"Believe what you like."

"Nathan, you're a liar!"

"Think about what I've done my whole life, dear. I have spent time with more liars than you'll ever meet."

"Brian's not like that. Brian, tell him."

"Nathan, you know I would never do anything like that."

Brian's voice sounds strange to Nathan. He is following every move Nathan makes. Nathan is still looking at the angel face.

"Nathan, please stop this lie."

She stares at him and Nathan snorts and shakes his head.

"Another lie! d.a.m.n it, I have spent all my life learning to tell liars from the people who tell the truth."

Nathan turns toward Brian.

"I hope you take good care of her. She doesn't deserve to get infected with something."

The angelic face stares at him in disbelief and then at the doctor.

"What's he talking about?"

The doctor shakes his head and Nathan turns to the nurse again.

"You should take care of yourself. He sees other women. Women who are not as innocent as you. Women who get paid. Paid a lot that is.... but I guess that also means a lot of men."

The picture of two girls sitting on the steps in front of the yellow house appears before his eyes. Nathan closes his eyes for a moment.

"Nathan, are you OK?"

Brian sounds worried, but Nathan opens his eyes and looks at the angel face before him for a long time. She stares back with a penetrating gaze. For the first time in his life, he feels that someone sees right through him without finding anything.

"Go home and die, old man! Go home and die! You only have a couple of months before the cancer gets you anyway. Your body is full of it!"

She turns on her heels and slams the door so hard that the doctor's diploma on the wall falls down and the gla.s.s breaks. Nathan wets his lips and turns toward the doctor. Their eyes are empty, and it's as if there are no words left to say before Nathan pulls himself together and speaks.

"What's she talking about?"

Brian looks at him for a long time.

"Well, this is not how we normally inform our patients. But there's a lot of things we can do to help you."

"Do I have cancer?"

The doctor slowly nods before looking down at the file, opening it and putting the sheets of paper in order.

"Yes."

Nathan's brows move up to form little arches over his dull eyes.

"That's why you're always so tired and have headaches."

"But I have been checked every year. I have lived a healthy life, exercised. Done all the right things."

"Yes, but it's a very aggressive form of cancer."

"Has it spread?"

"Yes."

"How much?"

"It's in your lymphatic system."

Nathan nods.

"That means that..."

But Nathan holds up his hand, and the doctor doesn't have a chance to finish his sentence.

"I remember our talks when Denize was sick. I know what it means and how it will likely end."

"But there's a lot we can do. Since Denize died..."

Nathan stops the doctor with his hand again.

"How long?"

"It's hard to say. There's..."

Nathan raises his hand again and the doctor stops.

"How long?"

"A few months, maybe a little longer."

"Years?"

"I don't think so."

"Nathan, there's a lot we can do. A lot of new drugs have been developed since Denize died."

Nathan nods his head. He walks with halting steps at first, but then a little faster. He stops at the door and looks back at the doctor. The room is almost dark, lit only by the desk lamp in front of Brian. The chair behind the desk creaks when Brian starts to get up. But Nathan's hand stops him again and he falls back into it.

"Nathan, if you don't trust me, find another doctor and get some help. I beg you. After all, we've known each other for many years. We've had some good times together on the golf course..."

"Well, my world is different today than it was yesterday. So many things have changed, Brian."

"Find Denize's daughter and find your will to live. You can still get some good moments before..."

"Hmm, yes. I've already found her, Brian. Not all news is good news."

Brian sits back in his chair.

"She's one of Stuart's women, Brian. One of Stuart's women. You know what that means."

Nathan swallows hard and with difficulty.

"And it kills me to think that you may have been with her. It kills me, Brian."

"Nathan, come back tomorrow. Then we'll talk about what to do from here and how to get you into treatment."

"Take good care of her."

Nathan moves his head in the direction of the door.

"She's young and innocent compared to the women you normally see."

Nathan's breathing is troubled.

"She has the face of an angel. Marry her and be a good husband to her."

"Where are you going, Nathan? You shouldn't be alone tonight. It's not easy."

