Ted Brock news anchor, gave a brilliant white smile as he stared into the camera. He had dark hair, a fake tan, and his left ear had a bandage. Heidi Dinkins sat to the left side, his co-host. Blonde, beautiful, with a real tan, and busty.

"Good evening and welcome too this Friday the twelfth edition of KSPAZ news. Originally we were going to be talking about the Zombie War, but I decided I really didn't want to, so I have come up with something far better."

Heidi cleared her throat. "Excuse me Ted, no one told me about a change of program. I have all my segments set up for the war coverage." Ted just smiled.

"As I was saying, tonight we will not be recapping the highlights of the Zombie War as previously advertised. I mean really, what can be said about a war that lasted three days and fourteen hours? Then again when your enemy has no ability to pick up or use weapons, organize a defence, and has the attention span of an ADD kid on crack, the fact we won really comes as no surprise." Ted chuckled at his joke. Heidi did not.

"That's right, Ted. This war was not a challenge to our armed forces, but the mystery remains as to how the Zombie virus was released in the first place, thus making it a topic of significant interest."

"Yes, Heidi, I am sure people are dying to hear what you think, but as I was saying, tonight is going to be different. The end of the Zombie War led us into completely new territory. Millions of Zombies were captured. None of them were willing to talk, no matter how badly they were tortured. This stymied our military for some time."

"Actually Ted, the military knew they were unable to speak. They discovered very early on Zombies have no speech capacity." Heidi smiled at the camera, holding tight to the papers in front of her.

"Again, Heidi, you can put that in your bit for another time. Right now is my story. I would like the viewers to look at some fairly graphic re-enactments I have created. If you have children in the room, please cover their innocent eyes."

Ted reached under his desk and brought out some two by two foot poster boards. On them Zombie stick pictures were drawn being tortured by military stick figures. He sighed as if saddened by the creepy pictures and turned back to the camera.

"I apologize for the quality of these pieces, but our art department told me at the last minute they were too busy for my request, so I had to whip these up over the weekend. You can see the brutality was quite severe. The military denies it to this day, but what else can possible explain the horrible condition many of these Zombies were found in? Some of them looked as if they had just been dug out of the grave for Godsake. To make matters worse, it was discovered Zombies could not even talk."

Ted stopped and pinched his nose. He tried to see if he could squeeze out a few tears for the added dramatic effect. This story might be his best shot to get the hell out of this town and hit the big time. He shook his head and sighed, annoyed no tears would come.

"Sorry, folks, I just get a little emotional when I think of all the damage done to these poor creatures."

Heidi coughed. "I wouldn't actually call them poor creatures as they did eat thousands of people and terrorized the general populace for some time." The camera panned to Heidi.

Ted held a fake smile on his face. What the hell had gotten into Heidi tonight, she just would not keep her trap shut. What the hell was that about? She was just there so the network had a set of breasts on the payroll. He didn't care about her degree from Stanford, probably made the place up.

She always pitched stories about the Zombie Virus, pieces on the Zombie aftermath, or who to hold accountable for the outbreak. Like people were really interested in that. He knew what the people wanted, and tonight he planned on giving it to them.

"Heidi, while that is another interesting perspective, it is not what tonight's show is about. Tonight we are going to discuss the effects of the LDR movement. The Living Dead Reintegration is a daring, may I say even brave, endeavour being met with resistance at every turn. All this organization is trying to do is find a place for Zombies within our society." Heidi yelled as she threw the papers in front of her.

"The LDR movement? Are you insane? The controversy surrounding LDR is horrific, rumours of live autopsies, germ warfare, accidental infections, and not to mention the number of people getting infected and or killed during the reintegration process."

Ted ground his teeth so hard he actually felt a filling crack. What the hell had gotten into Heidi this week?

The only explanation, she had slept with the network head Jimmy Gillon. He probably told her she could speak. Fantastic, now he had to contend with a talking bimbo. Thank God he had the foresight to draw things out for her, he felt pictures made things easier to understand. Heidi already got more fan mail than he did, there was no way she would speak more.

"Heidi, obviously your sources are not as up to date as mine. I have data not only showing promise for LDR, but can ensure safe reintegration of the living dead back into our society."

