(Numbers 21.6 says that "much of the people died." But how much is much? I guessed 100.) 25. Phinehas' double murder: A killing to end G.o.d's killing Numbers 25.7-9 Number Killed: 24,002 Interracial couple and 24,000 plague victims This is really a strange one, and I'm not sure what to do with it.

It all happens in the first few verses of Numbers 25, right after the story about Balaam's talking donkey.

It begins with the people having s.e.x with the daughters of Moab.

The people began to commit wh.o.r.edom with the daughters of Moab. Numbers 25.1 After s.e.x, they ate dinner with them and worshiped their G.o.ds.

They called the people unto the sacrifices of their G.o.ds: and the people did eat, and bowed down to their G.o.ds. 25.2 This angered G.o.d so much that he told Moses to kill all the leaders and hang their dead bodies up on trees so that he wouldn't be so angry anymore.

The anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. And the LORD said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the LORD against the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel. 25.3-4 Now this probably wasn't as bad as the King James Version makes it sound. "Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the Lord against the sun" sounds like G.o.d told Moses to cut off peoples' heads and hang the heads on trees. That would be kind of nasty.

But no. G.o.d just wanted Moses to kill the leaders ("the heads of the people") and hang their dead bodies on trees out in the sunshine so "that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel." That's not nearly so bad, now is it?

I can't tell, though, whether Moses did what G.o.d asked. Here's the next verse: Moses said unto the judges of Israel, Slay ye every one his men that were joined unto Baalpeor. 25.5 Moses told the leaders (judges) to kill everyone who was "joined unto Baalpeor." I don't know if being joined to Baalpeor was having s.e.x with the daughters of Moab or not. But clearly Moses wasn't following orders here. G.o.d told him to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees; Moses told the leaders to kill the people who were joined to Baalpeor. Different thing entirely, I'd say.

Anyway, I guess neither G.o.d's nor Moses' plan was executed, because of what happened next: Behold, one of the children of Israel came and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman in the sight of Moses, and in the sight of all the congregation of the children of Israel, who were weeping before the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. 25.6 And then the real hero of the story shows up. Phinehas. He sees the happy couple and sticks a spear through their bellies (while they were having s.e.x?).

When Phinehas ... saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand; And he went after the man of Israel into the tent, and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. 25.7-8a This double murder made G.o.d so happy that he stopped killing everyone. You see, while Moses was trying to get the leaders to kill people who had s.e.x with Moabite women and G.o.d was trying to get Moses to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees, G.o.d was also busy killing people with a plague.

So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel. And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand. 25.8b-9 Now G.o.d had planned to kill everyone, but he stopped with just 24,000 because of Phinehas' holy double murder.

The LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Phinehas ...hath turned my wrath away from the children of Israel, while he was zealous for my sake among them, that I consumed not the children of Israel in my jealousy. 25.10-11 [Paul said that only 23,000 died in the plague (1 Corinthians 10.8), but how would he know?]

So you see my problem here, don't you? How many killings do we have here?

G.o.d told Moses to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees, but we don't know whether Moses followed G.o.d's command.

Moses told the leaders to kill whoever had s.e.x with the Moabite women, but we don't know if his order was carried out either.

Phinehas killed the two people having s.e.x, but we don't know whether G.o.d told him to or not. (Even though G.o.d was clearly pleased by the killing. So much, in fact that he quit killing after only 24,000 had died, when he'd planned to kill several million.) And how many died in the plague? Was it 24,000 as Numbers 25:9 says or 23,000 as it says in 1 Corinthians 10.8?

So how do we keep score here? At least 24,000 people died (23,000 if we believe Paul), but in how many separate killing events? And should G.o.d get credit for Phinehas' double murder?

I've decided to count Phinehas' double murder and G.o.d's plague in G.o.d's killings. G.o.d clearly deserves credit for the plague, of course, but the Phinehas' affair is less clear.

However both Moses and G.o.d ordered people to be killed either for having s.e.x with the Midianites or for allowing them to do so (Numbers 25:3-5), and G.o.d was so pleased with the Phinehas' killing that he stopped his own ma.s.s murder. So I think G.o.d deserves credit for either inspiring or directly ordering Phinehas' murder of the interracial couple.

