"You are pale."

"That is womanish; but I am not weak or faint, though."

"Do you maintain your purpose?"

"Yes, certainly."

"You had better take off your bonnet and shawl then. You would find them in the way."

I obeyed, and went on to envelope myself in my ap.r.o.n. Dr.

Sandford looked on grimly. Very ill pleased he was, I could see. But then I laid my hand on his arm and looked at him.

"I am so much obliged to you for this," I said earnestly. And his face softened.

"I am afraid it is wrong in me," he remarked.

"If you thought it was, you would not do it," I answered; "and I hope I should not ask it. I am ready now. But Dr. Sandford, I want teaching, as to what I ought to do. Who will teach me?"

"I will teach you. But you know how to give a sick man tea or soup, I fancy, without much teaching."

"There are other things, Dr. Sandford."

"It will not be necessary. There are others to do the other things. Captain Gary has only some simple wounds to be dressed."

"But there are others, Dr. Sandford? And I must know how to do all that the nurses do. I am not here to be in the way. I am not going to take care of my cousin only."

"There is enough to do," said the doctor; "but, you will not like it, Daisy."

Something in his wistful look at me, something in the contrast between merely seeing what he was afraid I should see, and the suffering itself which by the sufferers had to be borne, touched me keenly. My eyes filled as I looked at the doctor, but I think the purpose in my heart perhaps came out in my face; for his own suddenly changed, and with a "Come, then!" - he gave me his arm and led the way upstairs and into another succession of rooms, to the ward and the room where my cousin Preston lay.

CHAPTER XXI.

THE HOSPITAL

A clean, quiet, airy room, like all the rest; like all the rest filled with rows of beds, the occupants of which had come from the stir of the fight and the bustle of the march, to lie here and be still; from doing to suffering. How much the harder work, I thought; and if it be well done, how much the n.o.bler. And all who know the way in which our boys did it, will bear witness to their great n.o.bleness. Patient, and strong, and brave, where there was no excitement to cheer, nor spectators to applaud; their fort.i.tude and their patience and their generous self-devotion never failed nor faltered, when all advent.i.tious or real helps and stimulants were withdrawn, and patriotism and bravery stood alone.

From the turn of Dr. Sandford's head, I knew on which side I might look to see Preston; and as we slowly pa.s.sed up the long line of beds, I scanned breathlessly each face. Old and young, grim and fair, gentle and rough; it was a variety. And then I saw, I should hardly have known it, a pale face with a dark moustache and a thick head of dark, glossy hair, which was luxuriant yet, although it had been cropped. His eyes were closed as we came up; opened as we paused by his bed-side, and opened very wide indeed as he looked from the doctor to me.

"How do you do, this morning, Gary?" said my conductor.

"Confoundedly -" was the somewhat careless answer, made while examining my face.

"You see who has come to look after you?"

"It isn't Daisy!" he cried.

"How do you do, Preston?" I said, taking hold of the hand which lay upon the coverlid. He drew the hand hastily away, half raising himself on his elbow.

"What have you come here for?" he asked.

"I have come to take care of you."

"_You_," said Preston. "In this place! Where is mamma?"

"Aunt Gary is far away from here. She could not get to you."

"But you, you were in Switzerland."

"Not since last May."

"Lie down, Gary, and take it quietly," said Dr. Sandford, putting his hand on his shoulder. Preston scowled and submitted, without taking his eyes from my face.

"You are not glad to see me?" I asked, feeling his manner a little awkward.

"Of course not. You ought not to be in this place. What have you got on that rig for?"

"What rig?"

"That! I suppose you don't dress so at home, do you? You didn't use it. Hey? what is it for?"

"It is that I may be properly dressed. Home things would be out of place here."

"Yes; so I think," said Preston; "and you most of all. Where is Aunt Randolph?"

"You do not seem very grateful, Gary," said the doctor, who all this while stood by with an impenetrable countenance.

"Grateful - for what?"

"For your cousin's affection and kindness, which has come here to look after you."

"I am not grateful," said Preston. "I shall not have her stay."

"What has brought _you_ here, Preston?" I asked by way of diversion.

"Me? Powder. It's an infernal invention. If one could fight with steel, there would be some fun in it. But powder has no respect of persons."

"How has it hurt you?" I asked. I had somehow never chosen to put the question to Dr. Sandford; I can hardly tell why. Now it was time to know. Preston's eye fell on me with sudden gentleness.

"Daisy, go away," he said. "You have no business here. It is of all places no place for you. Go away, and don't come again."

"Dr. Sandford," said I, "will you take me with you and give me my lesson? That is the first thing. I must earn my right to the place, it seems."

The doctor looked at me in his turn; I avoided the eye of Preston. He looked at me in a way not hard to read; quite agreeing with Preston in wishing me away, but, I saw also, respecting my qualifications for the work I had come to do. I saw that he gave me a great reverence on account of it; but then, Dr. Sandford always gave me more reverence than belonged to me. I made use of this, and held my advantage. And the doctor seeing that I was calmly in earnest, even took me at my word.

We began a progress through the ward; during which every man's condition was inquired into; wounds examined and dressed; and course of treatment prescribed. I looked on at first as a mere spectator; bearing the revelation of pain and suffering with all the fort.i.tude I could muster; but I found in a little while that it would overmaster me if I continued an idle looker-on; and putting aside the attendant nurse at last with a whisper to which she yielded, I offered myself quietly in her place to do her work. Dr. Sandford glanced at me then, but made no remark whatever; suffering me to do my pleasure, and employing me as if I had been there for a month. He began to give me directions too. It seemed a long age of feeling and experience, the time while we were pa.s.sing through the ward; yet Dr. Sandford was extremely quick and quiet in his work, and lost no seconds by unnecessary delay. Even I could see that. He was kind, too; never harsh, though very firm in his authority and thorough in his business. I could not help an unconscious admiration for him growing as we went on. That steady, strong blue eye; what a thing it was for doubt and fear to rest on. I saw how doubt and fear rested. I thought I did; though the bearing of all the sufferers there was calm and self-contained to an admirable degree. It was so, I heard, with all our soldiers everywhere.

We came round, last of all, to Preston's couch again; and the doctor paused. He glanced at me again for the first time in a long while. I do not know how I trembled inwardly; outwardly, I am sure, I did not flinch. His eye went to Preston.