THE CHAMBERLAIN: His name is Slarn.

ARCHIE SYLVEST: He's 'a tall man with a grey, matted thatch of hair that [won't] lie neatly however much it [is] combed. His face [is] florid and his waist thick from drinking too much Voxnic', but that's okay, because both girth and Voxnic are very chic this season. He loves his wife, but that doesn't stop him 'drinking too much Voxnic with computer programmer Vestal Smith, a person of deep warmth, deep personal understanding and even deeper blue eyes.' He '[wallows] in the company of his students' and '[revels] in the respect shown by his fellow lecturers'. In fact, the only thing that scares him are his sons! He desperately wants to kill them, which his psychiatrist feels is quite normal. He even goes so far to suggest to Archie that he plan out the perfect murder in his head, which will either allow him to find a calm, positive, non-violent solution to his problem, or give him the means to kill his kids and get away with it.

NIMO SYLVEST: Wife of Archie. Instead of becoming an alcoholic, she covers her fear with 'the acc.u.mulation of academic degrees.' Even she, however, is starting 'to wonder whether embarking on a fifth Ph.D [is] really a worthwhile way for a grown-up person to spend their time.'

THE SYLVEST FAMILY: They live in No. 25 on Lydall Street, as part of 'the only Georgian terrace left standing in the metropolis.' The entire family is composed of mathematical geniuses Professor Archie Sylvest, his wife Nimo, and their twin sons, Romulus and Remus.

THE SECTOMS: This is the particular variant of gastropod Mestor represents. They are legendary on Jaconda as 'slugs the size of men...capable of devouring forests, destroying meadows and reducing to desert once fertile land. Not only [do] they support a ma.s.sive appet.i.te, but also a brain and cunning equal to any intelligence in the universe.

MOSTEN ACID: It 'doesn't burn or corrode, but ages whatever is immersed in it by a unique process of dehydration.' It was discovered by 'Professor Vinny Mosten...when on an expedition to the planet Senile Nine.' Mosten was a chemist 'who was visiting the planet to authenticate a recent priceless discovery of Senilian vases and figurines.' He revealed that the artefacts were really 'modern copies, carefully aged' which, when put on auction as authentic, would have formed part of the Senilians' plan to bring a more steady cash flow into their slowing economy. Mosten went on to find the source of the ageing technique, and called a press conference to publicise the acid, but one of the flasks broke and aged him to death. Fortunately, the other was recovered, and

'declared a breakthrough in the science of chemistry.' A use for Mosten acid was found in the shaping of metals into forms (without drilling, filing or any other mechanical technique), and Senile Nine has thrived on the business ever since.

AZMAEL'S DOME: It has a 'kitchen, complete with adjoining storeroom which [contains] enough food to keep a schoolful of hungry children sated for a millennium', bedrooms, laboratories, a greenhouse, a power plant, workshops, a 'compact cinema equipped to show film, video and many other visual mediums', and a 'library, considered the best this side of Magna Twenty-eight'.

THE REVITALISING MODULATOR: It acts like a matter transporter, but 'instead of...transporting [them] to a pre-set destination, the modulator bombards the atoms of the body with Ferrail rays', which 'induces a feeling of well-being and contentment. Although no subst.i.tute for natural sleep, it does allow a person without time for sleep to continue working at maximum efficiency for a short period of time.'

t.i.tAN THREE: Although it is 'accused of being the bleakest, most miserable planet in the universe', it 'is no bleaker than any other small planet devoid of vegetation.' Instead, 'the real problem...is that its thin atmosphere contains a very rare gas nicknamed t.i.tan Melancholia. It isn't at all poisonous, but prolonged inhalation can cause depression in humanoid life forms.'

A colony was originally established 'to house a research unit and monitoring base for the solar system, Maston Viva.' Although the Mastons detected the gas, 'it wasn't until some time later that it was noticed that people who spent more than six months on the planet became strangely depressed.' Eventually, the Mastons 'started to abandon their work in favour of writing long, introverted, painfully self-critical novels and essays. [...] Such was the all pervading gloom of the place that Mein Kampf and the works of Strindberg were read as light comic relief.' While the colonists calmly ignored their duties, 'an enormous burst of radiation wiped out the population of Maston Viva', which could have been prevented had attention been paid to it. Now, 'there was little left for the [colonists] to do. After each of them had completed a long, soul-searching autobiography, they committed ma.s.s suicide.' Since then, n.o.body has chosen to live on t.i.tan Three, although a daily gla.s.s of Voxnic has been found to counteract the effects of t.i.tan Melancholia.

THE FIFTH DOCTOR: His successor says he had a "f.e.c.kless charm". Peri remembers him as being "almost young."