Ted reached under the desk again and brought out another poster board. This one had a Zombie stick figure helping another stick figure across the road. In another a Zombie stick figure gave candy to a much shorter stick figure.

"As you can see, Zombies can be contributing members of society. This is what tonight's show will be about. I'm going to detail the process of how Zombies are reintegrated into society."

Ted stood and walked over to a screen. He proudly pointed to it as the image of a Zombie in a suit appeared.

"The proof is in the pudding, my friends. Tonight you will watch the amazing footage I caught with the help of my camera man as we went to LDR headquarters and recorded the reintegration process step by step. Afterwards, if you're not as convinced as I am that these Zombies are on the path of goodness, then nothing will sway you."

The lights went down in the studio and on the big screen Ted could be seen holding a stack of papers in front of the LDR building. He talked, but no sound came out.

"Goddammit, where is the mic? You always hide it on me to make me look like an ass. Wait, there it is. Okay turn it on in a few minutes."

Ted straightened his clothes, he wanted eyes on him and his impeccable sense of style. He tested his breath, then slicked back his hair to make sure everything was in place. Lastly, he picked his nose to make sure no boogers were visible. Last year, he had one hanging there for his entire interview with the CPA (Captain of the Poultry Association). People still handed him Kleenex boxes and laughed as they walked away.

"Hello, I'm Ted Brock, and tonight you will get an exclusive look at the arduous process a Zombie must go through in order to be accepted back into society. Then we will take a look at the various jobs they can do to help us. Follow me on this journey, my friends."

The camera man followed Ted into the building. The interior had an eerie ambiance, and used to be a psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane. Someone had chipped off some of the letters leaving only "IT ALL INSANE." The personnel walking around were all armed with guns, batons, and wore thick padding around their necks, arms, and legs.

John Simmons, the cameraman, spoke in a low voice. "Psst, Ted...don't you think we should have some weapons, or gear?"

"Of course not, John. This is a perfectly safe place. Let's go."

"Ted, maybe you can deal with the smell of rotting corpses emanating from every corner. Maybe the fact everyone here is in protective gear from head to toe doesn't make you the least bit suspicious. However it is making my ass twitch." John kept switching from one foot to the other.

"John, calm down, they won't let anything happen to us, I'm Ted Brock after all."

Ted did in fact have a gun in his breast pocket in case something happened. He also knew he would have a head start over John because of the weight of the camera.

The two walked down the hallway, John filming everything. There were blood smears and spatterings everywhere. Moaning and groaning could be heard echoing through the hallways. They came to a door with Phase One written on it in with a Sharpie.

"Hello, gentlemen, welcome to Phase One of the LDR program. In a second, the doors will open and all you have to do is head inside to begin your tour."

The voice came through an old intercom system. As the door opened the two men made their way inside. Ted wondered how fast John could run with the camera, he assumed not very.

John slowly went through the doorway, filming the whole time. The floor was covered in some sort of thick ooze, and the walls had a disturbing amount of blood on them and upon closer inspection many teeth as well.

A man in a stained lab coat came at them. Ted let out a small scream.

"Hello, there. You two must be from the news station. We heard you were going to come down here and give some positive attention to our little organization. I'm doctor Herron, the dentist in charge of Phase One."

Doctor Herron stood there with some sort of permanent grin on his face. He held onto a tank of some sort, either because he enjoyed the way it felt, or he needed the support. The smile still in place he reached out to shake the hands of the two men. However the brownish fluid on the gloves he wore prevented them from cooperating.

Ted looked at the blood stains covering the doctor's coat, then down to the sticky floor. He had no idea the things this room had witnessed, but he knew it was a bad sign the dentist wore more protective gear than a virgin on prom night.

"Hello, doctor Herron, it's nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan of your work. Can you tell me exactly what it is you do?"

Doctor Herron gave an odd smile at the comment, but didn't say anything.

"Of course, well as I said I'm the dentist in charge of Phase One. When the Zombies first arrive, they are at their most dangerous. As you know a bite from one of them results in immediate infection. To prevent this from happening they are brought to my office, and neutered by me." The dentist chuckled at his joke. Ted did not change his facial expression. John moved his legs uneasily.

"Very interesting, doctor Herron, and why would a dentist want to neuter a Zombie? Are you trying to tell me they can make baby Zombies?"

Another odd look from doctor Herron was sent Ted's way.

