned if she'd let him lead her blindly after the way he treated her.

"You'll give me a month. Then we'll reevaluate." He held her chin steady, not letting her gaze shift from his.

"I'll give you a week and then we'll talk."