Let me show you around,' he said, and dropped the dice on the table. Double six,' he said, without actually looking. Oh, that means we start ...'

... Here.'

The Doctor and Millennia were standing in a huge room in which everything was made of wood. The floor, walls and ceiling, with supports and beams, all wood. Chairs, tables, wardrobes and cupboards, even a small lamp: everything was natural pine.

Hanging on the walls were toys, clumped together like badly arranged flowers. Every conceivable toy from every conceivable civilisation. Dotted among them were masks and kites - and rolling pictures with blue, green or red goo slopping about with their gravity-inspired movements.

Every so often there were clocks - some of their origins were so diverse as to be unimaginable. They told the time in it variety of ways, differing methods for differing time measurements. The sounds they made as they clicked and ticked combined to form a bizarre symphony of regulated noises, simultaneously soothing and jarring.

The floor was littered with tables of different sizes and shapes. Although they were all made of pine, they were carved in a variety of different styles. On top of them were dolls' houses, table-top video games and platoons of tin soldiers set on relief maps. The sheer variety of objects was , phenomenal, and despite their numbers, the room did not seem overcrowded. Indeed, it was sometimes difficult to focus on the walls and work out where it ended.

The grey couple, George and Margaret, stood by a set of arched wooden doors, impa.s.sively staring forwards.

Scattered around the floor was a series of pine buccaneer chests and, to one side, the small lacquered table with the mah-jong set.

The Doctor did his best to seem unimpressed. Is this the best you can do? Simple transference? My people could do this when...'

... the universe was still young.' The mandarin was now seated on a Chinese, black-lacquered wood chair with a high back, its legs and rear decorated with a silver embossed willow pattern. Oh, yes, I know all the rhetoric, Doctor, believe me. Unlike the Time Lords - oh sorry, Gallifreyans - Gallifreyans - I don't use mechanical means. I do it by the force of will.' I don't use mechanical means. I do it by the force of will.'

And he gave the Doctor a look that dared him to try and answer that.

Which was a mistake - the Doctor always took up dares.

Even so, I'm still amazed that, if you can do such things, this is the best scenario you could come up with. Where are we?'

Allow me to formally introduce myself. I am the Toymaker.

And this, my friends, is my toyshop. My celestial toyshop.'

You sell toys?'

The Toymaker shook his head. No, Doctor. I make them.

Or adapt them, at least.'

He snapped his fingers and, with an audible click, each of the buccaneer chests unlocked and their lids rose up. A variety of toys began climbing out of them. From one came a troop of clockwork soldiers. From another emerged soft toys including teddy bears, fluffy rabbits and Spanish golliwogs.

And from a third came dolls in a variety of sizes and shapes.

Others disgorged everything from string puppets to action figures, plus a never-ending supply of trains, cars, planes and boats, mostly carried by the other toys.

Again, the Toymaker snapped his fingers and everything stopped moving. Then, as one, all the toys turned to face him and, as best they could, bowed or curtsied.

My friends,' he beamed, there are some new people come to play with you. Who wants the first game?'

Two of the blue-jacketed clockwork soldiers marched forward.

Excellent choice. Doctor, Millennia, please meet Captains Bimm and Bamm.'

The Doctor watched as the two clockwork soldiers grew until they were the same size as him.

My soldier friends here want to test your mettle, Doctor.

Find out if you have what it takes.'

Takes to do what?'

Why, join us of course.' The Toymaker snapped his fingers again. George and Margaret reached out in unison and each pulled open one of the arched doors. Into the room came a man-shaped robot with a monitor on its chest. On the monitor was a readout, a countdown.

My Magic Robot here will go with you. Enjoy your fun. Oh, and Doctor, you have four minutes to beat Bimm and Bamm.

Good day.'

As the Doctor was being led away by the robot and the clockwork soldiers, he looked back at Millennia. She was terrified.

George and Margaret were beside her, still nonchalantly looking bored.

Don't worry, my dear,' the Toymaker was saying. I'm sure the Doctor will win and then I will have lost and you won't be trapped here any longer.'

But the Doctor did not believe a word of it.

The Doctor was unsurprised to find himself magically in another location.

It was a huge muddy field, dotted with just a few trees.

Ropes hung from some of their branches and there was a canvas tunnel in a far corner. A broken cannon was lying on its side in another and, every so often, pennants were stuck in the ground. Five were burgundy, five blue.

On the furthest side of the field, the toy robot stood.

Waiting.

The object,' said a voice in the Doctor's ear, is to get your opponent's flags back to your base.'

