"You are beautiful, sweetheart. All I did was draw what I saw."

"No," Meghann said, awed by the beauty in the painting. "You painted what you made. I was pretty before you transformed me nothing like that." She touched the vibrant, glowing face of the portrait.

"You were always beautiful," Simon told her. "It wasn't transformation that enhanced your beauty."

"It was love," Meghann said softly. Love was what made her smile like that what made that painting so special. The artist's love for his subject shone through every line of the picture.

"Do you still insist there was never any love between us any bond beyond animal l.u.s.t?"

How could I have forgotten ? Meghann asked herself. Yes, there were horrible times between her and Simon. But she had loved him how could she have fooled herself about that? How could she have forgotten how many times she smiled and threw her arms around him, feeling like the luckiest woman in the world because she was the one Simon chose to spend eternity with?

"Why didn't you show me this painting?" Why didn't you show me this side of yourself? Why was it so often the tyrannical monster she'd come to hate that he showed her?

"I did not paint this until 1970."

"What?" Meghann looked up at him in shock. "You painted this after I left you?" He had labored on a painting of a woman who put a stake in his heart? "I needed to remind myself who you were," Simon said and brushed his hand over the painting. "That is the girl I fell in love with a vibrant, sweet beauty who could light up the night for me with one smile. I despised Alcuin for taking you from me, twisting your mind with his insipid notions of good and evil. Painting you was my way of remembering what you were underneath the conscience that convinced you to leave me. Alcuin may have gained a lock on your conscience, but when I remembered those shining eyes full of love I knew I would always have your heart."

"But I tried to kill you," Meghann said. "Didn't you hate me for that? I thought didn't you want to destroy me for that?" She just couldn't see Simon Baldevar, the amoral, vicious killer, spending forty years pining for a woman who had left him to die.

"Hush," Simon told her. "It would be different if you cold-bloodedly plotted my death. But that is not what happened I backed you into a corner and you came out fighting. Getting a stake in my heart was far more a result of carelessness on my part than any action of yours. I know why you left me there, Meghann. You were frightened that I would kill you."

Meghann nodded she'd spent forty years praying Simon was dead because she thought he'd destroy her if he wasn't.

"I don't want to hurt you, Meghann." He tilted her chin up, amber eyes mesmerizing her. "The only thing I want to destroy is the half -dead, listless creature that has replaced my beautiful consort. Let me make you shine again let me free you from your guilt and lay the world at your feet."

"I don't want the world," Meghann said, speaking as though she were in a trance. "I just want "

"Tell me."

She had to bite down on her tongue to keep from crying out You, I want you!

But she did want Simon wanted him so badly her body shook. A part of her wanted to be loyal to Jimmy's memory, but she couldn't take having a lover that stared through her. She needed someone to hold her close and push the awful loneliness away, someone to set her on fire with his touch Be my someone, Meghann silently implored Simon and lifted her hands to his face, shivering at the contact of his skin against her palm. Why did people think vampires were cold to the touch? There was nothing icy or dead about the strong, warm flesh beneath her hand.

Simon kept still, allowing her shaking hands to explore his face. At first, she was tentative but her hands grew bolder as she traced the strong line of his jaw, ran her fingers over his high cheekbones.

Meghann inched closer to him, her eyes on the hollow of his throat, the strong pulse beating there. She rubbed her lips over it, savoring the salty-sweet taste of his skin. The scent of hot, pungent blood flowing beneath his skin roused her blood l.u.s.t but she pushed herself away from his neck, wanting to prolong the pleasure before feeding.

Silently, she blessed his marvelous patience, the way he let her explore his body at her own leisure. Any other man would have thrown her beneath him by now or tried to. Simon remained immobile, only his gold eyes showing how much he wanted her as she peeled off his shirt, kissing each inch of skin as she exposed it. Meghann made her way from his heart down to his navel with light b.u.t.terfly kisses, offering him a wicked grin before she peeled off the beautifully cut dark gray trousers and bent her head to him, bracing her hands on his muscular, well- shaped legs. Meghann grinned, basking in a delightful surge of power when she felt Simon tremble at her touch. His need made desire shoot through her when she ran her lips over his leg before she sank her blood teeth into the femoral artery on the inside of his thigh. Clever Simon, that was where he'd first taken blood from her, so she wouldn't notice the wounds right away.

