If I had asked my Revenues, my power of the _Militia_, or any one of my Kingdoms, it had bin no wonder to have been denied in those things, where the evil policy of men forbids all just rest.i.tution, lest they should confess an injurious usurpation: But to deny me the ghostly comfort of my Chaplains seems a greater rigor & barbarity, then is ever used by christians to the meanest prisoners, & greatest malefactors, whom though the justice of the law deprive of worldly comforts, yet the mercy of religion allows them the benefit of their Clergy, as not aiming at once to destroy their Bodies, and to d.a.m.n their Souls.

But my agony must not be relieved with the presence of any one good Angel; for such I account a learned, G.o.dly, and discreet Divine: and such I would have all mine to be.

They that envie my being a King, are loth I should be a Christian: while they seek to deprive me of all things else, they are afraid I should save my Soul.

Other sense, Charity it self can hardly pick out of those many harsh repulses I received, as to that request so often made for the attendance of some of my Chaplains.

I have sometime thought the Unchristiannes of those denials might arise from a displeasure some men had to see me prefer my own Divines before their Ministers: whom, though I respect for that worth and piety w^{ch} may be in them, yet I cannot think them so proper for any present comforters or Physitians, Who have (some of them at least) had so great an influence in occasioning these calamities, and inflicting these wounds upon Me.

Nor are the soberest of them so apt for that devotional compliance, and juncture of hearts, which I desire to bear in those holy Offices to be performed with me, and for me; since their judgments standing at a distance from me, or in jealousie of me, or in opposition against me, their Spirits cannot so harmoniously accord with mine, or mine with theirs, either in Prayer or other holy duties, as is meet, and most comfortable; whose golden rule, and bond of Perfection consists in that of mutual Love and Charitie.

Some remedies are worse then the disease, and some comforters more miserable then misery it self; when like _Job's_ friends, they seek not to fortifie ones minde with patience; but perswade a man by betraying his own Innocency, to despair of G.o.ds mercy; and by justifying their injuries, to strengthen the hands, and harden the heart of insolent Enemies.

I am so much a friend to all Church-men, that have any thing in them beseeming that sacred Function, that I have hazarded my own interests, chiefly upon Conscience and Constancie, to maintain their Rights; whom the more I looked upon as Orphans, and under the sacrilegious eyes of many cruell and rapacious Reformers; so I thought it my dutie the more to appear as a Father, and a Patron for them and the Church. Although I am very unhandsomly requited by some of them; who may live to repent no lesse for My sufferings, then their own ungrateful errours, and that injurious contempt and meannesse, which they have brought upon their Calling and Persons.

I pity al of them, I despise none: only I thought I might have leave to make choice of some for My special Attendance, who were best approved in My Judgment & most sutable to My affection: For, I held it better to seem undevout, and to hear no mans Praiers, then to be forced, or seem to comply with those Pet.i.tions to which the heart cannot consent, nor the tongue say _Amen_, without contradicting a mans own understanding, or belying his own Soul.

In Devotions, I love neither profane boldnesse, nor pious non-sence; but such an humble and judicious gravitie as shews the Speaker to be at once considerate both of G.o.ds Majestie, the Churches Honour, and his own vilenesse; both knowing what things G.o.d allows him to ask, and in what manner it becomes a sinner to supplicate the divine mercie for himself, and others.

I am equally scandalised with all Praiers, that sound either imperiously, or rudely, and pa.s.sionately; as either wanting humilitie to G.o.d, or charitie to men, or respect to the dutie.

I confess I am better pleased as with studied and premeditated Sermons, so with such publick Forms of Praier, as are fitted to the Churches and every Christians daily and common necessities; because I am by them better a.s.sured, what I may join my heart unto, then I can be of any mans extemporary sufficiencie: which as I do not wholly exclude from publick occasions; so I allow its just libertie and use in private and devout retirements; where neither the solemnities of the dutie, nor the modest regards to others, do require so great exactness as to the outward manner of performance; Though the light of understanding, and the fervencie of affections I hold the main and most necessarie requisites both in constant, and occasionall, solitairie, and sociall Devotions.

So that I must needs seem to all equal minds with as much reason to prefer the service of my own Chaplains before that of their Ministers, as I do the Liturgie before their Directorie.