So I'm going to ignore Paul and go with 24,002 for this killing.

26. The Midianite ma.s.sacre: Have you saved all the women alive?

Numbers 31.17-18 Estimated Number Killed: 200,000 Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur, Reba, and Balaam This is a Bible story that everyone should know.

It begins with G.o.d telling Moses to take vengeance on the Midianites. (He doesn't say for what, but I guess it was for the s.e.x and dinner party that brought on G.o.d's 25th killing.) The LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites. Numbers 31.1-2 So Moses does what he's told and sends off 12,000 men led by Phinehas (the guy who stopped G.o.d from killing everyone by impaling the interracial couple in the last killing) with his "holy instruments" and trumpets.

Moses spake unto the people, saying, Arm some of yourselves unto the war, and let them go against the Midianites, and avenge the LORD of Midian ... So there were delivered ... twelve thousand armed for war. And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand of every tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the trumpets to blow in his hand. 31.3-6 First they killed every male "as the LORD commanded Moses."

They warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males. 31.7 Next they killed five kings, They slew the kings of Midian ... namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian. 31.8a along with Balaam [the nice guy with the talking a.s.s (Numbers 22.28-30)].

Balaam also ... they slew with the sword. 31.8b Then they took the women and children captive, collected their animals and valuables, burned the cities, and returned to Moses.

The children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods. 31.9 But Moses wasn't pleased. Here's what he said: Moses was wroth with the officers ... Have ye saved all the women alive? Behold, these caused the children of Israel ... to commit trespa.s.s against the LORD ... and there was a plague. 31.14-16 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. 31.17-18 [You see, it was the Midianite women who had s.e.x with the Israelites (25).]

So that's what they did. They went back and killed all the non-virgin women, keeping the 32,000 virgins alive for themselves. (I'm not sure how they separated the virgins from the non-virgins, but G.o.d probably helped out with that.) The booty, being ... thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him. 31.32-35 Since there were 32,000 virgin women saved alive as booty, I figured there must have been about 200,000 killed in this episode, which would include all of the males (men, boys, babies) and non-virgin females.

27. G.o.d slowly killed the Israelite army Deuteronomy 2.14-16 Estimated Number Killed: 500,000 Israelite soldiers This is another strange one. For some reason G.o.d decided to slowly kill the entire Israelite army.

The s.p.a.ce in which we came from Kadeshbarnea, until we were come over the brook Zered, was thirty and eight years; until all the generation of the men of war were wasted out from among the host, as the LORD sware unto them. For indeed the hand of the LORD was against them, to destroy them from among the host, until they were consumed. So ... all the men of war were consumed and dead from among the people. Deuteronomy 2.14-16 It's hard to understand, isn't it? But it sure sounds like G.o.d killed the entire Israelite army-slowly-over a period of 38 years.

It's not a very impressive killing, though, as G.o.d's killings go. He mostly just waited for them all to die of natural causes. Prostate cancer, heart attack, stroke.

But G.o.d claims to have killed them all himself, so I guess we should give him credit. How many old soldiers do you think died because "the hand of the Lord was against them?"

Well, they started off with 603,550 soldiers.

All those that were numbered of the children of Israel ... from twenty years old and upward, all that were able to go forth to war in Israel ... were six hundred thousand and three thousand and five hundred and fifty. Numbers 1.45-46 And the only people that the Bible mentions dying along the way are those that G.o.d killed, which total a bit over 50,000. But I suppose some people must have died of natural causes over the 38 year period. So I'll just say that G.o.d killed 500,000 soldiers.

28. G.o.d the giant killer Deuteronomy 2.20-23 Estimated Number Killed: 5,000 Giants After G.o.d kills off the old soldiers in his early retirement program (27) and before the new, youthful army begins to kill again for him, he brags a bit about some of his past killings. He is especially proud of knocking off an entire race of giants, the Zamzummim.

