You'll see.

AJ watched the scene unfold with complete fascination. Her sister had opted not to breastfeed, so this whole letting it all hang out philosophy with bare breasts, well bared and literally hanging out had thrown her for a loop.

Gemma clutched Ella like a football on her left side, propping Ella on a pillow and lifting her shirt. Ella's dark head swiveled the direction of the scent of milk. Gemma brought Ella closer so that rosebud mouth could latch onto the nipple. Gemma stroked Ella's hair and murmured, You'd think you hadn't eaten in hours, baby girl.

Ryder began to fuss. Channing sighed. I tried to give you a break. But this little guy knows what he wants. Channing nestled Ryder on Gemma's right side and he started sucking with happy baby grunts.

I need a drink, AJ muttered.

Oh, sorry, I'll get you a beer.

Sit, Channing. I'll grab one.

AJ sipped and studied the front of Colby and Channing's refrigerator, covered in family pictures and Ky's artwork. Ky had drawn a picture of the entire McKay clan on a long sheet of white paper. Grandma and Grandpa were prominent on the right side. Colby and Channing were at the top with their arms around each other. Colt was lying down in the lower right corner. A tiny image of Cameron holding a rifle was crayoned below Colt, meant to show that Uncle Cam was far away in Iraq. Keely cracking a bullwhip, wearing a sparkly belt and a big grin. The smaller mirror images of Kane and Kade were below her. Carter and Macie holding hands at the bottom of the page on the left. And dead center was Cord McKay, his visage bigger than all the others.

On Cord's right side, a smaller identical likeness of him, aka Ky, beaming up at his dad. She squinted. Yep. A crude red cape fluttered behind the dynamic duo. The boy had a serious case of hero worship.

She knew the feeling.

AJ drank half the beer before returning to the living room.

Ten minutes of baby chatter continued.

Macie said, Much as I love talking about my new brother and sister, and the impending new McKay boy baby, let's talk about something else. I'm pretty sure AJ is bored to tears.

Let's talk about sex. Channing addressed the comment to Gemma. When will we get back to our normal sex life? Because it's been so hit and miss for us for the last two months.

AJ shot a quick glance at Macie, who suddenly had a panicked look on her face.

In another couple of weeks, things should be back to normal. At least until the last month. I didn't want Cash to touch me at all. I was big as a house, I wasn't sleeping and I had to pee every five minutes. I felt about as sexy as an old cow.

So the six week ban on sex after the birth? How on earth did you make it through that?

I went to the doctor two weeks ago and she gave us the go ahead. I adore my husband. I especially adore sex with my husband. I can't wait to make it up to him when we have more than five minutes before one of the babies needs something. But right now if I had the choice between sex and sleep? Sleep wins.

Channing gasped, No.

Yes.

Macie looked positively ill.

AJ changed the subject. Guess who I saw dirty dancing together at the Golden Boot two weeks ago? Your husbands' cousin Chassie West and Trevor Glanzer.

Really? Channing and Gemma exchanged a look, which was lost on Macie and AJ.

Yep. Rumor is they've been seeing a lot of each other.

How long has this been going on? Gemma asked.

A few months. I've heard from a couple of sources that they're serious.

Wow. Surprised that hasn't made it into the McKay gossip channel.

Like the situation with Colt did?

All eyes zoomed to AJ.

What?

You were there. What really happened?

AJ retold the story with as much detail as she'd remembered.

Channing took Ella to burp her. Do you know what Colt said to Cord that'd make Cord act like that? Because Cord never acts impulsive.

He'd acted pretty damn impulsive earlier when he'd had her naked in his truck. No one knows.

Macie, Gemma and Channing gossiped about other members of the McKay family. AJ already knew most of it, since she'd lived in the county her whole life. Since she'd known the McKays her whole life.

So why did she still feel like the outsider?

The conversation swam back into focus.

Dag and Chassie are brother and sister? Macie asked Gemma, Didn't Dad team rope with Dag on the circuit a couple of times?

Yep. Dag roped with Trevor after Edgard went back to Brazil.

Channing said, I overheard Carolyn and her sister discussing Dag. Since he quit the circuit he's been drinking. A lot. Even more than Colt.

That's why Harland West hired Trevor, to keep an eye on Dag. So it makes sense that's how Trev and Chassie hooked up. I can't believe Colby didn't tell me that part. Channing kissed the top of Ella's head. She's asleep. Want me to put her down?

Yeah. Ryder's out too. I'll come with and tuck him in.

They left the room and AJ looked at Macie. I think I'll head home.

Why?

Because I feel awkward and out of place. I'm tired. I have a bunch of packing to do tomorrow.

Macie stood. Would you give me a ride back to Carter's folks' house? My car is packed with baby stuff and I might as well leave it here rather than unpack it.

Sure. AJ and Macie said a quick good-bye.

Once they were in AJ's Jeep, Macie sighed. I'm sure they were glad to see me go.

