And were they never so old themselves, they would still, if possible, have the wine older than they were. _Nec cuiquam adeo longa erat vita, ut non ante se genita potaret_[3]. Which these words of Seneca[4] also confirm, "Why at your house do you drink wine older than yourself? _Cur apud te vinum apud te vetustius bibitur._"

Martial says, "Do you ask me of what consulate this wine is? It was before there were any consuls in the world.

"De sinuessanis venerunt ma.s.sica praelis: Condita quo quaeris consule? nullus erat."[4a]

At present the fame of the best wine in Europe is reckoned to be, that of Monte Fiascone, two days journey from Rome. Here it was a German abbot killed himself by drinking too much of this delicious creature.

The story is this, and it is related in La.s.sell's Travels:--

A certain German abbot, travelling to Rome, ordered his servant to ride before him, and when he found the best wine, to chalk upon the door of the inn (in order to save time) the word _EST_. Coming to Monte Fiascone, he found it so excellent, that he put down, _Est, Est, Est_, which the abbot finding true, drank so plentifully of it, that he went no farther on his journey, but lies buried, they say, in the cathedral church, with this epitaph, written by his servant the purveyor.

Est, Est, Est, et Propter nimium Est, Herus meus Dominus Abbas mortuus Est.

The wine called Lachrymae Christi, or the Tears of Christ, is a most delicious wine. At least a master of arts of the university of Cologn thought so, who going also to Rome, drank at the same place pretty heartily of it, and out of the abundance of his heart cried out,

Utinam Christus lachrymatus fuisset in nostra patria.

I wish Christ had shed tears in our country.

M. Hofman believes, that Rhenish wine is the best of all wines for one's health.

There grows also most excellent wines in France, such as Champagne.

Wenceslaus[5], king of Bohemia and the Romans, being come into France on account of some negociations with Charles the Sixth, arrived at Rheins in the month of March, 1397. When he was in that city he found the wine so good, that he got drunk more than once; and being one day in that condition, that he could not enter into any serious discourses, he rather chose to grant what was asked of him than leave off drinking.

The wines of Burgundy must not be forgotten, which some prefer to Champagne. "Baudius called vin de beaulne, vinum deorum, the wine of the G.o.ds[6]."

The wines of Ai are also very excellent. S. Evremont[7] says, that Leo the Tenth, Charles the Fifth, Francis the First, and Hen. VIII. king of England, did not think it below their dignity, amongst the most important affairs of state, to take care to have the wines of Ai.

Henry IV. caused himself to be styled lord of Ai and Gonesse.

But I shall desire my readers here to observe two things, First, That artificial wines, and a many other liquors, containing a great deal of gross, viscous matter, excite a drunkenness more long and dangerous than that which is produced by ordinary wines. Another thing is, Never to get drunk with brandy, spirits, and strong waters. Patin[8] says very pleasantly, that these are sugared poisons which surely kill: they give life to those who sell them, and death to those who use them.

[Footnote 1: Rem. sur. Rabel. t. iii. p. 39.]

[Footnote 2: Journ. des Scav. June, 1706.]

[Footnote 3: Plin.] [[_Natural History_ XIX.20 (or XIX.xix.53).]]

[Footnote 4: De Vit. beat. c. 17.]

[[Footnote 4a: Martial XIII.111.]]

[Footnote 5: Journ. de Scav. June, 1706.]

[Footnote 6: Patimana, p. 34.]

[Footnote 7: Lett. S. Evrem.]

[Footnote 8: Vign. Marvill, t. ii. p. 7.]

CHAP. x.x.x.

FOURTH RULE, AT CONVENIENT TIMES.

Though one must not get drunk every day, one may, notwithstanding, on certain occasions. One must sometimes unbend the mind.

Neque semper arc.u.m tendit Apollo.[a]

And when a man puts on the air of a philosopher, it is then he turns fool in affecting to be wise.

There is a time for all things, and so there is in getting drunk, that is, getting drunk with decency and decorum; and there are some times which are not convenient to do so. As for example, (for I love to ill.u.s.trate what I advance,) it does not suit with decorum for a judge to be drunk on the bench; nor a crier in the court exercising his office, [hiccup, ki---- book;] a parson in the pulpit; an experimental philosopher in shewing of his gimcracks; nor a freemason on the top of a church-steeple.

But it suits very well with strict decorum, to get drunk at a public rejoicing after a signal victory.

When the proud Gaul sustain'd an overthrow By the immortal MARLBOROUGH, Ever invincible! then you and I, My Thirsis, shar'd the common joy.

Blenheim and Ramillies were then our song, The day tho' short, the night was long, Till both with mighty claret glow'd, And tipsy, to our beds were shew'd.

We may also very decently get drunk with a friend we have not seen a long while.

Here 'tis----O welcome, flask divine, How bright does thy vermillion shine!

Thou charming native of Dijon[1], At thy approach my cares are flown, Sad melancholy is no more, Which rack'd and plagu'd my soul before.

Whether thy influence incites, (Sweet influence) to soft delights; Or else dost other measures keep, And gently urge to peaceful sleep.

O may'st thou still such streams bestow, Still with such ruddy torrents flow.

Damon, this bottle is your due, And more I have in store for you Under the sun the faithfullest friend; I've kept them for no other end.

Drink then a b.u.mper, 'tis a folly, Dear Damon, to be melancholy.

However rigorous the Roman laws were against drunkenness, they permitted it nevertheless on their festivals; witness what a young man said to his father in presence of the people. "[2]No father," says he, "I have no reason to be ashamed for having taken a little more wine than ordinary at a feast with my companions." _Non est res qua embescam, Pater, si die festo inter aequales largiore vino fui usus._

The Persian soldiers, who otherwise lived very soberly, were permitted to get drunk once a year[3].

In Georgia, he who did not get quite drunk at their princ.i.p.al holidays, as at Easter and Christmas, was not looked upon to be a christian, and ought to be excommunicated. [4]So that, according to this, getting drunk at certain convenient times amongst these christians, was so far from being unlawful, that a man was not looked upon to be orthodox, without he did so. Getting drunk is therefore very orthodox.

[[Footnote a: Horace, _Odes_ II.x.19-20.]]

[Footnote 1: Dijon, chief city in Burgundy.]

[Footnote 2: t.i.t. Liv. lib. iv. ch. 14.]

[Footnote 3: Alex. ab Alex, lib, ii. ch. 11.]

[Footnote 4: Voyag. de Chard. t. ii. 129.]