"You need a shower, too. I'm not the only mess," I plead in my own defense.

"I'll be in soon if you insist."

"I f.u.c.king do," I reply. Standing up, I don't make a move to hide what he's done. Before he can complain about my mouth, I tell him, "I like wearing you. That was hot."

"When I take your a.s.s, you'll tell me it's hotter."

Shaking my head nervously as Travis laughs, I start to walk backward toward the door. "One thing at a time, okay?"

"Sure, Sarah," he responds, looking toward the ceiling.

Of course he's an a.s.s man. I should've been able to call that s.h.i.t.

Once we're out of the shower, where he cleaned us both, I take more time than he does to get ready for bed. When I make my way back to my room, I find Travis lying under my sheet that only reaches his abs.

He's already fallen asleep.

My finger itches to trace his face, but I don't. He looked so tired when I finally got a good look at him in the light of the bathroom, proving he hadn't slept either.

Crawling in beside him, completely exhausted myself, I lay my head on his chest and feel his arm wrap around my back.

"I love you," I whisper.

"I know," he answers.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX.

Travis SARAH 09:38 A.M. Where the h.e.l.l are you?

Sarah's text doesn't come as a surprise. After the last time I left her with a note on my pillow, she has good reason to be worried. It's understandable.

09:39 a.m. Running errands. Be back soon.

Sarah 09:39 a.m. You run errands?

Looking down at my father's grave marker, I smile, thinking he'd probably call me crazy for choosing a life with a woman who drives me to the brink of insanity. I'd have to make him somehow understand that her insanity gives me an unexplainable peace.

Maybe, though, I didn't know him as I thought I did. After mom left, my dad led a life of unashamed solitude. Growing up, I don't remember meeting a girlfriend or female acquaintance of any kind. He and I had that in common. He was as content as I was in being alone. Things have changed for me, though.

09:41 a.m. Just said that I was running errands. Take a shower if you haven't already. Lacey will be by to get you in twenty minutes.

Sarah 09:42 a.m. Bossy.

Putting my phone back in my pocket, I stare down and read the dates on my father's stone. Five years doesn't seem so long ago in life terms, but the ache in my chest feels as if it's been there for decades.

"I know I've got no business being here, Dad. I'm a s.h.i.t son for not coming sooner," I tell his grave. "I wasn't sure what I'd say when I got here anyway. I'm still not."

I didn't bring him any flowers and I should've.

"If you're watching what I'm up to today, I know you're probably p.i.s.sed. It's good I can't see or hear you rippin' my a.s.s for this," I pause, unsure how much he can see from wherever he is. "I have a sister. Her name is Lacey. You'd f.u.c.kin' love her, Pop. She's a lot like me, but not as moody. Hayden married her, if you can believe that s.h.i.t."

Dad used to tell me I was irritable all the time. I hated when he'd say that because it was true. Bean would back him up and it would further p.i.s.s me off.

"Mom's coming in to town today. She wouldn't have to, but apparently you swore Bean to silence. She died last year. You probably know that too, don't you?"

Looking up, I watch a woman loom uncomfortably above a grave not far from where I sit. I wonder whom she's here to see and if she's talking to them as though they can hear her, too.

"I need answers, Dad. I can't be anything more than what I am without them. The nightmares won't stop. I don't know if they're real."

G.o.d, I hope they aren't.

"Lacey will be crushed. This will devastate her. She doesn't have to know anything, but f.u.c.k I think she deserves the truth if that's what this turns out to be."

No one answers and I hadn't expected it.

"The guys and I still play set sometimes. Everyone's grown now with kids and whatever so there's not been a lot of time to play, but we still make time when we can."

My throat seizes for a few seconds, straining at the thought of Bean looking down and hoping she'd be proud of me even as I defy her wishes in talking to my mom about what happened.

"I gotta go. I wanted to stop in and tell you I'm sorry I've not been around and I'll do better. If you happen to see Bean somewhere playing cards or bingo, can you tell her I've got Sarah and she's good. Tell her Sarah and I are going to be fine."

The lady I had watched moments ago bends down and arranges the flowers next to the large grave marker. I notice the grave is new; the gra.s.s has yet to fill in on top of it. I look away to give her privacy. She can't see me, but it's what I'd want someone to do for me.

"I love you, Dad. I still miss you every f.u.c.kin' day."

Clearing his stone of dirt and debris, I leave my hand there for a moment and hope somehow he feels my presence.

"I'll bring Sarah around so you can see her. You probably wouldn't recognize her anymore. She's just as impossible to reason with so she's still the Sarah you'd remember. Anyway, I gotta go but I'll be around soon," I finish, before turning around and heading back to my still damaged Jeep.

I keep the visit with my dad short for a purpose. If I stay too long my strength for what's coming later today will lessen and I need it now more than probably ever before. My mom, who I've not seen in almost twenty-four years, will be in town in a little over an hour. I don't know if I'll get all of what I need from her, but anything she's willing to confess, I need to hear.

Walking in the front door of my apartment, I'm met with Sarah, who's sitting on the couch putting on her shoes. I had hoped she'd already be gone.

"Lacey's late," she tells me, explaining why she hasn't left.

