"Maybe she'll talk to Emily?" Dad suggested.

No, I won't.

"I doubt it," Mike said, then sighed heavily, rubbing his face with both hands. "I don't know. I guess we just need to give her more time."

"I don't know. I think we're past that point, Mike. Vicki's worried." Dad combed the front of his hair with arched fingers. "She thinks we might need to get her some professional help."

"Don't do that," Mike warned. "She'll shut down if you do that. I'll try talking to her tomorrow."

I rolled onto my back and groaned, deliberately, to get them and their gossip out of my room.

"Okay." Dad clapped Mike on the shoulder.

"But, don't worry," Mike said, looking at me again. "She is still capable of feeling."

"I hope so," Dad said. "Otherwise..."

I tensed, Dad's pause lasting a little too long. Otherwise what?

"I know," Mike said. "But she's alive, Greg."

"I'm starting to wonder if that's all that counts."

It's not, Dad, I thought. I wished I had died. There was a point in the darkness when I wanted to come back, but not to this. Not to the nightmares I had for the way Jason touched me, the emptiness I felt for the way David left me, and the grief that hit me when I'd stand naked in the shower-feeling the exposure of my skin to the air-knowing I was safe, but feeling so scared and so bare. No one warned me that being awake again would be worse. No one told me I'd have bad dreams-falling, over and over again, from that tree, waking up just before I hit the ground.

Life wasn't all that mattered, and I learned that, unfortunately, a little too late.

The light from their world intruded on my David fantasy time for a while longer. Dad had left the door open when he walked away, but I could feel Mike lingering at my bedside; he leaned down and stroked my hair, his worries expelling with his breath, and ran his thumb down my neck-the one place he wasn't supposed to touch me anymore.

I curled my fingers into a tight fist, on the cusp of losing my battle for alone time by shoving his hand away, when everything around us seemed to stop.

"Where did this come from?" he whispered to himself, lifting the silver chain from under my shirt. "Oh, Ara-" he sighed my name out, his warm, heavy breath brushing across my nose and lips. But, he placed the locket gently back down on my chest, instead of ripping it away, like he probably should have, and kissed my head, closing the bedroom door behind him.

The sunlight outside reflected off the icy roads and shone through the window with its early morning glow. It felt like years since I'd seen the sun, since I'd looked up at the blue sky and found the summer.

I wondered now if I'd ever love the summer again.

"Hi, gorgeous." Mike glided into my room with breakfast. "You hungry?"

I shook my head.

"Okay." He lowered the plate of toast, his smile dropping with it. "I'll take it back down."

"Thanks, Mike. But..." I sat up a little. "Don't tell Vicki. She's worried I'm not getting enough nutrients."

"Right." He paused, chewing the inside of his lip as he studied my half-dried tears. "Ara?"

"Mm?"

"No more, baby." He squatted beside me, placing the plate on the ground. "You gotta talk to me."

"I do talk to you." I folded my arms.

"No, you don't. You haven't even been able to look at me. You flinch when-" he dropped his hand away from my face as I recoiled, "-when I touch you."

"Well, what do you expect, Mike?"

"I get it. I do. But I don't understand why you're pushing me away. I'd never hurt you, Ara."

"That's not what I'm afraid of," I said with a hint of detest.

"Well-" He dropped back on his heels a little. "What is it then?"

I stared at him through a film of tears, and as the words of truth rose to the surface, at the same time the tears spilled onto my cheeks, I spat them out, "I'm just so ashamed. I never wanted you to find me that way."

"What way? Ara, how do you think I found you?

"He-he," I stammered. "He said he was going to make sure that when you found me, you wouldn't sleep for fifty years."

Mike's eyes widened; his hands shot out so fast that I squealed and ducked my head, but he sat on my bed and held me to his chest anyway, stroking my hair. "You never told me that. Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I didn't want anyone to know."

"Well, did you tell the cops that?"

I shook my head. "I haven't told anyone-anything. I only told them the basics."

"Then, you remember more than you say?" His tone was soft, not angry like I expected.

"Mm-hm."

"Oh, baby. Why? Why would you do that? How can they catch this guy if they don't know the full story?"

"They'll never catch him." That much I was sure of.

Mike ignored that comment and took a deep breath. "Do you want to know what I saw when I found you-can you cope with this yet?"

"I need to know, Mike. It's been eating me up."

"Oh, Ara. You should've talked to me about this before now. I could've helped you."

"I thought you wouldn't wanna talk about it."

"That's just silly, baby." Mike laid me back down on the pillow and his hand fell gently into the curve of my neck as he studied me, swiping his thumb over my cheekbone.

"Mike?" I grabbed his wrist and pushed it down. "Please don't touch my neck."

"Right, sorry, I forgot." But his eyes stayed there for a moment, not on the jagged, silvery bite shape, but on the place the attacker's grip left a mental scar. "You were covered when I found you."

I looked up quickly into his soulful, caramel gaze. "I was?"

He nodded, half smiling. "Your hair was laying over your...over your chest, like it'd been positioned that way. No one saw anything, and I had you covered with my jacket before anyone else came."

