CHAPTER 4

Translator & editor : Cuties

I havent seen the boy for a while afterwards. In the meantime, I kept having nightmares. Rather than nightmares, they were actually ancient memories I kept reliving.

But after a long time, I couldnt tell if they were really memories or just my imagination. It occurred to me that maybe even the boy was part of the imagination I had created, thats why he didnt show up.

Is this reality that Im living now? Maybe even I am an illusion.

I stroked at the scars left on my body. I couldnt remember clearly when I got them and what they originally looked like. Over the years, too many people have come for me and I have suffered too much. I might already be dead and stuck in a dream Im never waking up from.

When I opened my eyes, I could only see the dark. I started having too many thoughts after I met the boy. I tried to kill time as I always did, but it wasnt easy. The white afterimage bothered me. That beautiful and cold as snow whiteness crept into my mind and rejected the darkness.

It must be snowing somewhere.

Suddenly, I thought I wanted to see the snow. And then what? After relieving ones thirst, there was only a greater desire. It was better to get used to longing and forget about it.

I hugged my knees and buried my face between them. Boy, why did you come to me and make me so distressed? It was better to be forgotten by people. It was better to wait for the day when no one was looking for me.

After meeting the boy, the emotions that I had forgotten came to mind again and made me impatient. The day we first met, Id have preferred it if he had put a sword in me. I wish hed stabbed me in the heart and froze it. Then it wouldnt have been this painful.

You wont even last forever. Youre going to die in the end.

Asleep?

I opened my eyes to a faint voice. I thought it was a hallucination, but I raised myself when I saw the white hair of a boy sitting in front of me. The boy continued his speech in a quiet voice instead of staring at me.

Dont you feel wronged?

I cant understand what he means.

Isnt it unfair for you to be called a witch and to be blamed?

He stared at me, waiting for my answer. I kept my mouth shut looking at the darkness that was still filling my tower, and thought that if I didnt give him an answer, hed stay like this, so I finally replied.

I have nothing to feel wronged about to tell the truth.

But its not true.

Do you doubt the world? Are you saying that the world is wrong? Its a useless thing to do.

I know. The fact that its not your fault, but you have to deal with the consequences. And the fact that were so repeatedly accused that you started doubting your innocence. In the end, even you dont believe in yourself.

The boy muttered to himself as if he wasnt expecting an answer. His voice was so lonely and sad. I looked at the boys weakly outstretched arm. It wasnt this long the first time he came. And it wasnt this sturdy.

While I was dreaming, the boy grew up while swallowing time. I always stayed in the past, and the boy faced the future. And I had only bore traces of scar, but the boy wore wounds.

You dont think Im a witch?

The boy, who had not answered my words for a while, opened his mouth.

I dont know that. But I know this. I used to think killing you would end everything, but it wouldnt. Killing you wont change anything. Nothing changes when you die. If this is really a curse, then youre also a victim of it.

Victim of the curse, you say. I cant read the boys mind at all. The boy murmured helplessly in a smaller voice.

And so am I.

I closed my eyes. It seems that the young warrior will not be able to kill the witch even if he grows older. The light that would save the world, save me, was swallowing itself.

The reality was very different from fairy tales.

*

The boy brought something with him. H kept moving around with a great deal of grunting and groaning. The thing that he had been moving back and forth for a while was none other than water. There was a long water barrel, and there was also a large one that, funnily enough, seemed to fit my size perfectly.

The boy handed me a dry cloth.

You must have felt uncomfortable because you havent been able to wash for a long time, but wash as much as you want.

He didnt show it, but my dirt seemed to bother him. The boy left soon but I sat still. My eyes were on the barrels that lay in the dark. It was strange to think that the small tower, the place where everything was rotting and dying, contained water that made life possible.

The boy did. He has sun-like eyes and snow-white hair, and he is living a short life. And he kept telling me that he was alive and connecting with the world. The boy radiated the smell of earth, the warmth of the sun, and the freshness of the wind.

I heard a laugh from somewhere. I was conjuring memories up again. The world was so beautiful before the darkness took over. And I was happy. I didnt want to go back to that time. There was nothing I could do back there. The future hasnt changed. Ill have no choice but to spend a long time again.

The water did rot. Unlike other things, it didnt die and only embraced new lives. It was hard to notice because it was infinitely small, but a small seed was growing inside the barrel. It grew gradually, taking root. But it was clear that this plant was also going to die because there was not much water left. In the meantime, the boy did not come to visit.

The boy didnt come often from the start. Still, its been quite a while since his last visit. He grew and changed every time he came. And every time he came, I lost hope for my prophesied light.

I flipped the card over. It was still saying that light appears and drives away the darkness. It was no longer possible to know what the divination meant. Because the boy was gradually becoming like the dark. The young warrior was losing his strength in sympathy with the witch.

What? Does it still say Im going to die?

The hand that grabbed the card was all scarred. The wounds seemed to have healed and left only traces. His long-grown hair was tied together and he spoke with a lower voice than before. The boy turned into a young man while the stagnant water was gradually fading in favor of new life.

Yes.

Are you still looking at my divination? Why?

To see my divination.

He kept asking, not understanding what I was saying, but I ignored it. I got up after organizing the rest of the cards. The boy who has become a young man has surpassed my height. And his personality has also changed a lot.

Why didnt you wash up? Are my words a joke to you?

Why should I listen to you?

When someone shows you goodwill, shouldnt you at least accept it?

Why would I do that? For whom? I tried to take his hand off my arm, but he held it tightly and wouldnt let it go. He pulled hard and made me face him. The young mans once neatly bound hair fluttered about.

I knew a man with hair similar in color to the young mans. I thought it was beautiful to the point of enchantment at the time, but not now. The young mans hair scratched my mind like a sharp dagger. As time went by, the hair that grew longer gradually became sharp and stabbed me.

Its been a long time, arent you happy to see me?

The young man still didnt understand me. The more I see him, the more I suffer.

Were you always this small? And were you always this thin? You didnt keep killing yourself while I was gone, did you?

The young man was unaware of his growth. He didnt know about the relationship between me and my frozen time.

Didnt you miss me?

Is he trying to teach me how to wait? Was it not enough to unfailingly inform me of the passing time? Is he trying to remind me of the past, make me aware of the present, and even make me wait for the future?

You are the cruelest man I have ever met.

I missed you. I thought I was going crazy because I wanted to come see you sooner.

You hurt me so much.