"Good?" He smiles, gesturing to the drink.

"Amazing," I admit, taking another long sip.

"Val makes the best mixed drinks," Decklan interjects, pulling my attention to where he has slid in next to Kimber and now has her small frame tucked against him.

"I think I have to agree," I admit, taking another drink.

I honestly don't know if the drink is really that good or if I'm just so desperate to numb the storm brewing inside of me that I'm not even really registering what it tastes like. Either way, I can tell almost immediately that it's doing the trick.

Slowly- over the course of the next few minutes- I feel the warmth start to spread across my face, the amount of liquor in the drink clearly more than I originally thought. I relish in the feeling, loving how little by little my fear and uneasiness start to fall into the background, and I find myself rather enjoying the casual conversation that floats among the four of us.

Watching Decklan and Gavin is like watching an old married couple. They bicker back and forth, disagree about everything, and never seem to see eye to eye, but the bond between them is undeniable.

By my second drink I am an active partic.i.p.ant at the table, retelling the story of how when we were seventeen, Angel and I were forced to walk two miles home completely naked. It was late one summer night after her brother's friend had stolen our clothes when we decided to take them off and jump into the local swimming pond.

First and last time I've ever been skinny dipping. Having to walk two miles in the middle of the night, ducking behind trees to avoid being seen was enough to teach me my lesson there. My feet hurt for days afterward considering along with no clothes, I also had no shoes.

I swear I think Kimber laughed harder than I've ever seen her laugh before. Probably because she knows me and Angel both very well and picturing this little adventure is not that hard for her to do.

The guys spend the next hour retelling their own stories from childhood. Decklan jumping an old dirt bike over two derby cars and nearly breaking his neck. Gavin getting so high that he spent two hours laying in the gra.s.s, watching the stars as he sung himself lullabies.

Drink after drink, hour after hour, time just seems to slip away. I'm completely captivated by Gavin; watching him speak, watching his reaction when Decklan tells us something funny from their past.

I swear I fall harder and harder with each second that ticks by until I can no longer even remember why I was hesitant to begin with. His eyes, his smile, the way he looks at me when he catches me staring; I swear I could spend the rest of my life just staring at this beautiful man.

We end up staying at the bar well past close. Paxton joins us after his last set and the stories continue well into the early morning hours. By the time Gavin finally leads me to the truck, the sun has already started to peek out over the horizon.

Stopping just feet from his truck, I look over to find him watching me curiously.

"What?" I ask, suddenly self-conscious.

"You're f.u.c.king beautiful, you know that?" His crooked smile is enough to send my heart galloping inside my chest.

"I'm also very hungry." I crinkle my nose, reaching for his hand.

The second his fingers close around mine, I tug, pulling him toward me.

"What's a girl gotta do to get some pancakes around here?" I tease, pushing up to lay a gentle kiss to his mouth before pulling back.

"I can think of a few things," he teases, tightening his grip on me.

"After pancakes." I kiss him again, loving how at ease I suddenly feel with him.

"Fine. After pancakes." He smiles, laying his lips to mine once more.

Chapter Fourteen.

Harlee Returning to my dorm room after spending the weekend with Gavin feels more like entering an alternate universe rather than stepping back into my normal life. I spend most of the afternoon cat napping, considering I never actually went to bed Sunday night.

By five o'clock, I am up and as determined as ever to set this whole mess straight once and for all. Kimber's right. I need to make a decision and stick with it.

Holding my cell phone in my hand, I stare at it for a long moment before finally pressing Bryan's number. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest as it rings; once, twice, his voice finally sounding on the line before it can ring a third time.

"Hey." I can hear the usual smile in his voice.

"Hey."

"How was Portland?" he asks.

"It was fun. I enjoyed myself." Guilt floods through me all over again.

"Good. I'm glad. But I missed the h.e.l.l out of you."

"I missed you, too."

I wish I could say my statement is the truth, but honestly, I thought very little about him for most of the weekend. I was too caught up in Gavin to really see anything past that incredible smile of his.

"Do you think you can come over?" I ask, silently praying that he says no.

I know I need to get this over with, but I really don't know how I'm going to. Just talking to him reminds me what an amazing guy he is. When I close my eyes I can see his messy hair and laid back smile.

He has this incredible way of making me feel so comfortable, no matter what's going on around us. He makes me laugh. He's dependable. He gets along with everyone. And most importantly, he doesn't play games, which is more than I can say for Gavin.

My heart knows what it wants... Gavin. But my head is still battling back and forth between the sensible, smart choice and the choice that lights my soul on fire.

"Oh, babe. I wish I could." Bryan's voice pulls me from my inner battle and back to the present conversation. "I have my Ethics cla.s.s in ten minutes. Monday night remember?" he reminds me.

"Oh, that's right. I forgot you have two evening cla.s.ses this semester."

"How about dinner tomorrow night?" he suggests.

"Yeah okay, that sounds good," I agree, for the first time realizing that meeting him in public might be easier.

At least that way he will be less likely to cause a scene when I drop the bomb on him that I've fallen in love with another man. Oh G.o.d, he has no idea this is even coming and here I'm just going to walk in there and crush him.

Panic tightens my chest, making it almost impossible to suck in a good breath.

"Harlee, did you hear me?" Bryan's voice washes over me.

"What?" The word comes out breathless.

"Are you okay?" He seems genuinely concerned which only adds to the guilt.

"I'm fine. Sorry, I didn't get much sleep this weekend." I try to reel myself back in.

"Well get some rest," he instructs. "I gotta get into cla.s.s. I'll pick you up tomorrow, six o'clock?"

