Crave.

A Bad Boy Rockstar Romance.

Jessica Marx.

Prologue.

Annika.

I cannot wait to finish school. I am so over this.

I shook my head in disgust as I pulled another case of vodka off the shelf. When I took this bartending job, I was barely old enough to serve alcohol. Three years later, here I am - still slinging drinks, still hearing terrible pick up lines, still calling the regulars a cab every night - nothing has changed.

Well, maybe some things have changed. I'm the manager now which means I have more responsibility and slightly higher pay. The money has allowed me to pay my bills and be able to build a decent savings. I'm also so much closer to getting my degree and getting the fuck out of here once and for all.

That thought is enough to put a smile on my face. Knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel gives me the extra energy I need to get through my day. I picked up the next box with added vigor and placed it on the hand truck with the others. I turned to grab another and I'm startled as large hands grab me around the waist. I stumbled backwards slightly. He steadies me, but makes sure I fall right into him.

"Did I scare you?" the familiar husky voice asks. He's close enough that I can feel his warm breath on my neck.

"Not at all," I lie, relaxing in his grip. My body never fails to melt with his touch.

His lips graze my ear as he speaks softly, purposefully exhaling gently before speaking. I get the chills and feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. As if he knows, he brushes my hair to the side, exposing my neck, kissing me lightly and letting his lips linger.

I turn around so we're face to face. He presses forward gently forcing me back against the racks of liquor now behind me.

"Don't."

The word is barely a whisper as it escapes my mouth, but it's useless. His lips are on mine before I can finish the thought. I taste a hint of whiskey on his tongue. His touch heats me instantly - his body still feels warm from his performance earlier. For a moment, I forgot that I'm not supposed to be doing this. I get lost in him, letting his tongue fill my mouth, his body press into mine.

We kiss with an intensity I've never felt with anyone else. I realize my body has its' own agenda as my arms wrap around his thick shoulders and pull him closer to me. I kiss him deeper. I know he feels as aroused as I do by the bulge under his jeans now pushing into me. I want more, but the sensation quickly brings me back to reality. Reluctantly, I pulled my mouth off his and lean back as best as I can in the small space behind me.

"We can't," I say, unable to look him in the eyes.

"We can," he replies, leaning toward me again.

I take my hands off his shoulders and stop him.

"No, we can't," I reply with more determination, as much for myself as for him.

He takes a step back, "Annika, you're wrong. I know you feel what I feel."

"It doesn't matter what I feel. You're leaving in a couple of days and we agreed this wasn't going to happen anymore."

"I never agreed to anything," he replies with a sly smirk.

He leans forward again but I look away, "fuck, Steele."

"That's what I'm getting at," he quips.

I can't help but smile. He has that effect on me. I force myself to be serious - I have to.

"Look, what we had was fun, but it's too late now. I'd rather just end it than keep dragging it on until you leave. It's over. Let's just leave it at that and we can stay friends when you're gone.

"What we had was fun? Are you fucking kidding me?"

The look on his face tells me he's genuinely hurt. I glance up at him but have no response.

"Annika, do you even believe what you're saying or is it just a show for me?"

"It is what it is. You're leaving, there is no reason to keep pretending there's anything more to what we had."

He puts his hands on my face, silently demanding me to look up at him.

"Look in my eyes and tell me I meant nothing to you. Tell me all we were doing was having fun. Tell me and I won't try anymore."

I look up into his eyes. I search for the words, but nothing comes. He doesn't press further. My silence is all the confirmation he needs.

"You can come with me, you know."

"I can't."

"You can. I want you to."

"No. I can't - I won't. I swore I would never be like my mother - my parents. Everything I've done in my life, I've done to make sure that never happens."

"You're not your mother."

"And I want to be sure it stays that way. I need stability. I need structure. I need commitment. I need to stay here and finish my masters so I can make a respectable life for myself."

"I can give you all of that, Annika."

"Not when girls are throwing themselves at you. You'll move on - trust me. I've seen what fame does to people and I'm not interested. Besides, it's just not the life I want."

"Even if it means a life with me?"

I take a deep breath. "You have an amazing opportunity, Steele. This is the break every performer wants - and YOU got it. I am so happy for you, but it's not what I want. I have my own life and my own dreams - here. If I give that up for you, if I give up everything I want to follow your dreams, where does that leave me?"

