Chapter 123

Coward

Notice Temporarily unedited, read at your own risk

By the end of dinner, aside from Lian Jun, the other six people at the table were all completely drunk.

The first to get drunk was Li Jiuzheng. Hed drunk too much baijiu at once and knocked himself out. The second was Rong Zhouzhong, whod been drinking with him; he fell asleep on the table not long after Li Jiuzheng pa.s.sed out.

After that were s.h.i.+ Weichong and Fei Yujing, whod drunk a lot while eating and talking. The remaining two, s.h.i.+ Jin and Xiang Aoting, seemed to have been focusing on eating, having a good time chatting about the ingredients. s.h.i.+ Jin was very interested in this topic. He urged Xiang Aoting to taste this wine and that wine with him, and those sips imperceptibly added up to be a lot of alcohol. By the time Lian Jun noticed something was wrong, they were already slumping in their chairs, blurry-eyed.

Lian Jun pulled s.h.i.+ Jin, who was sagging in the chair and talking nonsense, into his arms and let him lean against his chest. He gently stroked the teenagers cheek, then called Gua One.

Gua One stepped into the dining room and waited for orders.

Take them to the guest rooms and ask Uncle Long to take a look and see if theyre fine. Remember to feed them hangover prevention medicine, Lian Jun ordered. He stood up supporting s.h.i.+ Jin, who was drunk but still awake, and led him towards their room.

Gua One acknowledged the order and took out his phone to call for helpers.

s.h.i.+ Jin followed Lian Jun out. When he was about to leave the dining room, the daze in his eyes cleared for brief a moment and he glanced back at his brothers, pa.s.sed out around the table.

They got drunk on purpose, he whispered, not knowing who he was talking to. This way, if they woke up tomorrow and found their hopes and efforts came to nothing, they could lie to themselves that it was all a dream What sly and timid guys.

Lian Jun followed s.h.i.+ Jins gaze, silently agreeing with himthese people pa.s.sed out drunk almost at the same time, which was too coincidental for it not to be intentional.

Theyre all cowards. s.h.i.+ Jin turned to the front again and leaned against Lian Jun. Me too But I still have you. Lian Jun, dont leave me or Ill die.

Lian Juns arm tightened around s.h.i.+ Jin, and he lowered his head to kiss the younger mans forehead. I wont, Ill always be with you, he said, leading him forward.

Thats good. s.h.i.+ Jin put all his weight on him, rubbing his head against his shoulder. He was quiet for a moment, then said suddenly, Lian Jun, my name is s.h.i.+ Jin.

Lian Jun turned his head to glance at him.

Death Progress Bar is translated by Betwixted Translations. Read on the original translators site to get the fastest updates!

My fathers name was s.h.i.+ Lei and my mothers Lan Xiao. They lived in a town called Huaiyang and ran a small grocery store. I was adopted by them at birth My dad was a gentle man, kind and thoughtful. My mom seemed a bit fierce, but she was actually all bark and no bite They were good people and wouldve definitely liked you very much.

You know, I actually had a local childhood name, Dazhuang. My mom gave it to me. According to her, children with local names grew well. Until I went to elementary school, I thought my name was s.h.i.+ Dazhuang. Later, in order for me to get used to my formal name, dad actually changed the name of their store to JinJin Grocery Store. They were adorable, dont you think? These are my parents Completely different from s.h.i.+ Xingrui.

Lian Juns fingers trembled, and he turned to hug s.h.i.+ Jin tight.

s.h.i.+ Jin leaned into him, affectionately rubbing against him with his cheek. Dont worry, Im not schizophrenic or delusional. What I said is true, its my actual life experience Believe me, okay? Im really not crazy.

I believe you, Lian Jun said, finding it difficult to form words, and soothingly stroked s.h.i.+ Jins back. I know youre not crazy, you wouldnt lie, I know.

s.h.i.+ Jin hugged him back. Seeming both drunk and clear-headed, he replied, I knew youd say that, youre always so good to me Actually, it doesnt matter if you believe me or not. Im drunk right now, and its normal for a drunk to say nonsense. Just listen, you can forget it after hearing it

Lian Jun tightened his embrace even more.

The two hugged quietly for a while, then continued to walk towards their room.

The alcohol seemed to be getting better of s.h.i.+ Jin because his words were becoming disjointed and incoherent.