In the one I have been alwaies educated and exercised; In the other, I am not yet Catechized, nor acquainted: And if I were, yet should I not by that, as by any certain rule and Canon of Devotion, be able to follow or find out the indirect extravagancies of most of those men, who highly cry up that as a piece of rare composure and use, which is already as much despised and disused by many of them, as the Common-Prayer sometimes was by those men; a great part of whose Pietie hung upon that popular pin of railing against, and contemning the Government, and Liturgie of this Church. But, I had rather be condemned to the wo of _Vae soli_, then to that of _Vae vobis Hypocritae_, by seeming to pray what I do not approve.

It may be, I am esteemed by my Denyers sufficient of my Self to discharge my dutie to G.o.d as a Priest, though not to Men as a Prince.

Indeed, I think both Offices, Regal & Sacerdotal, might well become the same Person; as anciently they were under one name, and the united rights of primogeniture: nor could I follow better presidents, if I were able, then those two eminent Kings, _David_ and _Solomon_; not more famous for their Scepters and Crowns, then one was for devout Psalms and Praiers; the other for his divine Parables and Preaching: whence the one merited and a.s.sumed the name of a Prophet, the other of a Preacher. t.i.tles indeed of greater honour, where rightly placed, then any of those the Roman Emperors affected from the Nations they subdued: it being infinitely more glorious to convert Souls to G.o.ds Church by the Word, then to conquer men to a subjection by the Sword.

Yet since the order of G.o.ds wisdom and providence hath, for the most part, alwaies distinguished the gifts and offices of Kings, of Priests, of Princes and Preachers; both in the Jewish and Christian Churches: I am sorry to find My self reduced to the necessity of being both, or enjoying neither.

For such as seek to deprive Me of Kingly Power and Soveraigntie; would no lesse enforce Me to live many Moneths without all Praiers, Sacraments, and Sermons, unlesse I become My own Chaplain.

As I owe the Clergy the protection of a Christian KING, so I desire to enjoy from them the benefit of their gifts and prayers; which I look upon as more prevalent then My own, or other mens; by how much they flow from minds more enlightned, and affections lesse distracted, then those which are encombered with secular affairs: besides, I think a greater blessing and acceptablenes attends those duties, which are rightly performed, as proper to, and within the limits of that calling, to which G.o.d and the Church have specially designed and consecrated some men: And however, as to that Spirituall government, by which the devout Soul is subject to Christ, and through his merits daily offers it self and its services to G.o.d, every private believer is a King and a Priest, invested with the honour of a Royall Priest hood; yet as to Ecclesiastical order, and the outward policy of the Church, I think confusion in Religion will as certainly follow every mans turning Priest or Preacher, as it will in the State, where every one affects to rule as King.

I was always bred to more modest, and I think to more pious Principles: the consciousness to my spirituall defects makes Me more prize and desire those pious a.s.sistances, which holy and good Ministers, either Bishops or Presbyters, may afford Me; especially in these extremities, to which G.o.d hath been pleased to suffer some of my Subjects to reduce me; so as to leave them nothing more, but my life to take from Me: and to leave me nothing to desire, which I thought might less provoke their jealousie and offence to deny Me, then this of having some means afforded Me for my Souls comfort and support.

To which end I made choice of men, as no way (that I know) scandalous, so every way eminent for their learning and piety, no less then for their Loyalty: nor can I imagine any exceptions to be made against them, but onely this, that they may seem too able, and too well affected toward Me and My Service.

But this is not the first service (as I count it the best) in which they have forced Me to serve my self; though I must confess I bear with more grief and impatience the want of My Chaplains, then of My other Servants; and next (if not beyond in some things) to the being sequestred from My Wife and Children; since from these indeed more of humane and temporary affections, but from those more of heavenly and eternall improvements may be expected.

My comfort is, that in the enforced (not neglected) want of ordinary means, G.o.d is wont to afford extraordinary supplies of his Gifts and Graces.

If his Spirit will teach me, and help my infirmities in prayer, reading and meditation (as I hope he will) I shall need no other, either Orator, or Instructer.

_To thee therefore, O my G.o.d, do I direct my now solitary Prayers; what I want of others help, supply with the more immediate a.s.sistance of thy Spirit, which alone can both enlighten my darknesse, and quicken my dulnesse._

_O thou Sun of righteousness, thou sacred Fountain of heavenly light and heat, at once cleer and warm my heart, both by instructing of me, and interceding for me; In thee is all fulness, From thee all sufficiency, By thee is all acceptance. Thou art companie enough, and comfort enough; Thou art my King, be also my Prophet and my Priest.