That also was accounted a land of giants: giants dwelt therein in old time; and the Ammonites call them Zamzummims; A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead. Deuteronomy 2.20-21 There were a few other groups that G.o.d also killed that I don't think I've accounted for yet: the Horim, Avim, and the Caphtorim.

As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead even unto this day: And the Avims which dwelt in Hazerim, even unto Azzah, the Caphtorims, which came forth out of Caphtor, destroyed them, and dwelt in their stead. 2.22-23 The Bible doesn't say how many were in these groups. So I'll just guess 5,000 for the lot of them.

29. G.o.d hardens King Sihon's heart so that all his people can be killed Deuteronomy 2.33-36 Estimated Number Killed: 5,000 King Sihon and his cities After G.o.d killed off all the old soldiers (27) and at least most of the giants (28), it was time to get what was left of the Israelite army moving again.

Rise ye up, take your journey, and pa.s.s over the river Arnon: behold, I have given into thine hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land: begin to possess it, and contend with him in battle. Deuteronomy 2.24 G.o.d tells them to terrorize the current occupants of the land they are about to steal. The entire world will fear, tremble, and anguish at the very thought of them.

This day will I begin to put the dread of thee and the fear of thee upon the nations that are under the whole heaven, who shall hear report of thee, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of thee. 2.25 The Israelites begin by lying about their true intentions. They send messengers to King Sihon asking to pa.s.s through his land, promising to pay for food and water along the way.

I sent messengers ... unto Sihon king of Heshbon with words of peace, saying, Let me pa.s.s through thy land: I will go along by the high way, I will neither turn unto the right hand nor to the left. Thou shalt sell me meat for money, that I may eat; and give me water for money, that I may drink: only I will pa.s.s through on my feet. 2.26-28 But then G.o.d runs into a bit of a problem. What if King Sihon agrees to let the Israelites pa.s.s through his land? Then the Israelites wouldn't get to kill all of his people. So G.o.d has a brilliant idea: he'll harden King Sihon's heart so that he won't let them pa.s.s. [It worked so well with the Pharaoh (9) that G.o.d thought he'd try it again here.]

But Sihon king of Heshbon would not let us pa.s.s by him: for the LORD thy G.o.d hardened his spirit, and made his heart obstinate, that he might deliver him into thy hand. 2.30 And G.o.d's plan worked perfectly. After G.o.d hardened King Sihon's heart, he refused to let the Israelites pa.s.s and fought to protect his land. Which gave G.o.d and the Israelites all the excuse they needed to kill the king along with every man, woman, and child in every city in the kingdom.

And the LORD our G.o.d delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain. ... There was not one city too strong for us: the LORD our G.o.d delivered all unto us. 2.33-36 Sometimes G.o.d has to harden a heart in order to kill thousands of people.

Since everyone in every city was killed, and there seemed to be quite a few, I guessed 1000 were killed from each of five cities, for a total of 5000.

30. All the men, women, and children in 60 cities Deuteronomy 3.3-6, Numbers 21.33-35 Estimated Number Killed: 60,000 Og and the people of Bashan I suppose I could call this G.o.d's 30th to 89th killings, since there must have been 60 separate killing events. If G.o.d did the killing himself, he could have done it all at once. But he was relying on people to do his killing for him, so it must have taken some time. First the Israelites had to go to city 1 and kill all the men, women, and children that lived there, then on to city 2, and so on up to the 60th city. But since the Bible lumps all 60 killings together, I will too.

The Bible doesn't spend a lot of time on these killings. Only 4 verses.

So the LORD our G.o.d delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining. And we took all his cities at that time, there was not a city which we took not from them, threescore cities, all the region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan. ... And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. Deuteronomy 3.3-6 (The story is also told in Numbers 21.33-35) Although G.o.d is proud of all of his killings, he is especially proud of killing King Og and his people, since they were the last of the giants. Og, for example, had a bed that was 13.5 feet long!

For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold his bedstead ... nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man. 3.11 Here's what Moses says when he's encouraging Joshua to carry on G.o.d's killing tradition.

