Chapter 4.

Jayne approves my plan of action and makes some additional suggestions. I'm a ball of nerves by the time I leave the office to go to the airport. I always get a pang of anxiety heading into the unknown. Being an outsider in the tight knit family-like atmosphere that's usually formed by any group that travels together, is always a challenge, but this time, it's different. This is Steele Rush. This is my past. This is everything I put behind me to get where I am right now. I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified to face him.

I boarded the plane and took a seat in first class - one of the perks of traveling on the company's dime. As soon as it's offered, I order a vodka and soda. Wine isn't going to cut it for this flight. I quickly finish and order another. It eases my mind and makes the flight much more enjoyable. I review my notes again to kill some time and feel much more confident as we approach Atlanta. Once those wheels hit the tarmac though, my certainty and liquid courage is gone.

Since my flight got me in pretty late at night, I went straight to the hotel. Steele was playing Philip's Arena tonight, but the concert is likely over at this point and appearing after a big show when a client is feeling the post show rush will never work in my favor.

I grab something to eat in the hotel lobby and bring it up to my room. I read the comments and tweets online about tonight's show. I can't believe the following Steele has. I mean, I can, but just - wow. I know it sounds cliche, but I knew him way back when. I always knew he was really talented, but never dreamed he would be where he is today.

He's playing The Arena again tomorrow night - the last show in the southeast. I'm going to have to meet him in his hotel tomorrow morning. Well, late morning. His manager is expecting me, but I'm uncertain how much Steele knows about what MTM's plans are and who is coming to handle his business.

Even more, I wonder if Steele would care if he did know? He's been through so much - and so many women - since we said goodbye. For all I know, he forgot about me a long time ago and I never crossed his mind again. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

When I awaken after a very restless night of sleep, I call to confirm the time and place of our meeting with Steve Jones, Steele's production manager. I get a voice mail, so I leave a message and get in the shower.

I dressed professionally, but casual enough to feel like I will fit in with my new clients. Wearing a pair of dark, fitted jeans, a silky fitted white tank, and tall turquoise heels, I feel comfortable, but a little sexy. Maybe just enough to catch Steele's eye.

I It's a hot, balmy day so I throw a black blazer over my shoulder. I don't need it now, but I'm sure I will later. I load my leather satchel with my laptop and printouts of everything I've worked up so far and leave my room. I check my phone on my way down to the lobby, but there's still no response from Steve.

I order what will be my second cup of coffee already today and sit down at one of the tall stools facing the window. I slowly sip the warm liquid, watching the traffic outside, impatiently waiting for confirmation for my meeting.

I just want to get the initial meeting out of the way. I want to see Steele and get it over with so we can move forward and get down to business. The anticipation is driving me insane.

I decide not to wait any longer. I take my coffee and go outside to hail a taxi. My phone sounds in my pocket. It's a text from Steve - finally. He let's me know they're ready. We're going to meet in his hotel lobby and then find the rest of the crew later. Great. Let's drag this on a little longer.

I give the cab driver the address and we wind and weave our way across town. Once I entered the lobby of Steve's hotel, I recognized him immediately. He's worked with some great talent, so it's no surprise that our paths have crossed in the past.

He smiles and waves me over to his table. He stands as I approach and reaches his hand out to greet me.

"Annika! So nice to see you."

We shake hands. My palms are slightly sweaty and probably will be until I see Steele once and for all.

"Nice to see you too, Steve."

We take a seat at the table. He looks pretty weathered. Life on the road will do that to you. Steve is a business man and takes his job seriously, but he's always had a reputation for loving women and booze - both things that too often go hand in hand with a life on the road. I know that all too well.

We exchange pleasantries and make small some small talk before getting down to business.

"I'm sure you won't be too surprised to hear this, but no one is really looking forward to being examined under a microscope."

I laugh, "definitely not surprised. No one ever is."

"In all honesty, I haven't gone into depth with Steele about what you're planning to do yet."

The way Steve worded that sentence makes me blush. It took me a few seconds to comprehend that he was talking about my job. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.

"I have a general idea of what's needed, and what you will be doing, but I'm not quite sure what to expect myself," Steve adds after my silence.

"Well," I begin, opening my bag and removing a folder, "there are definitely going to be some changes - likely some that no one is going to like."

"I expect that."

"I'm going to need to meet with some of the crew and people on the payroll so I can determine their value. Unfortunately, some cuts are going to be made," I say sincerely. That's always the part of the job I hate most.

