[Footnote 5: Ibid.]

[Footnote 6: Quicquid agunt homines intentio judicat omne.]

[[Footnote 6a: St. Paulinus of Nola (Paulinus Nolensis), _possibly_ Carmen IX. in St. Felicem.]]

CHAP. X.

OF CHURCHMEN.

If one formed a judgment of the manner of Churchmen's lives by their discourses, certainly one would take them for models of sobriety. But there is a great deal of difference between preaching and practising.

This distinction is very solid, and daily experience confirms it. And if those gentlemen would do themselves justice, how many amongst them might say in particular,

Alas! how can I ever dare pretend, From man this ancient error to remove, Which they, ev'n to distraction, fondly love: If I, who blame it, with such pain defend Myself from this contagious malady, This epidemic poison of the mind.

Weak reason, feeble thing, of which mankind So boasts, this we can only build on thee, Unjust continuing still, and false and vain, In our discourses loudly we complain Against the pa.s.sions, weakness, vice, and yet Those things we still cry down, we still commit.

One cannot, therefore, without indignation, hear Churchmen declaim against drunkenness, while they themselves are such ruddy examples of it.

_Quis tulerit Gracchos de seditione quaerentes._[1]

With patience who can hear west-country cudden Rail against roasted beef and good plum pudden?

If the law of prescription take place, one cannot dispute with them that of fuddling with any colour of reason, for in St. Jerom's time, the priests were very much given to wine. This we learn from an epistle of that father, in which he very severely reprehends them. They have been no changelings since. We read in the adages of Erasmus, that it was a proverb amongst the Germans, that the lives of the monks consisted in nothing but eating, drinking, and----Monachorum nunc nihil aliud est quam facere, esse, bibere. Besides, a vast number of councils, who made most severe canons against priests that should get drunk, evidently shew, that they used frequently to do so. Such were the Councils of Carthage, Agathon, the first of Tours, that of Worms, Treves, &c. To make this more clear, we shall copy a little of what H. Stephens says on this subject, in his apology for Herodotus:-- "But to return, says he, to these proverbs, theologal wine, and the abbots, or prelates table.

I say, that without these, one could never rightly understand this beautiful pa.s.sage of Horace, viz.

"Nunc est bibendum, nunc pede libero Pulsanda tellus: Nunc saliaribus Ornare pulvinar Deorum Tempus erit dapibus sodales."[1a]

"Come, boys, lets put the flowing goblet round, Drink hard, and with brisk measures beat the ground.

The tables of the G.o.ds now bright shall shine With cheer luxurious, fit for mouths of priests, When holy epicures become your guests, And venerably quaff large cups of wine."

Nor this other,

"Absumet haeres caecuba dignior Servata centum clavibus: & mero Tinget pavimentum superbo Pontific.u.m potiore caenis."[1b]

"A worthy heir shall then with joy unbind Caecubian, by a hundred locks confin'd, And tinge with better wines the ground, Than e'er at feasts pontifical are found."

"You see how necessary these proverbs are, to let us into the true understanding of these two pa.s.sages of this poet. Here follows, word for word, what a certain gloss says of the last of them, _Mero dicit potiore (meliore) caenis pontific.u.m, quam quo pontifices in caenis suis, quae semper sumtuosissimae fuerunt, unde nunc theologic.u.m dic.u.n.t vinum, usi sunt_. That is, with better wine than that which the chief priests used at their suppers, which were always most sumptuous and expensive, and which sort of wine we call now theological.

"By this you plainly see how much attached to divines and prelates those gentlemen are who make profession of being expositors of the poets. But in relation to this same theologal, or theological, I know very well that it is a great question if it should be called _vinum theologale_, or _vinum theologalis per appositionem_; for the wicked laity, some of them will have it, that when these good men get tipsy they agree no otherwise than dogs and cats. But I shall leave this dispute to be decided by the readers. And as to these two proverbs, they put me in mind of another, and that is, an abbot's face, which proverb being very ancient, makes me believe that formerly the abbots had their faces illuminated. --But without going any farther for witnesses, I shall content myself with presenting my readers with the following piece of antiquity, viz.

"Sanctus Dominicus sit n.o.bis semper amicus, Cui canimus rostro jugiter preconia nostro De cordis venis siccatis ante lagenis.

Ergo tuas laudes si tu nos pangere gaudes Tempore paschali, fac ne potu puteali Conveniat uti, quod si fit undique muti Semper erunt fratres qui non curant nisi ventres."