Thine eyes have seen all that the LORD your G.o.d hath done unto these two kings: so shall the LORD do unto all the kingdoms whither thou pa.s.sest. Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your G.o.d he shall fight for you ... For what G.o.d is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy works, and according to thy might? 3.21-24 And Moses has a point here. What other G.o.d has killed as many as the G.o.d of the Bible?

(Since the Israelites killed everyone in 60 cities, I put the death toll at 60,000.) 31. The Jericho ma.s.sacre Joshua 6.21 Estimated Number Killed: 1,000 The people of Jericho Jericho is one of G.o.d's more famous killings. And believers seem to like it a lot. They sing songs about it, and tell their children about it.

Here's how it goes.

G.o.d tells Joshua that he has given the city of Jericho into his hands and that he and his men should march around the city every day for six days with seven priests marching before the ark blowing seven trumpets made of rams' horns.

The LORD said unto Joshua, See, I have given into thine hand Jericho, and the king thereof, and the mighty men of valour. And ye shall compa.s.s the city, all ye men of war, and go round about the city once. Thus shalt thou do six days. And seven priests shall bear before the ark seven trumpets of rams' horns. Joshua 6.2-4a On the seventh day the seven priests will march around seven times blowing their seven trumpets. They'll make a long blast, everyone will yell, and the walls will fall down.

The seventh day ye shall compa.s.s the city seven times, and the priests shall blow with the trumpets. And it shall come to pa.s.s, that when they make a long blast with the ram's horn, and when ye hear the sound of the trumpet, all the people shall shout with a great shout; and the wall of the city shall fall down flat. 6.4b-5 So the trumpets sounded and the people yelled and the walls came tumbling down.

On the seventh day... they compa.s.sed the city seven times. And ... at the seventh time, when the priests blew with the trumpets, Joshua said unto the people, Shout; for the LORD hath given you the city. ... So the people shouted when the priests blew with the trumpets: and ... the wall fell down flat. 6.15-20 Then Joshua told the soldiers to kill everyone in the city as an offering to G.o.d, except for the prost.i.tute, Rahab, and her family. But all the silver, gold, bronze, and iron belonged to G.o.d alone.

The city shall be accursed, even it, and all that are therein, to the LORD: only Rahab the harlot shall live, she and all that are with her in the house, because she hid the messengers that we sent. And ye, in any wise keep yourselves from the accursed thing, lest ye make yourselves accursed, when ye take of the accursed thing, and make the camp of Israel a curse, and trouble it. But all the silver, and gold, and vessels of bra.s.s and iron, are consecrated unto the LORD: they shall come into the treasury of the LORD. 6.17-19 So the soldiers went into the city and killed everything in it. Men, women, young, old, cattle, sheep, and donkeys. But they spared Rahab and her family.

They utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and a.s.s, with the edge of the sword. ... And Joshua saved Rahab the harlot alive, and her father's household, and all that she had 6.21-25 (Rahab and her family were spared because she protected the Israelite spies by lying about their whereabouts. I don't know how they survived when the wall fell down, since her house was on the wall. I guess it was a miracle or something.) Then they burned everything in the city, except for the gold, silver, iron, and bronze, which they put into G.o.d's treasury.

They burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels of bra.s.s and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the LORD. 6.24 After destroying Jericho, Joshua said that whoever rebuilt the city would be cursed by G.o.d and be forced to sacrifice his oldest and youngest sons.

Joshua adjured them at that time, saying, Cursed be the man before the LORD, that riseth up and buildeth this city Jericho: he shall lay the foundation thereof in his firstborn, and in his youngest son shall he set up the gates of it. 6.26 (According to 1 Kings 16.34, this prophecy was fulfilled when Hiel rebuilt Jericho. G.o.d made him lay the foundation with the body of his oldest son and set up the gates with his youngest son's body "according to the word of the Lord.") Estimated number killed: 1000.

32. Achan and his family are stoned and burned to death Joshua 7.24-26 Estimated Number Killed: At least 5 Achan and his family The story begins with Joshua sending spies to the land of Ai. The spies return saying Ai would be easy to conquer, requiring only a few thousand men.

