up on ya. You okay?

Let's see. Speedin'. Wantin' tobacco.

Cryin' over a guy I thought I was over.

Probably going to start my period-just in time to encourage a few new zits right before school started. "Fine."

Really? You don't sound fine.

Can I make you feel better?

I told you he was intuitive. Even if he wasn't the type I could bring home to Mother. Yes, I liked Chase Wagner.

I'd sing to you but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't help.

I jumped into his well of ever-present cheerfulness, gulped deeply, laughed out loud. We talked until Scott needed to use the phone.

You probably won't sleep much tonight. Think of me once or twice?

At least. I hung up, feeling much less alone. Pulled out my journal and started to write. Wrote all night.

The monster and I had a lot to say.

Chase Was Right

I didn't sleep much that night and not for the next day or three afterward, either.

Sarah invited me over, I told her I felt under the weather, both to escape inevitable questions demanding uneasy answers and to consider my options: possibility number one, Chase, likely; two, Brendan, maybe; three, someone altogether new.

Who knew?

I Had to Pick Up

my student I.D. card so I b.u.mmed a ride from Chase, told Mom I was going with Sarah.

It was the first time in a long time I'd out and out lied and it bothered me. For about five minutes.

I walked down to the 7-Eleven to wait for Chase, antic.i.p.ation rumbling in my empty gullet.

The sight of his red Toyota pickup brought a smile to my lips-and more, inside.

We shared a seat, we shared a smoke, we shared a kiss or several.

At school, Chase waited with me in some long lines. Yearbook. Cla.s.s schedule. Student body card.

I even smiled for the camera. I had to, with Chase checking out my student body, grinning like a toad.

Back in the truck, more kisses and a cigarette of my own (pilfered from his pack, pilfered from his mom).

He dropped me off around the corner from my house, gave me a stick of gum and a big, wet good-bye kiss.

It might have been the perfect day except just as I closed the door, Scott happened to drive by.

I learned a valuable lesson about lie construction and Mom gave me plenty of time to consider how to do it better.

GUFN Again

I.

sat on my bed, absentmindedly tracing the lopsided heart-shaped scar, didn't read, didn't write. All I did was think about my personal evolution. Where did I belong with my relative innocence gone? Where did I fit?

I felt like I had fallen in to a critical state of limbo.

With my old friends mired in status quo, how could I explain my summer enlightenment? My new crowd-if three guys and Guinivere qualified-was not what my mom (or I) expected. I wondered if I should confess that her sweet, intelligent little Kristina did not exist anymore.

Leigh Headed Back to School

Mom drove her to the airport.

I waited until they hustled off, late, then asked to stay home, claiming, "Cramps."

Mom gave me a look, but I could prove the cramps were real. Leigh gave me a big, tense hug, made me promise to behave myself.

The minute the car turned the corner, I was on the telephone, completely misbehaving. "Come over, Chase." Now?

"Right now." Where's your mom?

"Just hurry."

Need arose like an angry red dawn.

I paced until the dogs warned a stranger had just arrived.

How much time do we have?

"Not enough." What do you want?

"Everything." Will I get you in trouble?

"Probably."

I didn't care. I needed to feel good. We snorted, we smoked.

I asked for, "More." Don't think you should.

"Please!" Take it easy, Kristina.

"Can't." Your mom will be home soon.

"I know.

That's why I can't."

Chase Left Me with Goodies

He didn't want to, told me no way, but Bree, mistress of persuasion, knew a trick or two to get her way.

Kristina swore to keep her in check and she tried, but no way to slow the electric impulse flow, our brain began to plot. How to get away from the confines of GUFN?

Sweet-talk Mom?

Little chance of that working, a crazy idea soon hatched to sneak away for one spectacular last summer fling.

Insanity, that's what it was, school starting in only two days.

I Watched the Window

as I picked up the phone and dialed.

Bree cooed a throaty h.e.l.lo.

Hey. I'd just about given up on you.

I could not admit to GUFN. Not again. I concocted some lame excuse.

No problem. Want to get together?

I did. Chase or no Chase, I wanted to see what Brendan was made of.

Bricks, mortar, flesh, bones.

I'll pick you up. Where and when?

Let's see. Wait for everyone to hit the hay, extra half hour, scale down the wall ...

That's pretty late.

Very late. But I'd definitely be awake. I coughed up the fact I was sneaking out.

Okay by me. Just don't get caught.

No duh. I didn't plan on getting caught. Still, what could they do if I did? Ground me forever?

What sort of party would you like?

d.a.m.n, direct. Not even sure if he indulged, I said I'd bring the toot if he'd bring the beer.

Sounds like a deal I can live with.

Mom's SUV turned up the driveway. Deal sealed, I said good-bye.