"Did you cook dinner?"

"No, I ordered pizza and had it delivered." I raised my hands, showing her the box from Lou Malnati's. I wasn't sure what she would want, so I had them send over wings, a salad, and then my favorite deep dish pizza: the Malnati Chicago Cla.s.sic.

Naturally, like everything else that surprised me, Ami went straight for the pizza.

"You like pizza, eh?" I asked, leaning against the island in the kitchen as she sat at the bar eating. Reaching behind me, I grabbed two bottles of water and handed her one.

"They never had pizza like this where I came from."

"No?"

"Nope. Just regular food like burger joints and your occasional Mexican restaurant."

"Wow, the rest of the world is missing out." I took a bite of my own slice, trying not to talk with my mouth full. "This was the first place I ate at when I moved to Chicago."

She nodded, eating her own pizza in silence.

"How long have you lived here?"

"Oh, uh, about eight months. I was living with Dave Keller, one of my teammates, but he gets around and I didn't really want to be living with anyone."

"Gets around?" Ami moved from standing beside me to sitting on the counter.

"Yeah..." Shifting my stance and leaning with my side pressed to the island, I smirked at her question. "...like sleeps with a different girl every night type of getting around."

Again, she nodded but said nothing else. I couldn't help but wonder if she thought I was the same way. Most people would have thought that, and while I'd been known to indulge a little, I wasn't exactly on the starting line-up in that game.

I brushed the thoughts away, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable, and changed the subject.

I showed her around the rest of my place and where she could sleep in the guest room. She seemed tired and wanted to take a shower. I let her take one in my bathroom because Callie had once told me my guest bathroom was just not suitable for women.

We had just said goodnight when I heard a knock on my door. "Evan?"

"Yeah?" I sat up and looked toward the door. Ami was standing, looking at me with a mixture of fear and sadness. "Can I...be with you in here?"

Say what?

"I...uh...do you want to sleep in my bed? I can sleep on the couch or something?" I was clueless. I had no idea what her intention was until she moved to stand by the bed.

"No..." she shook her head, her eyes on mine "...with you...in your bed."

f.u.c.k.

"I'm sorry." She moved away from my bed with one step back. "Never mind."

Ami didn't want to be alone and things like sleeping with the lights on, checking the locks on the doors, all that s.h.i.t I understood. She didn't have to feel bad. Losing her whole family, what happened to her that night, all that s.h.i.t was far worse having to go through it than hearing about it. She had every right to be like this.

"No..."Shifting my place on the bed, I reached out grabbing her hand. "...You can stay."

Ami blinked, relieved. "Thanks. Not only am I a little...scared. Your guest room is freezing."

My phone beeped by the bed. Leo sent me a text. You f.u.c.k the girl yet?

He was so vulgar sometimes it was disturbing.

f.u.c.k off, was my reply.

Pulling back the covers, she moved to get in the bed with me. I moved over giving her enough room. That was when her eyes were drawn to the large windows in my room. "Wow, that's an amazing view to wake up to."

I wasn't looking at the view. Nope.

I groaned when I realized she was only wearing my T-shirt that she'd borrowed when she got under the covers. "Put on some sweatpants or something." She hesitated, looking down at me, my eyes begging, hers teasing.

"You're awfully bossy in the bedroom, aren't you?" Her brow arched, ignoring me, and slipped on the covers.

f.u.c.k. I'm so f.u.c.ked.

Certainly, I knew what her staying with me meant. But this...her sleeping in my bed... Nope, didn't think that would happen.

"I'm willing to be when needed," I said, giving her a wink, teasing both of us.

Despite my request, we lay there together, both of us staring at the ceiling until she rolled over. "Sorry about invading your room. I couldn't sleep alone."

"I understand." Turning, I propped myself up on my arm, looking down at her, and I was right. I was so f.u.c.ked because right now I'd do anything to make her feel nothing of what she was feeling. "Is it getting easier?"