"Meghann," she heard him moan while she sucked at the wound. The femoral artery was a virtual fountain of blood; the dark, rich substance flowed into her mouth and the pleasure she received in feeding was so great Meghann almost forget her true intention.

But she didn't want to drain his strength away or make him ill so she reluctantly raised her bloodstained lips from the wound and turned her attention to his p.e.n.i.s, thick and hard and waiting to be drawn into her mouth, still full of warm blood.

Meghann felt his hands tighten almost painfully in her hair, forcing her closer to him. A long time ago, he'd taught her how to do this how to suck slowly like she'd do with a Popsicle, how to tease the head by using her tongue in a circular, unhurried rhythm.

And she knew from past delightful experience that soon he'd yank softly on her hair, his signal that it was time for her to lie back and "Meghann!" A strident knock at the front door was followed by the aggrieved voice of Charles Tarleton. "Are you all right? Answer me!"

With a small cry, Meghann wrenched herself away from Simon, her eyes filled with loathing and self-contempt. What in the name of G.o.d was she thinking?

"Meghann!"

"I'm fine," Meghann called out, knowing her voice sounded anything but fine but speaking aloud to keep Charles from charging into the house. What a charming picture this would make for Charles seeing her with her head between the legs of the devil they were supposed to kill when she went into labor. Hastily, she wiped at the blood on her chin and chest. "I'll be right there."

Shakily, she got to her feet and met Simon's eyes, shuttered and enigmatic as always. Was he angry? For once, he had a right to be a right to be annoyed with a woman that threw herself at him and then backed away like a scalded cat. Why couldn't she either hate him or throw herself at him completely? She couldn't keep playing games like this where she wound up doing neither. Either she was Lord Baldevar's enemy or she was his his what?

"I'm sorry," she finally said and started for the door like a sleepwalker, but she felt a hand slowly spin her around.

"Meghann." Simon ran one fingertip over her cheek. "It's not an apology I want from you and that is not all you wished to give tonight. Isn't that right?"

Meghann made some small sound of a.s.sent and Simon leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Run along now, child, and come back when you can resist the urge to run from me when the voice of your conscience comes calling. Remember I will be here when you are ready to listen to your heart."

Meghann nodded and left him to go open the front door for Charles.

Charles grabbed her, anxious eyes roaming over her. "We waited over an hour for you. Are you all right? Has he kept you here?"

"If I said I didn't want to talk about it right now, would you respect my feelings?"

"Of course," Charles said after a long, bemused glance at the slash of color in her cheeks and the green eyes that blazed in her ghostly pale face.

"Hey." Lee took her hand. "What do you say I ride with you and we'll meet Charles at the club? You still want to go out, don't you?"

"Sure," Meghann said, forcing false cheer into her voice. "That's just what I need now bright lights and dancing till I can't breathe."

Charles watched his best friend and lover drive off before he turned to glare at Lord Baldevar, lounging elegantly against the door frame. He'd seen the guilt in Meghann's eyes and now he knew where it came from seeing the way the b.a.s.t.a.r.d's hair was ruffled and his shirt was unb.u.t.toned.

"d.a.m.n you," Charles burst out. "Why can't you leave her alone?" He knew Meghann wouldn't initiate anything with this fiend on her own. The despicable snake was taking advantage of her, using her vulnerability and loneliness to worm his way into her heart, as Charles had feared he would.

"Don't meddle in my pleasures, boy."

"I am not some boy and I'm not scared of you. I will not allow you to ruin Meghann's life! She doesn't want you. If she responds to you, it's your blood inside her no more. I've known Meghann for forty years, Lord Baldevar. The only time she spoke your name was to curse you."

"When you have lived as long as I have, you will discover forty years is nothing. It is the present that counts, sodomite." Simon slammed the door, bored and uninterested in a battle of wits with a foolish novice.

d.a.m.n that troublesome creature! Meghann would be his by now if not for Charles Tarleton's constant interference.

The pain and confusion on Meghann's pretty face when that boy-lover showed up made Simon realize what an error he'd made when he opted to transform Jimmy Delacroix instead of destroying Charles.

