"Change of heart? You killed me. me. What'd I do, beat you up a couple of times? This bitch is stealing your kids." What'd I do, beat you up a couple of times? This bitch is stealing your kids."

"I deserve it."

"Nobody deserves that! Did you see how smug she looked? Go get the gun and shoot her in the back while she's packing. How long has it been since Owen's had a nice taste of juicy human flesh?"

"Go away."

"So you're going to let her win? What a loser. Loser in high school, loser now. Think how good it would feel to pull that trigger and watch the back of her head explode."

"It would feel horrible."

"You're not using your imagination. Picture it with me. The bullet slamming into her skull, shattering it, gray matter splattering against the wall. Let's see her steal Garrett from you when she's a bloody corpse. I'll cheer when Owen starts ripping tendons away from bone with his teeth."

"You can just go to hell," Toby said. "I'll never hurt her."

"No more sneaking around. Remember how great it was when you moved out of your parents' place? You could see Owen whenever you wanted. Why'd you get married? All that freedom, gone. For what?"

"I love her."

"And she loves you right back, huh? Is that why she's taking everything away from you? Did she even try try to understand? She thinks that she's so much better than you that she can just kidnap your kids without letting you tell your side?" to understand? She thinks that she's so much better than you that she can just kidnap your kids without letting you tell your side?"

"My side is fucked up."

"It is. I won't argue with you there. It's fucked up in a way you don't see very often. But you know what? When you're twelve years into a relationship, the other person should be willing to deal with the occasional fucked-up situation."

"I put Garrett's life in danger."

"How long did you keep the chains on Owen? How many precautions did you take? And Owen didn't do anything!"

"He might have."

"Had you not been there, Owen would've carried him to safety. The newspapers would all have a front-page cover story on the hero monster who saved the life of an innocent little boy. Kill that bitch."

"No."

"Shoot her."

"No."

"Make all of your problems go away."

"I'm not going to hurt her. This was all my fault. Maybe...maybe she'll get over it and she'll let me see them sometimes. It doesn't have to be a lot. Just sometimes."

"Yeah, all right, way to stand up for yourself. If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

Sarah was kind at the end. She let him give Garrett a kiss. He whispered that everything would be all right, that he'd take good care of Owen.

He brushed Hannah's hair one last time. She was too little to understand what was going on, but when she gave him that last hug, she seemed to acknowledge the finality of it.

Toby didn't cry when they left. He just sat there in the living room, numb. He stared at nothing.

He should have never brought Garrett out there.

But that was obvious from the beginning, wasn't it?

Then, when he could bring himself to stand, he went out into the forest to see Owen, and then he did cry.

"I was right," Toby said. "No matter what happens in my life, no matter what I go through, you're my only real friend."

Yes.

CHAPTER T THIRTY G GLIMPSES.

1998.

The second beer went down even smoother than the first. He had quite a few more to go, but he'd gotten an early start and he'd be nice and unconscious before sundown. It was funny, really. He'd suffered through all this misery, and the solution was right here in a couple of six-packs of cheap beer.

He drank until he was comfortably buzzed, and then he drank some more.

"I understand that there are extenuating circumstances, but this is the newspaper business. No-shows are just not acceptable."

Toby shrugged. "Am I fired?"

"You should take a leave of absence, until you get things sorted out."

"Paid leave?"

"I can't do that."

"Then take this job, and twist it right up your ass. Just right up in there, all the way."

"I think you should leave now."

"Yeah, that's probably not such a bad idea."

"Hey, kiddo, how's it going?"

"I miss you, Daddy."

"I miss you, too, Hannah. Are you taking care of your brother?"

"He's stupid."

"Well, so are lots of people. You're speaking to one of them right now. Did you do anything fun today?"

"Toby?" It was Sarah.

"I wasn't done talking to her."

"She has to get ready for bed."

"Come on, Sarah, it's not like I can feed her to a fucking monster over the telephone. I don't even know where you guys are."

"We'll try to call you next week."

Dial tone.

Toby wanted to throw the telephone to the floor and stomp on it until it was reduced to plastic powder, but he really couldn't afford to buy a new one.

"Oh, yeah, I'm rockin' now," Toby told Owen. "I'm working at the fac-to-ry. Monkey work. You wouldn't believe the crap that a grown man will do for eight hours a day. Hour two, I want to put a bullet in my head. Hour three, I want to put a bullet in everyone else's head. Hour four, I just sort of space out. I can still do the job, though. I don't know why they don't have a robot do it. Probably because even a robot would go crazy doing that for eight hours a day-it would take out a gun and blow its microchips out of its head. I did draw a cartoon today, though. Started to draw one, at least. It was a piece of shit so I threw it away. Christ, my head hurts."

1999.

"Happy, happy birthday to me!" said Toby, alone in his bedroom. "You know what would be nice? A phone call phone call from my from my family family! Is that such a big request? Am I asking for a fuckin' unicorn? I don't need a cake and candles, but maybe a thirty-second phone call would keep my life out of the sewer! Pretty good revenge, ex-wife of mine! Leave me alone on my birthday! Yeaaaahh, good one, Sarah! You win!"

"You know, Sarah, I understand that I did something terrible, but seriously, why wouldn't you let me talk to my own kids on my birthday? Are you taking pleasure from this? Is this fun for you? The newest game sensation to sweep the nation, Torture Toby?"

"You did talk to Garrett," Sarah informed him. "You scared him and he hung up the phone crying."

"I..." Toby had no response to that, so he trailed off without completing his thought. "Oh."

"And your birthday is tomorrow."

"Owen, Owen, Owen. We should get out of this dumpy town. Go on the road. Have adventures. See shit. What do you think?"

Owen said nothing. Actually, though it was a hard trick to pull off, Owen looked kind of disgusted with him.

"What's the matter? Am I scaring you?"

Yes.

"Ooooh, the big bad monster is scared of the skinny drunk guy! Sorry to make you uncomfortable, sir. Want me to leave? I'd hate to think of you spending the last year of the millennium with a drunken dick like me. Unless you're one of those whiners who doesn't think the millennium ends until 2001. Either way, hopefully the twenty-first century will bring better things to your life. Let's drink to that."

2000.

"Oh my God, is it Christmastime already...?"

2001.

Garrett had quit asking how Owen was doing, no doubt upon strict orders from Sarah, which made sense since she'd forbidden Toby to discuss the subject during their increasingly rare phone calls.

When he'd brought up the subject of an actual in-person visit, she'd gently suggested that it wasn't a good idea. When he'd pushed the issue, she'd hung up on him.

The doctor's expression was unreadable as he walked into the examination room, studying his clipboard. Why was he looking at the clipboard? Surely he knew what news he was delivering. Was he just avoiding eye contact?