Why do you say that?

Don't get me wrong, Gemma and I get along great. She's more than just a stepmother; she's a good friend. But she still is sort of like my mother. Whereas she and Channing are great pals and they talk about everything. Gemma won't discuss her relationship with my father when I'm in the room, which is completely understandable. And Channing and I are still feeling our way around our relationship to each other and our places in the McKay family. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to already know all the ins and outs of this family. Macie grinned at AJ. Someone like you.

Doesn't make me a part of it.

What's going on with you and Cord?

Sex.

That's it?

Yep. Great sex, not that I have anything else to judge it by, but the man definitely knows what he's doing between the sheets.

And in the barn, and in the pasture, and on a horse if he's anything like Carter.

Haven't tried it on a horse. AJ grinned and turned onto the paved highway. Yet.

Does he know how you feel about him?

No. I'll bask in his sexual attention and expertise for as long as I can. But we both know it has a finite end when Ky comes home.

I worry about you, AJ, because I think you'll take whatever little Cord McKay offers you just to be with him.

That might've been true if I hadn't moved away last year.

But?

Even though this is my first sexual relationship, it's opened my eyes about a lot of other things. I believed the sex was good because I love him. But Cord doesn't love me and the sex is still good for him. Which shows me that I might have a skewed idea of what love is, now that I know sex and love aren't intertwined.

That's a bit cynical, isn't it?

Maybe. Or maybe I stopped being nanve.

So if he asked you to marry him He won't. His family comes first. His ranch second. She wasn't his family and he now owned her ranch.

A quiet pause hung in the tepid evening air.

Macie stared out the window across the moonlit fields. It's so beautiful here. I can see why Carter wants to divide our time and have the best of both worlds.

At the McKay homestead, AJ said, Drive safe tomorrow. Let me know when I can tell my mom your good news.

Will do. I'll call you soon.

AJ watched Macie disappear into the house. Cord's truck was parked next to Colby's. When she remembered what'd happened in that truck a few short hours ago her toes curled in her flip-flops. She left before she found a reason to track Cord down for a repeat performance.

Jenn was still awake and sipping a glass of Jim Beam. Straight up.

Is Mama asleep?

Yep. The kids wore her out. Everything wears her out these days. Jenn shoved the bottle across the table. Join me in a drink. I could use the company.

Sure. AJ grabbed a juice glass, ice, and a Coke to mix with the whiskey. What's got you drinking alone?

Alan and I met this morning. I wanted to talk about visitation rights, summer vacation and school breaks over the holidays, you know, normal stuff that most fathers should care about. She sipped her drink and didn't look up. Not him. As I sat across from him, the man I'd been married to for the last twelve years, I realized I didn't know him at all.

He doesn't care about me or the kids. It's embarrassing to admit I've been living a lie, trying to make something work that should've ended years ago. So as I sat there, sensing his impatience and his desire to 'be done with the whole goddamn thing' I knew how wrong I was to push for marriage with him in the first place.

Why?

He didn't love me, Amy Jo. He liked me. The sex was really good. I believed I could work with that. I could make him love me. Or I could love him enough for both of us. Bitter tears spilled down her cheeks.

Jenn I can deal with him discarding me. But how am I supposed to tell our children, his children, that their father is discarding them too? That they might not ever see him again and that is his choice? How do I look them in the eyes and break their hearts?

You don't. It's not your fault Alan is a selfish dickhead who's leaving you no option but to pick up the pieces. The only thing you can do is what you've been doing. Show Krista and Mason and Ariel you love them. We love them. We are a family no matter what. No matter where we live.

Jenn made a sound between a gasp and a laugh.

You are a great mother and a great father too. AJ went to her broken sister. Jenn wrapped her arms around AJ's waist and sobbed in silent misery. AJ cried right along with her and felt like she'd aged ten years in the last ten hours.

After Jenn quieted down, AJ handed her a tissue.

When did you get so grown up?

I've always been grown up. I didn't exactly have a choice.

You did more things around the ranch after Daddy's heart attack than you ever let on, didn't you?

It had to be done. I didn't know any different.

I wish I would've known. Makes me feel just as selfish as Alan. Jenn blew her nose. She gathered up the glasses and put the whiskey bottle back in the liquor cabinet.

Anything else you need tonight before I go to bed?

No, but since you're dispensing advice, I'm gonna return the favor.

AJ looked up. What?

I know you're seeing someone. I won't ask who. I'd like to think if it was a serious relationship you would've brought him around to meet your family. You have a lot of years ahead of you in the dating scene. Remember this, when you find that special someone, whatever you do, don't settle for less than a man who loves you completely.

I won't.

Good. I'll see you in the morning.

Night.

Rather than heading upstairs, AJ snuck outside. She stood on the front porch staring at the stars, contemplating family dynamics and her place in the universe for a long time before she finally crawled into bed.

Chapter Twenty-two.