The guys had laid down their lives when I was in trouble. I knew that now. The club was real. The guys drank, they wh.o.r.ed, they had contests farting and burping, their laundry was downright scary, but they were real.

Most of all, I missed Colt. I had some pretty stupid dreams where I was Cinderella and he, the handsome prince, would show up at my apartment and the gla.s.s slipper would fit and we would live happily ever after. The worst dream involved both Colt and Robby. Robby had just shot me up and I was starting to go under, but through the fog, I would hear Colt tell me he loved me. He always sounded like he cared. But it was just a dream.

My pencils rattled in their little cup as I cleaned up my desk. I got off work at five o'clock on the dot every day now. I picked Becky up from Senora Lopez's at half past. Becky was now in the later dance cla.s.s, but she didn't seem to mind. I made dinner at night and tucked Becky in. I guess the biggest adjustment was that my daughter got to sleep at home every night for the whole night. There was no more picking her up from the sitter at three in the morning when I got off a shift.

I didn't dread the job conversation with Becky anymore. At some point she was going to grow up and ask me what my job was. Now I wouldn't have to lie or give a huge explanation justifying my actions. Things were easy now.

But they were hard too. The hardest part was the loneliness. Sometimes, after Becky went to bed, I would pretend that Colt was coming to pick me up on a date. Once I even went outside and stared at my yellow car. I stroked the yellow hood and remembered the words from my dream. "I love you, babe."

Janice tried to take me out dancing or drinking at bars to meet a guy. She'd never done that before I quit the club, so I knew she was taking pity on me and wanted me to go out, have a life.

I picked up the phone a million times to call Colt. Once, after a night out with Janice, I called him after my third appletini. He didn't answer; I didn't leave a message. He never called back.

Every time I heard the pipes on a Harley, I looked. Roach and the other prospects gave me my s.p.a.ce, but they were always there. Never him.

I put away my last file and grabbed my purse. Karen and a couple of the other girls would be meeting me at a bar tonight. Janice was watching a movie with Becky until I got home. Everything was perfect. Except for me-I was walking around with a big hole inside me.

Slinging my purse on my shoulder, I waved goodbye to the janitor and left the office. I headed out to the parking lot, where my yellow SUV was parked under the oak tree.

My phone buzzed. Probably Janice asking if she could order pizza. Glancing down, I saw a familiar number. Tate.

Party tonight. Be our guest.

I almost dropped my phone. It was the first time Tate had texted me since I left the clubhouse. I wondered if he had found a replacement yet. Probably not, if he was texting me. But there was no way I could do it. The thought of turning a trick made my skin crawl. I had thrown out all of my dancer costumes. Now I was just a plain old suburban single mom, with a wardrobe of sensible slacks and black flats to prove it.

Bettes says hi.

I sat in my car and stared at my phone. Bettes wanted me there. Tate's old lady. Now that I was no longer a wh.o.r.e, had I somehow been accepted into the realm of old lady? Although it would be a pretty weird status since I didn't have a man.

Well, I did have a man. He just lived in California and didn't care enough to even talk to me. Sure, he sent me gifts because he felt guilty about what had happened between us, but he'd probably already found someone to date. A nice girl who wasn't a retired hooker.

After backing out my car, I drove through the parking lot. If I turned left, I could go out with Karen from the office and go home to cold pizza. If I turned right, I could go visit the guys at the club and pretend I was Colt's old lady.

I turned right.

On the drive there, I kept telling myself that I only wanted to see the guys, catch up on what I had missed. I would just go, say hi and leave. That was it.

Because it was just past five o'clock, I got stuck in the famous Seattle traffic. All the commuter traffic was fleeing downtown, so I sat in stop-and-go on the freeway. I thought about texting back, telling them I would be on my way, but I didn't. If I chickened out just before I got to the clubhouse, I didn't want anyone to know.

The parking lot at the club was packed. Row after row of shining chrome parked in orderly lines. One thing I'd learned in my time working at the club was that bikers were fastidious about parking their bikes. It always made me laugh, until I figured out the reason why. They often needed to make a fast getaway. Lining up their bikes facing outward in almost military precision was a must.

But this was more bikes than I'd ever seen at the clubhouse. This was more like a rally or a run, not that I'd ever been to one.

The big metal door was propped open, so I walked in. It was a sea of black leather. The bar was basically standing room only. There had to be nearly fifty guys, all crammed in, and I didn't know a single one of them. No one really noticed me as they drank and smoked and laughed.

The patches on their backs all said Demon Horde. This was Colt's club. My heart dropped. What the h.e.l.l was going on?