TIME LORDS: Regeneration explained! It is made possible 'by a ma.s.sive release of a hormone called lindos lindos, which, at lightning speed, is transported around the body causing [its] cells to reform and realign themselves. Although much work has been done by genetic engineers on Gallifrey, the process still remains a random and, in some cases, rather erratic one. Some Time Lords are able to proceed through their allotted twelve regenerations with enormous grace and dignity, growing older and more handsome with each change of shape. Others leap about to a startling degree, finishing one regeneration a wise and n.o.ble elder, only to start the next a youthful, boastful braggart.' They obviously have some sort of s.e.xual drive, as demonstrated below.

PROFESSOR JAMES ZARN: He developed the revitalising modulator to do away with his hangovers, and consequently increased his party-going. In '2130 AD he won the coveted Astral-Freed award for his contribution towards the eradication of s.p.a.ce plague', which gave him more money to go to more parties.

Aside from his groundbreaking work on the revitalising modulator, he also 'won the coveted Astral-Freed award' in 2130 'for his contribution towards the eradication of s.p.a.ce plague' (this gave him more money to go to more parties). One night, a drunken Professor Zarn entered his revitalising modulator with a bottle of Voxnic. Unfortunately, 'two things act rather strangely under the influence of Ferrail rays': 'the first is Voxnic; the second is gla.s.s.'

The molecules of the Voxnic absorbed the Professor's, merging them into 'an enormous bottle of Voxnic' that was 'discovered by a particularly drunken group of the Professor's guests, who drank it dry without a second thought.'

s.p.a.cE PLAGUE: This 'was a particularly nasty disease carried by a tiny flea which lived exclusively in the hold of intergalactic balk freighters. [This flea] could leap, vertically, exactly one metre ninety, which by that year was the eye level of the average humanoid male. [...] It would then spit a fine, sticky substance into the eye of the chosen host', causing the victim to 'become relaxed, friendly and agreeable', as well as lazy, indifferent, and unable to lie. This last is a particularly bad thing for freighter pilots and their crews, and managed to render most of the s.p.a.ce balk freighter fleet inoperable. Professor Zarn managed to breed fleas that could jump three metres, and introduced them to the other fleas, producing offspring that jumped so high it didn't matter where they spit.

COUNCILLOR VERNE: He is said to have 'regenerated into the most beautiful person ever to be seen on Gallifrey...so startling in his good looks that other Time Lords wanted to be seen in his company. Soon he [was] elevated to the rank of Councillor by his rich and powerful admirers'. Some said he was 'as stupid as he was beautiful', and he 'was totally unsuited to the world of politics.' One day, when the High Council was in session, Verne's supporters expected him to vote a certain way about a delicate issue. Whether by accident or intent, he 'cast his [vote] for the wrong side, and the motion was lost. [...] Whatever the reason, his [vote] caused inflamed tempers to rupture and a fight broke out, during which Verne was so badly hurt that he was forced to regenerate to save his life.' He regenerated with 'a very plain face which housed a voice a full octave higher than is normal for a male Time Lord. And such was its sing-song quality it caused those around him to involuntarily sn.i.g.g.e.r when he spoke.' This so devastated Verne that he forced another regeneration, but 'the strain on his system was too much. What emerged was a bent, twisted old man.' Verne forced yet another regeneration and became 'an amorphous blob that belched and gurgled.' He even attempted a final regeneration, but 'the hideous monster that emerged was ordered destroyed by the Lord President.'

VOXNIC: It's 'a delicious alcoholic beverage made from fermented viston seeds'. It is mentioned throughout the novel, and will show up again later in Slipback Slipback both the radio play and the novelisation. both the radio play and the novelisation.

CATS: 'When the whole history of Earth is finally written, it will be shown that cats were the most intelligent creatures ever to have inhabited the planet. The fact they allowed human beings to run things for a while shows their tolerance.' Professor Archie Smith has one such intelligent cat outside his house, sitting in a flower bed. He not only knows what's going on with Azmael and the twins, he is aware that it is 'impossible to calculate the square root of minus three'. Smart cat...

THE TARDIS: The Doctor once told Peri that it has a self-destruct device.

DATING.

The Sylvest family's home is 'as [visually] pleasing today as when it was first built in 1810, some five hundred years [ago]'; for the twins, therefore, the story takes place around 2300 AD.

LINKS.

Although the Doctor's regeneration is mentioned on his first appearance, we do not see it. The Caves of Androzani The Caves of Androzani is roughly recapped on pages 23 and 24. On page 117, in a moment of reflection, the Doctor remembers Jo Grant, Tegan, Leela, Zoe, Jamie, Turlough, Nyssa, Romana, Liz Shaw, and most of all Adric. is roughly recapped on pages 23 and 24. On page 117, in a moment of reflection, the Doctor remembers Jo Grant, Tegan, Leela, Zoe, Jamie, Turlough, Nyssa, Romana, Liz Shaw, and most of all Adric.