"Brendan, please stop."

No. You promised, you d.a.m.n little tease.

Off came my shorts. Down went his zipper. I realized I was in serious trouble. "I'll scream."

Go ahead. No one can hear but skunks and coyotes.

Still, as I opened my mouth, his hand slapped down over it. Those muscles hardened.

Just relax.

You'll love it.

My brand-new Victoria's Secrets shredded, and I felt the worst of Brendan pause, savoring my terror.

They all love it.

Had he done it a different way, I might have responded with excitement.

Instead, I froze as he pushed inside.

There it is.

Oh G.o.d. There it goes.

It went, all right, with an audible tear. Pain mushroomed into agony and all I could do was go stiff.

You weren't lying, you b.i.t.c.h!

I laid there, sobbing, as he worked and sweated over me. Stoked by the monster, it took him a long time to finish.

Give me a line, I'll give you an encore.

He pulled away, sticky and b.l.o.o.d.y.

Throbbing inside and out, I didn't move, didn't dare look him in the eye.

What the h.e.l.l is the matter, Bree?

I stared up at the clouds, gathering into gloom, shrouding the moon.

"My name is Kristina."

But It Was Bree

Not a Blink of Remorse

Brendan didn't say a word most of the way home. He drove slowly, just under the limit. I watched him, out of the corner of my eye.

He didn't look so perfect anymore. His nose had a b.u.mp and his eyebrows almost joined. And, of course, I knew what he was made of.

Finally, he found a few words- his thank you for the gift he had stolen, the one I should have given and never could again. I will remember them forever: If I'd have known you'd just lay there, I wouldn't have bothered.

Have You Ever

had so much to say that your mouth closed up tight, struggling to harness the nuclear force coalescing within your words?

Have you ever had so many thoughts churning inside that you didn't dare let them escape, in case they blew you wide open?

Have you ever been so angry that you couldn't look in the mirror for fear of finding the face of evil glaring back at you?

I stared at Brendan, trying to find some words- any words-to express the terror of those minutes, the horror of his violation, the humiliation at his benediction.

But my mouth closed up tight around the nuclear force building inside, thought after thought churning, the evil in my core threatening to eviscerate me.

Would you think it a mercy killing?

Brendan Pulled Up

at the foot of my driveway, didn't so much as glance my way until I opened the door and creaked to the curb.

Then he turned and tossed the dwindled bindleat my feet.

You owe me $250.

Would you believe I paid up?

I Stumbled up the Driveway

wanting desperately to shed the lingering traces of eau de Brendan.

Even messed up, I realized I couldn't very well go inside and straight into the shower.

Someone might wonder.

So I aimed for the hot tub, threw back the cover, almost gagged on eau de chlorine.

But I didn't care.

Steamy water bubbled around me, over me, jetted inside me.

The monster laughed out loud.

Cleansed, chlorinated to the point of chemical peel, sore muscles relieved, I felt almost human again.

Tiptoe to my room, up a darkened hall, past closed doors, I wondered if I'd ever feel completely human again.

Exhausted

but too buzzed to sleep, I pulled out some stationary: Dearest Adam, Always great to hear from you.

You're a regular well of information.

Why isn't any of it ever good?

If you happen to see my dad again, tell him not to bother keeping in touch.

He's a s.h.i.t and I hope his new girlfriend gives him herpes. Or worse.

How's it going with Giselle?

(Were her parents on something when they named her?) I'm sure she gets high if you're attracted to her.

Have you two done the dirty yet?

As for me, I've got two boyfriends.

One is too busy to keep me out of trouble. The other just raped me.

I think it was rape, anyway.

Can you define the word for me?

Oops. I think I'm sounding bitter.

Better close now. I need to cry.

(Maybe you didn't want to hear that.) Love you, too, K ... Bree

It Was Mean

So mean, it made me feel better but not quite good enough I could only think of one way to make things all better okay, so maybe it wasn't truly the best way to climb above my mounting state of depression but it definitely did the trick in fact, I had to laugh, it was so simple. I just had to open the bindle calling me on behalf of the monster

Close to Empty

We had tooted a lot, but not an eight ball.

I began to suspect Brendan had pilfered a bit.