Bryan said nothing, raising one hand from the banister to signal his understanding as he climbed the spiral stairs and pulled Sa.s.sy along behind him. "I put our wet clothes in Bear's dryer."

"Great." That was a relief. She didn't like the whole commando thing she had going on right now.

He threaded his fingers with hers on the way up the staircase. She held on tightly, not realizing until they hit the top step that she was blowing her intentions of establishing equilibrium.

She hadn't paid attention to the room earlier on her mad dash to make it to the toilet, and she'd been too out of it afterward to notice. Bear's bedroom wasn't at all what she would have expected, but the man was full of surprises and conundrums.

The walls were an unsanded wood stained a deep mossy green. The ma.s.sive king-size bed was made of black iron and covered with a taupe-colored duvet that had a weave like burlap, but the fabric felt infinitely softer when she reached out to touch it. A huge picture window looked out over what must be an incredible view in the daylight hours. The textures, colors, and everything about the room were all so unexpectedly beautiful, yet completely masculine at the same time. Bear clearly had hidden depths.

She turned to Bryan, wanting to tell him what she'd decided about writing the story. But one look at his face, and she knew he wasn't in any shape to hear it. The deep shadows, along with the lines bracketing his eyes, were evidence of his exhaustion, but there was something else in his expression she couldn't identify. The heat she'd glimpsed downstairs seemed to have disappeared.

"Hey," she murmured. "You should rest for a bit like Bear suggested. Maybe try to take a nap?"

He shook his head. "I'll sleep for hours once I go down."

"Well, why not go for it? Bear's up and will be for a while, from what it looks like. Being tired puts you at risk of making mistakes. Even I know that."

He stared at her a moment, processing it all. She could tell he wanted to argue but couldn't justify a reason. He was about to agree, so there was no sense in poking at him anymore. Coaxing would work so much more effectively anyway.

She didn't try to stifle her own yawn. "I'm tired, as well. Why don't we both lie down? You look entirely too tuckered out to cause me any trouble." She was keeping her voice low, even though she knew Bear couldn't hear them over his heavy metal music.

Bryan c.o.c.ked an eyebrow at that. But she took his expression for a halfhearted attempt to call her last statement into question. He was fading fast.

"Well thanks, kick a guy while he's down," he mumbled.

Before she could stop herself, Sa.s.sy gave him a slow once-over that was meant to cajole. Instead, it backfired and had her blood warming and his eyes opening back up again with more than a little interest.

Attempting to get the upper hand and that elusive equilibrium back, she spoke before she thought it through. "You're not down, not by a long shot, as far as I can tell." She rolled her eyes and laughed.

G.o.d, what was she trying to do? She wasn't sure herself anymore. She didn't want to push him away, but she'd been playing this game so long, she didn't know how to pull him closer, either.

She swallowed hard. "Besides, we're just friends, right? I think you'll be safe from me."

Chapter Sixteen.

FRIENDS? THOUGHT BRYAN, remembering Bear's comment from the drive earlier. Not hardly. You sure as h.e.l.l won't be safe from me.

His head was spinning. He fought not to let everything he was feeling show in his face, then decided to h.e.l.l with it. Exhausted as he was, they needed to tackle this thing between them once and for all. He was d.a.m.n tired of fighting it and walking on eggsh.e.l.ls when it came to showing her how he felt.

He thought about their time on the train and silently laughed at himself. It wasn't as if he'd done that great a job of hiding his feelings. He stared at her, letting her see everything-the wanting, the pain, and the anger at her choosing now of all times to tease.

Logically, he knew the banter was her way of distancing him, but he hated that kind of s.h.i.t. And even though he was dead on his feet, he wanted her so d.a.m.n bad he couldn't see straight. The expression on her face changed when she realized, too late, what she was dealing with.

"Sa.s.sy, I'm not your friend. I'm your brother's friend. And despite having grown up with you from the time I came to live at Gran's in Springwater, I've pretty much wanted to screw your brains out since you turned fourteen. Surely you've figured that out by now."

He moved closer to her, crowding her into the wall beside the bed. Even with the story she'd told earlier, he knew he didn't scare her. She'd made it perfectly clear that she was comfortable with him physically. That was the problem.

Her story had only confirmed for him that he shouldn't be with her. h.e.l.l, he'd practically been responsible for her attack in high school. She'd a.s.sumed because of him that all of Trey's friends were to be trusted.

More than anything, he needed to make sure Sa.s.sy understood that there was nothing friendly about wanting to f.u.c.k your best friend's little sister and this steamy double entendre thing she did made him crazy. She didn't seem to understand what a very bad idea her way of dealing with him and their s.e.xual tension was, or whatever the h.e.l.l Cosmo magazine term one wanted to call it. Her verbal sparring diffused nothing for him. If anything, it only made him want her more.

G.o.d, he was twisted.

He took a deep breath and tried to chill. But her smell, that scent that had been driving him crazy as long as he could remember, hit him between the eyes and much, much lower.