I looked around and spotted a bit of red among the black. Bettes. Fighting my way through the crowd, I found all of the women gathered around a table in the back.

"What's going on?" I had to yell. There wasn't any music playing, but with so many conversations, it was hard to hear.

"It's a patch-over," Bettes said in my ear as she gave me a hug.

Theresa, Mule's old lady, stepped up to hug me as well. It was a surprise. I guess now that I was no longer a wh.o.r.e, all was forgiven? I hugged her back. No matter what had caused the change, I was glad for it.

Holy s.h.i.t. The women were all wearing their Property Of vests. I looked around at the throng of people and back to the ladies. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen one of them wearing their vests. It was just a black leather vest, but on the back was a patch declaring that they were property of their man. Whatever was going on, it was big.

"Who is patching in?"

Theresa looked at me, confused. "You should know. It was the whole reason Colt came up here. Didn't he tell you?"

I narrowed my eyes. What was Theresa talking about? The wives and old ladies had always given me a cold shoulder. Were they playing a trick on me?

Bettes slung her arm around me. "I don't think they had much time to talk. All of their alone time was spent doing something else."

The girls laughed and I looked around, confused. If Colt was in town, Tate or Skeeter or someone would have told me. What was going on?

I should find one of the guys and ask what was up. But I had worked at the club long enough to know that you don't ask a biker his business. There were a lot of other bikers here, from the Demon Horde-something official was going on.

I craned my neck around and searched the crowd.

"You're not gonna find him. They're having church right now," Bettes explained. "They'll all be out in a minute. The Kings are patching in to the Horde."

My knees went weak. I would see Colt again. If the Kings were patching into the Horde, Colt might be up in Tacoma from time to time. I caught myself before I could fall over. d.a.m.n, I was a pathetic idiot. It had been four months since he left without a word. If he wanted me, he would have told me by now.

A huge roar went through the crowd and I turned to look. All of my friends, the guys I missed so much, were walking out of the meeting room. Each one wore a brand-new cut. The black was dark and not faded, the leather wasn't creased. Most of the guys looked happy, a few were stone-faced.

A smaller man was out in front. He jumped up onto a barstool and threw his arms in the air. The crowd quieted instantly. Whoever this small man was, he was important.

"Let's hear it for the newest chapter of the Demon Horde!"

The cheering began, long and loud. Bettes gave me a hug.

After a minute, the crowd quieted again, but I couldn't really see what was going on. I strained to see over heads, but my view was totally blocked.

"I'd like to introduce the new VP of the Tacoma chapter of the Demon Horde, Bart Coulter."

Who was that? I strained to look.

Colt.

His name was Bart?

We were in the same room together, but it was so f.u.c.king crowded, I couldn't see a thing. I stopped jumping and replayed the stranger's words. Colt was the new VP of Tacoma. He was going to live here. In Tacoma. With me.

Well, not with me, but in the same town as me. Would that make it easier or worse? Would he actually talk to me?

I had just learned his f.u.c.king name. Colt, a shortened version of his last name, was probably his road name. I was hopelessly in love with a guy and I didn't even know his name.

Tequila burned my throat as I downed the shot that Theresa handed me earlier.

The crowd was still roaring and guys were making toasts when I realized something.

"I shouldn't be here." I threw my red plastic cup in the garbage and smiled at Bettes. "Thanks for inviting me, it was good to see you. But I think I should go."

She protested. I could hear her through the mess of voices as I made my way to the door. But I didn't care. I couldn't go through it again. Knowing Tate, strippers were gonna be walking through the door in a few minutes and I wasn't gonna be there.

I was happy for Colt, but I needed to be happy too. I was never going to be happy with my new life if he was always hanging around, just beyond my reach.

"Hey, little lady, where are you running off to? The party is just getting started."

The widest man I'd ever seen had his hand on my shoulder. They probably had to kill an entire cow just to make his cut. He was strong, not an ounce of fat, just wide.

"Hey. Hands off, Maori."

I closed my eyes. f.u.c.k. I was caught. It was Colt.

"Is this your lady?" The heavy pressure of the man's hand lifted. "Swear to G.o.d I didn't know. Congratulations, man."

I dared to peek and Colt was staring at me. He gave me a little smile, then turned back to the other guy. "Thanks, man."

They shook hands and I took that as my cue to flee. I yanked open the door and gulped in the cold December air. I ran as fast as my sensible low heels could carry me.

"Wait! Krista, stop!"

Colt was close behind. I knew from experience that he could outrun me or catch me, or tackle me to the ground. Slowing my pace until I stopped, I faced him.

