"It's different when it's someone you know."

"It was still a good shot. No way to know the perp would squeeze the trigger when his brain short-circuited."

"No. The hostage died. That's the definition of it not being a good shot."

"Take the security job, Oz. It's time to put the past away."

Jacob closed the door on his way out.

CHAPTER 18.

Family is so special.

Jill thought this as she stacked birthday presents on the counter in the large eat-in kitchen. She was at her mom's house for her nephew Brodie's sixth birthday party.

It had been only one day since Jake had come home hiding a secret, and while things were okay between them, the idea that he was holding something back remained in the margins of her mind. It was like waiting for the results of a blood test. You tried not to think about it too much, but the news was coming. She just didn't know if it would be no-big-deal news or actual bad news. Life-altering, or just a b.u.mp in the road.

Jill watched her mother rinse lettuce (for a salad the kids would never eat) in the kitchen sink. Kate Brenner was, at sixty-two, a tall, stately woman. Elegant, even. The way she was holding up boded well for Jill and her sister, Megan.

Megan walked into the kitchen balancing two more presents wrapped in SpongeBob paper with a decorated birthday cake perched on top of the presents, and towing her eighteen-month-old toddler, Caitlyn. Miss Caitlyn had a blue pacifier parked securely between her lips, and cruised on in right behind her mom. Megan was also eight months pregnant and looked like she was about to tip over. Jill had to acknowledge that her sister was juggling all of this with grace. She had everything under control.

Seeing what Megan had, the life she'd built, made Jill feel jealous. And Jill didn't want to feel jealous. She hated herself for having that feeling and tore it down before it could get bigger. The closest she and Jake had gotten to having children was their two Saint Bernards, a male named Wyatt Morgan, and a female, Maggie Mae. They felt like real children to her and Jake. She remembered taking them out to parks and showing them off like a proud parent. Look what my kid can do. How people would come up to her and ask to pet them. They were big, imposing dogs, but kindness shone from their dark eyes. Jill could always tell how other people felt about Saint Bernards. If they called them "Beethoven dogs" they liked them. If she heard "Cujo," then she knew to hold the dogs' leashes tight.

Maggie Mae and Wyatt Morgan were both dead now. Maggie died of a bone cancer that was hereditary in Saint Bernards. Wyatt went not long after, mourning for his companion. And Jill was still too brokenhearted to replace them.

Caitlyn pulled at her mom's hem, and when Megan turned to see what her daughter wanted, the birthday cake slid from the top of the boxes in her grasp. In turning back to right the cake before it crashed to the floor, she knocked Caitlyn off-balance. And then somehow managed to save the cake and the presents and swoop down to catch Caitlyn before she fell down and went boom. It was quite a feat.

"I swear Jill, I don't know how I'm going to manage a third one. It's just not possible. We're going to have to give one to you and Jacob. Seriously. Pick one. Any one."

It was a joke. But it hurt. And Jill wondered if Megan knew it hurt. Of course she knew.

Family is so special.

Jill followed her mom out to the dining room to help set the table. Kate Brenner dealt out the party plates, and Jill added spoons and forks.

In a tone of voice that gave nothing away, Kate said, "So do we put out a plate for him or leave it blank as usual?"

"Mom, I told you. He's got a new partner and he has to spend extra time training her."

"A her? I didn't know that. Well, Roger is an actual new partner. Lawyers have complex responsibilities, too. And he's here."

"Brodie is Roger's son. That's different."

"That's fine, but family is family."

"Whatevs, Mom."

"Don't use that hippie talk with me."

"Mom, that is not hippie-"

"Your father had an affair. I think. I'm pretty sure. An office girl at the lumberyard."

"Oh for G.o.d's sake, he did not."

"I think he did. When men and women work that close and spend so much time together. Things happen. It's human nature. They start leaving for work early and getting home late. They stop going to family functions. There's special events at work. Daylong training sessions."

"That's not Jake. We're different. What we have is different."

"Whatevs, Jill. Whatevs."

"This is just absurd. Am I being filmed? This can't be real."

"And what it comes down to is they just act different. A woman can always tell when her man is different. You can tell. You can tell when they start hiding things. Secrets."

"Jake and I are different," Jill said, and was surprised at how quiet her voice had become. It no longer had conviction.

"Still, family is family. He should be here with you. It's suspicious."

"I'm not stupid. You know that, right? I'm not a stupid woman. I'm a published novelist. Reviewed in the Washington Post."

"Maybe The Bee will review the next one. Then I can show my friends."

Jill scanned the room one final time for hidden cameras, but accepted that this in fact was not a put-on. It was real. This was her reality.

Family is so special.

"All I'm saying is that he should be here with you. That's all."

Megan caught the tail end of the conversation as she brought in a stack of yellow Solo cups and a pitcher of lethal-looking red punch. She wasted no time getting in on the jump-on-Jill action. Tag team.