"Jesus, I left to keep from doing this. To keep from doing you. So don't go talking about friendship now, then look at me like you can't wait to go to bed with me. If it weren't for Trey, I'd have you on your back so fast, it'd make you dizzy. I've wanted to be inside you for so long, I can hardly remember a time when I didn't. That hasn't changed. In spite of everything, I still want you all the d.a.m.n time."

Her eyes widened as he sucked in another deep gulp of air and kept talking. "So don't tease me with sideways glances and then think you're going to cajole me into napping like a five-year-old. I'm not a boy, Sa.s.sy, even though I've dreamed about you since I was a teenager. Unless you plan on letting me fulfill that particular fantasy, I think you'd better head back downstairs with Bear. 'Cause if you get in that bed with me right now, we're doing a h.e.l.luva lot more than napping."

Her eyes had changed during his little speech. But his "big talk" was having no effect, and she'd only moved closer as he spoke.

"So do you want me or not?" she asked, reaching out to touch him. No hint of the earlier taunt was in her voice now.

He kept his hands to his sides and stayed silent. A wave of exhaustion and resignation washed over him, even as his lower body responded with a very enthusiastic and evident yes.

"You're scared of this because of what I told you about that summer, aren't you?" She put her arms around his waist and pressed her curvy body against him.

d.a.m.n straight. I feel responsible. He was gritting his teeth to fight responding to her touch. But at this point that was futile and, most likely, slightly insane. Fighting his attraction to Sa.s.sy was over.

He deliberately unclenched his jaw. "You thought you could trust Trey's other friends like you could trust me."

She looked up, and this time there was nothing but sincerity in her eyes as she rested her chin in the center of his chest. "No, that's not it. I was furious. And I didn't trust you at all. Not after you left Springwater. Not until you came back last summer to help Trey."

The words stung. But in a way, it was an odd relief to know she hadn't gone with Bobby Hughes and the others because of some misplaced confidence in him.

"You shouldn't trust me now, either," he murmured.

"But I do. You're different."

She pulled him closer, and he felt every inch of her as she took her own shaky breath. His defenses melted like b.u.t.ter on a hot griddle. He'd lost all perspective with her. Of their own volition, his arms went around her, and he was done.

Her voice was m.u.f.fled against his chest, but he heard each word. "What happened with those boys had nothing to do with their relationship with Trey. If anything, they were weaker afterward because of their friendship with him."

Exactly, he thought. I'm no different. I'm completely vulnerable to you. To whatever you want to do to me. But that kind of exposure, that kind of loss, hurt too much. He couldn't risk losing another part of himself like that again.

He'd given it up voluntarily once when he'd left Springwater. Left Gran and the only family he knew, including his best friend. He'd done that for Sa.s.sy.

He'd opened up and risked letting himself care again in Afghanistan with men who'd become like family, and he'd lost his team, his job, everything. Afterward he'd shut that part of himself down and made a promise. No more risk taking in relationships for him.

To open himself to Sa.s.sy now scared the h.e.l.l out of him. He'd been protecting himself and his heart for so long, it was second nature.

"I want you, but I'm not interested in a long-term relationship with anyone, so I'd be an a.s.s to start something with you. I won't be 'that guy.' Not with you. Not with my best friend's sister. It's wrong." But he was still holding her as he spoke.

"I want you, too, Bryan. Hasn't that ever occurred to you? This wanting is a two-way street. I get it that you feel awkward about my being Trey's sister. But does that make me undesirable or not good enough for you?"

Sa.s.sy was changing all the rules and turning his argument on its ear. She sidestepped away from him. Thank G.o.d. It was the only time in this conversation that she'd backed off. But what she was saying was all wrong and upside down, yet she was finally retreating.

His brain scrambled to catch up to what was happening, because his body had pretty much been running the show since he'd taken her hand and started up the staircase. They were finally getting to the heart of the matter, but Sa.s.sy was steadily backing away from him toward those same stairs, and she was mad as h.e.l.l.

"Screw that. I've spent my whole life fighting the feeling of not being good enough. Growing up in a trailer house in the middle of a cotton field, I was the girl from the wrong side of the tracks who was looked down on by everyone in town because of what my mother was. It was the reason I worked my b.u.t.t off to get out of Springwater. To get away from all that. Trey did, too. He just worked on the football field to do it. I sure as h.e.l.l don't want that att.i.tude from you."

She stood at the top of the staircase with her arms firmly crossed across her chest. Bryan sucked in a final gulp of air. For the first time in what felt like hours, he didn't smell her when he inhaled. She had it all wrong, but she was leaving him alone, and that was what he wanted, wasn't it?

"Sa.s.sy, that's not what I've been saying."

"Then what? It sounds an awful lot like you want me, but you think that's a bad thing because I'm defective in some way. And you're fighting it all the time. Well, let me take temptation the h.e.l.l out of your way. I want someone who wants me and can't wait to be with me. Someone who is excited to be with me, not dreading the fact that he's crazy about me. So get over yourself, Bryan Fisher."

She glanced down at the very evident bulge in his jeans and eyed him with grim distaste. "Take care of whatever needs taking care of and spare me the pity f.u.c.k from my brother's best friend."

Sa.s.sy turned to leave, not stomping as he would have expected, but softly, as if she was concerned the steps might break if she stepped on them too hard.

