"Is that a threat?" I ask, smirking.

"Of course not," she says, backing down, "I just think you're making a terrible decision."

"I don't know, I feel pretty fucking good right now," I say smugly, "the only bad decision was the one you made when you decided to try and sabotage my relationship."

I wait for a response, but Nadia is speechless. Possibly for the first time in her career. Just to seal the deal, I take her silence as an opportunity to maybe get an honest answer, "so why did you do it?"

"What?" She was lost in thought before I interrupted her.

"Why would you try and cause drama in the first place?"

"Just speaking the truth. You know as well as I do that you will never be tied down."

"You don't know shit, Nadia. Here's some advice: in the future, try doing your job and not making things personal. It's petty and unprofessional."

I turn and walk out of the shop. I don't need to hear what she has to say - it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure Sydney was right in the first place; Nadia's jealous. She wants a piece of me - she did anyway. I think that conversation pretty much ended any feelings she may have had toward me.

Silly girl. She let her feelings get in the way of her job.

I get in my car feeling completely liberated. Having Nadia watching my every move - even from afar - was suffocating me. I didn't notice how much so until I cut her loose. Now Sydney has nothing to worry about either. She can rest assured that I'm with her solely because I want to be. There won't be any reason for her to doubt that again.

I have to get through to her somehow, but she needs her space now. She needs to think things though. I know once she does, she'll realize what a huge mistake she's making. She fucking better.

Chapter 35.

SYDNEY.

For the last couple of days at school, Jax has avoided me like the plague. He has gone out of his way not to run into me and steered clear of my classroom. I don't know if anyone else in school notices - and quite honestly - I don't care anymore. I have to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. I will never be happy that way - especially not with someone like Jax.

I'm a wreck. I need to talk to someone, but I have no one to turn to right now. I obviously can't speak to Jax about it, and Kelly has been at Tim's since Jax and I had our fight. I know she would come home in a heartbeat if I asked her to, but I wouldn't do that. This is my problem, not hers. I would love to hear what she has to say, but I should really decide how I feel on my own.

By the time Kelly gets home from work, I'm already changed into my lounge clothes and sitting on the couch - exactly how I've been every day since the fight. She looks confused when she sees me - more so when she notices the used tissues spread on the table. She stops in her tracks when she sees my face.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Jax loves me," I say through tear filled eyes.

"Yeah, I know," she answers simply, waiting for further explanation.

"No - I mean, he told me he loves me."

"He told me he loved you weeks ago - not that he needed to - it's pretty fucking obvious. Why are you crying about it?"

"Can't you let me have my moment?"

"I'm sorry." Kelly folds her arms, and looks at me, "go ahead, let's hear it."

"We got into a 'discussion' after I told him about what Nadia said." I use air quotes when I say the word 'discussion'. Kelly can tell this isn't going anywhere good. She takes a seat next to me on the couch.

"That bitch is crazy," she adds quickly before I continue.

"She is. Jax told me she was full of shit. He was kind of mad at her, but also mad that I would consider believing what she said. Then he did it - he told me he loved me."

"And what did you say?"

"What do you think? I told him I love him too." I force a smile thinking about it.

"Are we going to get to the part where you tell me why you're crying soon? Because, I really can't figure it out. It sounds like you should be celebrating."

I start sobbing again, "Oh, Kel. I fucked up. I love him. I know I love him, but all these crazy thoughts started going on in my head. What if Nadia is right - even a little bit? What if Jax is only with me because it's good for him now - even if he doesn't realize it. Like, he loves me because I'm all he has right now."

"You don't believe that, do you, Syd?"

"I don't know." I blow my nose.

"That's nuts. It is very clear that Jax loves you. He only has eyes for you - whether you're the only one he has right now, or not. It doesn't matter. Why are you even doubting yourself right now?"

"That's not all of it," I begin, "we're always being watched. There's always someone there. Even when it's not the media, it's just the public. Everyone wants to know what Jax is up to. Everyone wants a piece of him. I don't know if I can handle that. I don't think I can live like that."

Kelly stares at me, "dude. I want to say something, but you have to listen with an open mind."

"Of course."