Im actually the same age as you And Im a real police officer, Im not kidding you, Ive been one for several years now Wait, let me count if I already died once or twice In the beginning, I only had some blurry recollections. s.h.i.+ Weichong, Li Jiuzheng, or s.h.i.+ Xingrui and whatnot, I didnt remember any of them, they were all strangers, names printed in a book, completely unrelated to me You know, its really weird. Back then, my parents were really opposed to me becoming a policeman, saying it was a hard and dangerous job, but I still insisted on going to the police academy. Why I was so dead set on it, though

They finally reached their room. Lian Jun took s.h.i.+ Jin to the bathroom, took off his clothes, and helped him into the bathtub, then turned on the shower to wash the alcohol smell off s.h.i.+ Jins body.

s.h.i.+ Jin stared vacantly at the falling spray of water. I remember, he said, his eyes looking a little less blurry. Id been crying for help, kept praying for someone to save me. The pain, the hatred, I just wanted someone to come and save me, to come and take me out of there. How could someone like me, who grew up pampered and spoiled, endure it Wait, was it me? No, it shouldnt have been me Im this s.h.i.+ Jin, not that s.h.i.+ Jin, cant be that s.h.i.+ Jin

Lian Juns grip on the handle of the showerhead tightened until his knuckles turned white.

But why no one came to save me No, Fourth Brother saved me once. Hes amazing Then, if I become like him, I could save myself, right? I worked really hard, didnt I? I did my best so that Ill be able to save myself

Lian Jun took a deep breath. With his backhand, he wiped the tears that appeared in the corners of his eyes, then put down the showerhead and leaned over to hug s.h.i.+ Jin tightly.

s.h.i.+ Jin leaned against him, watching the steam rising in the bathroom. His eyes cloudy again, he whispered, After Dad died, my brothers became different. I dont really care about the money, they could take it all if they wanted, but how can people change so completely in an instant? Before, when I smiled at them, they smiled at me too. Later, when I smiled, they would only look at me with a cold expression and hostility, or mockingly, or hesitantly, or with murderous intent I mustnt cry, if I cry, Ill be hated even more Im still the same me, so why is everyone treating me differently? Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?

No, Lian Jun finally spoke, his voice low and tense with repressed emotions. Youre very good and from the beginning, youve been doing very, very well.

So, Ive saved myself? s.h.i.+ Jin asked, clutching onto his clothes.

You have. Not only yourself, you also saved me. You, too, are amazing.

s.h.i.+ Jins grip loosened, and he let go of Lian Juns clothes. Thats good he said, a smile of relief appearing on his face. Actually, I also am a coward. Without being drunk, I never wouldve had the courage to talk about some things

Lian Jun soothingly stroked his back. Youre not a coward. Youre brave, braver than anyone.

Really? Thats good s.h.i.+ Jins eyes fell closed, his face slightly flushed from the alcohol. As he fell asleep, he murmured, Xiao Si, dont cry, its noisy

Lian Juns hand stroking his back paused for a moment, then slowly resumed its motion. After a while, he said softly, Good night, s.h.i.+ Jin.

s.h.i.+ Jin slept until noon the next day. When he woke up, Lian Jun told him that his brothers had already left; they got up early and caught the first morning flight. He stared blankly for a moment, taken aback, then ma.s.saged his temples, throbbing with the hangover headache. I see. Its the end of the year, everyone is busy.

They left presents for you, Lian Jun said. Do you want to see?

s.h.i.+ Jin shook his head, looking dozy. It took him a while to completely wake up. We should be getting ready to go to the island, shouldnt we? he asked when he fully joined the world of the living. Youve been forced to stay indoors for so long; we need to go to a warm place so you can finally get some fresh air.

Lian Jun reached out and smoothed his lovers hair, messy from sleep. When do you want to leave? Gua Six already made all preparations over at the islandwe can set off at any time.

s.h.i.+ Jin replied, with a rare willfulness, Today, I want to leave today. After a reunion, there would obviously come a parting. Since everyone left, he didnt want to stay here alone.

Okay. Lian Jun leaned over to kiss him. Ill make arrangements.

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Since the decision to leave was made just before noon, even Lian Jun was only able to arrange the private jet flight for 11 p.m., barely managing to fulfill s.h.i.+ Jins wish to leave the same day.

