Again she trains them on Lazarus and Ioannis. Right on their heads like she's Jesse fucking James. Like she was born to it.

The atmosphere in the room shifts completely. A minute ago I was the biggest problem in the room. Now it's Mira, and like magic all of the guns come off me and go onto her. The men do this instinctively. She's a wild card. Something they don't understand.

But I understand. This is the woman I love. She makes everything possible.

She's given me a window, and I'm not wasting it. I take the distraction to grab a guy and use him as a shield while I grab another guy's weapon. I knock my first guy out, grab Ioannis by what hair he has left, and shove the piece into his cheek. "Everyone but Mira, weapons down. And I mean all of them."

People comply. Nobody wants Ioannis to be hurt. I have Mira collect the weapons into a pillowcase and sets them by the door. She does it, and then she straightens, looking unsure. Damn. "Rondo, tie Lazarus-now! Hands and feet."

Rondo looks to Lazarus. Lazarus nods. He's unpredictable, but he won't do anything to me while I have Ioannis. I have the room under control now.

Rondo ties Lazarus and then the rest of the guys, hands and feet. They've got enough zip ties around.

That's when things go wrong. Rondo senses Mira's wavering. Senses that it was all an act, probably.

I see it like a slow-motion train wreck. I see him going for his ankle. A third piece. "Don't do it," I grate, trying to be powerful enough for both of us.

I can't stop him. I see it all in slow motion, and I can't fucking stop it.

He pulls out his weapon and goes for Mira-just goes at her, a charging bull. She spooks and shoots. The Beretta she nabbed has mad stopping power-it throws her backwards.

Rondo crumples, holding his belly.

Fuck!

She drops the thing and stares hands out, like she's going to go help him now. Hug him, I don't know.

"Out!" I say. "Go!"

She turns to me. She's not even hearing.

"Out in the hall. For me, baby. Go, go, go!"

She looks back at Rondo.

Movement in the corner. Lazarus is trying to get loose.

She's barely there. She's in shock.

"Mira, don't you fall apart. Look at me. Look."

"You killed him!" Lazarus screams. He's knows she's freaking, and he's pushing her. "How could you?"

"What did you do, bitch?" Ioannis screams.

"Both of you shut up!" I ram Ioannis's head into the wall to make my point.

Mira jumps.

"Hall. Now!"

She goes for the door, and I limp behind, dragging Ioannis, covering her, covering us, covering the fucking world.

It's here that I look Lazarus in the eyes. Mira's out safe in the hall. I have everyone under control. It's my big chance to execute him.

But all I can think of is Mira out there. You're better than that.

I'm not better than that, but I want to be. He looks pretty fucking surprised when I back out into the hall and shut them in.

I jerk up Ioannis's arm behind his back, nice and painful. We move past the slumped guys in the hall.

Tito and a few of the Russians come out of the stairwell door. "Fuck," Tito says when he sees the three of us. "Come on."

I hand Ioannis over to him because my ankle is beyond toasted, and mostly because Mira needs me. I grab her, give her a good hard look. We don't have the time, but she needs me. "You're okay."

She's shaking. "I killed him."

"You gut-shot him, nothing more."

"Nothing more? As if that's not enough?"

"We gotta get the fuck out, baby." I pull her. She's coming along.

Three more flights and we hit ground level. Tito leads the way out, right through the lobby. It should be fine-they disengaged the security cameras.

"Hey!" a desk clerk says uncertainly, backing off when gets a better look at us. Guests at the cab stand outside startle when they see the guns and blood. It's cool. It takes people a while to mobilize in the face of something outrageous, a little fact of life I happen to know firsthand.

"Medical emergency," Tito says. Which explains my bloody face, but not the gun on Ioannis, whose face is also bloody. Sirens sound in the distance. But the real problem will be the Nikolla soldiers. We head down the alley out to the street on the other side of the hotel.

A flower delivery truck rolls up.