"Here." I held the keys out to him. "All the rest is still in my account. I never spent it. Just tell me where to send it, okay?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and dangled the keys between us, waiting for him to take them.

He folded my fingers around the keys and then closed his hand over mine. "It's yours. The money too. I just wanted to take care of you. Make sure you were safe."

I shook my head. "I don't want to be taken care of, I don't want you to feel responsible for me. I just want to be loved."

I crossed my arms over my chest. Whatever he was going to say next was gonna hurt like h.e.l.l and I couldn't put myself through this again.

He rubbed my arms and I looked away. I needed to protect myself from him. If I didn't, I was going to end up even more broken than last time.

"I thought we were on our way to something good and then everything happened and I woke up and you were gone. You left me, Colt. And now you're back and you think we can be some sort of friends?" My hands were shaking, my head was shaking. "No, I can't do this. I can't do this!"

The second time, I yelled it. I needed escape, needed to let my anger out. I had been remembering only the good times, but now that he was here in front of me, I remembered the bad times too. There were so many. In fact, they outnumbered the good times.

He put his arms around me and crushed me to him. He smelled like leather and sunshine. G.o.dd.a.m.n me, I caved and sobbed against him. I'd dreamed for weeks of him holding me like this. I'd dreamed that he would take me in his arms and tell me he loved me. Tell me he always wanted to be with me.

"Yeah. I did. I left you. I was a f.u.c.king a.s.shole about it too." Letting go of me, he walked to his bike. He pulled a bouquet of wilted yellow daisies out of his saddlebag. "They're a little beat-up, I bought 'em when I got out of the joint, because I love you, Krista, and I want to have a life together."

"You love me?" I wiped my tears and stared down at the nearly dead yellow flowers. "Where the h.e.l.l did you go? No word for months. Nothing."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to do this right, not in the middle of a parking lot. And these-" He grabbed the flowers out of my hands. "They look like s.h.i.t. I should have gotten you something nicer. They were the first thing I did when I got out. I bought them and drove straight up here."

I wasn't about to let go of the flowers. So we both held on to their limp stems and stared at each other.

"I was in jail." He searched my eyes as if he didn't know what to say. "After I visited you at the strip club, the cops picked me up for a.s.sault on Robby. That's why I never came by. The charges were dropped, thanks to Tate, but my parole officer knew I was out of state. I made a deal to spend a few months in prison if they would transfer my parole up here to Seattle."

Oh G.o.d. His silence had been his way of planning for our future. I took the flowers away from him and sniffed them. They smelled like exhaust-it was beautiful.

Leaning close, he whispered into my ear. "I was afraid too. Afraid that you wouldn't love me. When I came up here, I hadn't felt anything in a long time. This had stopped." He picked up my hand and put it on his chest, right over his heart. "But the second I put you and Becky on the back of my bike, it started again. It beats so hard now that it hurts. Will you let me try? Will you give me a chance?"

Once upon a time, I had hoped that Robby would be my husband and Becky's father. But I realized now that Colt was my true partner.

I moved close to him and cupped his face. "I love you. I want to try a life together." I wanted to spend Friday nights on the couch with him and Becky watching annoying kids' movies, I wanted to spend Sat.u.r.day morning curled up in his arms. I wanted him to be in my life. Our life.

I pulled him down for a kiss. "I want to try too," he said, just before his lips closed over mine.

Epilogue.

Krista.

The boys had just come back from a run, so I was pouring whiskeys by the dozen. It was nice that I was no longer wearing a bikini or bustier. Just jeans and a pair of boots. My workday at the accounting firm was over and Becky was at a sleepover with a friend.

Skeeter had done something silly on the run and everyone was taking turns making fun. We all laughed and I looked up. Colt was smiling at me. He winked and tilted his head. Upstairs.

After pouring the drinks, I made sure no one was watching and snuck up to my old room. It had been redecorated now. The room was now just a single guest room.

As I opened the door, Colt lounged on the twin bed. "Hey, babe."

The door shut behind me as I walked over to him. Straddling his legs, I sat on his lap and put my arms around his neck. "Hey."

He pulled me to him and kissed me. We'd done this a few times before and it always led to some pretty hot s.e.x on this tiny little bed. But after just one kiss, he pushed me away.

"I've got something for you. A little present."

I laughed and grabbed for his d.i.c.k. "I'll bet you do."

He caught my wrist and grinned. "The present is in the closet."

He was definitely up to something. I got off his lap and walked over to the closet.

The only thing hanging was a black vest. There was nothing on the front, but when I turned it around there was one patch.

Property of Colt.

He'd been living with me for the last six months. I knew it was serious between us, but this was the first time we'd ever really discussed it.