Ami gave a shrug. "It's easier now."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

With her lying beside me, the light coming in from the windows providing just enough so I could see her eyes close, she started remembering. "I remember I used to lay awake at night while Andrew would practice throwing pitches to my dad, throwing fast b.a.l.l.s and curve b.a.l.l.s, and I loved the slap it made. I used to fall asleep to that. Now, sometimes, it's all I hear when I'm trying to sleep. It's comforting, but it reminds me of a time I will never get back."

"How come you weren't with them?" I asked, still staring at the window.

"I was at the beach with Josh, my boyfriend, at the time. We had just made it to his parents' beach house the day Andrew flew out to California with my parents. I didn't go because..." Her cheeks flushed, even in the dark I could see that. "Josh and I had planned to stay for the night...to be alone..."

I caught on pretty quickly as to what she was referring to.

"How did you find out?" I blinked, and she knew what I was asking.

"Josh and I had literally just gotten there and my cell phone started ringing. It was Aunt Kaye, my dad's sister. She was hysterical, and I just knew. It was...I'm not even sure. I've never really thought about it or talked about it. Maybe it will help. I don't know." She seemed to mentally prepare herself. "It was the worst day of my life. Every nightmare I'd ever thought about coming true had in one afternoon."

I squeezed my eyes shut, turning the other way as she continued.

"I never thought I would be able to forget, and I don't want to forget, but I want to move on. I can't live my life grieving them because there are things I could be missing out on. You can't see something shining if you're eyes are closed."

"What was the first memory you had when you woke in the hospital?" I asked, trying not to let on how difficult it was to talk to her about this. I never wanted to push, but I was curious. I learned so much about her when we talked like this.

"It wasn't a memory. It was a voice. I remembered a voice." Her eyes were on mine, carefully watching. "I remembered you for some reason. Not your face, not your eyes, but your voice."

"You were pretty out of it when I found you." The days that she was completely out of it, supported by machines, I was there every day that I could be, talking to her. In a way, I liked to believe I got her out of that coma.

I bent forward and kissed the side of her face, not caring what it meant. I was also kissing a scar that remained from her attack. "There's something about this spot right here that I have to kiss," I said, teasing her with a light tickle on her hip, trying to bring her out of the sadness. "It brought me starry blue eyes..." I kissed up her temple and then her forehead and felt her smile. "I know that's s.h.i.tty to say because it nearly took your life, but it brought me you."

Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't seem upset. Instead, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips once and then curled into my side.

Touching the side of her face, my thumbs brushed her tears aside. "I can't stop thinking about you. I don't want to, but the thoughts are there...and I want them to be there. I know that you don't need someone like me falling for you. Christ, I'm supposed to tell you that we shouldn't be doing any of this, be like this, but I can't. I can't do it."

Ami smiled, her tears gone. "You sound like a girl right now."

"Shut up and get over here." I couldn't hide it anymore, and I didn't want to. I really liked Ami. She was feisty, loving, carefree, and she was exactly what someone like me needed.

My breath became shallow as the desire got stronger. I wanted her hands on me. I wanted to give her the weight of my body and feel her beneath me. I wanted her lips on me again.

f.u.c.k.

Ami wasn't doing any better, her breathing harsher, heavier, and d.a.m.n near panting.

She stared up at me for a moment, and I couldn't stop myself and pressed my lips to hers again. Reaching my other hand around to the side of her face, I gently secured her lips to mine.

She must have heard me groan when her hands found my hair, and then she rolled slightly onto her back bringing me with her between her legs. Then, just as I had imagined time and time again in my dreams, my body pressed into her, and f.u.c.k if it wasn't everything I had been imagining.

My hands started shaking at what this meant, and I saw her in the snow again, limp, blood covering her body. G.o.dd.a.m.n it! Not again.

Not wanting to move, in fear I would scare her, I propped myself up on one arm, still kissing her, trying to push those thoughts away. Maybe sensing my sudden change, she grasped the back of my shoulder, attempting to tug me down on top of her, slightly succeeding. Ami was tiny; I wouldn't give her all my weight. I lowered her back until she was lying flat, but still hovered over her, dipping down to find the skin on her neck.

It wasn't enough.

