Chapter 5.

"Words every bridegroom longs to hear," Jamal said lightly.

Heidi clamped her hand over her mouth and moaned. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I said that.How horrible."

"Don't worry about it," her new husband told her.

Heidi wanted to believe him...desperately. Her plan had not been to get it all wrong, but here she was-messing up at every opportunity.

Jamal crossed to the low table by the bed and picked up one of the champagne glasses. He held it out to her. When she shook her head in refusal, he downed the bubbly liquid in one large gulp. Oh, great. She'd been married for all of three hours, and she was already driving her husband to drink.

She twisted her fingers together and tried not to notice how very large the bed was or how there wasn't much other furniture in the tent. They couldn't have made it more clear with a neon sign proclaiming Ritual Deflowering-One Night Only."

She drew in a deep breath,then pressed her hands against her writhing stomach. "We have to talk," she said. "You know, about something innocuous.

So I can relax."

Jamal poured himself another glass of champagne. "You don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I'm not going to attack you. In fact, I won't do anything you don't want to do."

"Oh."

She wanted to believe. Deep down inside, she really wanted to know that he was telling the truth.Except she didn't. In her limited experience with men-as in both her dates-the guys had only been interested in one thing.

She knew too many women who had been forced into sexual relationships they didn't want. The good news was,Jamal was trying to be gentlemanly about it.

He sat on the edge of the bed."All right.Innocuous conversation. Aside from riding, what other princess activities did you study while in the harem?"

A vision of the rather racy booksFatimahad left on her nightstand filled her mind. She'd never actually read one, although she had glanced at a few of the pictures...and had been horrified. Everyone was so naked and doing things together. To be honest, some of the positions had terrified her. She wasn't that flexible and if she was, wouldn't they put a strain on her back?

"I-I didn't study anything else," she said, backing away from him. Her leg hit a low table, and she found herself stumbling back as she lost her balance. She landed on a pile of cushions.

She pushed herself into a kneeling position and fought back the tears burning in her eyes. "Look, we have to talk about it," she said.

"What itare you referring to?"

"That 'it."'She pointed to the bed on which he sat. "I can't do this. I can't have sex with a stranger."

"I told you,that's not expected."

"Good, because I really need to get to know you better." Like for the next five years, she thought.

"Fine."He drew in a deep breath. "Heidi, I'm not interested in terrifying you. This isn't going to be horrible."

"I appreciate your faith in me, but I think it's a little misplaced." She steeled herself to speak the absolute truth. He was her husband, and he deserved that much from her. "I don't plan to enjoy sex. I mean, I've never understood the point of it. To me, marriage is more a spiritual and mental union between two people."

Jamal stared at her without saying a word. His expression tightened a little, but otherwise he seemed fine. Maybe he would understand, she thought hopefully.

She swallowed,then continued. "I've always believed that any physical passion is highly overrated. There was a show on cable a few years back.

They remade Pride and Prejudice, which is this terrific book. Anyway, the hero, Mr. Darcy, is the most wonderfully kind man and perfect husband. He really respects the heroine. He's gracious and well mannered and restrained." She smiled at the memory of how he looked at Elisabeth Bennett-complete infatuation combined with great longing. "He was fabulous and all I've ever wanted in man."

"You're in love with a character in a book?"

His voice didn't exactly thunder in the tent, but it was close enough to make Heidi shiver.

"No, of course not.He's just different from other men."

"That could be because he's not real."

She shook her head. "You're missing my point."

"Oh, please. Enlighten me."

Heidi tried to figure out what Jamal was thinking, but his face was completely blank.

"I absolutely intend to respect your animal passions," she assured him.

"But I'm hoping that we can eventually rise above them to a higher form of marriage."

Jamal rose slowly to his feet. He carefully set the champagne glass on the table,then turned to the bed. In one quickly powerful movement, he stripped away the top layer of covers.

"Worry not, my good wife," he growled as he turned to face her. "I promise not to offend you with my animal passions or any other part of myself. I'll sleep on the floor tonight, and when we return to the palace in the morning, I will be most careful to stay out of your way."

Heidi supervised the last of her belongings as they were transferred into Jamal's suite. At first she'd thought it might be better to stay in the harem but that would have required explanations she was not prepared to make.

As far as wedding nights went, theirs had been less than perfect. The worst part was, she couldn't figure out what exactly had gone wrong.

Obviously Jamal had been angered by her talk of Mr. Darcy and her hopes that their marriage would move to a higher plane...one that didn't involve physical intimacy. But she wasn't talking about now. Maybe she hadn't made it clear that she intended to do her wifely duty for as long as it took for him to be satisfied. Surely in a year or two he would be willing to put all that behind him. But Jamal had overreacted to her thoughts on the subject, and now they weren't even speaking.

She sighed as she remembered the silent ride back to the palace. His simmering hostility had been a painful contrast to the gentle teasing of the evening before. Once in the palace, he grabbed her arm, hustled her into their suite and pointed out the spare bedroom.

"You'll be happier in here," he'd told her, and then had left.

