A waterfall of flowers brightened her funeral, but they couldn't disguise the stench of death.

2) My water breaking, mid-Walmart...

Contractions, uterine lightning bolts, striking immediately and not letting up for 18 hours.

And ...

The #1 Worst Thing

about those seven months: My steady, needful, forever relationship with the monster.

Learning that "addiction" is much more than a buzzword.

Discovering how very much it applied to my "me first" psyche.

Struggling not to give in to inner voices much stronger than my own.

Winning most of the time, gritting my teeth and "just saying no."

Losing in those moments when the world I'd created for myself closed in around me.

Happy Endings

I'd like to give you one.

But I'm not really sure how this story ends myself.

Being a mother is hard A lot harder than I imagined.

My baby boy is beautiful.

I sense an Old Soul within him.

But he cries a lot and he doesn't really sleep like a newborn should. No lectures, okay? I accept my part.

I watch my mom with my son, loving him, as she must have loved me. She's patient when he cries. She paces him to sleep.

I wish I could be like that. But I'm only 17.1 feel like life is pa.s.sing me by as I stand here on the deck, listening to him fuss inside.

Sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and roll away. Sometimes I just want to die. I only know one thing that can make me laugh again.

Crank is more than a drug.

It's a way of life. You can turn your back. But you can never really walkaway.

The monster will forever speak to me. And today, it's calling me out the door.

A Reading Group Guide to Crank by Ellen Hopkins PREREADING QUESTIONS.

Why might teens begin using drugs like meth even though they know the dangers?

How might drug addiction impact a family?

What scars might drug addiction leave for generations to come?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS.

How would you describe Bree? Is this the same way that Kristina would describe her? Where did Bree come from?

For Kristina, what is the lure of crystal meth? What does it provide for her? What does it take away?

Describe Kristina's mother, father, and stepfather. Are they in any way responsible for her addiction? Do you think that there's anything else they could have-or should have-done to help her?

Why is Kristina drawn to Adam? To Chase? To Brendan? In what ways are these three similar and in what ways are they different? How does Kristina's relationship with each one affect her?

Which boy is most harmful to her?

Why does Kristina decide to keep her baby? What reasons might she have had for giving it up? Do you think she made the right decision?

Why does Kristina always call crank "the monster"? How do you think her renaming of the drug affects her att.i.tude toward it and her sense of responsibility regarding it? Are there other things or people in the story that get renamed? How does this affect the way in which they are regarded?

Kristina sometimes refers to herself and her life before drugs as boring and worthless, yet at other times she seems to regard it as something very precious. What att.i.tude do you think is closest to her true feelings? Do you think those around her would agree with her a.s.sessment?

The author chose to write this story in verse. Why do you think that she chose this format? What effect does this have on how you feel about the characters and events?

What is the overall message of this book? Do you think the story will act as a deterrent for teens who are considering drugs?

ACTIVITIES.

As we can see in Crank, poetry allows us to express ourselves in new and creative ways. Write a poem or series of poems about something that has happened in your life Choose a drug-crystal meth or some other drug that you've heard of-and research its effects on the user. Find out exactly what it does in the body, how long the side effects last, how much it typically costs, and any other pertinent facts.

Kristina has an alter ego who allows her to be more careless and daring. What would your alter ego be like? Choose a name, list all the character traits s/he would have, and list the things that s/he could help you do. Imagine what your life would be like if you acted more like your alter ego.

Kristina's baby, like many children of addicts, cries a lot and needs to be held more than other babies. Find out if your local hospital will allow you to volunteer to hold babies born addicted. If your community has no such programs, perhaps you could consider volunteering at a local drug clinic or an anti-drug program at your school.

Write a short story about what you think will happen to Kristina and her baby after the events depicted in the book.

There are several other books about teenage drug addiction, including Go Ask Alice and Smack. Read one of these other books and compare it to Crank.

Crank guide written by Cory Grimminck, Director, Hillsdale Community Library, Hillsdale, MI.

Find out what happens to Kristina

next in Ellen Hopkins's

Walking with the Monster Life was radical right after I met the monster.