"It leaves you with me."

"I don't know if that's enough."

Steele takes a step back, putting distance between us but keeps his eyes on me, "I may only have a couple of days left here, but I'm not going to just give up, babe."

"Do what you want. My mind is made up." My voice is full of conviction, but I feel defeated and I'm sure Steele can sense that.

"What I want is to change your mind." He takes a step forward, closing the space between us once again. He leans in, putting his mouth next to my ear. His warm breath against my skin is enough to make me forget everything I just said. He gently bites my earlobe. I don't move - I can't - but he doesn't take advantage of my weakness.

"What we have is real, Annika, and I'm not going to stop trying just because you want to pretend it's not," Steele whispers into my ear, "have a good night, babe."

Steele winks at me, turns around, and leaves the storage room.

Fuck.

I lean back against the shelves and steady myself. How did I wind up here? After everything I've been through in my life - everything I've seen. Of all the guys I could have fallen for, how did I land myself a rock star?

Chapter 1.

The bar where I work, The Reading Room, is huge. It's the most popular place anywhere around to come and hear local artists perform. There are lots of acts that get to play a night here and there, but landing a weekly gig is a rare feat. Steele only played two shows before the owners offered him his own night. As more people came to see him in person, his popularity only increased, as did his audience. People started traveling just to come and experience him for themselves.

News of Steele's musical genius spread like wildfire. In the two years since he began playing here, he went from local fame to landing a record deal. Apparently, the right people got wind of what was happening and thought it was worth it to scout his talents for themselves.

It wasn't long before the record company swooped in with an offer he couldn't refuse. Steele recorded his first album, complete with a full band and back up singers. Now, he's packing up and getting ready to leave on his first U.S. tour.

Steele Rush. It's like he was born to be a star with that name. How convenient.

He began playing at The Reading Room shortly after I started working here. I had no interest in him, but pretty much every other girl that walked in the door did - and they still do.

Steele has always performed alone - just him and his guitar. The way his hands magically strum that guitar combined with his gravelly voice, he doesn't need anything else. Honestly, he could have half the talent and still get noticed. Steele was not only blessed with the voice of an angel, but also the looks of a model and a chiseled body that only gets better with each layer of clothing he removes. That I know from experience.

I watched him from a distance for months before ever having a real conversation. Don't get me wrong - he tried to talk to me many times - I just wasn't into him. I have no interest in singers, musicians, or anyone who performs for a living. I was brought up by rockers and as much as I love music, that's how much I hate the lifestyle they live. I got to witness it first hand and vowed from a young age to never get involved in show business.

That didn't stop my parents from trying to exploit my natural gift - an amazing singing voice. I always sang as a small child - I still do - but not for praise and definitely not to get noticed. I just enjoy it, but I like it more when I'm alone or with close friends. I don't need an audience to feel validated.

That's how Steele got me talking to him the first time. I was closing the bar and he was packing up his things. The tune of one of my favorite classic rock songs was playing on the speaker and I was singing along. I had my back to the bar so I didn't notice he was standing there, listening quietly. When I turned around and noticed him watching, he just smiled and didn't take his eyes off of me. I was embarrassed, but also a little turned on by the look he was giving me. I'd seen him flirt with many woman on the nights he played here, but I'd never seen him look at any of them the way he looked at me in that moment.

"Wow" was all he said.

Being my sarcastic self and always on the defense, I said something obnoxious like, "that's original."

Much to my surprise, the conversation continued. Before we knew it, the sun was rising. I locked up the bar, not really sure how to say goodbye. We had talked for hours and opened up to each other like we were old friends. I didn't know if he was going to kiss me - or if I even wanted him to.

I didn't have to worry for long though. Steele flashed his sexy smile at me and said goodbye. We got into our cars and each set off in our own direction.

I don't know what would have transpired if he kissed me - or if we took it a step further and went home together, but I'm glad we didn't. He could have had me that night and I'm sure he knew it. Instead, he left me with something even better than an intimate taste of Steele Rush. He left me with a longing and desire deep inside of me like nothing I had ever felt before.

Our 'relationship' grew from there. I don't know what we were to be honest. Everything proceeded slowly from that point on. I'm not sure if it was me making it happen that way, or Steele enjoying the chase. I knew he really liked me, but he was everything I swore I would never let myself get attached to. I wanted him close, but kept him at a distance.