Heidi stood in the center of that room now, looking at the lace-covered bed. The mattress was full-sized but still much smaller than the one in the main bedroom of the suite. There wasn't a balcony, but she did have a lovely view of the gardens, and the private bathroom was more than adequate. To be honest, the room was nicer than any she'd had while at school. She should be very happy here.

Except...

Heidi walked back into the living room. Rihana and the other servants had finished moving her clothes.

In truth, that hadn't taken very long-she didn't have many things and as Jamal's new wife, she would be expected to upgrade her wardrobe, as befitted a new princess.Which meant a shopping trip toParisand London.But the thought of shopping didn't thrill her. She didn't have much in the way of fashion sense. For a while she'd thought Jamal might come with her and help. After all, he'd had all those lovely women in his life, and most of them had dressed beautifully. However, she doubted that he would be willing to accompany her anywhere now.

Heidi looked at the long, light green sofa, the comfortable club chairs and the low coffee table. There were colorful paintings on the wall by the small dining alcove and a mural of a forest against the back wall. Opposite the sofa were the French doors leading out to the main balcony and beyond them a view of the sea.

This was her new home. Here was where she would come after working on her precious texts. She would grow old within these walls-ignored and loathed by a husband who already hated being married to her. It's not that she'd planned on finding true love, but she had hoped she and her new husband could at least be friends.

Heidi sank onto the sofa and buried her face in her hands. Everything had gone wrong. Probably because she'd done everything wrong. What good was it being book smart when she made such a mess of her personal life? She felt so stupid. Her husband of twenty-four hours was already regretting his decision. To be honest, so was she. So far marriage was the pits.

She straightened and decided that she had to get out of these rooms. If she could distract herself, she might feel better. Maybe she would go see Dora and talk to her. Khalil's wife was a sensible person, and

she'd already indicated she would like to be friends. That decided,Heidi hurried out of the suite.

The palace hallways were cool, despite the raging temperature outside. She moved easily through the maze of passages. As a child she'd always adored exploring the beautiful, old structure. She loved how each twist and turn could lead to something wonderful-a small grotto in a wall, a fountain, a mosaic depicting a story. The pillars and arched doorways had always seemed so exotic, yet familiar. She'd longed to belong here. Now she did, but not in the way she'd hoped.

Her new sister-in-law was a deputy minister in the El Baharian government.

She had her own office in the business wing of the palace. Heidi nodded to the employees she saw as she followed the signs leading her toward Dora's suite of rooms.

During the two weeks Heidi had stayed in the harem,Fatimahad talked much of Dora's accomplishments. In the past two years, Khalil's wife had expanded her staff to include researchers, fund-raisers and several college interns. Apparently Khalil often grumbled that his wife had not-so-secret plans to allow women to take over the kingdom. ButFatimahad said that her grandson was very proud of his wife. Heidi wondered what it would be like to have a relationship like that with a man.To share work and dreams, and to have him be proud of her.

Jamal was a prince and therefore very concerned about his country, both past and present. As such, he would be pleased that she was interested in preserving El Baharian history. But valuing her potential services and being proud of her accomplishments were two different things. She wanted the latter. Her grandfather had always been proud of her, and she missed that. The king loved her and looked out for her, but it wasn't the same thing at all. However, she had a feeling that Jamal being anything but annoyed with her was a long way off.

She was still lost in thought when she stepped into the foyer of Dora's section of the wing. No one sat at the reception desk. Heidi wasn't sure if she should wait until someone arrived to announce her or if it was all right to just walk in on Dora. Her sister-in-law's door stood partially open so Heidi tapped lightly and stepped inside.

She opened her mouth to speak, then froze when she caught sight of two people standing close together in front of the window. Sunlight poured in through the glass, making it difficult to identify them at first. Heidi blinked, and the figures becamemore clear . Her breath caught in her throat.

At first she was so startled she couldn't bring herself to move. Then an unexpected pain in her heart made it impossible to step out of the room.

Dora stood in her husband's embrace, his strong arms around her, their bodies touching. Khalil had one hand up under her skirt, caressing her derriere, while the other held her firmly against him.

"I want you," Khalil murmured. "I need you."

"Right now?"Dora's voice was teasing. "Khalil, I'm four months pregnant."

"I know. My wanting is what got you into trouble in the first place." His voice was low and filled with laughter. "We need the practice."

"But you had me last night."

"And I may need to have you again tonight and tomorrow and all the days we live. Even when we're old

and our bones are so brittle that the act of love threatens to crack us in two."

Dora laughed softly and touched her husband's face. "I love you."

"As I love you," he told her.

They kissed.

Heidi finally found the will to move quietly out of the room. She shut the door behind her and leaned against the cool surface. Her face was flushed, her chest tight.

So that was passion and romantic love. She'd never seen it before. Not in real life. And somehow the movies never got it right. She hadn't understood it could be so compelling, so powerful,so wonderful. She closed her eyes and again saw Dora in Khalil's embrace. They'd looked exactly right, standing there in each other's arms. The way he'd touched her. It had been so erotic-as if he knew every inch of her body and that knowledge brought him pleasure.