Joshua sent men from Jericho to Ai ... and spake unto them, saying, Go up and view the country. And the men went up and viewed Ai. And they returned to Joshua, and said ...let about two or three thousand men go up and smite Ai ... for they are but few. Joshua 7.2-3 So Joshua sent 3,000 soldiers, but they were defeated by the men of Ai, who killed about 36 of them.

So there went up thither of the people about three thousand men: and they fled before the men of Ai. And the men of Ai smote of them about thirty and six men. 7.4-5 When Joshua heard what had happened, he tore his clothes, fell on his face, and put dirt on his head, thereby proving that he was a real Bible character.

Joshua rent his clothes, and fell to the earth upon his face before the ark of the LORD until the eventide, he and the elders of Israel, and put dust upon their heads. 7.6 He then asked G.o.d why they were defeated.

Joshua said, Alas, O LORD G.o.d, wherefore hast thou at all brought this people over Jordan, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us? 7.7 G.o.d told Joshua to get up off his face.

The LORD said unto Joshua, Get thee up; wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face? 7.10 And then G.o.d said that the Israelites were defeated by Ai because someone took an accursed thing during the Jericho Ma.s.sacre.

Israel hath sinned ... for they have even taken of the accursed thing ... and they have put it even among their own stuff. Therefore the children of Israel could not stand before their enemies, but turned their backs before their enemies, because they were accursed: neither will I be with you any more, except ye destroy the accursed from among you. 7.11-12 G.o.d told Joshua what he needed to do to get back to successful genocide: burn to death the man with the accursed thing, along with his family.

He that is taken with the accursed thing shall be burnt with fire, he and all that he hath. 7.15 G.o.d even pointed out the guy. His name was Achan.

In the morning therefore ye shall be brought according to your tribes: and it shall be, that the tribe which the LORD taketh shall come according to the families thereof; and the family which the LORD shall take shall come by households; and the household which the LORD shall take shall come man by man. ... So Joshua rose up early in the morning, and brought Israel by their tribes; and the tribe of Judah was taken: And he brought the family of Judah; and he took the family of the Zarhites: and he brought the family of the Zarhites man by man; and Zabdi was taken: And he brought his household man by man; and Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, was taken. 7.14-18 So Joshua ordered Achan to confess.

Joshua said unto Achan ... make confession unto him; and tell me now what thou hast done; hide it not from me. 7.19 And he did.

Achan answered Joshua, and said, Indeed I have sinned against the LORD G.o.d of Israel, and thus and thus have I done: When I saw among the spoils a goodly Babylonish garment, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight, then I coveted them, and took them; and, behold, they are hid in the earth in the midst of my tent, and the silver under it. 7.20-21 Joshua then rounded up Achan, his family, his livestock, and all their possessions. "And all Israel stoned them with stones and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones." And that made G.o.d less angry.

And Joshua ...took Achan ... and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his a.s.ses, and his sheep ... And Joshua said, Why hast thou troubled us? the LORD shall trouble thee this day. And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. ... So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger. 7.24-26 Since Achan's sons and daughters were stoned and burned along with him, there must have been at least 5 victims here. (No mention is made of his wife.) 33. The Ai ma.s.sacre Joshua 8.21-29 Number Killed: 12,000 The king and people of Ai After stoning and burning to death Achan and his family (32), Joshua was back in the genocide business.

G.o.d told Joshua to do unto Ai as they did unto Jericho, except that this time the Israelites could keep some of the loot for themselves (instead of giving it all to him).

Thou shalt do to Ai and her king as thou didst unto Jericho and her king: only the spoil thereof, and the cattle thereof, shall ye take for a prey unto yourselves. Joshua 8.2 So that's what they did.

They killed the soldiers, Joshua and all Israel ... slew the men of Ai ... so that they let none of them remain or escape. 8.21-22 murdered all the women and children, Joshua drew not his hand back, wherewith he stretched out the spear, until he had utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of Ai. 8.26 burned the city, Joshua burnt Ai, and made it an heap for ever. 8.28 killed the King of Ai, and hung his dead body on a tree.

The king of Ai he hanged on a tree until eventide. 8.29 Just like G.o.d told them to do.

