Chapter 13.

Sunrisewas more than a half hour away but still the heat nearly overwhelmed Heidi as she rode her horse across the vastness of the El Baharian desert.

She could feel the sweat on her back and the dryness in her mouth, but she didn't want to turn back. This was the best time of her day and had been since she and Jamal had started riding together nearly three weeks ago.

Besides, her mount had far less trouble with the intense summer heat than she did. The stallion had been born and bred for the climate.

"Are you wilting?" Jamal asked.

She flashed him a smile and urged her horse to go faster. "Not even close."

They raced toward the beckoning oasis, a favorite stopping place on early-morning rides. As often as not they met Dora and Khalil at the cool water's edge, but this morning the stretch of green looked deserted.

They reined in their horses and dismounted. Jamal pulled the canteen from where it had been tucked against his saddle and offered it to her. She drank greedily before handing it back.

"By late September the worst of theLondonheat is over," Jamal said, picking up the conversation they'd started while riding out of the palace.

"I would suggest we visit then."

Heidi laughed. "Jamal,it's summer and we're horseback riding in the middle of the desert. How can you worry about heat inLondon?"

He shrugged. "There are also the tourists. They go home after August."

"Afraid you'll be recognized?"

"It has happened."

"I'll just bet it has."

She looked at the man she'd married, admiring the way his loose-fitting, light-colored shirt emphasized the breadth of his chest. His dark hair gleamed in the light of the setting moon and she could just make out the details of his handsome features. No doubt tourists of any nationality would find him intriguing. Of course, Jamal would loathe being the center of that kind of attention.

"September is fine with me," she said, dropping down on the still-cool grass. She rubbed her hands

against the springy, green blades. In less than an hour, they would burn from the heat of the sun, as would the valley. She and Jamal didn't have more than fifteen or twenty minutes before they had to head back.

"I would like to take you to the theater," he said, settling next to her.

"There are several new plays opening. One of which is a musical. I think you'll enjoy it."

Heidi studied Jamal's casual posture and the way he moved his hands when he spoke. This was the man who was her husband. They made love more nights than not, and he was always slow, patient and careful not to frighten her in any way. He was a kind man.Considerate, attentive, nearly a fantasy husband. He inquired after her health, took an interest in her day, her plans, her dreams. They talked of her work and of his. She'd come to know this man very well. But Jamal was also someone else entirely.

For in these past three weeks, he had also continued to see his mistress.

She was living a dual life, and she didn't know how to make it stop. Dozens of times she'd wanted to tell him the truth-to confess all that she'd done and accept the consequences. But she couldn't. When Jamal looked at her with tenderness, when he took her into his arms and murmured how much he wanted her, she was helpless to resist. She loved him, and she would do anything to keep from losing him-even live a lie.

But as much as she loved him, she hated her life. She was terrified he was going to find out the truth. She also worried that he would grow to care for Honey more than he cared about her. The fact that they were one and the same only made her head spin. What had started out as a fun attempt to get her husband's attention had turned into a difficult set of circumstances she could no longer control.

The ghost of Yasmin also loomed large in her life. What if he never let go of his connection with the past? What if she'd gone through all thistorture, and it was for nothing? Her fantasy was that he would end things with Honey and fall in love with her. That he would tell her he wanted to be with her forever, that she was his world. She knew she was like a child wishing for the moon, but no amount of logic could change the longings of her heart.

"You're looking serious about something," he said, touching her cheek.

"What is it? What are you thinking?"

She couldn't tell him the truth, of course. "It's nothing. I'm a little tired. I suppose I'm still adjusting to the heat."

He took her hand in his. "Do you missAmerica? Are you homesick?"

The questions surprised her. "Not at all," she said, squeezing his fingers. "My life is here in El Bahar. I have always wanted this to be my home."

"And now it is." He smiled at her. "I'm glad you're here, Heidi. At first I was concerned about our marriage. I was afraid we'd both made a mistake we would regret for a long time, but now I can see that we are going to have a happy life together."

She stared at him. Her heart thundered so loudly in her chest, she was afraid he would hear it. Was he about to tell her that he cared about her?

Did he love her?

He rose to his feet and pulled her up with him. Then he rested his hands on her shoulders and stared into her eyes.

"I want to discuss something with you, but I don't want you to say anything.All right?"

She nodded, still confused by his previous words.

"I want to have children with you," he said. "I suspect you're not ready yet, but when you are, know that I'll be a very willing participant. I think you'll be a wonderful mother. We are expected to have heirs for the sake of El Bahar, but that's not the only reason. I want us to be a family."

Hope, longing and love filled her. She wanted to answer, but didn't know what to say. It would be easy enough to confess her feelings, but what about the lie between them? Not only that she was pretending to be someone else, but that he was seeing another woman.