Rule me, teach me, pray in me, for me; and be thou ever with me._

_The single wrestlings of_ Jacob _prevailed with thee in that sacred Duel, when he had none to second him but thy selfe; who didst a.s.sist him with power to overcome thee, and by a welcome violence to wrest a blessing from thee._

_O look on me thy servant, in infinite mercy, whom thou didst once blesse with the joynt and sociated Devotion of others, whose servency might inflame the coldnesse of my affections towards thee: when wee went to meet in thy House with the voice of joy and gladnesse, worshipping thee in the unity of spirits, and with the bond of peace._

_O forgive the neglect, and not improving of those happy opportunities._

_It is now thy pleasure that I should be as a Pelican in the wildernesse, as a Sparrow on the house top, and as a coale scattered from all those pious glowings and devout reflections, which might best kindle, preserve, and increase the holy fire of thy Graces on the Altar of my heart, whence the sacrifices of prayers and incense of praises might be duly offered up to thee._

_Yet, O thou that breakest not the bruised reed nor quenchest the smoaking flax, do not despise the weakness of my prayers, nor the smotherings of my soul in this uncomfortable loannesse to which I am constrained by some mens uncharitable denials of those helps, which I much want, and no lesse desire._

_O let the hardness of their hearts occasion the softnings of mine to thee, and for them. Let their hatred kindle my love, let their unreasonable denials of my religious desires the more excite my prayers to thee: Let their inexorable deafnesse incline thine ear to me, who art a G.o.d easie to be intreated; thine ear is not heavie, that it cannot, nor thy heart hard, that it will not hear, nor thy hand shortned, that it cannot help me thy desolate Suppliant._

_Thou permittest men to deprive me of those outward means which thou hast appointed in thy Church; but they cannot debarre me from the communion of that inward grace, which thou alone breathest into humble hearts._

_O make me such, and thou wilt teach me, thou wilt hear me, thou wilt help me: The broken and contrite heart I know thou wilt not despise: Thou, O Lord canst at once make me thy temple thy Priest, thy Sacrifice, and thine Altar; while from an humble heart I (alone) daily offer up in Holy Meditations, fervent Prayers, and unfeigned Tears, my Self to thee; who preparest me for thee, dwellest in me and acceptest of me._

_Thou, O Lord, didst cause by secret supplies and miraculous infusions, that the handful of meal in the vessel should not spend, nor the little oyl in the cruise fail the widow, during the time of drought and dearth._

_O look on my soul, which as a widow, is now desolate and forsaken: Let not those saving truths I have formerly learned now fail my memory; nor the sweet effusions of thy Spirit, which I have sometime felt, now be wanting to my heart in this famine of ordinary and wholsom food for the refreshing of my soul._

_Which yet I had rather chuse then to feed from those hands who mingle my bread with ashes, and my wine with gall, rather tormenting, then teaching me; whose mouths are p.r.o.ner to bitter reproaches of me, then to hearty prayers for me._

_Thou knowest, O Lord of truth, how oft they wrest thy holy Scriptures to my destruction, (which are clear for their subjection, and my preservation) O let it not be to their d.a.m.nation._

_Thou knowest how some men (under colour of long prayers) have sought to devour the houses of their Brethren, their King, and their G.o.d. O let not those mens balms break my head, nor their Cordials oppress my heart, I will evermore pray against their wickedness._

_From the poyson under their tongues, from the snares of their lips, from the fire, and the swords of their words ever deliver me, O Lord, and all those loyal and religious hearts, who desire and delight in the prosperity of my soul, and who seek by their prayers to relieve this sadness and solitude of thy servant, O my King and my G.o.d._

25. Penitential Meditations and Vows in the Kings solitude at _Holmby_.

_Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my Meditation, and hearken to the voyce of my cry, my King and my G.o.d, for unto thee will I pray._

_I said in my haste, I am cast out of the sight of thine eyes; nevertheless, thou hearest the voyce of my supplication, when I cry unto thee._

_If thou, Lord, shouldst be extream to mark what is done amiss, who can abide it? But there is mercy with thee, that thou mayest be feared; therefore shall sinners flie unto thee._

_I acknowledg my sins before thee, which have the aggravation of my condition; the eminencie of my place, adding weight to my offences._

_Forgive, I beseech thee, my personal, and my peoples sins; which are so far mine, as I have not improved the power thou gavest me, to thy glorie, and my Subjects good: Thou hast now brought me from the glorie and freedom of a King, to be a Prisoner to my own Subjects. Justlie, O Lord, as to thy over-ruling hand, because in many things I have rebelled against thee._