Nathan stops and looks back. The doctor is still in his chair behind his desk. The light from the desk lamp is reflected in the surface of the desk and thrown back in the doctor's face. Nathan leaves his office and the doctor quickly gets up to follow him.

"Nathan?"

"I need to find a good lawyer."

"Nathan. If not from me... get help."

His voice fades away into a whisper, as the nurse's scowl follows Nathan all the way to the door. Nathan turns to face her.

"Take care of yourself, child. You're playing with the grown-ups."

She opens her mouth to speak, but feels a hand on her shoulder and she turns, surprised to see the doctor standing next to her.

"Goodbye, Nathan."

The doctor's voice is quiet but firm. Nathan nods and closes the door behind him.

"But..."

Nathan hears the nurse's voice again, but it gradually becomes weaker as his steps against the marble floor get louder. He takes out his phone from his pocket, and he is suddenly very tired.

"h.e.l.lo, Nathan Wilkins here. I need some paperwork done tonight and a couple of signatures. I'm sorry, but it cannot wait until tomorrow. Is it possible tonight? Hmm, I'll be there in an hour."

Chapter 8.

There's already a police car in front of the building when the cab pulls over.

"Here you go."

Eric throws the bills to the driver and opens the cab door.

"Don't you want change?"

Eric is already out of the car.

"Never mind, keep it", he whispers. He stays there with his hand still on the car door, when their eyes meet briefly. He looks old and his breathing is heavy. He gives Eric a small nod and disappears down the street. Darkness swallows up the tall figure and he is gone. A limo starts off and follows him slowly. Eric tries to fight his impulse to run after him, grab him and yell "what have you done?!" But Eric knows that he's no match to James in spite of the age difference, and he also knows the power Stuart has had over him for all those years. Eric looks down and is overpowered by guilt. He's always seen himself as a wimp, someone who always stays out of trouble, and over the years he's accepted that that is who he is.

He sees that his shoes are covered in rain, and only now does he realize that it's raining. His hair sticks unpleasantly to his head, and his first impulse is to run his hand through it to try and cover the bald spot that is growing on the top of his head.

"Have you changed your mind? Do you want to go somewhere else?"

Eric slowly turns around and looks inside the cab while resting on the half open door.

"I really wish I could."

He pushes the car door shut and his reflection stares back at him from the window of the cab, almost like a warning. The rings under his eyes are large and dark, his cheeks are hollow, and he looks tired, as if something has left him. The sound of water around car tires drowns his thoughts and he's pulled back to reality. The ambulance turns the corner with high speed, and the emergency lights seem to create a new reality. It pulls over to the curb where there is a big puddle of water. The water splashes onto the lower part of Eric's pants. They quickly leave the ambulance and run into the lobby with all their equipment. The doors close behind them before Eric has time to move. A strong, paralyzing feeling of having failed runs through him and he has trouble breathing. "Why wasn't I the one who ran in to save her? Why didn't I stop James, when I know that he has...?"

He is gasping for air as he pulls out his phone and carefully presses the re-dial b.u.t.ton. It rings for a long time.

"Yes."

It's a man's voice, and Eric takes the phone away from his ear and looks at it for a long time.

"h.e.l.lo. This is the police."

"Why did I do this? I knew she wasn't going to pick up... and now the police."

He feels dizzy. "Maybe it's all for the best. I've been running away from responsibility for long enough, and what good has it done me...?" He hangs up and slowly walks toward the building.

The faint noise of the elevator doors opening is soon drowned out by the sound of voices further down the hall. Without looking at their faces, he quickly walks past them and into the living room. An eerie feeling grabs hold of him as he sees the wine gla.s.s on the table and a living room that looks completely normal. He quickly looks around and walks over to the open door on his right. His heart is beating so much he can almost hear it, and at the same time, his brain is trying to prepare him for what is to come. It doesn't do a very good job, and he stops at the door as if he's paralyzed. The white sheets are stained with blood, the cover lies on the floor, and there are bloodstains on the wall. He has to support himself on the doorframe and forces himself to take the first step over to the stretcher.

"Eric?"

Evy's voice is a hoa.r.s.e whisper.