"I assume my position is safe, right?" Steve says in a playful tone but I can tell he's slightly uneasy.

"It is. You might not be happy with some of my plans, but we don't need to discuss that now. Let me make an evaluation first, before we get ahead of ourselves."

"Well, then, let's get started. No time like the present."

Steve stands and I follow his lead. He hands me a laminate pass to wear around my neck. Every time I get one of these, it immediately brings back memories - not always good ones.

We walk outside and hail a cab. He usually travels with everyone else on the tour buses, but in the city, they need to be left out of the way. The performers use formal car service, but the less recognizable members use public transportation.

We chat on our way to Philip's Arena. I'm not giving him my full attention because my mind is also on Steele and what will transpire over the next couple of hours. We pull up and Steve pays the fare.

We get out and I follow him to the back entrance. Shit, I'm really nervous.

Steve holds up his laminate to the large man that opens the door for us indicating who he is and that he is allowed access. I continue to follow him as he fills me in on everything that's going to be happening today. We stop when we get to the backstage area.

There are crew members and roadies scattered about, each tending to their tasks at hand. I've always been fascinated at everything that goes on behind the scenes. These people are such an important part of the performer's success. They don't get a lot of the credit they're due. Knowing I'm going to have to let a couple of them go is not a good feeling.

Steve gets the attention of whoever is around and lets them know he needs everyone to listen for a few minutes. I hear him ask one of the guys to go get Steele and the musicians. My stomach turns. He gets on one of the microphones and makes an announcement so everyone can hear.

"Attention people. I need you all backstage in five."

I hear a couple of groans. I'm sure there are a few eye rolls as well.

Five minutes. Five very long minutes until I face him for the first time since we literally closed the door and never looked back.

I wait uncomfortably under the glare of many of the crew members. They're eyeballing me and wondering who I am and why I'm here interrupting their productive day. Once they learn about me, it will only magnify their dislike. The initial meeting is always so unpleasant.

Steve walks back over to where I'm standing and takes a place by my side. I don't know if he's doing it to feel important or to show a sign of solidarity with me in anticipation of the shit storm that is sure to follow in the coming days. Either way, I'm grateful.

And then it happens. It's like I can sense him before he's even visible. My heart begins to beat so fast, I'm afraid I might drop dead right here. I knew I was going to be nervous, but this feeling is like nothing I could have expected.

I notice Steele from afar as he struts toward the group of people that have gathered around where Steve and I are standing. I wish I could grab Steve's hand for support, but I can't show fear. I'm in the lion's den right now. I can't let on how afraid I am - not to Steele, and certainly not to the others. There's nothing I could have done to prepare for this. I wasn't aware of how frightened I've been for this exact moment.

Steele is reading something on his tablet as he walks. He hasn't looked up yet. I know because I haven't taken my eyes off of him. I'm being as inconspicuous as I can, but I can't help myself.

"Okay guys, this lovely lady next to me is Annika Dodge from MTM."

A couple of people in the group give me a little wave, but for the most part, they're shooting daggers at me with their eyes. I don't care. My attention is solely on Steele right now, even if I'm not showing it.

He finally approaches the group, getting close enough to be a part of it. He closes his tablet, looks up, and stops dead in his tracks. Steele stares at me. At first he appears to be in disbelief, and then he begins to really notice me. No one is paying him any mind, they're all focussed on me right now. I notice though.

Our eyes meet and for an instant, it's just the two of us. All the time we've been apart no longer exists. We're in the storage room of The Reading Room. His lips are one me...

"Annika is going to be doing an evaluation of our finances and also speaking to each of you a little about what you do here," Steve begins, bringing my flashback fantasy to an abrupt halt.

Peeling my eyes off of Steele, I smile out at the group.

"So she's gonna be firing some of us is what you're saying?" one of the roadies yells out.

"That's not what I said," Steve replies.

There are mumbles and groans as they all look at one another and voice their opinions.

"Look, I was asked to come here and do an assessment," I try to assure them, "it's not pleasant for either of us, but it's my job, just like it's your job to do whatever it is that you do. I'll be meeting with each of you individually to speak about what your function is and collect any input you may have."

"This is bullshit," a voice pipes up from the crowd.

"Shut up, Jesse. She's not the enemy," Steele replies firmly coming to my defense. He catches my gaze again and everyone goes silent. Apparently, when Steele talks, they listen.

