Salutes a friend, as if he had a st.i.tch; Is his own chronicle, and scarce can eat For regist'ring himself; is waited on By mimics, jesters, panders, parasites, And other such like prodigies of men.

He past, appears some mincing marmoset Made all of clothes and face; his limbs so set As if they had some voluntary act Without man's motion, and must move just so In spight of their creation: one that weighs His breath between his teeth, and dares not smile Beyond a point, for fear t'unstarch his look; Hath travell'd to make legs, and seen the cringe Of several courts, and courtiers; knows the time Of giving t.i.tles, and of taking walls; Hath read court common-places; made them his: Studied the grammar of state, and all the rules Each formal usher in that politic school Can teach a man. A third comes, giving nods To his repenting creditors, protests To weeping suitors, takes the coming gold Of insolent and base ambition, That hourly rubs his dry and itchy palms; Which griped, like burning coals, he hurls away Into the laps of bawds, and buffoons' mouths.

With him there meets some subtle Proteus, one Can change, and vary with all forms he sees; Be any thing but honest; serves the time; Hovers betwixt two factions, and explores The drifts of both; which, with cross face, he bears To the divided heads, and is received With mutual grace of either: one that dares Do deeds worthy the hurdle or the wheel, To be thought somebody; and is in sooth Such as the satirist points truly forth, That only to his crimes owes all his worth.

ARE. You tell us wonders, Crites.

CRI. This is nothing.

There stands a neophite glazing of his face, Pruning his clothes, perfuming of his hair, Against his idol enters; and repeats, Like an unperfect prologue, at third music, His part of speeches, and confederate jests, In pa.s.sion to himself. Another swears His scene of courtship over; bids, believe him, Twenty times ere they will; anon, doth seem As he would kiss away his hand in kindness; Then walks off melancholic, and stands wreath'd, As he were pinn'd up to the arras, thus.

A third is most in action, swims, and frisks, Plays with his mistress's paps, salutes her pumps; Adores her hems, her skirts, her knots, her curls, Will spend his patrimony for a garter, Or the least feather in her bounteous fan.

A fourth, he only comes in for a mute; Divides the act with a dumb show, and exit.

Then must the ladies laugh, straight comes their scene, A sixth times worse confusion then the rest.

Where you shall hear one talk of this man's eye, Another of his lip, a third, his nose, A fourth commend his leg, a fifth, his foot, A sixth, his hand, and every one a limb; That you would think the poor distorted gallant Must there expire. Then fall they in discourse Of tires, and fashions, how they must take place, Where they may kiss, and whom, when to sit down, And with what grace to rise; if they salute, What court'sy they must use; such cobweb stuff As would enforce the common'st sense abhor Th' Arachnean workers.

ARE. Patience, gentle Crites.

This knot of spiders will be soon dissolved, And all their webs swept out of Cynthia's court, When once her glorious deity appears, And but presents itself in her full light: 'Till when, go in, and spend your hours with us, Your honour'd friends. Time and Phronesis, In contemplation of our G.o.ddess' name.

Think on some sweet and choice invention now, Worthy her serious and ill.u.s.trious eyes, That from the merit of it we may take Desired occasion to prefer your worth, And make your service known to Cynthia.

It is the pride of Arete to grace Her studious lovers; and, in scorn of time, Envy, and ignorance, to lift their state Above a vulgar height. True happiness Consists not in the mult.i.tude of friends, But in their worth, and choice. Nor would I have Virtue a popular regard pursue: Let them be good that love me, though but few.

CRI. I kiss thy hands, divinest Arete, And vow myself to thee, and Cynthia. [EXEUNT.]

SCENE III.--ANOTHER APARTMENT IN THE SAME.

ENTER AMORPHUS, FOLLOWED BY ASOTUS AND HIS TAILOR.

AMO. A little more forward: so, sir. Now go in, discloak yourself, and come forth. [EXIT ASOTUS.] Tailor; bestow thy absence upon us; and be not prodigal of this secret, but to a dear customer.

[EXIT TAILOR.]

RE-ENTER ASOTUS.