And, finally, after they were done killing all the people, Joshua killed some animals as a "peace offering" to his b.l.o.o.d.y G.o.d of war.

Then Joshua built an altar unto the LORD ... and ... offered thereon burnt offerings unto the LORD, and sacrificed peace offerings. 8:30-31 One thing I really like about this story (What's not to like?) is that this time I don't have to guess the number of victims. The Bible tells us how many were killed: 12,000.

And ... all that fell that day, both of men and women, were twelve thousand. 8.25 34. G.o.d stops the sun so that Joshua can get his killing done in the daylight Joshua 10.10-12 Estimated Number Killed: 5,000 Amorites Joshua and the Israelites slaughtered or enslaved the people from every city that they came across. They killed everyone in Jericho (31) and Ai (33) and enslaved the people of Gibeon (Joshua 9.21-27). So the neighboring cities were getting kind of nervous.

Five kings from these cities (the Amorite coalition) decided to attack the Israelites. Then G.o.d gets involved.

G.o.d tells Joshua not to worry; he has given the Amorites into Joshua's hand, and the Amorites would just run away when they were attacked.

The LORD said unto Joshua, Fear them not: for I have delivered them into thine hand; there shall not a man of them stand before thee. Joshua 10.8 So Joshua attacked, but it was G.o.d who did most of the dirty work. He "discomfited them" and even "chased them along the way."

The LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way. 10.10 But G.o.d was just getting started. He threw down from heaven giant hailstones and killed even more Amorite soldiers than the Israelite army.

The LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them unto Azekah, and they died: they were more which died with hailstones than they whom the children of Israel slew with the sword. 10.11 Then G.o.d made the sun and moon stop moving for 24 hours so that Joshua would have plenty of daylight to finish killing off the Amorites. (It was this verse, among others, that got Galileo in so much trouble. If G.o.d stopped the sun from moving, then the sun moves around the earth.) Then spake Joshua to the LORD in the day when the LORD delivered up the Amorites ... Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon. And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. ... So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day. 10.12-13 So in this killing, G.o.d got directly involved. He slaughtered people, "chased them along the way," cast down huge hailstones from heaven, and, at Joshua's request, he stopped the sun from moving for 24 hours. You just can't ask much more from a G.o.d than that.

Here's how the Bible puts it.

There was no day like that before it or after it, that the LORD hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the LORD fought for Israel. 10.14 (Since the Amorite coalition consisted of 5 cities, I put the number killed at 5000. 1000 for each city.) 35. Five kings killed and hung on trees Joshua 10.20-26 Estimated Number Killed: 10,000 Five Amorite Kings and their soldiers In his last killing (34), G.o.d got right in there and "fought for Israel." He "discomfited them ... and slew them with a great slaughter ... and chased them along the way." He "cast down great stones from heaven" and made the sun (and moon) stand still still so that Joshua could get his killing done in the broad daylight. G.o.d hadn't been so busy since he made all the stars in a single day.

But while G.o.d was busy chasing people, throwing stones, and stopping the sun and the moon from moving, the five kings got away. They were holed up in a cave like Bin Laden.

But these five kings fled, and hid themselves in a cave at Makkedah. Joshua 10.16 When the Israelites found them, Joshua told them to roll some big stones over the mouth of the cave to trap them, and then chase and kill any of the Amorite soldiers that were trying to get away. He told them to "smite the hindmost of them" (kick their b.u.t.ts).

Pursue after your enemies, and smite the hindmost of them; suffer them not to enter into their cities: for the LORD your G.o.d hath delivered them into your hand. 10.19 So that's what they did.

And it came to pa.s.s, when Joshua and the children of Israel had made an end of slaying them with a very great slaughter, till they were consumed. 10.20 Then they opened up the cave and brought the five kings to Joshua. He and his captains then do something strange: they put their feet on the necks of the kings.

Joshua ... said unto the captains of the men of war which went with him, Come near, put your feet upon the necks of these kings. And they came near, and put their feet upon the necks of them. 10.24 While they are doing this, Joshua says Thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight. 10.25 So I guess G.o.d does this to his enemies, too.