Then, one night while Steele was performing his set, I was having a terrible night at the bar. The place was packed and we were short staffed. Some of the customers were getting upset about how long the wait was. One guy I'd been serving drinks to since earlier in the evening started getting rowdy. He was pretty wasted at that point and being a real asshole. He started yelling some really nasty things at me. I don't remember exactly what he was saying, but I was already in an awful mood, so it only made me more upset. The bouncers dragged him out of the place, but it was to late. He had already ruined my night.

Last call couldn't come soon enough, and the second the last customer walked out the door, I headed to the back room. I needed to be alone and let out my frustration. I stood there in the dark, feeling like I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I paced a few times and then decided to kick one of the metal shelves.

"What did that shelf ever do to you?" a throaty voice asked from the doorway.

I knew who it was - Steele. He was leaning in the doorway with his thumbs hooked in the pockets of his faded jeans. I felt like an idiot. I was being childish, and he witnessed it all. Steele didn't blink an eye. He just walked over and gave me a hug.

It was the first time we had touched like that. We had never been that close before. It was electric. His body was the perfect sheath to the outside world that I wanted to just forget for the night. I honestly don't think he meant anything sexual by it. He heard about what happened and could clearly see how much it affected me. He wanted to make me feel better, and for the first time, I let him.

I looked up and it was like I was seeing him for the first time. Steele. The man who is the opposite of everything I swore to myself I would find in a man, was now the only thing I wanted.

I couldn't help myself. I kissed him.

I. Kissed. Him.

The moment our lips touched, I knew right then and there, there was no turning back.

Steele wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer into him as we kissed. Even though our bodies were pressed together, I wanted to be closer, I wanted more. Our mouths locked together for what felt like an eternity. My hands grasping at any part of him I could get to. His were doing the same to me. I can't remember how long we stayed like that and I didn't care. All I knew, was that I didn't want it to end.

The sound of the door creaking open brought us back to reality. I remembered that we were in the storage room at work. Jimmy, my bar back, was backing himself into the room with a hand truck full of boxes.

I reluctantly broke our embrace and announced that I had to clean up. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I didn't want to look up. I wanted to tear his fucking clothes off and take him right there in the dark room. Maybe it was a good thing Jimmy came in when he did.

We quickly moved away from each other and composed ourselves before Jimmy had a chance to catch on to what had just transpired between us. I turned to face the liquor shelves again and tried to look busy.

Jimmy went on to compliment Steele on his set and offer me some help. I knew Steele wanted him gone, but I welcomed the interruption. What happened between us shouldn't have. I may have been the one to instigate it, but it was just a moment of weakness. I could never let that happen again - no matter how amazing it felt.

We went about our cleaning and Steele packed up his things. When we were all done and ready to go home, Steele offered me a ride, but I declined. It was the last time I let myself get that close to him - and it sucked - but I knew he would be leaving to go on tour soon. I knew nothing more would ever come of us being together. I knew where it would lead, and I wasn't ready to go down that road.

I avoided him at all costs after that. As much as I possibly could anyway. He tried to talk to me about that night, tried to get me to remember, but I pushed any idea of 'us' from my mind. We continued on with the charade of being friendly and I never let myself be alone with him again. I knew I couldn't trust myself. I wanted him so bad, but I had to listen to the voice in my head that told me Steele was no good for me.

Steele was a gentleman about it. He respected my wishes to keep a distance between us, but he told me he wouldn't let me off the hook so easy, and he meant it. He never missed an opportunity to make a comment or drop a line on me. He knew it would make me blush, or make me uncomfortable, but he wasn't letting it go.

On more than one occasion he would say that he knew I wanted him - that I couldn't deny how I felt because HE felt it - that night we kissed. I shrugged him off, but in my heart, I knew he was right.

We played this game for a couple of months. The closer it got to the day he was supposed to be leaving for his tour, the more he pushed. He wasn't being 'pushy' per se, he just had said he wasn't going to give up until the day he left, and apparently, he meant it.

We weren't fooling around, but the conversations and banter we shared in place of sex was just as intense. We had a genuine connection and there was no pretending that there wasn't. He never left the bar with another woman - not that I know about anyway. He could have very easily, but he always left the door open for me.