"O good Saint Dominic, be ay propitious, Whose praise we daily chirp in notes delicious From all the veins of all our hearts, Having toss'd up some double quarts.

Therefore, if't be thy true desire, We chaunt thy lauds at Easter quire.

Let not thy saintship think it meet We drink from well tho' ne'er so sweet, Liquor unworthy priest or parson, If so, your friers will hang an a.r.s.e on, Who nothing mind, I need not tell ye, Most holy patron, but their belly.

So used, they'll ev'ry soul be dumb, No _dixit dominus_, but -------- mum."

Not unlike this is what follows:--

"O monachi, vestri stomachi sunt amphora Bacchi, Vos estis, Deus est testis, teterrima pestis!"

"O monks, ye reverend drones, your guts Of wine are but so many buts; You are, G.o.d knows (who can abide ye?) Of plagues the rankest, _bona fide_!"

[Footnote 1: Juvenal.] [[_Satire_ II. 24.]]

[[Footnote 1a: Horace, _Odes_ I.x.x.xvii.1-4.]]

[[Footnote 1b: Horace, _Odes_ II.xiv.25-28.]]

CHAP. XI.

OF POPES, SAINTS, AND BISHOPS, THAT USED TO GET DRUNK.

After having spoken of the drunkenness of churchmen in general, it will not, perhaps, be a thing altogether needless, to put the whole in the clearest light, to confirm what has been said, by the example of Popes, Saints, and Bishops, who have practised that laudable custom of getting drunk.

A little song, mentioned by H. Stephens, in his apology for Herodotus, affords matter of speculation in relation to the sobriety of sovereign pontiffs.

"Le Pape qui est a Rome, Boit du vin comme un autre homme Et de l'Hypocras aussi."

The Pope at Rome, his holiness, Of wine drinks many a hearty gla.s.s, And pleasant Hypocras also, As any other man I trow.

If one reads over the popes lives, we shall be fully convinced that these holy fathers were no enemies to wine. Alexander the Fifth was a great drinker, and that too of strong wines, says his own historian, Theoderic de Neim. If one may give any credit to the letters of the king of Spain's amba.s.sador to his master, Sixtus Quintus was a terrible drunkard[1].

And Pope Boniface inst.i.tuted indulgencies for those who should drink a cup after grace (called since St. Boniface's cup). A plain argument that his sanct.i.ty did not hate wine.

This puts me in my mind of what I have formerly read, though the author's name is now slipped out of my memory, that when cardinal Pignatelli, afterwards Innocent the Twelfth, was advanced to the papacy, his name signifying little pots or mugs, three of which he bore for his arms; and whose mother was of the house of Caraffa, which signifies a jug, a Frenchman made these lines:--

"Nous devons tous boire en repos Sous le regne de ce saint pere Son nom ses armes sont des pots Une Caraffe etoit sa mere.

Celebrons donc avec eclat Cet auguste Pontificat."

Under this holy father's reign Hang sorrow, let us ne'er complain; I think all of us should turn sots, And fuddle with one another, His name, and so his arms, are pots, And a gallon pot was his mother; Then let us brightly celebrate This most august Pontificate.

In the main, this is nothing but a little punning or playing with words, but it is one of those agreeable trifles that may now and then be worth our thinking on.

One may add to the number of such popes as loved fuddling, all those who sat at Avignon; for if we believe Petrarch[2], the long residence that the court of Rome made at Avignon, was only to taste the good French wines; and that it was merely on that account they stayed so long in Provence, and removed with so much reluctance.

Let us now pa.s.s on to Saints and Bishops. I shall only instance one of each, because I hate prolixity. The first Saint that presents himself to me, is the renowned St. Augustin, who himself owns, that he used to get drunk sometimes. _c.r.a.pula autem nonnunquam surrepit servo tuo misereberis ut longe fiat a me._ Thy servant has been sometimes crop-sick through excess of wine, have mercy on me, that it may be ever far from me. It is true, [3]M. Cousin maintains against my author, M. Pet.i.t, the Journal des Scavans, of the year 1689, 27th June, that St.

Augustin, however, never got drunk. The arguments on both sides you may find in Bayle's Dictionary, under the article Augustin. But yet there are somewhere in St. Augustin these words, viz. My soul certainly being a spirit cannot dwell in a dry place. _Anima mea certe quia spiritus est, in sicco habitare non potest._