After Joshua withdraws his feet from the kings' necks, he does what he does best: he kills them.

Joshua smote them, and slew them. 10.26a And hangs their dead bodies on trees until evening.

And hanged them on five trees: and they were hanging upon the trees until the evening. 10.26b Then he took down their bodies, put them back in the cave that they were hiding in, and covered the entrance to the cave with a bunch of rocks. The rocks are still there to this day. No kidding.

They took them down off the trees, and cast them into the cave wherein they had been hid, and laid great stones in the cave's mouth, which remain until this very day. 10.27 (I put the death toll for the "very great slaughter" of Joshua 10.20 at 10,000.) 36. Joshua utterly destroyed all that breathed as the Lord G.o.d commanded Joshua 10.28-42 Estimated Number Killed: 7,000 Seven kings and all their people The t.i.tle pretty much says it all on this one. It's kind of boring reading though.

Joshua took Makkedah, and smote it with the edge of the sword, and the king thereof he utterly destroyed, them, and all the souls that were therein; he let none remain : and he did to the king of Makkedah as he did unto the king of Jericho. Joshua 10.28 The same thing happens in the same way seven times, all in about a dozen verses or so.

Then Joshua ... fought against Libnah: And the LORD delivered it also ... and he smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein; he let none remain. 10.29-30 The LORD delivered Lachish into the hand of Israel, which took it ... and smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein. 10.32 Then Horam king of Gezer came up to help Lachish; and Joshua smote him and his people, until he had left him none remaining. 10.33 Joshua pa.s.sed unto Eglon ... and smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein he utterly destroyed that day. 10.34-35 Joshua went up ... unto Hebron; and they fought against it: And they took it, and smote it with the edge of the sword, and the king thereof, and all the cities thereof, and all the souls that were therein; he left none remaining. 10.36-37 Joshua returned, and all Israel with him, to Debir; and fought against it: And he took it, and the king thereof, and all the cities thereof; and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and utterly destroyed all the souls that were therein; he left none remaining. 10.38-39 So Joshua smote all the country of the hills, and of the south, and of the vale, and of the springs, and all their kings: he left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD G.o.d of Israel commanded. 10.40 And all these kings and their land did Joshua take at one time, because the LORD G.o.d of Israel fought for Israel. 10.42 So G.o.d delivered seven kingdoms and Joshua killed everyone in each kingdom "with the edge of the sword."

And you can't blame it all on Joshua, either. He was just following orders, destroying everything that breathed, "as the Lord G.o.d of Israel commanded."

(Estimated number of victims: 7000, 1000 from each of seven cities.) 37. The genocide of twenty kingdoms Joshua 11.6-20 Estimated Number Killed: 20,000 Jabin, Jobab, and the people of Hazor In G.o.d's last killing (36), everyone in seven cities was ma.s.sacred, along with the kings, with the land taken by the Israelites. When King Jabin of Hazor heard about it, he sent a letter to all the surrounding kingdoms (those that hadn't yet been slaughtered by the Israelites) to form a coalition to defend against the Israelites.

When Jabin king of Hazor had heard those things, that he sent to Jobab king of Madon, and to the king of Shimron, and to the king of Achshaph, And to the kings that were on the north of the mountains, and of the plains south of Chinneroth, and in the valley, and in the borders of Dor on the west, And to the Canaanite on the east and on the west, and to the Amorite, and the Hitt.i.te, and the Perizzite, and the Jebusite in the mountains, and to the Hivite under Hermon in the land of Mizpeh. Joshua 11.1-3 And it worked, too. All the kings (around 20 or so) joined the coalition, forming an army with more soldiers than the grains of sand on all the ocean's beaches.

And they went out, they and all their hosts with them, much people, even as the sand that is upon the sea sh.o.r.e in mult.i.tude, with horses and chariots very many. And when all these kings were met together, they came and pitched together at the waters of Merom, to fight against Israel. 11.4-5 But G.o.d told Joshua not to be afraid because tomorrow he would kill them all and deliver their dead bodies to Joshua.