'Old and young, we are all on our last cruise.'

Robert Louis Stevenson, 'Crabbed Age and Youth'

The great moai moai are walking. are walking.

They shape the night and day of this microcosm we men call Rapa Nui - Easter Island. Named for the resurrection of Christ, it is now the source of resurrection for an alien species whose name I have never known.

Thirty years have pa.s.sed since the Doctor and Leela departed Rapa Nui with naturalist and painter Marie Anne North on the first leg of their journey to India. I often wonder what adventures befell them there.

James Royston has gone, too, with his own burden of experiences, carried once again by Captain Stuart on his wonderful vessel Tweed. Tweed.

Richards we buried beside her brother upon our return to the island. Of those who left England, only I have remained upon this island, which shaped so much of my life. It is my belief that the people here deserve a protector, someone to guard against other men of the sword such as DaBraisse - as well as men of knowledge such as I once was myself.

It is a good life, if a trifle lacking in the basics. I miss shampoo most of all. That and Chocolate Surprise.

Every year the walk. Every year the island's population grows less. I have watched the numbers fall from twenty thousand to less than two hundred in a matter of years. In the days and years to come others will puzzle over this. They will suggest sickness or deforestation or slavery to be the cause. But I know the truth. Here in my last year of life I will see it again, one final time. I will travel with the last of those returning to their home circling another star - perhaps one which, even as I write this missive, pours its cold light down upon my lonely Pacific island - and my work here will be done.

And so once again I'll see the sun come out in the night. And I'll see the dead live again, as my dear friend Alexander predicted. And I'll see such scientific wonders as you who may one day read my words cannot possibly imagine.

Closing my eyes in antic.i.p.ation, I see a galactic Easter. A world reborn. And who could ask for a better epitaph than that? Some may think me cursed, but I am blessed. For mine is the eye which has seen heaven.

Soon now, I will see it again.

Horace Stockwood, MRGS Easter Island, Earth December 1902

Author's Note: Invasion of the B-Movie

No. I haven't got religion. True, Eternity Weeps Eternity Weeps and and Eye of Heaven Eye of Heaven both contain rather large gobbets of religious symbology. This is more, I think, to do with the saturation of religion into modern society than it is an indication of my (somewhat odd at the best of times) world-view. Then again, it does provide some spankingly cool imagery. And, I guess, it's something you can fall back on, like the ubiquitous both contain rather large gobbets of religious symbology. This is more, I think, to do with the saturation of religion into modern society than it is an indication of my (somewhat odd at the best of times) world-view. Then again, it does provide some spankingly cool imagery. And, I guess, it's something you can fall back on, like the ubiquitous 'Destruction of the Universe' or the infamous 'It's a Million-to-One Shot but It Might Just Work' syndrome, which seems to have sleazed its way into the annals of current literature, TV and film with equally terrifying thoroughness. As far as I'm concerned, if there is a G.o.d, then G.o.d is capricious. I asked for two miracles in my life. One got you these books.

The other, the most important swap I ever wanted... Well, I guess G.o.d had something better to do: Dad got to keep his brain tumour and I got to live to write this. Them's the breaks, I guess.

Also guilty of providing inspiration for some of the imagery in this book are various pieces of literature, one exceedingly cool novel and two cla.s.sic children's novels from the misbegotten days of my primary-school youth, together with a couple of cla.s.sic vids. And they are: Aku-Aku, Aku-Aku, Thor Heyerdahl; Thor Heyerdahl; Portsmouth in the Past,William Portsmouth in the Past,William G Gates; G Gates; Cla.s.sic Cla.s.sic Sailing Ships, Sailing Ships, Kenneth Giggal and Cornelius de Vries; Kenneth Giggal and Cornelius de Vries; The Clipper Line, The Clipper Line, Francis Chichester; Francis Chichester; Deep Time, Deep Time, David Darling; David Darling; Whale Adventure, Whale Adventure, Willard Willard Price; Price; Contact, Contact, Carl Sagan; Carl Sagan; The Last Battle, The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis; C.S. Lewis; The Face The Face of Evil, of Evil, Chris Boucher (ta for the spot-on review of Chris Boucher (ta for the spot-on review of Decalog Decalog 5, by the way); and the wonderful 5, by the way); and the wonderful Marco Polo Marco Polo by John Lucarotti. Cheesy Movie of the Week award goes to Jan du Bont's by John Lucarotti. Cheesy Movie of the Week award goes to Jan du Bont's Twister. Twister. Best TV Mini Series in the History of the Universe award goes with a vengeance to Best TV Mini Series in the History of the Universe award goes with a vengeance to Tales from Tales from a Parallel Universe. a Parallel Universe. Check it out: it's awesome, and then some (and then some more). Check it out: it's awesome, and then some (and then some more).

A luvverly 'ello guv'nor to the usual suspects: Jo (!!!???satisfiedmIll) and Steve, Jop and Andrea, Mum and Dad, Andy and Sue, Trees, Timbo, and Kurt, Thomas and Gizmo, Brandy, Caffreys, and Bess (remember: wallpaper-paste c.o.c.ktails are not cool),Allan, Roger, Miles, Steve, and Phyl, Jon, Alison, and Zak, and all the etceteraz, whachamacallitz, oojamaflipz and howzyerfatherz. Cheers to Alan and Alis for supplying invaluable reference material, and a big nod for Trees's dad, who supplied the most perfect book about Portsmouth in the precise decade I needed information about, on less than no notice, when the best work of reference I could find in the whole of Bristol the whole of Bristol in in an entire month of an entire month of looking looking was twenty words on the back of a Brook Bond PG Tips card. Oh yeah: hi to Dave Owen and Leon Vincent (ta for the cool reviews) and Steve was twenty words on the back of a Brook Bond PG Tips card. Oh yeah: hi to Dave Owen and Leon Vincent (ta for the cool reviews) and Steve (whipping noises - 'I (whipping noises - 'I don't have the ma.n.u.script, I a.s.sume you're down the post office posting it now!') Cole, my editor, menacing whisperer and long-suffering answerphone demon. don't have the ma.n.u.script, I a.s.sume you're down the post office posting it now!') Cole, my editor, menacing whisperer and long-suffering answerphone demon.

SPECIAL MESSAGE: Help! I'm going through a mad retro phase. I need LEGOTM. I need it now. now. If everyone who buys this book sends me just one brick I'll have twenty thousand bricks - and suddenly that awe-inspiringly realistic, rotating, illuminated, auctioned-for-charity, contributors-get-to-name-a character-in-the-next-book, six-foot-long If everyone who buys this book sends me just one brick I'll have twenty thousand bricks - and suddenly that awe-inspiringly realistic, rotating, illuminated, auctioned-for-charity, contributors-get-to-name-a character-in-the-next-book, six-foot-long Babylon Babylon 5 model starts to become terrifyingly real. 5 model starts to become terrifyingly real. Doesn't it? Doesn't it? Address in the back of Address in the back of Eternity Weeps. Eternity Weeps. Thank you, I love you, you're gorgeous. Thank you, I love you, you're gorgeous.

EXTRA-SPECIAL MESSAGE: Stop press! Nakula's getting married and moving to Ireland. Ace or wot?

A word of warning: never let your buddies buy you glow-in the-dark s.p.a.ce Mucus. Take a postcard instead. Take a used banana skin. In fact take anything. anything. Trust me on this. Trust me on this.

And finally, in antic.i.p.ation of twenty more episodes of s.e.x, Insects and s.e.x, Insects and More s.e.x, More s.e.x, I bid you adieu and I'm I bid you adieu and I'm

Outtahere

Jimbo