'Tis well enter'd sir. Stay, you come on too fast; your pace is too impetuous. Imagine this to be the palace of your pleasure, or place where your lady is pleased to be seen. First you present yourself, thus: and spying her, you fall off, and walk some two turns; in which time, it is to be supposed, your pa.s.sion hath sufficiently whited your face, then, stifling a sigh or two, and closing your lips, with a trembling boldness, and bold terror, you advance yourself forward. Prove thus much, I pray you.

ASO. Yes, sir;--pray Jove I can light on it! Here I come in, you say, and present myself?

AMO. Good.

ASO. And then I spy her, and walk off?

AMO. Very good.

ASO. Now, sir, I stifle, and advance forward?

AMO. Trembling.

ASO. Yes, sir, trembling; I shall do it better when I come to it.

And what must I speak now?

AMO. Marry, you shall say; "Dear Beauty", or "sweet Honour" (or by what other t.i.tle you please to remember her), "methinks you are melancholy". This is, if she be alone now, and discompanied.

ASO. Well, sir, I'll enter again; her t.i.tle shall be, "My dear Lindabrides".

AMO. Lindabrides!

ASO. Ay, sir, the emperor Alicandroe's daughter, and the prince Meridian's sister, in "the Knight of the Sun"; she should have been married to him, but that the princess Claridiana--

AMO. O, you betray your reading.

ASO. Nay, sir, I have read history, I am a little humanitian.

Interrupt me not, good sir. "My dear Lindabrides,--my dear Lindabrides,--my dear Lindabrides, methinks you are melancholy".

AMO. Ay, and take her by the rosy finger'd hand.

ASO. Must I so: O!--"My dear Lindabrides, methinks you are melancholy".

AMO. Or thus sir. "All variety of divine pleasures, choice sports, sweet music, rich fare, brave attire, soft beds, and silken thoughts, attend this dear beauty."

ASO. Believe me, that's pretty. "All variety of divine pleasures, choice sports, sweet music, rich fare, brave attire, soft beds, and silken thoughts, attend this dear beauty."

AMO. And then, offering to kiss her hand, if she shall coily recoil, and signify your repulse, you are to re-enforce yourself with, "More than most fair lady, Let not the rigour of your just disdain Thus coa.r.s.ely censure of your servant's zeal."

And withal, protest her to be the only and absolute unparallel'd creature you do adore, and admire, and respect, and reverence, in this court, corner of the world, or kingdom.

ASO. This is hard, by my faith. I'll begin it all again.

AMO. Do so, and I will act it for your lady.

ASO. Will you vouchsafe, sir? "All variety of divine pleasures, choice sports, sweet music, rich fare, brave attire, soft beds, and silken thoughts, attend this dear beauty."

AMO. So sir, pray you, away.

ASO. "More than most fair lady, Let not the rigour of your just disdain Thus coa.r.s.ely censure of your servant's zeal; I protest you are the only and absolute unapparell'd--"

AMO. Unparallel'd.

ASO. "Unparallel'd creature, I do adore, and admire, and respect, and reverence, in this corner of the world, or kingdom."

AMO. This is, if she abide you. But now, put the case she should be pa.s.sant when you enter, as thus: you are to frame your gait thereafter, and call upon her, "lady, nymph, sweet refuge, star of our court." Then, if she be guardant, here; you are to come on, and, laterally disposing yourself, swear by her blushing and well-coloured cheek, the bright dye of her hair, her ivory teeth, (though they be ebony,) or some such white and innocent oath, to induce you. If regardant, then maintain your station, brisk and irpe, show the supple motion of your pliant body, but in chief of your knee, and hand, which cannot but arride her proud humour exceedingly.

ASO. I conceive you sir. I shall perform all these things in good time, I doubt not, they do so hit me.

AMO. Well sir, I am your lady; make use of any of these beginnings, or some other out of your own invention; and prove how you can hold up, and follow it. Say, say.

ASO. Yes sir. "My dear Lindabrides."

AMO. No, you affect that Lindabrides too much; and let me tell you it is not so courtly. Your pedant should provide you some parcels of French, or some pretty commodity of Italian, to commence with, if you would be exotic and exquisite.

ASO. Yes, sir, he was at my lodging t'other morning, I gave him a doublet.

AMO. Double your benevolence, and give him the hose too; clothe you his body, he will help to apparel your mind. But now, see what your proper genius can perform alone, without adjection of any other Minerva.