Later, life became harder, complicated.

Ultimately, a living h.e.l.l, like swimming against a riptide, walking the wrong direction in the fast lane of the freeway, waking from sweetest dreams to find yourself in the middle of a nightmare.

You Know My Story Don't you? All about my dive into the lair of the monster drug some people call crank.

Crystal. Tina. Ice.

How a summer visit to my dad sent me into the arms of a boy-a hot-bodied hunk, my very first love, who led me down the path to insanity.

How I came home no longer Kristina Georgia Snow, gifted high school junior, total dweeb, and perfect daughter, but instead a stranger who called herself Bree.

How, no matter how hard Kristina fought her, Bree was stronger, brighter, better equipped to deal with a world where everything moved at light speed, everyone mired in ego. Where "everyday"

became another word for making love with the monster.

It Wasn't a Long Process I went to my dad's in June, met Adam the very first day. It took some time to pry him from his girlfriend's grasp.

But within two weeks, he introduced me to the monster. One time was all it took to want more. It's a roller- coaster ride. Catch the downhill thrill, you want to ride again, enough to endure the long, hard climb back up again.

In days, I was hooked on Adam, tobacco, and meth, in no particular order. But all summer vacations must end. I had to come home to Reno. And all my new bad habits came with me. It was a h.e.l.la speed b.u.mp, oh yeah.

Until I hurt for it, I believed I could leave the crystal behind.

But the crash-and-burn was more than I could take. When the jet landed, I was still buzzed from a good-bye binge.

My family crowded round me at the airport, discussing summer plans and celebration dinners, and all I wanted to do was skip off for another snort.

Mom kept trying to feed me. My stepfather, Scott, kept trying to ask questions about my visit with Dad. My big sister, Leigh, wanted to talk about her new girlfriend, and my little brother, Jake, kept going on about soccer.

It didn't take long to figure out I was in serious trouble.

Not the Kind of Trouble You might think I'm talking about. I was pretty sure I could get away with B.S.ing Mom and Scott.

I'd always been such a good girl, they wouldn't make the jump to "bad" too quickly.

Especially not if I stayed cool.

I wasn't worried about getting busted at school or on the street. I'd only just begun my walk with the monster.

I still had meat on my bones, the teeth still looked good.

I didn't stutter yet. My mouth could still keep up with my brain.

No, the main thing I worried about was how I could score there, at home. I'd never even experimented with pot, let alone meth. Where could I go?

Who could I trust with my money, my secrets? I couldn't ask Leigh. She was the prettiest lesbian you've ever seen. But to my knowledge she had never used anything stronger than a hearty gla.s.s of wine.

Not Sarah, my best friend since fourth grade, or any of my old crowd, all of whom lived by the code of the D.A.R.E. pledge.

I really didn't need to worry, of course. All I had to do was leave things up to Bree, the G.o.ddess of persuasion.

Before I Continue I just want to remind you that turning into Bree was a conscious decision on my part. I never really liked Kristina that much.

Oh, some things about her were pretty cool-how she was loyal to her family and friends. How she loved easily. How she was good at any and all things artistic.

But she was such a brain, with no sense of fashion or any idea how to have fun.

So when fun presented itself, I decided someone new would have to take charge.

That someone was Bree.

I chose her name (not sure where I got it), chose when to become her.

What I didn't expect was discovering she had always been there, inside of me.

How could Kristina and Bree live inside of one person?

How could two such different halves make up the whole of me?

How could Bree have possibly survived, stuck in Kristina's daily existence?

The Funny Thing Was Bree solved the meth dilemma on a family trip to Wild Waters, Scott's annual company picnic. Sarah came along to spend time with Kristina. But Bree had other things in mind.

The first was a truly gorgeous lifeguard. Turned out Brendan wasn't so pretty on the inside, but even Bree, who thrived on intuition, was clueless. Hard on the make, Brendan shared booze, cigarettes.

But one guy wasn't quite enough. I also ran into Chase Wagner that day. His outside wasn't as attractive, but inside he was fine. Of course, I didn't know that yet.