"Thank you," I say calmly. I have to look away in order to continue, "Steele is correct. I am not the enemy, but treating me as one certainly won't make things easier for you." I try to sound firm so they know I mean business, but not firm enough to sound like someone they have to fear. "I'll be traveling with you for the next couple of weeks - possibly longer - so let's try to get along. I'll be available to hear any suggestions or gripes you may have. Anything you tell me will be heard in confidence and trust."

I take a step back. It's hard to believe I got through my speech. With Steele across the room, I'm having trouble remembering my own name right now.

"If you have a problem, come see me," Steve adds for good measure.

"Can we get back to work now?" another crew member asks. Several others have already started scattering.

"Of course. Class dismissed," Steve finishes sarcastically.

Everyone that's still left turns to make their way back to whatever they were doing. Steve steps in front of me, obstructing my view of Steele.

"Annika, if you need help with anything, or if any of these goons give you trouble, don't hesitate to come to me."

"Thanks, Steve." I'm thankful for his offer, but I'm more concerned with Steele at the moment.

"Why don't I take you on a tour of the arena. I'll show you the production area I've been using as my home base for now."

No, no, no.

"Sure. That would be great," I lie with a smile.

"Cool. Follow me."

He starts to walk and I see the empty spot where Steele was standing. My heart sinks. The spark I felt a few minutes ago was mine alone. He didn't share in the moment I thought we were having. It was in my head. I'm a fool for even thinking it.

Disappointed, I keep up with Steve's pace while my mind wanders with thoughts of Steele and what the coming days will bring. Every corner we turn, I look for him.

This is bad - very bad. I'm here to serve a purpose, not to act like a lovesick teenager. I admit, I had no clue what Steele's reaction would be when he saw me, but no reaction at all? That I was not prepared for at all. He told his crew that I wasn't the enemy, but does he believe that himself?

"This is my office," Steve says turning into an open doorway. He uses air quotes when he says the word 'office'.

I look around the room. There are two desks, but other than that, I wouldn't really call it an office either. There are also two well worn looking couches and a few stacked piles of unused equipment with canvas thrown over it in a corner.

"We still have a lot to get done for the show tonight, but if you want to speak to anyone today, we can make that happen," Steve informs me, taking a seat behind one of the desks.

"Thanks. I'd really like to start with you - if that's okay."

Steve looks up at me, a look of concern crosses his face, but it passes.

"Sure, Annika. Sounds good."

I can sense that he's nervous which is understandable. I have that affect on people when I'm brought in to determine their worth. I need him to be more at ease and trust me so we can get into the nuts and bolts. Steve is the eyes and ears of everyone on this tour. I need his honest input. I take a seat across the desk from him.

"Steve, can I be frank with you?"

"Of course."

"I'm most likely going to have to let a couple of people go."

He sighs.

"But you are definitely not one of them. Please rest assured that your job is not in any jeopardy."

He sighs again, this one is more a sigh of relief.

"I'm happy to hear that."

"I'm sure. I do need you to be just as honest with me though. I promise it will never come back to haunt you."

"I trust you, Annika. I know what you were sent here to do and I know your reputation. I'll do whatever I can."

"Great. So let's start with some of the expenses that caught my eye. There's a list of things that just don't make sense to me. Maybe you can help me out," I explain. Halfway through my sentence, I lean over to take out my laptop.

"Hey, Steve."

I freeze. From my hunched position I see a pair of upside down black steel toed boots. As I move my body back into an upright position, my eyes follow the boots up the denim clad legs. I look away when my view nears his inseam. I sit straight up and turn my head, getting the full picture. I force a meek smile, unsure how Steele will respond.

"Steve, would you mind if I had a moment alone with Ms. Dodge?" he asks, looking at me. I can't read his face at all.

"Of course, Steele. I'm sure she'd like some time with you anyway, besides, we've barely even started." Steve turns to me, "I'll go check on the crew. I'll be back in a bit. Make yourself comfortable in here while I'm gone."

"Thanks, Steve," I reply, looking down at the desk.

Steve gets up and claps Steele on the back on his way out the door. I still can't bring myself to turn back around. I hear the door close and heavy footsteps coming my way. I stand, and turn my back to the desk.

Steele is posed in front of me. He's not too close, but close enough that if I reached out, I could touch him. His thumbs are hooked in his pockets in what has become somewhat of a signature pose for him. His black tee shirt fits him snug enough to show off his muscular body underneath. His head is tilted slightly, making his dark hair fall over his face a bit on one side.

He still hasn't uttered a word. I finally look up at him. Steele is staring right back at me, but I can't read his expression.