PRESS. [Nodding] I see--I see! Get Society interested in the Sweated, through the dinner. I have the menu here. [He produces it.]

LORD W. Good G.o.d, man--more than that! I want to show the people that we stand side by side with them, as we did in the trenches. The whole thing's too jolly awful. I lie awake over it.

[He walks up and down.]

PRESS. [Scribbling] One moment, please. I'll just get that down-- "Too jolly awful--lies awake over it. Was wearing a white waistcoat with pearl b.u.t.tons." [At a sign of resentment from his victim.]

I want the human touch, Lord William--it's everything in my paper.

What do you say about this attempt to bomb you?

LORD W. Well, in a way I think it's d---d natural

PRESS. [Scribbling] "Lord William thought it d---d natural."

LORD W. [Overhearing] No, no; don't put that down. What I mean is, I should like to get hold of those fellows that are singing the Ma.r.s.eillaise about the streets--fellows that have been in the war-- real sports they are, you know--thorough good chaps at bottom--and say to them: "Have a feeling heart, boys; put yourself in my position." I don't believe a bit they'd want to bomb me then.

[He walks up and down.]

PRESS. [Scribbling and muttering] "The idea, of brotherhood--" D'you mind my saying that? Word brotherhood--always effective--always----

[He writes.]

LORD E. [Bewildered] "Brotherhood!" Well, it's pure accident that I'm here and they're there. All the same, I can't pretend to be starving. Can't go out into Hyde Park and stand on a tub, can I?

But if I could only show them what I feel--they're such good chaps-- poor devils.

PRESS. I quite appreciate! [He writes] "Camel and needle's eye."

You were at Eton and Oxford? Your const.i.tuency I know. Clubs? But I can get all that. Is it your view that Christianity is on the up-grade, Lord William?

LORD W. [Dubious] What d'you mean by Christianity--loving--kindness and that? Of course I think that dogma's got the knock.

[He walks.]

PRESS. [Writing] "Lord William thought dogma had got the knock."

I should like you just to develop your definition of Christianity.

"Loving--kindness" strikes rather a new note.

LORD W. New? What about the Sermon on the Mount?

PRESS. [Writing] "Refers to Sermon on Mount." I take it you don't belong to any Church, Lord William?

LORD W. [Exasperated] Well, really--I've been baptised and that sort of thing. But look here----

PRESS. Oh! you can trust me--I shan't say anything that you'll regret. Now, do you consider that a religious revival would help to quiet the country?

LORD W. Well, I think it would be a deuced, good thing if everybody were a bit more kind.

PRESS. Ah! [Musing] I feel that your views are strikingly original, Lord William. If you could just open out on them a little more? How far would you apply kindness in practice?

LORD W. Can you apply it in theory?

PRESS. I believe it is done. But would you allow yourself to be blown up with impunity?

LORD W. Well, that's a bit extreme. But I quite sympathise with this chap. Imagine yourself in his shoes. He sees a huge house, all these bottles; us swilling them down; perhaps he's got a starving wife, or consumptive kids.

PRESS. [Writing and murmuring] Um-m! "Kids."

LORD W. He thinks: "But for the grace of G.o.d, there swill I. Why should that blighter have everything and I nothing?" and all that.

PRESS. [Writing] "And all that." [Eagerly] Yes?

LORD W. And gradually--you see--this contrast--becomes an obsession with him. "There's got to be an example made," he thinks; and--er-- he makes it, don't you know?

PRESS. [Writing] Ye-es? And--when you're the example?

LORD W. Well, you feel a bit blue, of course. But my point is that you quite see it.

PRESS. From the other world. Do you believe in a future life, Lord William? The public took a lot of interest in the question, if you remember, at the time of the war. It might revive at any moment, if there's to be a revolution.

LORD W. The wish is always father to the thought, isn't it?

PRESS. Yes! But--er--doesn't the question of a future life rather bear on your point about kindness? If there isn't one--why be kind?

LORD W. Well, I should say one oughtn't to be kind for any motive-- that's self-interest; but just because one feels it, don't you know.

PRESS. [Writing vigorously] That's very new--very new!

LORD W. [Simply] You chaps are wonderful.

PRESS. [Doubtfully] You mean we're--we're----

LORD W. No, really. You have such a d---d hard time. It must be perfectly beastly to interview fellows like me.

PRESS. Oh! Not at all, Lord William. Not at all. I a.s.sure you compared with a literary man, it's--it's almost heavenly.

LORD W. You must have a wonderful knowledge of things.

PRESS. [Bridling a little] Well--I shouldn't say that.

LORD W. I don't see how you can avoid it. You turn your hands to everything.

PRESS. [Modestly] Well--yes, Yes.

LORD W. I say: Is there really going to be a revolution, or are you making it up, you Press?

PRESS. We don't know. We never know whether we come before the event, or it comes before us.

LORD W. That's--very deep--very dip. D'you mind lending me your note-book a moment. I'd like to stick that down. All right, I'll use the other end. [THE PRESS hands it hypnotically.]

LORD W. [Jotting] Thanks awfully. Now what's your real opinion of the situation?