Tears of relief overflowed and swerved down my cheeks. Mike started to wipe them away, but gave up in vain when they kept flowing.

"You're so silly, Ara. All this time, you thought I found you-exposed."

"I did." I wiped my nose. "I thought-I mean, I didn't know what he did to me after I-when it all went black. I didn't know if maybe he'd done...worse, or-"

"Oh, baby. I really wish you'd said something."

I felt pretty silly then. "So do I."

Mike laughed softly, but the smile in his eyes faded away to something darker.

"What, Mike? What is it?"

He pinched his lips, rocking his jaw. "You don't know what I went through-looking for you. And when I found you-" He let a breath out through his nose, battling with words inside his mouth. "I expected, given what I was sure he'd done to you, I was surprised when I found you still wearing your underwear."

I cringed.

"But your legs-" He looked haunted, lost in disgust. "You were just so...so covered in blood. I thought the deranged prick had actually dressed you again after he..." Mike couldn't say it.

I touched his arm, wishing I could have been there to comfort him through that.

"I cried when they told me," he said, cupping his hand over mine. "When the doctors said you were untouched, I just cried. Baby, it was so dark in that field. Without a torch, I might not've seen you at all. And when I found you, I noticed only one small flicker of pale skin, and I ran, faster than I've ever run before."

In my mind, I could see it all as it happened.

"All we'd come across so far was-" he paused and lowered his voice, "-was your bra. And I can't tell you what went through my mind when I found it."

I felt my cheeks flush.

"Oh God, baby, the things I imagined he was doing to you while I wasn't there to protect you. I felt so helpless. I couldn't walk properly; every step I took was like my legs were carrying the weight of a train. But I kept going, just to find you-to hold you and make you safe again.

"If you could only feel what I felt when I saw you there. I wasn't ashamed or disgusted, like you seem to think, princess. I was overjoyed. And I promise you, no one saw your body-except for Emily; she was right beside me the whole time." When he looked back unexpectedly, I nearly jumped out of my skin; Mike's eyes became soft and round. "I covered you with my jacket," he continued, "and checked every square inch of your body to make sure I wouldn't break you more if I moved you, and I know you didn't want me to see you like that, but I never looked at anything in that way. I was just so happy to find you still breathing. All I saw was the girl I'm in love with-and the only memory I've taken with me from that night is the way you looked up suddenly, so scared, and then smiled when you saw me." He squeezed my hand. "You closed your eyes then, and I thought that was last time I'd ever see the blue again."

An audible sob left my lips.

Mike gathered me into his chest, tighter than ever before, and I felt nauseated for feeling gratitude toward Jason for not doing as he'd threatened. But the sick feeling welled up into a circle of anger within me. My fists clenched behind Mike's back. I closed my eyes tight. One day, I didn't know when, or how, but one day, I would make Jason pay for what he did to me.

Mike leaned out from our embrace and looked at my lips, then my eyes, stroking my hair off my brow. "Is this why you won't see Emily-because she was there with me?"

I nodded, looking down.

Mike took a really long breath, letting it out slowly. "You know, she's been hysterical over this. She needs to see you-she blames herself, Ara, for not chasing after you when she saw you walk away with that man."

"Really?"

"Yes. She cries every time I see her, and there's nothing I can do to console her. Will you please just see her? She loves you, just the same as we all do."

"But-she saw, Mike. I can't help how I feel."

"Oh, baby. Please don't be like that. Emily's your friend, and she's a girl. I'm sure she's seen it all before."

"That's not the point."

"I know. But I'm just trying to get you to understand how little any of that means when, in the greater scheme of things, we thought we'd find you dead-or much, much worse."

I wedged the tongue of stubbornness into my cheek and shook my head.

"Ara. Emily's not to blame. You can't hide from this, and you won't make yourself feel better by punishing her."

"Oh, for God's sake! Fine. I'll see her."

Mike let out a quick huff of relief. "Really?"

"Yes. If you shut up."

"Shutting up." He kissed my lips, scrunching my cheeks between his hands. "I'm gonna go call her. Okay?"

I nodded and fell back against my pillows as he backed away and closed the door. It only felt like ten minutes passed before Sam popped his head around the corner and said, "Emily's here."

I put my book down and pressed my hands into the mattress until I was sitting up properly. "Send her in."

"You sure, sis?" Sam asked, slightly closing himself in the room with me. "Because, I know Mike kinda pushed you into this."

I smiled at Sam. "It's okay. I'm okay."

He nodded, then signalled into the corridor.

Emily, with her hands clasped in front of her, walked very slowly into my room and smiled.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi." As soon as the words left her lips, she spun around to close my door, then just stood there with her head against it.

"Em?"

"I'm okay." She nodded, exhaling.

"What's wrong?"

"I. I have rules. Things I'm not allowed to say, but-"

I waited, allowing her to pull herself together.

"I-I just don't know what to say. I'm so...so sorry." She turned to face me then, and tears rained over her crossed arms, falling past her elbows to the carpet. "It's my fault. I should have-"