Tito opens the back. It has metal coolers along either side with a rubber mat between. I hop up and help Mira up, and he slams the door, enclosing us in cool darkness. He'll handle Ioannis with the other guys. Seconds later we're off with a jerk.

I turn on my phone light. A refrigerated flower delivery truck. The light jumps as the truck pitches, illuminating the crates and metal coolers all around us.

She's crying. "I killed him."

I reach out for her. "Come here."

She pushes me away.

"Mira, you probably didn't kill him. You got him in the gut."

"I know where I got him!" She's hysterical. "It was a bloody fucking hole in him!" She puts her hand to her chest. "My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my rib cage. Fuck, I can't breathe. I can't feel my face."

I go to her and grab her, pull her to me.

"I shot him!"

"You had to, Mira. He rushed you. You get to do that when a killer rushes you. You get to defend yourself."

"I probably killed him."

"Mira-"

"If you say gut-shot one more time..."

So I hold her.

"I'm a fucking..." She can't finish the sentence.

"You're not a killer."

"They lost twenty-one guys because of me tipping you off."

"Guys were going to die one way or another."

"That's twenty-one human beings. Oh my God, what have I done?"

"Fuck, Mira." I hold her tight, wishing I could suck up all the darkness.

"They killed Dad. He's dead, Aleksio. He died-right in front of me."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Are you?"

"He's your dad."

She pushes her face into my chest. "I don't even know what to think."

"Then don't think," I say. "I'm with you, okay? We can just be here." I flip over my phone light so just a little brightness leaks out the edges, and I pull her into the corner of the truck. A small place in the darkness. It was something that helped me on the run sometimes, being in a small place in the darkness. "You're okay."

"I'm not okay."

I hold her. I suppose she's right.

"Dad...he tried to help me at the end-he really did."

"What did he do?" I smooth her hair off her forehead. "Tell me how he tried."

"He tried to kill Lazarus. To give me a chance to escape. He was...he could barely breathe. He was shot, and his heart..."

The vehicle takes a corner hard. I stabilize her. What the fuck, are we in a chase? I hold her more tightly.

"I know what he was. He killed my mother. He hurt so many people. He didn't tell you everything he knew about Kiro that first day. Like hiding Kiro was everything. But he tried to help in the end-he really did."

"He's your dad," I say. "He loved you." She's lost enough without losing that, too. He did love her in his way.

"They know about Kiro."

I swallow. "But we have the head start this time."

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN.

Mira His phone goes off, and he answers. I lean my head back on his chest and look at the faint shapes of crates and containers and listen to Viktor's rumbly tone on the other end. I feel like I drank a thousand cups of bad coffee. All the death. I used to feel safe and good in the world, and now there's a hole in me that can never be filled. I never want it filled. I shot a man.

"I probably killed him," I say when the call ends. "I need you to hear me and not minimize it."

He tightens his arms around me. "I won't minimize it then. This is a war, and you're right, there's nothing small about shooting a guy. You shot the fuck out of him with a big fucking piece. You maybe killed him."

I sniffle.

"And yeah, you saved yourself, but it doesn't change how it feels."

"Maybe I didn't have to shoot him."

"You think we were getting out of there alive without that?"

"No," I say.

"Fuck no. You saved yourself, and you saved us. I fucking pulled you into this, and you did the best you could."

"Is that what you tell yourself? That you did the best you could?"

"Sometimes."

"Does it help?"

"No, baby," he says. "It's just true, is all."

I suck in a ragged breath. "Does anything help?"

"Nothing helps. I won't lie to you. It's a hard thing-not like on TV or a video game. It's real like nothing else. It's jagged inside you-especially if you never did it before."

I feel a sob come up from my chest. Like my whole body is trapped sobs. I think they might be there forever, like ghosts trapped inside me. All I can see is him doubling over. Lazarus's face when he got that phone call. "I caused deaths today."

"I know."

"It hurts."