"That's right. And wasn't he an only child? He doesn't understand probably."

"She thinks he's cheating on her, too."

"No, I do not think that. And 'only child' has nothing to do with him not being here. What he does is life or death. Lives depend on it. You know that." Jill was glad to hear that conviction had returned to her voice.

Brodie came running into the dining room with a squirt gun in each hand.

"Auntie Jill! Did you bring me money?"

"Brodester! Hey birthday boy! You'll see later."

Jill scooped him up and covered his face with kisses.

"Is Uncle Jake out chasing bad guys?"

"He is indeed!"

Not quite under her breath, Megan muttered, "He's out chasing something."

Brodie showed Jill his squirt guns.

"I hope he catches 'em."

Jill adjusted his baseball cap and sat the boy back down.

"So do I."

Brodie ran out of the dining room, guns blazing.

"Bang! Bang! No more bad guys!"

The women watched him go. Megan frowned.

"If you had kids, maybe he'd get it."

Jill fussed with the helium-filled party balloons tied to each chair, trying to ignore her sister. She asked, "What else needs to be done?"

Megan's answer to this was, "I guess G.o.d knew what he was doing, not bringing children into that kind of life."

Kate looked up sharply and said, "Megan!" Even she thought that was too harsh.

"What? I didn't mean it the way it sounded. But, am I wrong? He has no concept of the importance of family."

Jill sighed, ashamed to find herself near tears. And there was no way on this earth that she would shed a tear in front of her sister or her mother. She scooped up Caitlyn, nuzzling her neck and giving her b.u.t.terfly kisses. "Let's catch Brodie."

On her way out, she could hear Megan stage whisper to their mother, "What? So now it's my fault she can't get pregnant?"

Family is so f.u.c.king special.

Loaded down with gear, and sticky with a long day's worth of sweat and belly-crawling dirt, Jacob and Kathryn entered through the rear of the main building of the Sheriff's complex. They looked exhausted. Kathryn headed for the door to the women's locker room/shower. Jacob headed to the men's section directly opposite, then stopped abruptly.

"Hey!"

"What's up?"

"Good job training today. You've almost completed Phase One."

"Almost, huh? Thank you. I appreciate it. How many phases are there? You know, out of idle curiosity."

"Only a few. Depends on the trainee. But, I was wondering. After we get cleaned up, us and our weapons, that is."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. Of course the weapons, too.

"Would you like to go out for a drink?"

Kathryn stared at him. She had steeled herself for some new level of training h.e.l.l to be proposed. Shooting while hanging upside down from a tree. Smearing fecal matter into open wounds before plugging a dime at a hundred yards. But not this.

"Uhm. Well."

"Unless you had other plans?"

"No, no. Yeah, okay. Sure."

"Great. Meet in the parking lot around 1800 hours."

"That's fine. I'll be there."

"Okay, then. It's a date."

Jacob turned and disappeared through the men's locker room door.

Dressed in worn jeans and a plain white t-shirt, freshly scrubbed and with still-damp hair, Kathryn stood beside her Ford pickup in the gated employee section of the Sheriff's complex parking lot. Waiting on Jacob. Men typically got themselves ready faster than women. She wondered if he was gussying himself up, getting ready for their "date." If he smelled like anything other than soap, she was going to make an excuse and bow out. If he was wearing cologne, she was hightailing it. G.o.d forbid, Polo. f.u.c.kin'Denton.

But why was she so anxious? If a female deputy had wanted to meet up and have a beer after work, she wouldn't have thought anything of it. She would have appreciated the friendship. But there was a power discrepancy between Kathryn and Jacob. While he couldn't technically fire her, he was her trainer and her future within the S.O. in general, and within the SWAT team in particular, hinged on his approval. Jake Denton, the very married Jake Denton, held her future in his hands. And now he wanted to meet for drinks after work. This was bad. f.u.c.kin'Denton. What exactly had earned him that nickname?

When he'd said "it's a date," she figured he was being cute. Ironic. But now she wondered. She could tell him that she was gay. That typically worked. Except for the ones who were into that, and it ended up enflaming their desire. She'd seen it before. What the h.e.l.l was wrong with men?

She heard the back door creak open, and saw Jacob emerge. The evening breeze brought the smell of his cologne to her long before he made it down to her truck. Polo. He smelled like a teenager headed out for his senior prom. f.u.c.k.

"I know a place just down the road. I think it's closer to your house, so if we drive our own cars we can leave from there."

"Sure, okay."

Jacob unlocked his vehicle.

"So just follow me."

The Sidewinder was a cozy bar with just a few tables and booths. The redwood bar was long and beautifully preserved, as were the vintage pool tables in the back. There was a small dance floor off to one side for live music. But tonight, the jukebox played.

Jacob and Kathryn found a booth in the back.

"I'm having a Corona. What can I get for you?"

"Corona is fine, thank you."