Well only be able to sleep after getting on the plane, Lian Jun said, helping s.h.i.+ Jin pack. Half of the contents of the suitcase were textbooks.

s.h.i.+ Jin rubbed his stomach that was full of snacks, pretending not to see it. Then today, you must sleep longer at your nap time.

Will you accompany me? Lian Jun asked, putting down the textbooks.

s.h.i.+ Jin turned to look at him. Of course I will.

Death Progress Bar is translated by Betwixted Translations. Read on the original translators site to get the fastest updates!

After getting up from the nap, Lian Jun found that s.h.i.+ Jin was a little restless and often turned his head to look out the windows. It seemed to start after he read the text messages on his phone.

Lian Jun moved his wheelchair over to him. Do you want to go outside and make a snowman? By the time we come back, the snow should be long gone.

s.h.i.+ Jin frowned in thought. Yes, lets go. Well build a small one this year.

They went downstairs, to the same lounge they had used when making the snowman last year. s.h.i.+ Jin bundled both of them up, then led Lian Jun outside to the place where the snow was the thickest. He crouched, tugging Lian Jun down with him so they could roll s...o...b..a.l.l.s together.

You make the smaller s...o...b..ll and Ill make the big one, then well put it together. Itll be simple but still a snowman, s.h.i.+ Jin said, explaining his plan.

You dont want to make something more fancy? Lian Jun asked.

Next year, s.h.i.+ Jin replied, smiling at him. This year, lets stick to the traditional snowman shape.

Okay, Lian Jun returned the smile, knowing that this was out of concern for his physical condition.

As such, they ended up making a small snowman that only came up to s.h.i.+ Jins knees, and it didnt even take them twenty minutes. s.h.i.+ Jin was very satisfied. He took a photo with the snowman together with Lian Jun, then hurriedly took Lian Jun back inside to wash his hands and face with warm water to get rid of the chill.

Lian Jun felt a little distressed seeing s.h.i.+ Jin trying so hard to take care of him.

It was this dear person who should be carefully taken care of by everyone. Before he knew it, he reached out and pulled s.h.i.+ Jin into his arms.

Surprised, s.h.i.+ Jin tilted his head to glance at him sideways. Whats wrong?

If theres something you want to do, just do it, Lian Jun said, kissing s.h.i.+ Jins ear, reddened by the cold wind. Dont restrain yourself because youre concerned about me. What I want the most is for you to be happy.

s.h.i.+ Jin burrowed his head into his shoulder, hugging him tightly. He thought about the text messages that Rong Zhouzhong and Xiang Aoting had sent him that said Li Jiuzheng didnt look right when he left in the morning, and didnt speak.

It was getting dark, and the time of departure was drawing nearer and nearer. s.h.i.+ Jin kept glancing out the windows. Finally, just as the clock was about to strike seven, he stood up and looked at Lian Jun. I need to go out. Ill be back before 9:30.

Thats too late. Lian Jun shook his head. The flight is scheduled for 11 oclockwe need to leave for the airport at 9 oclock at the latest.

This brought s.h.i.+ Jin up short. Right, I forgot its the New Years Eve. The traffics gonna be nightmarish he said, patting himself on the forehead. Nevermind then, we

But if we leave now, there might be enough time to go where you want and make a short stop there, Lian Jun continued, moving his wheelchair forward to take s.h.i.+ Jins hand. What do you want to do? Gua Two and the others have already loaded all the luggage into the cars and the escort team is ready. We can set off at a moments notice.

s.h.i.+ Jin stared at him foolishly for a moment, then squeezed his hand. Then lets leave now. Id like to stop by the university town Is that fine?

Of course, Lian Jun replied, raising his lovers hand to his lips to kiss it.

The car drove down the street. Watching the increasingly familiar scenery of the university town rus.h.i.+ng by, s.h.i.+ Jin reached into his pocket and closed his hand on the key inside. It was the key to Li Jiuzhengs apartment, where he was going now.

As for why

He pulled out his phone, opened the messaging app, and swiped to the last text message Li Jiuzheng sent him this morning: [Thank you, I understand. Please continue to hate me, and I will continue to love you. Youre a gift from G.o.d, to be cherished dearly. See you in the new year [heart emoji]].