"Actually, just text me the location and I'll meet you there. I have one of Joy's cars that I need to return to her. I can just drop it off after dinner."

"Sounds good. Talk to you soon."

"Okay."

"I love you." His words catch me off guard, momentarily paralyzing my ability to respond.

Without another word he ends the call, clearly chalking up my silence as I've already hung up. I drop the phone into my lap, taking several deep breaths trying to calm the rush of emotion that has suddenly washed over me.

He said he loves me...

This situation just got a whole h.e.l.l of a lot more complicated.

Getting through the day of cla.s.ses was d.a.m.n near unbearable. Not even Angel's witty remarks and s.e.xual comments about our English professor could pull me from the foul mood I woke up in.

The only highlight of my entire day was a text message I got from Gavin just as I was getting ready for my dinner date with Bryan.

I can still smell you in my bed. I f.u.c.king love it.

It shouldn't have brought a smile to my face, knowing what was to come, but it did. It made me wish I was there with him, lost in our own little world. Suddenly I didn't know if I was more upset over what I was about to do to Bryan, or about the fact that all I wanted to do was be with Gavin and couldn't be. At least not until Thursday after cla.s.ses.

G.o.d, since when does two days seem like an eternity of time?

I drop Joy's Mercedes off with the valet at Truman's Fish Market, an upscale restaurant known for its fresh seafood selection, just fifteen minutes from campus. I've been here a couple times with Joy, but it's been a while. Regardless I doubt it's suddenly become a restaurant where you can secure a reservation one day in advance, which means Bryan has had this planned for at least a few days. This knowledge makes me even more nervous.

Handing my jacket to the younger man working the coat check, I immediately smooth the knee-length black c.o.c.ktail dress I chose for tonight, wishing I had settled on a material less likely to wrinkle so easily.

"Harlee." I hear Bryan's voice just moments before he is standing directly in front of me.

He's wearing black pants and a dark gray b.u.t.ton-down; much more formal than the normal casual beach b.u.m attire he usually sports. His hair is combed back and when I finally meet his gaze, he's wearing a ridiculously excited look.

"Hey." I plaster on my best smile, not pulling away when he leans in for a soft kiss.

While it doesn't light the same fire as Gavin's kiss, it still causes a mild simmer beneath my skin. Truth is if I felt nothing for Bryan this would be much easier. Unfortunately, I have really grown to care for him over the past couple of months.

"You look beautiful." He pulls back, his smile still firmly in place.

"And you-" I gesture to his outfit, "-very handsome."

"I didn't think a place like this would appreciate my board shorts," he laughs. "Come on. Our table is ready, but I wanted to wait for you at the door." He gently guides me into the restaurant, his hand placed firmly against the small of my back.

'What's this all about?" I ask, taking a seat in the chair he pulls out for me. "This place is much fancier than our normal dinner dates."

"Well, today is not just any other date." He takes a seat across the small two person table from me. "Today we are celebrating."

"And what exactly are we celebrating?" I ask, pausing when the waiter arrives to take our drink order.

Bryan waits until the redheaded twenty-something disappears before continuing.

"Do you know what today is?" he asks, raising his eyebrows up and down at me.

I think for a long moment but can't come up with anything.

"Should I?" I ask, apology lining my face.

"Probably not," he laughs. "I'm sure I'm the only man on the planet who celebrates a two month anniversary."

"What?" The word falls from my mouth.

His statement catches me off guard, the pure adoration written all over his face more than a little overwhelming.

"Two months ago today, you officially became my girlfriend. It took me weeks to get you to finally agree to even go on a date with me, but once you did... Well, that was one of the happiest days of my life. I knew there was no way I was going to let you slip through my fingers." He reaches across the table, twisting his hand around mine. "Which is why I am starting our first tradition. Every two months, on this date, I propose we do something special together. Something that reminds us how we felt then and how those feelings have grown into so much more since."

"I don't know what to say," I blurt, emotion clogging my throat.

Here I expected some easy dinner where I would gently break things off with him. Now I have no idea what the h.e.l.l to do. How do you break up with someone who clearly put so much into making this date special?

"You don't have to say anything. I don't need anything from you, Harlee. No words. No actions. I just need you." He squeezes my hand, not breaking away until the waiter returns with our drinks.

Thankful to have a moment to compose my thoughts, I nod to the waiter before quickly skimming the menu.

"Would you like a few moments?" he asks, gesturing to the menu.

"No, I know what I want. Do you know what you want?" I nervously ramble.

"Go ahead." Bryan laughs lightly, clearly not reading anything into my reaction.

Within two minutes our orders are placed and once again the waiter disappears, leaving me in the corner with this sweet, incredible man who's heart I came here to break.

Only now I don't think I can do it.

Maybe that's selfish of me, but right now I don't care. I can't just end things with him like this. He deserves better. He deserves so much more than the less than stellar girlfriend I've been. The least I can do is give him tonight. One more night...

I swallow down my original plan and do my best to pretend like this is any other night and the events that have taken place over this past week never happened at all. Surprisingly it's easier than I thought it would be.

Our conversation flows seamlessly throughout our meal. We talk, we laugh, and we hold hands. It's all so natural. It isn't until we exit the restaurant nearly two hours later that the reality of my situation starts to creep back in.

The little voice in my head returns. The one that taunts me, calling me a wh.o.r.e and a liar. It's more prominent now than ever before and maybe that's because what I am doing right now is unforgivable.

I'm giving Bryan false hope. I'm making him believe that our future stretches beyond tonight when in all reality this is the last date we will ever have.