"Don't look at me like that. You know I can't get out here every day. It's not my fault you don't have any other friends. If you'd get out of the cave once in a while, you might get to socialize more often, you know? Meet a nice elk or something, get some interspecies lovin' going on. Where's your Owenetta?"

Owen patted his belly.

"You ate her? Really? That's pretty darn rude. You're not supposed to eat your mate, unless maybe you're a black widow or something."

Owen patted his belly again, more insistently this time.

"Okay, okay, I was only kidding. Jeez. I know you're hungry. And today I've got a special surprise for you." Toby tapped his foot on the blue cooler. "You'd better like it, because this ice was heavy. heavy."

He took the lid off the cooler, pushed aside some of the ice cubes, and pulled out the carton of ice cream. "This is Neapolitan," he explained, "so you get chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry all at once. You'll love it."

Owen reached for the carton. Toby slapped his hand away. "Not yet. We've got to do this right." He took a pair of ice-cream cones out of his backpack. "All right, one of them broke, but since I'm such a nice person I'll give you the unbroken one." He dug around until he found the metal scoop, then opened the carton. Owen growled.

"Have a little patience. Good things come to those who wait. How many monsters in the woods do you think have people bringing them ice cream? Not many. You are a fortunate soul, Owen, and when you taste this delicious treat, all of your problems are going to fade away."

It was jacket weather, but no snow had fallen yet, and even in the cooler, the ice cream was starting to melt. It was easy to get out a nice big scoop. Toby made sure he got all three flavors, and then plopped it onto the cone.

"Here you go, sir," he said, handing the cone to Owen. "Don't eat it too fast or you'll get a headache."

Toby was somewhat less than surprised when Owen popped the entire cone into his mouth. Owen's eyes widened, as much as his sunken eyes were capable of widening, and then he gave Toby an enthusiastic thumbs-up sign.

"Yeah, it's good stuff, isn't it?" asked Toby. "It's better if you savor it, though."

He prepared himself a cone, just strawberry, and slowly licked it. "See? Lick. It's way better like this, and it lasts more than a third of a second."

Owen made a grab for Toby's cone, but he held it behind his back. "No. There's more, but you have to wait until I'm done with mine. You know that."

Owen patted his belly.

"Seriously, you need to chill out about this whole food thing. I'm hungry, too, but you don't see me trying to shove you around to get fed. We need to develop your gourmet tastes. Any animal can just shovel food into its mouth. You should learn to appreciate fine cuisine. Like this ice-cream cone." He turned it in a slow circle as he licked.

Owen watched him carefully, not taking his eyes off the cone.

"Stick your tongue out," Toby said, sticking his tongue out as far as he could.

Owen continued to stare at the ice cream.

"Come on, do it," Toby urged, his words garbled because his tongue was sticking out. He waggled his tongue and pointed at it with his free hand. "Let's see that tongue!"

Owen tilted his head a bit, and then stuck out his tongue.

"Good job!" said Toby. He handed his ice-cream cone to Owen, who tossed the entire thing into his mouth.

Toby prepared himself another ice-cream cone. "Lick," he said. "Just lick. Savor the smooth, creamy goodness." He slowly licked the ice cream. "Like this. See how I'm doing it?"

Owen moved his tongue in a licking motion.

"That's right! You've got it!" He gave Owen this ice-cream cone as well. "Now remember: lick."

Owen ate the entire cone in one bite.

After one more try, Toby gave up and just let Owen eat the rest of the ice cream directly from the carton.

"Wow, this is really gross," said Toby, trying to pull a comb through Owen's thick, matted hair. "You've got bugs in here. Did you know that? Bugs. How can you not be constantly itching? This would drive me crazy."

It took all afternoon to get Owen's arms into decent shape, and Toby wasn't sure that he was ever going to get the tangles out of the monster's back. "I think that once we get this done the first time, it won't be that tough to keep it up," he said. "But right now I'm thinking we should just shave you."

Owen continued his semi-purring. He clearly enjoyed the process, except for the moments where the comb tugged his hair too hard.

"By the way, I've told you this before, lots of times, but your aroma isn't everything it could be. It's a level of reek you don't usually get from things that are still alive. Next time I may bring some shampoo. And some mouthwash. That might take care of your romantic problems, don't you think? There's nothing that can be done for me, but I think an Owen that doesn't stink to high heaven might attract the lady monsters. We'll see."

The comb caught on a particularly gnarled section of fur, but Toby carefully and patiently worked the teeth through until the knot was gone.

"'The bullets tore through the side of the armored car like it was tissue paper,'" said Toby, reading aloud from the thin paperback. "'The driver flopped over, bleeding from three different head wounds. Outside of the now out-of-control vehicle, the hostages screamed as it hurtled toward them, tires squealing.'"

Toby was sure that Owen didn't understand the plot, but he seemed to enjoy being read to, particularly when Toby laced the reading with sound effects. He mimicked the sound of an armored car plowing into a crowd of six tied-up hostages.

They made up lots of new games. Owen had trouble understanding most of the rules, but even something generic like Twenty Questions was a lot more interesting when playing it with a hideous monster. Tag was a little too dangerous and was discontinued after one session.