"You sound like you're losing your shit."

"I am," I start to cry again, "I am losing my shit. What am I doing?"

"You're self sabotaging. You've been out of the game for so long, and hurt so much in the past, that you're making up reasons to ruin your relationship."

I look down, "that' stupid."

"It is stupid. You have a great thing going. Don't let your insecurities and 'what ifs' fuck all of it up. Despite what you originally thought, I think Jax has proved to be a really good guy. You deserve someone amazing, and he is amazing."

"He is. I am such an asshole."

"He is - and you are." I laugh through my tears.

"I am. Jax was so mad."

"I'm sure he was just hurt."

"He was pretty pissed."

"Well then, give him time to cool off. Think really fucking hard about what you want. Tell those voices in your head to shut up. You guys deserve each other."

"What if," I start, but Kelly stops me.

"What if nothing. What if you love him and spend every day madly in love? What if you get married? What if you make so many little babies, you have your own football team?"

I laugh.

"See, anything is possible. You found love. Hold onto it and enjoy the ride."

"Maybe you're right."

"I am. I'm always right. Ask Tim," she jokes.

I blow my nose for the last time. I have to make things right with Jax. I have to talk to him and work it out. I hope he'll listen to me. I was such a bitch to him. If he doesn't hear me out, I will deserve that.

JAXSON.

This is bullshit. I should just find Sydney and demand she speak to me. This is why relationships have never been for me. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do.

I could easily find another woman to alleviate some of my pain. I could hook up with one of the jersey chasers - no problem - but I won't. If I do that, I will prove Sydney was right to be worried. I will ruin things between us forever. I'm going to hold on to the belief that she is coming back. She's a smart girl, she'll realize how foolish she's been. She has to, or I'm going to lose my shit.

It has taken every ounce of strength to avoid Sydney at school. It's hard enough not to think about her when she's not there, but when I see her, or know we are so close, it's almost impossible. I can't get her off my mind, and it shows.

I'm not with it at my practice. The guys can tell something is up. I try to use the excuse that I'm coming down with something, but that's never stopped me in the past.

"What's up with you, bro?" Jake asks.

"Just not feeling it today," I answer vaguely.

"You better start feeling it - this is the playoffs. We're going to the Superbowl this year and we're not going to get there if you're playing half assed like this."

"I know. I'll be fine tomorrow. I just need some sleep."

"You said almost the same thing yesterday when we were training. You know, when you almost dropped all three hundred pounds of weights on your head."

"Yeah. Thanks for spotting me."

"Bro. I think there's something more you're not letting onto."

"I just have some shit going on right now."

"If it's girl trouble, fuck someone else and get over it. We need you."

"It's not that simple."

"Why not?

"I love her. I actually let myself fall for a girl and now she's pushing me away." I punch the wall in front of me, "fuck!"

"Watch your hand, man. Calm down." Jake says quietly. He sounds more serious than ever, "work your shit out. Get the girl back. Beg. Do whatever you have to do. Now is not the time for you to be dealing with this shit."

"Beg? I've never had to beg for a woman before," I huff.

"If she's got you this twisted, she's worth it."

"I'm not a pussy."

"I never said you were. Love makes people do crazy shit. If she's worth it, do whatever it takes."

"She is," I say. My wheels are turning. I need to figure out how to get through to Sydney. She's not getting off that easy.

Chapter 36.

SYDNEY.

I pull up to the high school and get out of my car in the morning for work. I stop dead in my tracks when I see who's outside waiting for me.

"Hello, Sydney."

"Nadia," I sneer back at her, "why are you here?"

"Look, I know you don't like me, and that's okay, but I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything," I reply, clicking my alarm.

"I do."

"I'm on my way to work. I really don't have time for this right now."

"It will only take a minute, hon. Hear me out."

She looks defeated - not at all like the usual Nadia Tate. I roll my eyes. I really don't care, but part of me wants to hear what she has to say.

"Please," she pleads.

"Fine. You have one minute." It feels good to have the upper hand with someone who usually runs the show.

"I lied to you. I let my personal feelings get in the way of my job and come between me and my client. It's something I have never done and I'm ashamed."