The speaker was a gruff, rotund man in his forties, wearing the same army clothes as the clockwork soldiers. But this man was human. He held out a hand.

No bad feelings, what? Topping day for it, though. Name's Bamm. Captain Bill Bamm. Pleased t'meet you, Doctor.'

Oh rather, and my name is Captain Bimm. Ben Bimm.' The Doctor whirled around to find that the other toy was now a lean, angular man. That's your base over there, what.' He was pointing to the broken cannon. Ours is the trees by that gate. Equidistant, y'see?'

The Doctor nodded. Trouble is, Captains, there are two of you and only one of me, which seems a tad unfair, hmmm?'

The two soldiers looked at each other. Lawks, Captain'

Bamm, what shall we do?'

Don't know, Captain Bimm. I s'pose we could give the poor blighter two of our flags as a sort of advantage.'

Oh yes, Captain Bamm, that would be rather decent of us.'

The Doctor saw that two of the blue flags were now sticking out of the front of his cannon. Why, thank you,' he said sardonically. That's most generous.'

Tsk tsk, Doctor.' The Toymaker's voice boomed from all around them, making the two soldiers quake. Be grateful.'

Grateful? grateful? And just why should I be grateful to you, sir, eh?' The Doctor looked straight up into the sky. You kidnap my friends and me, you claim to have murdered Rallon and now you expect me to tromp around in a field getting my robes wet and dirty, just to amuse you! Why, I say to you why, should I go along with all this?'

Because, Doctor,' said a voice, suddenly harsh, in his ear, of this!'

The Toymaker was beside the Doctor, hovering just a few inches above the ground, his own robe unlikely to get dirty.

In his hand, he held a small water-filled dome. A tiny sculptured city lay inside it, covered in snow. It's called a snowstorm, Doctor,' he said. All I have to do is shake it and watch what happens.' The Toymaker shook the dome vigorously and the snow whipped up and around, then fell back on the city. Recognise it?'

The Doctor snorted as if disinterested, then took a look.

The Capitol...

That's right, Doctor. Your home on Gallifrey. Oh, and look who has come for a visit.'

The Doctor saw a tiny, minuscule figure pop into existence and start to move. He stared hard and, after a few seconds, recognised it.

Millennia...

Oh, so it is,' laughed the Toymaker and shook the snowstorm again. Now, that'll be bad enough for anyone, Doctor, but, should you refuse to play...' He drew back his arm as if to dash the snowstorm against a tree.

All right,' snapped the Doctor. And if I win? Do we go home?'

Home?' The Toymaker laughed. It will be a long time before you see anything called home again, Doctor. You are my guests here. For a long time. A very long time. But, if you beat the captains here, you will at least remain alive.'

The Doctor suddenly felt very cold. He had not antic.i.p.ated this.

He had thought the Toymaker irreverent, wily and almost playful. Spoilt. But now he saw the truth. The Toymaker was the personification of sheer malevolence, evil given form.

The truth was that he was facing a foe as ancient as the universe itself - probably older, in fact. And he simply didn't have the knowledge or experience to fight him.

The Toymaker smiled more broadly. That's right, Doctor.

Fighting me is pointless, but you're still going to. Because like all the ephemeral beings that populate this ridiculous cosmos, you want to live, want to find a shred of hope where there is none. So, play my games, Doctor, and maybe, just maybe, you'll stay out of my toyshop and be the first person ever to beat the Celestial Toymaker.'

And he vanished along with the snowstorm.

But I sincerely doubt it,' were his parting words.

The Doctor looked at the two soldiers, who were shuffling around, trying not to catch his eye.

No point, old chap, in trying to stop him.'

Oh no, indeed not, what?'

The Doctor frowned. You're not toys, are you?'

The captains looked at each other and shrugged. We don't know. We vaguely remember fighting in a war once, then meeting the Toymaker in somewhere called no-man's-land... but maybe we've always been his toys. Maybe he made us and we just think we were once human,' said Bimm.

Or maybe we think we're toys who think we were men,'

Bamm said.

Or maybe we're men who think we're toys who think we were men who think -'

The Doctor held his hand up. Enough. Perhaps if we joined forces, fought against him instead of for him...

Bamm suddenly gasped, then went flying backwards through the air with a cry as if a giant, invisible hand had flicked him over.

When Bimm and the Doctor found him, they too gasped.

Lying in the mud was a small clockwork soldier, his arms and legs twisted and broken, his tiny tin head snapped off and lying a few inches away.

Bimm looked at the Doctor, terrified. I think that's your answer, Doctor, what? We fight, old man. To the death. For king and country.'