This sounded like something a melodramatic emo youth would send, which was Li Jiuzhengs typical messaging style. s.h.i.+ Jin usually didnt pay too much attention to them, but a familiar phrase that had been engraved in s.h.i.+ Jins memory made him unable to ignore this particular text message.

A gift from G.o.d, these words are really

Your fifth brother mustve already returned to Rongcheng, Gua Two, sitting in the front pa.s.senger seat, said. He glanced outside the window at the university town with not a soul in sight and rubbed his arms in an exaggerated manner. With all the students home for the holidays, this looks like a ghost town, especially at night. Ah, how scary.

He didnt return to Rongcheng, s.h.i.+ Jin replied, awakening from his thoughts. He looked in the direction of Li Jiuzhengs apartment. Thats where his mother and grandparents are buried. He wouldnt have gone back to spend the New Year there. At this time last year, Li Jiuzheng also stayed in B city, and immediately rushed to save s.h.i.+ Jin after accidentally receiving his call for help.

Yes, save. No matter Li Jiuzhengs later actions, when considering only the situation at that time, Li Jiuzheng did save him. In addition, in the previous life, Li Jiuzheng also saved the original s.h.i.+ Jin. The mental torture aside, at least when it came to s.h.i.+ Jins body, Li Jiuzheng fulfilled his responsibility as a doctornot only did he save his life after the serious car accident, but even brought him to his private hospital to personally care for him.

And that mental torture s.h.i.+ Jin thought of what Li Jiuzheng said in front of his mothers grave last year, and pursed his lips.

He suddenly understood some of Li Jiuzhengs thoughts and actions. This person was really like a child, s.h.i.+fting back and forth between pure good and pure evil, incapable of properly expressing his emotions and feelings.

Maybe, just maybe When Li Jiuzheng was saying all those terrifying words standing beside the original s.h.i.+ Jins hospital bed, and when he took out a scalpel and asked if he should help s.h.i.+ Jin be free from pain Maybe it wasnt meant to be as malicious as it came acrossmaybe, it was actually meant with kindness.

He was ill. Like s.h.i.+ Weichong, he broke, quietly crushed under the pressure of his parents emotions.

After all, doctors do not heal themselves. Perhaps, there was no pretense and no mask, and Li Jiuzhengs inconsistent moods were simply a manifestation of his illness.

When he was in pain, he wanted to drag everyone to h.e.l.l with him, and when he was back to his senses, he tried his best to seize the warmth that hadnt slipped away It was the same, they were all the same. Moreover, despite their similar circ.u.mstances, the original s.h.i.+ Jin had lived in happiness and surrounded by family love, however false it later proved to be. Li Jiuzheng, though, had nothingno true mother, father, or brothers. All he was given was a harsh reality and a huge pile of negative emotions he was unable to process.

What young geniusthis was nothing more than a pretty label forced on Li Jiuzheng. All there ever had been was a cornered kid who figured out this was the only way he could save himself. Childrens thoughts were sometimes really simple: the more they learned, the faster would they grow up, and when they were big, they would be able to solve whatever problems they struggled with, and find solutions to everyone elses problems, too.

But if youre dead, what should I do.

The words Li Jiuzheng once said suddenly flashed through s.h.i.+ Jins mind, and his scattered thoughts abruptly coalesced. He clenched the key in his pocket. His mind had never felt more clear and awake.

In his last life, Li Jiuzheng had long gone crazy. He lost his father and mother, and his relations.h.i.+p with his older brothers was completely utilitarian, and his only younger brother, who was special to him because of his mothers brainwas.h.i.+ng, was about to die. Whether they made him feel pain or hope, if all the people important to him were gone, what was he supposed to do? What could he do? What would a mentally ill person, that was now all alone in the world and had never mentally grown up, do?

For the first time, s.h.i.+ Jin had started to wonderwhat happened after the original s.h.i.+ Jin died? To the one who showed killing intent towards him countless times but never really acted on it, and instead had been trying to s.n.a.t.c.h him back from the angel of deathwhat happened to Li Jiuzheng?

The car slowed to a halt. s.h.i.+ Jin woke up from his thoughts and found theyd arrived in front of the residential building complex where Li Jiuzheng lived . He looked up at the floor his brothers apartment was on, and was seized by a sudden impulse.