That Meghann felt pain at her lover's fate, Simon didn't doubt. But his absence hadn't been the kind of crippling blow that would make her vulnerable to her master not as long as she had Charles Tarleton to lean on. Now it was too late to kill him Meghann could lose the child in her grief if the sodomite met with an untimely demise.

But he might not need to kill the boy, Simon reflected. Already Charles's involvement with that mortal doctor distracted him from his determination to keep Meghann from her master. And Meghann, with her actions this evening, was proving that she plainly did not want to be kept from him.

Good humor restored by the memory of the l.u.s.t smoldering in his consort's eyes a few minutes earlier, Simon decided to summon Louise back. Lazily stretching his hands toward the phone, Simon thought he'd better enjoy making a mortal woman submit to whatever debauchery he craved while he could. Simon would never think of being unfaithful to Meghann once they were finally reunited, and tonight had proven it was only a matter of time before she came back to him.

CHAPTER TEN

August 17, 1998

They're hurting her, these awful, dark, faceless figures. "My baby," Meghann pleads but that only seems to make them angrier. Why do they hate her so much?

"No!" Meghann screams when she sees the glint of steel in the moonlight a shiny, deadly blade poised at her stomach, ready to murder the innocent child inside her.

But the blade goes through her and Meghann feels blinding pain. Worse, she feels her child dying she feels its confusion as the nurturing darkness of her womb is invaded by cold steel and the small spark of life inside her is brutally extinguished.

Meghann raises her eyes one more time and sees another cloaked figure far away. His back is turned to her but she knows who it is.

"Simon!" she shouts with the last of her strength. "Don't let us die! Help me!"

Doesn't he hear her? Why does he keep his back turned? Why is he going away?

"Come back!" Meghann yells but her voice is growing weak and her vision is fading. She's dying, along with her baby. "Why are you leaving us? Help me!"

"Simon!" Meghann jerked herself out of the nightmare with one last howl.

Wild-eyed and shaking all over, she clutched a pillow to her chest, trying to force herself to breathe regularly.

Just a dream, Meghann told herself. So why did she feel such a sense of oppression and dread that she wanted to scream again?

"Charles?" she called. Hadn't he or Lee heard her scream? Then her eyes fell on the note propped neatly on her bedstead.

Meghann, Our flight leaves at 8:30. Got a little concerned when you were still sleeping but Lee says expectant mothers need more rest. You've got the cell phone number call me!

Love, Charles

Belatedly, Meghann remembered Charles's and Lee's trip to San Francisco for the forty-sixth meeting of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists where Lee was giving a lecture on management of high -risk pregnancy. They were only going to be gone three days and had asked Meghann to accompany them but she'd insisted they take the trip together. Though Charles had had reservations about leaving her alone, he'd agreed to go at least until he arrived at Simon's last night and saw what was going on between Meghann and her master.

Charles hadn't said anything to blame her or make her feel ashamed of what she almost did with Simon. Charles's att.i.tude was that Meghann was a victim of the blood link between her and Simon. He insisted she couldn't be held responsible for her actions while she was drinking her master's blood but it was obvious she couldn't be left alone with him. From now on, Charles would remain with her when she had to see Simon to ensure he couldn't take advantage of her.

He'd stay with her while Lee went to San Francis...o...b.. himself.

It had been nearly sunrise before Meghann was able to convince Charles that while he meant well, he'd be doing her no favor by treating her like a backward child that had to be supervised. Her feelings toward Lord Baldevar were complex and based on much more than a mere blood link.

"But, Meghann," Charles had shouted. "Can't you see those feelings are ones he's putting in your head? He's making you think you want him when you don't!"

"You don't know that," Meghann had screamed back. "I don't know that but I want to! I want to understand myself. I want to come to terms with him. Lee's right. I have to examine my feelings no matter how dismayed I am by my findings."

Charles had given his lover a scathing glance before turning back to Meghann, speaking with a slow, careful enunciation that showed he was on the verge of losing his temper. "Meghann, I'm not going to stand by and watch you give yourself to a monster! You deserve more. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time finding love. If only you were a man so we could fall in love and get married!"

That ridiculous statement had cut the tension in the room with everyone, Lee included, laughing at such an absurdity.

"I could do a h.e.l.l of a lot worse," Meghann had said, hugging her friend close.

"That's the problem," Charles had replied. "Look, I may not be in love with you but I love you like a sister. Do you think I should stand by and let you ruin your life?"