She tugged more, raising her legs up and around my waist. I felt her heart over my own as she covered me with her mouth. Every part of me was hard, and every part of me throbbed to the beat of her innocent heart.

"f.u.c.k..." I groaned, and she knew exactly what she'd done and giggled, dropping her head back against the pillow.

"Can all hockey players kiss like you do?" she asked, her grin displayed in her tone.

I smiled around her lips, not wanting to pull away. "I don't usually go around kissing hockey players so I wouldn't know."

"I should ask Leo," Ami teased, threading her fingers in my hair and giving me a squeeze. "He'd know."

"Don't you dare," I growled, lowering my lips to hers again. Resuming our kisses, her fingers tugging at my hair, I lost myself. I was so f.u.c.king worked up I had to keep reminding myself I couldn't have s.e.x with her.

No. I couldn't have s.e.x with her. She wasn't ready for that. Eventually, we stopped kissing when I felt like it had gone too far. It took everything I had to keep from having s.e.x with her.

"Evan?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember when you walked into the hospital that day and I was awake?" Ami looked over at me, her hands tucked under the pillow, her cheek pressed into the pillow staring at me. I nodded so she continued, "I was so happy to see you, and then I thought I shouldn't be this happy. After everything I went through, it's wrong to be happy, right?" I was about to respond, but she kept talking. "Then you spoke and I knew that it was okay to feel that because you were the one I had been dreaming about. It was you."

I gave her another kiss on the forehead and said nothing else. I guess I just thought if I said something, I would either say the wrong thing by accident or ruin her moment of clarity, so I kept quiet.

I found it amazing that Ami could talk so openly about what happened to her and be like this-s.e.xual-even after what happened. It all just reminded me that she really didn't need to me to protect her. She just needed me.

Ami looked over at me one last time, and I never wanted to forget that look. It was relief that she finally had someone that was fighting for her.

I would like to say that look was all I saw but at night, when she would sleep, I saw the fear, the sadness, and the hurt. I saw it in the cold sweats, the sobbing as I held her in my arms, and her inability to sleep soundly. She remembered more than she wanted anyone to know.

Chirp To talk trash to another player.

Leo and I met in the lobby. I had just left Ami in my condo for morning practice before the game. His first question: "Did you f.u.c.k her?"

"Shut up, man," I said, staring at the numbers on the elevator as we pa.s.sed by each floor. "Stop being so nasty."

"Being nasty would be me saying I bagged Granny B last night," he informed me. "That would be nasty. Now..." His expression took on a contemplative side he didn't have. "...you f.u.c.king a girl you've been hung up on for months, there's nothing wrong with that."

"Leo..." my voice rose slightly, letting him know I'd had enough, "...she was raped. Do you honestly think me f.u.c.king her is a good idea?"

Leo shrugged. "I never said it was a good idea. I was just looking for details had you f.u.c.ked her."

"f.u.c.k off."

If you hadn't noticed, a hockey player's favorite word was f.u.c.k. It was said so often on the ice and off that none of us could have a conversation without sneaking it in there more than necessary.

"Dude..." Leo looked back at a girl that pa.s.sed by us. She glared at him. "What the f.u.c.k is with that chick? She always gives me this look over her gla.s.ses that blatantly gives her aversion to the fact that I'm even allowed in the building."

Leo thought that everyone liked him. Most did, but there were a few girls that had slept with him and formed some sort of posse. It happened to Remy, too. They liked to tell people they were nice guys.

And they were...if you only knew them for ten minutes and hadn't slept with either of them. That girl, the one that was judging him, she knew exactly how nice of a guy Leo was.

"She's that girl you let blow you in the elevator a few months back."

"What's her name?"

"Ask your d.i.c.k." I shrugged. "Maybe he knows."

"I never called her again, did I?"

"I'm sure that glare gives the answer to that question."

"Well s.h.i.t," he said, scratching his mop of curls. "An att.i.tude like that I'm glad I didn't call her."

When we got inside Leo's car, I looked over at him. He groaned. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a douche for not calling that chick."

I laughed. "It's not a look man. It's a realization."

Game 64 Vancouver Canucks.