Her walking away was what he'd wanted, right?

No. Not by a long shot. G.o.d, he was an idiot.

It was hard to catch his breath now, but he pushed the words out, because she had to know.

"Pity would be the very last thing on my mind."

Sa.s.sY HESITATED ON the staircase, her heart breaking and her blood boiling. That Bryan had made her feel this way about herself was such a kick in the teeth. She'd fought her entire life against feeling "less than" and was furious with herself that she'd allowed a man, even this one, to make her feel that way again. Especially about s.e.x.

"Pity would be the very last thing on my mind." Bryan's voice sounded rough and strained. Against her better judgment, she turned back to him. He was still beside the bed, and he looked . . . miserable.

Good. He deserved that after how he'd made her feel.

But his face was awash in regret. "I can't let you think that. Even though it's giving me exactly what I want. I can't let you walk away believing that."

"And pray tell, what do you want?" She sighed.

He walked toward her and took her hand, gently tugging her up the steps. "I want you, Sa.s.sy. I've wanted you for as long as I can remember. That's why I left."

"But why do you think you still can't have me?"

He took her hands in both of his. "Because I'm the one who's broken. Everyone I cared about in Afghanistan died. There's a loyalty issue here that's very difficult for me to get past. I don't have many close friends. Your brother is one of the few I have left. I wasn't so sure how he'd take it."

His grip tightened on her fingers. "And I didn't know how you felt about me these past few months. Every time we've been together since last summer it's been . . ."

He looked down at her and shook his head as he let go of her hand. " . . . impossible. I can't let myself be vulnerable again in that way. Everyone I have ever cared about has died on me except for you and Trey."

She swallowed hard. With all her big talk, she'd almost convinced him that she didn't care. Her own defense mechanisms had gotten in the way. She moved into him, covering his heart with her hand. "I was protecting myself, too, you know. Not wanting to be vulnerable. I've been doing that for a long time and for a lot of reasons. I'm not going anywhere, I promise you. And Trey . . ."

She thought of her big brother and wondered for a moment what he would think. If, given his current situation, this would be something he would ever even know. " . . . Trey will be okay with this. He loves you like a brother, Bryan. He'll want to see you happy."

The hint of her flirty smile was back. "I, on the other hand, have slightly different feelings for you."

He shook his head, reached for her hand again, and gave it a slight squeeze. "Sa.s.sy, you're killing me."

She grinned at him and tipped her head up. His eyes, always so serious, were filled with the heat she'd only caught glimpses of these past months. He pulled her closer and, suddenly shy, she looked down, pressing her face against his chest. He was so ridiculously tall compared to her, warm and solid beneath her cheek. She felt his heart beat steadily against her temple.

"Tell me now if this isn't what you want." The words rumbled through his chest, reverberating inside her.

She didn't say anything. She wanted this. She wanted this badly.

He tipped her chin up. There was a question in his eyes, but he must have seen what he was looking for, because he leaned into her, brushing his lips against hers.

He was so gentle, she could have easily pushed him away or moved back if she felt uncomfortable. But she was ready. She leaned forward and into the kiss, opening her lips slightly, and licking into his mouth. He made a sound- almost like he was in pain-and then his hands were at her hips, and he was picking her up and pulling her lower body into his.

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he turned and walked to the bed. When he leaned forward to lay her down on the mattress, she loosened her ankles. He stood above her, staring into her eyes with a look of such intensity that she couldn't look away. He only broke eye contact when he pulled his sweatshirt over his head.

She came back to herself for a moment. They were about to have s.e.x, and he didn't know yet. Didn't understand that she'd never done this before. Would he be horrified or turned off or- His hands settled on his belt buckle, and her thoughts scattered. He raised an eyebrow as if to ask You're sure?

She nodded. Yes, she was sure. She wanted him. She wanted this with a fervency that once would have frightened her because of the vulnerability she was about to expose. But she'd had more than enough time to think about it.

As the heat pooled deep in her belly, she found that she wasn't thinking much at all anymore. She just wanted Bryan. She watched, mesmerized, as he slid his jeans and boxer briefs down to the floor.

But she should tell him, shouldn't she? After everything they'd just talked through. Before he got so far down the road, so to speak, that he couldn't turn back.

It wasn't fair to not let him know, even though the thought of him stopping was more than she could stand. This was as vulnerable as things got, and she'd meant to explain the why of it all on the train. But the accident had stopped her, and now . . . here they were.

Shouldn't she tell him that she was a virgin?

Chapter Seventeen.

BRYAN STOOD AT the edge of the bed, staring down at Sa.s.sy. She was everything he'd ever wanted. She was also his best friend's sister, and he was about to have s.e.x with her.

You're thinking too much.

That's exactly what he'd told Sa.s.sy on the train. Her gaze met his, and she smiled tentatively. He put a knee on the mattress and knelt down to slip off her leggings. She sat up partway and peeled off her own sweatshirt, along with the camisole. Then she was lying before him . . . gloriously naked.

He stood back a moment and stared, struck dumb by the lush curves of her body.

She smiled again, but there was something off about her expression. "You're making me nervous, you know. Not saying anything."