"Are you completely shocked?" he asked.

She nodded slowly. "Absolutely, but I suspect I'll survive." She forced herself to smile at him. It was a feeble attempt to act normal, but the best she could do under the circumstances.

He glanced past her toward the horizon. "It's nearly sunrise. We should head back."

Still reeling from what he'd said, she made her way to her horse. Before she could put her foot in the stirrup, Jamal came up behind her and hugged her. His chest pressed against her back as his arms wrapped around her. He lightly kissed the sensitive skin under her ear.

"Promise me you'll think about what I said," he whispered.

That one was easy enough, she thought as she murmured, "Of course." She doubted she would think of anything else.

Heidi paced restlessly in her white-on-white suite. For once the amazing view didn't capture her attention. She barely noticed the brilliant blue of the sky or the ocean. She wasn't even aware of her skimpy dress or the high heels she'd slipped on a few minutes ago. Her mind was too caught up in what had happened that morning to focus on anything else.

Jamal wanted to have children with her. Children!

Of course she'd always longed for a family. It was part of her plan to establish a home and put down roots. She had always liked being around kids and hoped to be a good mother, but thinking about having them and actually having them were two different things. Was she ready? As important, were they ready? She and Jamal had many issues to resolve, not the least of which was his affair with Honey.

She was still pacing when there was a knock at the door. Heidi answered it, hating that her heart rate increased when her husband walked in the room. Whatever her heart might feel about his cheating ways, her body was always thrilled to have Jamal around.

Now, as he smiled and bent close to kiss her, she felt herself swelling and dampening in preparation of their making love.

"Good afternoon," he said when he'd brushed his mouth against hers just long enough to make her nipples hard. "You look wonderful."

"Thank you."

She noticed he was standing awkwardly, partially turned away from her. Had he hurt himself or was there something wrong? Before she could ask, he shifted so that she saw the small dark gift bag in his hands. He held it out to her.

"For you," he said.

"What is it?" she asked as she took the bag. It was heavier than she would have thought, and the discreet gold lettering identified it as from a very exclusive gold jeweler's.

Heidi reached into the bag and pulled out a flat, square, velvet-covered box. She looked from it to Jamal. He smiled at her.

"Go on," he encouraged. "I think you'll like what I picked out."

He'd bought her a gift. She bit her lower lip. No, he'd bought his mistress a gift. So far there had been no jewelry for his wife. Nothing personal, that is. For a state dinner,Fatimahad given her several lovely pieces from the family vault. But this was different. This was something he'd chosen Even as she wondered what was in the box, she felt tears burning behind her eyes. She didn't want him buying anything for Honey. He was supposed to be breaking things off with his mistress. After all, just that morning, he'd told his wife he wanted to have children with her.

Even though it was going to hurt, she forced herself to open the box. She raised the velvet lid and stared down at a perfectly matched strand of pearls. Their soft creamy color glowed in the afternoon light.

"Do you like them?" he asked, then smiled. "I thought of you the moment I saw them. I thought of you wearing them, and nothing else at all."

He moved up behind her and took the strand from the box. "Hold your hair out of the way," he instructed.

He waited until she dutifully collected her loose hair in her hand and drew it up on top of her head. Then he fastened the pearls around her neck.

"Come look," he said as he led her to a mirror over the buffet in the dining room. "They're lovely. In fact, you're both beautiful."

She stared at the gleaming top of the polished buffet and tried to avoid looking in the mirror. She didn't want to see his gift around her neck. The jewelry he'd bought for his mistress but not his wife. How could he do this, especially after what had happened that morning? Had he been lying when he said he wanted children with her? Or did he plan to get her pregnant and then keep mistresses on the side?

"Honey?What's wrong? Don't you like thepearls. "

She was sure they were perfect. Jamal would have only bought the best. She also knew that the sharp pain in her chest was going to slice her heart into a thousand pieces and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Slowly she raised her gaze until she met her reflection in the mirror. The pearls glowed against her skin. They brushed against the collarbone left bare by the low cleavage of her green sleeveless dress. They were beautiful, just as she'd feared.

"See. They're lovely, as are you," he said, and moved behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his chest against her back,then kissed the sensitive skin under her ear.

Just like he'd done to her that morning.He was treating them exactly the same.

Something cracked inside Heidi. Later she wouldn't be able to reconstruct this moment in time because she wasn't thinking. She reacted with a primal rage that overwhelmed her with the unexpected force of an earthquake.

She spun in his embrace,then shoved him away with all her might. She must have caught him off guard because Jamal was forced to back up a couple of steps before he regained his footing.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.