"Umm no, what I meant is, I remove all their teeth mister Brock. After which they can no longer bite anyone, and are essentially neutered." Ted fidgeted with his mic, avoiding thinking about the sticky floors.

"Right of course, I just wanted you to explain for our audience." Doctor Herron tilted his head to the side and smiled.

"Then let's get started with a demonstration. This is your lucky day. We just got in a shipment of fresh Zombies so you can witness the work we do here to help make Zombies safer, and easier to reintegrate back into society."

Ted and John watched as doctor Herron grabbed the laughing gas, placed the mask on himself inhaling deeply.

"Right then, let's start yanking some teeth, guys."

Ted looked terrified, and John got as close to the door as possible. Doctor Herron looked totally at ease as he pressed a button.

"Bring it in." He removed his finger from the button and smiled at the two men.

Ted went rigid and casually put his hand inside his coat jacket so he could hold onto the gun.

A door in the back of the room creaked open and a Zombie appeared with three men covered in protective gear. A thick collar hung around the Zombie's neck which helped the men keep control over it with via a rabies stick. There were rusty shackles on its wrists and ankles which also aided in controlling it. Ted watched in horror as the Zombie entered, and the two now shared a room.

Ted began to turn green, the smell of the place getting worse. He had to fight back the rising bile, it became overwhelming.

Ted watched John get a close up with the camera, showing flesh hanging loosely, and in some places falling off of the Zombie.

Ted swallowed the gorge rising in his throat. Then the Zombie let out a gut wrenching noise and liquid poured out of its mouth. Ted watched as John spit something onto the wall behind him. Ted knew he was not the first one based on the collection. Ted casually turned and threw up in what he hoped was a trash can. John made sure to get it all on tape.

"Thanks. Just secure it in the chair, please."

The camera recorded as three men maneuvered the Zombie into the dentist's chair, then secured its arms and legs. The collar around the neck locked into place, as well as a strap he wrapped across its forehead.

Doctor Herron pulled over a mobile tray full of dirty tools and grabbed a metal device with crusty gore all over it.

"See, we try to be as humane as possible. These pliers are some of the best, with a great grip. I can yank a tooth in less than three seconds." Ted smiled uncomfortably at the mad dentist.

Doctor Herron pulled on the forehead strap restraining the Zombie's head. The force of the motion, causing its mouth to open. Doctor Herron then shoved a wedge inside to prevent it from closing.

The doctor went to work immediately. The only sounds heard within the room were the exertions of doctor Herron, the groans of the Zombie, and the occasional clink of a tooth being tossed in the general direction of a metallic bowl. Ted winced in sympathy.

"Excuse me, doctor Herron, are you sure it isn't painful?"

"Nah, they don't feel any pain, so it would be a waste to use any sort of pain killer on them. Oh, and in case you were wondering, they really can't get any sicker than they are so there's no need to worry about clean tools." The doctor smiled, and Ted equated it to a serial killer.

Ted watched as the doctor kneeled on the lap of the Zombie to get into a better position to yank out a particularly stubborn tooth. When he finally got it, he admired it for several seconds before tossing it towards the bowl. He missed, and Ted saw the tooth and a portion of gum line.

Ted wondered what doctor Herron did before he got this job, dentist enforcer for the mob? He thought there might be a story there.

Twenty-eight long minutes later, the Zombie sat neutered. Ted removed his hand from his breast pocket, breathing for the first time since the dentist started. Finally, he felt safe.

The doctor, sweating and covered in blood, smiled at Ted. Several teeth were scattered across the floor, along with bits and pieces of tissue.

"So, as you see, it's a rather easy process, and neutralizes their ability to bite and infect people. Now we send it to Phase Two. You can follow the men through the door. I have several dozen Zombie's waiting out back."

Ted placed his hand back in his breast pocket. The information about dozens of Zombie's waiting to be neutered scaring the hell out of him. His bladder felt funny, and the fact there was a Phase Two made him want to run away.

Ted motioned John to go ahead of him, following the two men prodding the Zombie along. The hallway floor slick with dark blood and other liquids Ted didn't want to think about. Moments later they arrived at a door with the number two written on it.

