"Okay, I'll do it, but only temporarily. temporarily. You have to start looking for someone else to take over, like ASAP. That's my only stipulation." You have to start looking for someone else to take over, like ASAP. That's my only stipulation."

My mother nodded, relief flooding her features.

"Thank you, sweetheart," she said, squeezing my arm with affection. "I knew I could count on you to come through in the end."

As much as I wanted to be positive about my good daughter behavior, I couldn't help but feel like I'd just gotten myself into a very precarious position. One that I wouldn't be able to so easily extract myself from, no matter how hard I tried.

"boy, they so so totally conned you. I knew they were up to something when they put you on twenty-four-hour watch." totally conned you. I knew they were up to something when they put you on twenty-four-hour watch."

"Twenty-four-hour watch?" I said.

"Yeah, they wanted to make sure that no one kidnapped you, so they sent the Death Guardianship to your apartment."

So, that was who the giant dinosaur/monster thing and the homeless guy were, I mused thoughtfully. I mused thoughtfully. Death Guardians Death Guardians.

I was lying on my sister Clio's bed, staring at the purple lava lamp that sat like a talisman on her nightstand. There was something just so pleasant pleasant about watching the fat blobs of whatever the h.e.l.l was inside a lava lamp glide fluidly up and down the length of their gla.s.s enclosure. It was easy to get sucked into the lava lamp blob world. about watching the fat blobs of whatever the h.e.l.l was inside a lava lamp glide fluidly up and down the length of their gla.s.s enclosure. It was easy to get sucked into the lava lamp blob world.

"Callie, you're not listening to anything I'm saying, are you?" my sister said loudly in my ear. She had flopped down onto the plush, purple, hypoallergenic duvet-covered bed beside me while I was busy staring at the lava lamp blobs, so I didn't notice her until her words nearly punched out my eardrum.

"Ow, Clio," I said, rubbing my ear. "That really hurt."

"Sorry," she said, but she didn't really mean it.

"Why can't you let me slide into lava lamp oblivion in peace, huh? Leave me to contemplate my misery like any other good younger sister would if she were smart, and valued her life."

Clio laughed as she poked me in the arm with one of her purple-nail-polished fingers.

"Are you sure being someone's a.s.sistant is where it's at for you, Cal? 'Cause I think melodrama is your true calling."

I glared at her, but only for a minute. It was hard to be mad at someone as adorable as Clio.

Even with her shaved head and black-framed Buddy Holly gla.s.ses, she couldn't hide how breathtakingly beautiful she was. She had been the only one to really inherit our mother's beauty-but somehow that beauty had been convoluted by our father's genes, so that instead of the blond G.o.ddess features of our mother, Clio sported the tiny visage of a pixie child.

Her pale skin and pitch-black eyes and hair made such a shockingly gorgeous combination that Clio, in her infinite seventeen-year-old wisdom, had decided to shave her head to make herself look more normal.

It hadn't worked as well as she had hoped, but at least it did stop grown men from asking for her hand in marriage. Something that can be kind of embarra.s.sing when you're a freshman in high school and the "grown man" is your totally hot twentysomething subst.i.tute biology teacher.

I was pretty certain, though no one else in the family agreed with me, that Clio had Siren blood in her somewhere. My mother insisted that it was completely impossible, but I didn't think she'd own up to it even if it was true. No one in their right mind would want the Sirens a.s.sociated with their their family tree. family tree.

I hadn't seen her in three years, and I realized that she was the one member of the family that I'd have missed most-if I'd remembered that she existed.

"So, did they pull good cop, bad cop on you?" Clio asked.

"Huh?"

"Did one of them cry and the other yell? That's about as simple as I can put it for ya, sis."

Ignoring the insulting part of the question, I said, "I don't know. I guess so."

Clio rolled her eyes.

"How are you gonna run Death if you can't even tell when you're being manipulated by your own mother?"

"I know when I'm being manipulated, Clio. I'm not a complete idiot."

"Are you sure about that?" she said teasingly, then added, "Just kidding, Cal."

"I wish you were the age of consent," I said miserably. "You're much better suited for the job."

"That may be true," Clio agreed, "but I would hate to have Dad's job. It sucks sucks. He was always looking over his shoulder, worried someone was after his job. The stress alone was a killer."

She was right. I wouldn't wish being the Grim Reaper on anyone. The job did did suck, even if the benefits were pretty great. suck, even if the benefits were pretty great.

d.a.m.n it!

The memory of my probably impending firing came flooding back with a vengeance. Because of all this bulls.h.i.t, I would lose my job at House and Yard, and that would spell the end of any kind of New York-based career period if Hy had anything to say about it.

Double suckage.

Just thinking about the sad prospect of never being allowed inside the world of high fashion-no matter how how far away I was from it at the moment over at House and Yard-made me want to cry. far away I was from it at the moment over at House and Yard-made me want to cry.

"I can't believe I'm gonna lose everything I've struggled for all these years just because a bunch of jerks decided to steal Father and Thalia. I mean, they're immortal, aren't they? It's not like they can kill them or anything."

Clio didn't say a word, but the look on her face made me suddenly feel like my rhetorical questions might actually need answering after all.