Theres no longer any hope of helping the Li Jiuzheng of the past life. In this life, even if only to return the favor of saving, lets try again.

For the first time, he consciously accepted all the emotions that were filling his chest. With the experience of the twenty-six years old s.h.i.+ Jin, he a.n.a.lyzed and digested everything that s.h.i.+ Jin, who died at barely eighteen, could not understand.

Dont let your emotions control you. Its fine, you can do it.

He opened the door and got out of the car, heading towards the entrance to the building Li Jiuzheng lived. His steps became faster and faster until he broke into a run. He smashed the elevator call b.u.t.ton and rushed in the moment its door opened.

Is this really fine, Jun-shao? Gua Two asked with a frown, watching s.h.i.+ Jins disappearing back.

Lian Jun leaned back in his seat and reached out to touch the place where s.h.i.+ Jin had been sitting just a moment ago. Its fine, he knows what hes doing.

The elevator arrived at the top floor, and s.h.i.+ Jin strode to apartment number 3602. After adjusting his breathing, he took out the key and opened the door.

The apartment was dark and chilly, the heating not turned on. It didnt look as anyone was there, but s.h.i.+ Jin didnt hesitate and walked straight in. Sure enough, when he came into the living room, he saw a figure curled up on the sofa. I can only stay here for ten minutes at most or I will miss the flight, he said.

The person on the sofa didnt move, as if he were already asleep.

To be honest, Im afraid of you. I cant get over the fact that you wanted to kill me. s.h.i.+ Jin paused, and his voice relaxed a little. But youre right. Out of all us brothers, you and I are the most similar.

Maybe he imagined it, but the dark figure on the sofa seemed to curl up even tighter.

Lian Jun and I are going to Lian Juns island for the winter. Well spend the New Year there, too, s.h.i.+ Jin said, turning sideways. His hands in his pockets clenched so tight his knuckles turned white. If you want to go with us, pack up quickly and come downstairs. Ill only wait for you for five minutes Fifth Brother, I dont want to continue to hate you, its too tiring. I, too, want to be free.

Without checking if the person on the sofa was awake and heard him, he turned around and left this apartment that seemed to be void of human presence.

The opportunity had been given. Clinging to his last shred of rationality, he overcame the resistance and fear brought by the memories to extend his hand one more time. He had no spare energy left to care if the other party wanted to grab it.

Five minutes later, s.h.i.+ Jin looked at the door of the building that no one had pa.s.sed through. Lets go or well miss the plane, he said, glancing away.

Gua One started the car, but Gua Two suddenly said, Wait, someones coming out.

s.h.i.+ Jin raised his gaze and saw Li Jiuzheng running out of the building wearing only a s.h.i.+rt and trousers, hugging a mobile phone, ident.i.ty doc.u.ments, and some other belongings. Despite it being the middle of the winter, his forehead was covered with sweat. He paused at the door and looked around anxiously. Seeing the car that was about to leave, he rushed over and stopped in front of it, blocking the way. Xiao Jin, I-I want to go with you, he said, gasping for breath. I was looking for my ID, I forgot where I put it. Dont leave me, I want to go with you, please let me go with you.

s.h.i.+ Jin looked at him through the car window, seeming to see himself in the past, asking for help with all he could. He closed his eyes and reached out to open the door.

Hurry up and get in, we have a plane to catch.

Li Jiuzhengs eyes lit up with surprise and joy. He quickly walked around the car to the open door and got in, sitting down next to s.h.i.+ Jin. His body was racked by shudders, whether caused by the cold or something else.

s.h.i.+ Jin took out a blanket and wrapped it around him, and found out that Li Jiuzheng rushed out without shoes. By now, the snow that had stuck to his feet already melted, soaking his socks and staining the car floor mat.

Im sorry, I got the car dirty. Li Jiuzheng noticed s.h.i.+ Jin looking at his feet, and his expression turned embarra.s.sed.

Its fine. This time s.h.i.+ Jin took out a towel, motioning for his brother to take off the socks and dry his feet.

Li Jiuzheng hurriedly obeyed. His movements were anxious, like those of a child that was afraid of doing something wrong and being abandoned.

Translators Notes:

I had a local childhood name, Dazhuang

Translator: Eques

Eques:

This is an important chapter, so sorry for the grammar errors.

Lian Jun is still the epitome of perfection.