The two men knocked, when an opening appeared they shoved the Zombie inside. They led it to a metal table forcing it to lie down. Once prone, shackles kept its wrists, ankles, and head in place. Ted noticed it was an autopsy table and began to feel a bit nauseous.

"Come on in you two. Don't be shy. This is an educational program as well as a rehabilitative one. I'm doctor Ken Mengles."

Ted shoved John into the room then followed a few feet behind. They both looked up to see dozens of eager young faces in an observation window above. Bright lights lined the ceiling. The same sticky substance from the dentist's office could be found here. The walls were relatively clean, but the tray of tools next to the table were rusty and old.

"I know this can look shocking at first. The look on your face speaks volumes. All I can do is assure you everything will be fine. Just relax and you'll see all the good work we do here." Ted cleared his throat.

"Doctor Mengles, exactly what is Phase Two?"

"Phase Two, is technically, an autopsy." Ted tried not to look appalled.

"But isn't it still alive, how can you do this? Autopsies on Zombies might be considered cruel and unusual by some people, not me at all, but maybe others." Ted looked towards the observation room and smiled.

"A common misconception held by many, which we try and change with our work here. Come over and take a listen." The doctor held out a stethoscope to Ted.

Ted didn't want to take a listen. He wanted to leave this place. Then again he wanted a better job, so he slowly made his way over to the doctor. The Zombie twitched and fought against its bonds, but seemed to be secure. Ted put his ear as close as he dare to the stethoscope and listened.

"I'm sorry, doctor, it's broken. I don't hear anything." The doctor laughed as did the people in the observation room.

"I'm sorry, mister Brock, I don't mean to laugh. It isn't broken. Zombies are categorized as the living dead. This means technically they're dead, they have no heartbeat, no need to breathe, and as far as we can tell have no real thought process other than to find food." Ted moved away positioning, himself between John and the Zombie.

"So, why do you need to do an autopsy then?" Ted decided then and there he deserved some sort of award for doing this damn story.

"Well, you have to understand just because a Zombie is dead, and had its teeth removed doesn't mean it can't infect you."

Ted took three more steps back and watched John reach into his pocket. Ted thought John had finally cracked ready to blow them all away. He lifted his hands to protect his face, but when he saw a bottle of anti-bacterial lotion in John's hand he cleared his throat and looked at the doctor.

"Really, doctor, that's fascinating. So how exactly can we still get infected?"

"Zombies are giant petrie dishes for all sorts of bacteria, not to mention the liquids in their system still carry the Zombie virus. We autopsy them to determine what health risks they pose, and whether or not they should be reintegrated based on that risk. For example, if we get a Zombie carrying the plague we can't very well let it back into society."

"Of course not. Do a lot of them tend to carry the plague?" Ted plastered a fake smile on his face all the while wondering how one caught the plague. He debated holding his breath for the duration of his time here.

"Not many, but enough. But there are many benefits to doing autopsies on Zombies. Firstly, we can teach medical students how to perform them, and what kind of surprises to expect. Secondly, we try to correct a lot of the damage inflicted on these poor creatures. The more holes we patch up, the less likely they are to leak."

Ted watched the doctor begin the autopsy on the Zombie. He cut down the center of its chest and pulled out various internal organs. The doctor pulled out the heart and held it up so the students in the observation room could see.

"Take a look at this, it is important to note the atrophied heart muscle. This is one of the first things you need to look at in any autopsy. This heart tells us that in human life this Zombie was rather lazy, and didn't take cardio seriously. Most likely why he got caught." The doctor laughed as did the students. Ted did not.

The doctor placed the heart back inside the chest cavity using staples, sutures, and super glue to help keep it in place. Then he poked around and pulled out the liver. Ted tried very hard to keep his bagel down.

"Okay, have a look at this, see how engorged it is? Another important organ to examine when doing an autopsy. This tells us that in his human life the Zombie most likely suffered from cirrhosis, probably an alcoholic."

The doctor once again used sutures, staples, and ample amounts of super glue to keep the organ in place. Ted shut his eyes every time he head the staple click.

"Doctor, isn't in important to make sure the organs are attached correctly so that they work?"

"Mister Brock, Zombies are dead. They don't function, if I put an organ back in, or decide to keep it for my personal collection it's irrelevant, the Zombie will still move around."

"Right of course, continue." Ted stood rigid as he watched the doctor autopsy the Zombie.