Putting my keys on the dining room table, I ask, "She on her way?"

"Not sure. Liv's sick. Hayden needs to get home from work so she can pick me up. I told her it wasn't a big deal, but she insisted."

She insisted because when I called Lacey this morning and told her I needed "s.p.a.ce" from Sarah, I was the one who was insistent. I lied to her, but it's important I talk to my mother alone. Lacey's reaction to seeing our mother again is unknown. Sarah's isn't.

Sarah understands what it's like to have s.h.i.t for parents, since her own were forced out of her life, per Bean's demand, because they weren't good people. My mom isn't a good person. Sarah would shred her to pieces.

"Text her. Tell her to get her a.s.s here. With or without Liv, doesn't matter."

Sarah's eyebrows rise with question, surprised to hear my tone. "I'm not telling her that. What the f.u.c.k's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I answer. "I'm tired."

Standing up and walking to me, I notice Sarah's dressed for a day at the spa. She's wearing sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. She isn't wearing makeup and her hair is thrown up in a loose knot on top of her head.

Her arms come around my waist, pulling me to her. I try to keep my distance to keep my head straight, but it's tough. She relaxes me. As I lean down to kiss Sarah's head, I hear the knock at the door before it opens.

"Knock, knock," Lacey says as she steps inside.

"You're late," I clip, looking at the clock on my phone.

Mom will be here in less than ten minutes. You need to be gone.

"Liv's running a small fever. I had to drop her with Cathy since Hayden can't seem to answer his d.a.m.n cell."

"All right," I push. "Take Sarah and get out of here."

Lacey's eyes narrow and her hands go to her hips. "I'm thirsty and I'm going to grab a bottle of water. Anything for you, Sarah?"

Jesus Christ.

Sarah moves to sit at the dining room table and stares up at me with wondering eyes. "Sure," she says, smiling. "I'll have mine in a gla.s.s with ice."

"What the f.u.c.k?" I return; growing more irritated with each second that pa.s.ses.

"Why are you pushing us out the door, Travis?" Lacey asks, coming back from the kitchen.

"I'm not."

Her prying continues. "You have plans, don't you?"

Losing patience, and time, I move to Sarah to get her up from the table. "No. No plans, but you two are going to be late."

Sarah's body stiffens, making it tough to maneuver her around the table, but she gives in and starts to move on her own.

"G.o.d, you're cranky," she tells me when we finally reach the front door. "Let me get my purse, for f.u.c.k's sake."

Lacey stands at the front door, waiting for Sarah to gather her s.h.i.t. Just as she turns around to open it, there's another knock.

f.u.c.k!

Sarah Before I can turn around to tell Travis I'll see him later, Lacey opens the front door. I'm standing on the other side of it so I can't see who's there, but I watch Lacey's reaction. Her face pales and her mouth drops open. She looks like she's about to be sick.

"What are you . . ." she starts to speak to the person standing in front of her, but can't finish.

I look at Travis, whose face is set hard, but he says nothing. Whoever's at the door doesn't say anything either.

Moving to Lacey's side, I see a woman I've never met. She's got Trav and Lacey's eyes, though. Her hair color matches theirs as well, except for some grey growing in around her temples. Her face isn't as lively either. She looks old, worn down, and tired.

"Mom?" Lacey says. "What are you doing here?"

I can't help it. I snap. "Mom? This is your mom?"

f.u.c.k, I was hoping for an aunt or cousin. Not mom. Travis, always thinking quickly, grabs me tightly around the waist and pulls me back into him before I can say anything else.

Lacey's color is slowly returning as she continues to stare at the woman I now know as her mother.

"I asked what you were doing here," she repeats.

"Yeah," I add with a harsher tone. "What the f.u.c.k are you doing here?"

Travis arms tighten around me, so tight I nearly lose air.

"Lacey," she greets first. Her eyes move to Travis and Lacey's head turns to follow.

"Travis, I wouldn't have recognized you."

"Well, of course not. You left him when he was three!" I explain this loudly as though she doesn't remember and if I enunciate each word the truth will penetrate.

"Sarah," Travis hisses in my ear. "Stop."

I have a notion as long as I have to stand here and look at this woman, he'll be saying my name a lot.

"You can go. If you've come to get me and bring me back with you I'm not leaving," Lacey explains confidently.

"No, Lacey. I didn't think you would. Travis called me."

In disbelief and in unison, Lacey and I turn to Travis and bellow, "What?"

"Travis, should you tell them?"

"No," he states plainly then gives direction. "You guys go do what you were going to do. I need a few minutes alone with Cheryl."

Cheryl, not Mom. And a few minutes, my a.s.s. Not happening.

"I'm staying," I inform him, struggling to break free of Travis's hold on me.

"I'm not leaving either, Travis," Lacey tells him just as certainly.

Closing the door in Cheryl's face without warning, Trav lets me go and turns to Lacey and me both and tells us how he thinks this will go. "You're leaving. This isn't about either of you and you've got no business being a part of it."

Lacey and I look at each other. She nods, so I start. "You're f.u.c.king crazy in your G.o.d d.a.m.n head if you think I'm leaving you alone with her." I walk off and settle myself on the couch, crossing my arms and refusing to budge.