"Uhm, Callie, weren't you listening to what Mom and Father McGee were saying? The Board wanted to strip the family of their immortality-and that included Dad, too."

"What?" I almost shrieked.

"If they took his immortality . . . well, I don't think it'd be pretty."

What kind of deal had had I gotten myself into here? I gotten myself into here? I thought miserably. I thought miserably.

"But you said yes," Clio continued. "So, as long as you don't get fired, or quit, Dad's safe."

I was terrible under pressure. All I had to do was think about getting fired, and somehow I'd make it happen.

Oh, s.h.i.t, this was so not not good. good.

"Earth to Callie," Clio said, rolling her eyes at me.

"Sorry. I was just . . . I mean, I can't believe Mother didn't tell me any of this."

Clio shrugged.

"Probably didn't want to make you freak, 'cause we all know you're the queen of psyching yourself out."

"Great," I said, feeling like the weight of the world had descended not only on my shoulders, but on my head, too. I had a terrible terrible migraine, and I knew that it would only get worse as the day wore on. migraine, and I knew that it would only get worse as the day wore on.

"Okay," I said calmly. "I just have to suck it up for a few days, and then when they find Father, I'm outta here."

Clio watched me as I stood up and began to pace around her room.

"That's exactly what I'll do," I mumbled to myself. "When it's all over, I'll go and beg Hy for my job back. I'll have to get on my hands and knees, but I can handle it . . ."

"I cannot believe you just said that. That is seriously seriously sad." Clio sighed, then hopped off the bed and moved to the desk, where her laptop sat. sad." Clio sighed, then hopped off the bed and moved to the desk, where her laptop sat.

I forgot to mention that Clio is a math and science genius. In her free time, she likes to play with algorithms and dissect any little critters that are crazy enough to cross her path.

Flipping up the top, she sat down at the computer and began to type.

"What're you doing?" I asked. "I'm in the middle of a crisis here, and you're playing Tetris."

"Tetris is so last millennium," she said. "Anyway, I'm just checking something."

"Checking what?"

I seriously wanted to know what could be more important than my own personal crisis.

She didn't look up.

"Checking the probability of success."

"The success of what?" I asked. Getting an answer out of Clio was like pulling wisdom teeth.

"Of you running Death, and not getting thrown into Purgatory your first day on the job," she said breezily.

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Clio."

She finished typing, then turned around in her seat to give me a big smile.

"Better odds than I would've thought," she said, her perfect white teeth glinting in the purple lava lamp-light.

"Yeah?" I said, waiting on pins and needles for her to give me the data.

"The computer gives you a seventy-two percent chance-"

That's not so bad, I thought. I thought.

"-of failure."

"A seventy-two percent chance of failure failure?" I yelped, nearly having a heart attack right there on Clio's floor.

"I thought you said it was better than you figured?"

She shrugged.

"I gave you a ninety percent chance of failure. Guess the computer's just a sap."

after i left my younger sister happily punching keys on her computer-probably trying to get the stupid thing to up its ratio of failure to success, the little witch-I went downstairs to find Jarvis.

Now that I was the new President and CEO of Death, Inc., Jarvis had become my my Executive a.s.sistant. Executive a.s.sistant.

I'm sure he'd already heard the good news good news and was trying to shove himself down the garbage disposal that very minute. and was trying to shove himself down the garbage disposal that very minute.

"Jarvis?!" I called as I walked down the long hallway that led from my sister's room to the front staircase. I had the vague recollection that the little guy had to come whenever my father called him, so I was hoping the perk had transferred over to me.

A moment later, Jarvis appeared right in front of me, nearly making me trip down the last two steps of the stairwell.

"d.a.m.n it, Jarvis! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Yes, mist-"

Jarvis stopped himself midsentence and glared at me. He had almost called me "mistress" again, and it made him fume.

Hee hee hee, well, at least this part of the job is gonna be fun, I thought to myself, feeling the migraine I'd been working on starting to disappear. I thought to myself, feeling the migraine I'd been working on starting to disappear.

"You called for me, Miss Calliope?" he said through gritted teeth as he followed me through the front foyer.

"Just Callie to you, my little friend."

He pursed his lips and shook his head in consternation.

"You know, you are expected at the offices in thirty minutes for a meeting with the Board," Jarvis began, but I ignored what he was saying in favor of my own question.

"Hey, just curiosity here, but aren't you supposed to do whatever I say?" I asked.

His face blanched like an egg. I could see his mind scrambling for some kind of answer that would save him from a fate worse than death, but happily, there was no respite.

"Isn't that part of the job? Like if I ask you to get me organic dim sum, you have to, like . . . do it. Right?"

Jarvis swallowed hard, and I could see that it was a strain for him to answer.

"Anything within reason-" he began, but I cut him off.

"No, I don't think that's what I remember, Jarvis. I think you gotta do whatever I ask. And I mean, like, everything everything."

"Yes, Miss Calliope. You have me. I must must do your bidding, but your father did not abuse-" do your bidding, but your father did not abuse-"

"I want organic dim sum on Hy's desk within the next ten minutes, no excuses. I also want a note from the President of Home and Yard, Inc., telling Hy that I've been sent on special a.s.signment-your choice, just make it exciting-and my position must be held open for me, no matter when my return is."

"But-"

"No buts, Jarvis."