"Don't you think I know better than to be with Simon?" Meghann had replied.

"Look, I want you and Lee to go away together because I need some time by myself. If a part of me wants him a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic, self -destructive part I have to face it down and cut it out of me, the same way I'd cut a limb off if it got gangrene. I want the next four days to be a time of retreat and meditation. That way I can tell Simon no by myself instead of needing you to stand guard over me so I don't throw myself at him. Can't you see? I need to turn him away by myself."

Charles had examined her closely before he finally sighed and nodded. "I should have known better than to think you'd settle for anything less than rejecting him of your own will even when it's seriously compromised by having to drink his blood. Okay, we'll go to San Francisco and give you time to yourself. But I saw the blood on you last night. You don't need to feed, so promise me you won't go near him while we're gone."

Meghann had given her promise and Charles had reluctantly agreed to go with Lee to San Francisco.

Now Meghann wished her friend were still here wished anybody were here.

That nightmare had left her with a pounding heart and a driving fear that put her on the edge of panic.

Silly, she told herself. That dream is just a manifestation of your subconscious fears. Part of you wants Simon but another part knows you shouldn't put your faith in him knows all it would bring you is the pain you felt in that dream. That's all you're not in any real danger.

So why did Meghann feel as if the walls of the small room were closing in on her? Why was every instinct screaming at her to get out of the house? Run, was the undercurrent in her thoughts. Danger Danger Run away !

Simon, Meghann thought and nearly reached for the phone. Not that she needed the mortal appliance she could simply summon him with the power of her thoughts if she wanted to. Then she wouldn't be alone with this crippling fear.

Unlike the dream, he'd never turn her away. She knew he'd meet her, hold her No! She'd made a promise to Charles was she going to break it a scant hour after he left, behave like a frightened child and demand someone pet her fears away? She wouldn't call Simon, she'd do precisely what she was supposed to do while Charles and Lee were gone use the time to get her head together.

The desert, Meghann thought, and she was pleased to feel the constricting band around her chest loosen a little. Maybe she just needed to get out of the house needed air and s.p.a.ce so she could think.

Meghann showered quickly and pulled her hair into a casual ponytail, throwing on baggy jeans and her Mets jersey. But something still nagged at her, whispered she needed protection.

On impulse, Meghann went to the cardboard boxes stacked by the closet.

s.p.a.cious though Lee's house was, he didn't have room for all her things so she'd left most of them in storage. She rummaged through the box where she'd stored Jimmy's possessions and soon found what she was looking for a .357 magnum revolver.

Meghann felt a ridiculous sense of protection at the heavy weight of the weapon in her hand. For G.o.d's sake, why would a vampire need a gun to feel safe? Maybe because this was Jimmy's talisman? A .357 had saved him the night that vampire found his family. Jimmy hadn't been able to save his wife or son but three shots from the magnum had paralyzed the vampire long enough for Jimmy to flee the house and get help. After that, even though the thing had disappeared long before Jimmy returned with the cops, he'd kept the gun by his side and never went out without his magnum when the sun went down.

For the first time that night, Meghann smiled remembering how she and Jimmy had found each other at a dark time in both their lives and helped each other. She had helped him conquer his alcohol dependency by teaching him he was not helpless against the thing that killed his family. Once he started killing vampires during the day he no longer needed to drown his fear with alcohol at night.

For his part, Jimmy helped her control the treacherous blood l.u.s.t that constantly screamed at her to kill. Whenever she felt angry or frustrated, the blood l.u.s.t was there, slyly whispering that one kill would make her feel better. Jimmy suggested that perhaps Meghann needed a way besides s.e.x, absinthe, and cartons of Camels to relieve tension, and invited her to come along with him for target practice.

Reaching for a box of ammunition, Meghann smiled, remembering that under Jimmy's tutelage she'd become a crack shot within a few weeks. She recalled his astonishment, watching her shoot the magnum with one hand, when a mortal woman of her size and weight would have been knocked off her feet even if she fired with both hands.

Target practice, Meghann decided, and inserted cartridges into the chambers, snapped the cylinder shut, clicked on the safety, and stuffed the gun down the waistband of her jeans. She'd go to the desert and take a few rounds of target practice while she did her best to resolve her feelings.