"Let's try it again. Owen. Owe-wen. Owen. Owe-wen. Say it." Say it."

Owen silently stared at him.

"C'mon, you can do it. Owen. Oooowwwwen. Owen. Oooowwwwen. Say your name." Say your name."

Owen contorted his mouth and made a low, growly noise that sounded nothing like his name.

Toby gave him a thumbs-down sign. "You're not getting it. Owen. Owen. Just start with ' Just start with 'Owe.' Owe. Owe."

"Ahh-ehh."

"Better, sort of. A little disturbing, but definitely on the right track. Let's keep trying. Owen. Owe-wen. Owen. Owe-wen."

"You know what he did?" Toby asked. "So I'm sitting there at lunch, and he asks to see what I'm writing, like he always does. You'd think he'd have outgrown that by now-we're sophomores, right? But no, he tries to grab my notebook, and I yank it away, and I knock over my can of root beer. And everybody in the cafeteria starts applauding, and J.D. is laughing as if it wasn't his fault! I wanted to make him eat the can. I swear, Owen, sometimes I'd like to just bring you to school and turn you loose."

Owen walked back into his cave.

"Oh, well, gee, that's that's not rude or anything! Sure, just walk away while I'm sharing my personal misery with you." not rude or anything! Sure, just walk away while I'm sharing my personal misery with you."

He'd never quite worked up the nerve to walk back into Owen's cave. He was very comfortable around Owen, but still...walking into a dark, narrow cave with a monster didn't seem like a particularly good idea. Out in the open, he at least had some potential for running to safety if Owen went wild. In the cave, he was dead for sure.

"Okay, well, I guess I'll go home now," he announced. "Thanks for lending a supportive ear. I appreciate it."

Owen walked back out of the cave. He held a skull.

The lower jaw was missing, and there was a pretty large crack in the center of the cranium, but apart from that the skull was intact. Any flesh or hair that might have been on it was completely gone. Toby had no way to be certain exactly whose skull it was, but he was pretty sure that he could narrow it down to one of two people.

Owen extended the skull toward him.

"Uh-uh," said Toby. "That was a one-time thing. I mean a two-time thing. It's never going to happen again."

He could do it, though. Figure out a reason to lure J.D. out into the woods, show him the cave, and let Owen have another hearty meal. Then Toby could draw whatever he wanted in peace.

Owen tapped the skull against Toby's chest, as if urging him to take it. Toby recoiled.

"Stop it. You don't get to eat anybody else. I'm lucky I'm not in prison right now, and you're lucky you're not in a zoo. Why do you still have that thing? Bury it or eat it or something, okay?"

Owen prodded him again.

"Not a chance. I'm not going to bring anybody to you, and I'm sure as hell not going to stab anybody again. Do you want to know how often I see their bloody faces? Every goddamn night. I used to have cool fantasies. I used to pretend I was zapping aliens. Now I just keep thinking about what I did. Did you know that I can hardly even think about girls? I'm serious. I'm not sorry they're dead, don't get me wrong, but I'm going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life. So find your own meal."

He yanked the skull out of Owen's hand. He couldn't trust his friend to properly hide it again. He'd just bury it on the way home.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to flip out on you, but that part of my life is over, okay? Still friends, right?" He forced a smile and gave Owen a thumbs-up gesture.

Owen tapped the skull with his talon.

"Friends, right?" Toby repeated.

Owen returned the thumbs-up gesture.

"Good. I have to get home. See you tomorrow."

As Toby walked home with the skull, he realized that he'd most likely inadvertently communicated to Owen that yes, he would indeed bring another human for him to prey upon. Damn it.

"When are we gonna get there?" J.D. asked, as they walked through the forest three weeks later. It was a slow process now that there was snow on the ground, but it hadn't snowed in the past few days so Toby's path was still there, making it easier.

"In a while."

"I swear, if you're dragging me out here to go all homo on me, I'm going to tell everyone."

"Just shut up until we get there."

"Why are you being such a dick? You're the one who wanted me to come with you."

"Look, we've been enemies for long enough. I think it's time we should try to be friends, that's all."

"You already said that," J.D. noted. "You're a creepy little bastard. Did anybody ever tell you that?"

"Come on. You're slowing down."

"I'm going to stop is what I'm going to do. I have way better things to do than let you lure me into the woods in the freezing cold and then whip it out."

"It'll be worth it when we get there, so quit whining."

"I'm not the one behaving like a elementary-school kid. 'Waaah, we should be friends, let's go out and play, waaah!' What a complete waste you are."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I'm curious about how much of a loser you are. You're probably taking me out to see your art collection. Ooooh, robots and monsters and fairies and shit!"

Toby couldn't wait to watch Owen bite into this jerk. He hoped Owen wouldn't kill him on the first chomp-Toby would have to somehow encourage him to start with the extremities.

Scream loud, J.D. We'll be too deep in the woods for anybody to hear you.

He stopped walking.

What the hell was he doing?

"Go back home," he said.

"What?"

"Go away. We're done."

"Seriously? You dragged me out here for nothing?"

"Yes. Fuck off."

J.D. snorted in disbelief. "I can't believe you. You are a creepy, nerdy, zit-faced little freak. Go back to the circus."

"I will. Fuck off and die."