He stroked his fingers up and down her shin, then raised her foot to kiss her instep. aThis is definitely an argument for anticipating marriage.a aWhat? Oh, no maid et ceteraaa aPrecisely.a aSo many places to kiss.a aAnd I intend to kiss every one.a So many places on him to kiss, she thought. Would she be brave enough to kiss every one?

Then he explored for the garter of the left stocking. Clarissa leaned back on her elbows, closing her eyes in order to concentrate on the feel of his hands. She felt unsteady. Quivery. She wasnat sure she wasnat actually quivering.

When he kissed her left instep, his hand cradled her foot warmly to raise it, fingers brushing against the side of her heel. Then his hands slid slowly back up her legs, opening the way for cool air. He was pushing her skirts up now.

She truly did quiver, for he must be close to her naked privacy.

Lips hot on the top of each knee in turn, hands stroking the length of her thighs.

Then he pulled her up and lifted her off the bed to stand.

Chapter Twenty-two.

She opened dazzled eyes to see him framed in a halo from the lamp. aThis is remarkable.a He laughed, and it seemed to be with unshadowed pleasure. aI hope it becomes even more so.a He pulled her suddenly close for a kiss. aYouare not at all afraid, are you?a aIs there anything to be afraid of?a aA little pain?a She shrugged. aIam sure it hurt to swing on ropes across the wilderness.a aThat was Van, not me.a aBut youad have been next, wouldnat you?a He grinned. aWead already argued over it. And youare right. I wouldnat have counted the scrapes and bruises.a He raised a hand and brushed some hair off her cheek, back behind her ear.

aBut lovemaking is dangerous, Falcon. Be warned. At its best or its worst it takes us to places beyond the ordinary. Beyond swinging ropes, beyond battle, even. The French call it the little death. They believe that for a moment the heart stops and all bodily sensations cease, so that return to life is both exquisite delight and exquisite agony.a She quivered again, deep inside, with hunger. aCan it be like that the first time?a He laughed, or it might have been a groan. aIf I can possibly make it so. Which at the moment,a he added, turning her to unfasten her dress, amight come down to a question of how long I can stand this torture.a aTorture?a she asked, shrugging out of the dress.

aOnly moderate so far. Corsets, however, are the very devil.a She giggled, but could only wait as he unknotted and loosened her laces. She turned then. aI can get out of this and my shift while you undress. Or do you need me to help you?a aThat would probably be my undoing.a He began to rip off his clothes, as she struggled out of the corset. He was watching her in a way that brought back every scrap of that sense of female power, and she was clumsy with humming excitement.

He pulled off his shirt, and she froze, corset dangling from her failing fingers. Not so massive as the groom in Brownbuttonas stableyard, but the stuff of maidensa dreams all the same, with ridged muscles down his belly and curved ones in his arms.

There was a dark mark above his right breast. She let the corset fall and walked over to him.

aThe tattoo,a she said. aI see it at last.a aDidnat you always know you would?a She smiled up at him. aYes. This was inevitable from the first day, wasnat it?a She raised her left hand to trace the purple lines. aA G and a hawk?a aVan was a demon. Con a dragon.a aWhy?a aWhy do sixteen-year-old boys do most of the things they do? Because one of them suggests it, and it seems like a good idea at the time. We wanted to be able to recognize one anotheras mangled bodies.a She shuddered and with her left hand on the tattoo, she ran her right down a jagged scar in his side. aYou could have died before we met.a aTrue, though I didnat have a very dangerous war.a aWhat was this, then?a she asked, still touching the scar.

aA chance to swing over the wilderness. If staff duties were light, we were sometimes given permission to join the fighting forces.a She looked up. aAnd I suppose you leaped at it.a He seemed surprised by her tone. aOf course. Canat you imagine how frustrating it is to be surrounded by the fever of battlea"the electricitya"and not be caught up in it?a He ran a hand up her side to stroke the curve of her breast. aRather as if we were to be suspended like this for the rest of our lives, never to fall fully into the madness of desire.a At the look in his eyes, and the tantalizing touch, a shudder passed through her, a shudder of pleasure and pain such as she had never even imagined. She felt as if she contained seething power between her two hands. His heat, his breathing, his controlled patiencea She leaned closer to press her cheek against his hot, smooth skin. He sucked in a deep breath, moving against her like a wave, and she let her hands slide around him, encircle him, pressing to him so only the fine cotton of her shift lay between their bodies.

aWhat would I have done if you had died?a she murmured.

His arms came around her. aFound some other man to love.a aIt doesnat seem possible.a aIt doesnat, does it?a His head rested against hers. aWhen I watched you at the manor house today, standing near the sundial, surrounded by roses, it was as if a missing piece had fallen into my life. I give you fair warning, Falcon. You will have to fight to be free of my hood and jesses.a She smiled into his skin. aAs will you. And a falcon, remember, is a superior bird to a hawk.a She heard a hum, presumably of pleasure. aThe thought of you hunting me down,a he said, aalmost tempts me to fly.a aI have claws to catch you with.a She lightly pressed her nails into his back.

His inhaled breath swayed her again. aHave you any idea,a he said, ahow perfectly happy I am at this moment? Or, come to think of it, itas more a state of perfectly happy anticipation.a Understanding, she moved back, though she would willingly have stood like that, so intimately close, for hours longer.

He sat on the bed and urgently pulled off his boots. She went to help, tossing first one, then the other aside. She put hands to his right stocking, but he seized her, swinging her onto the bed, and falling on her with a ravishing kiss.

At last!

She wrapped her arms and legs around him, kissing him back, pressing a burning, aching need against him. Then he broke contact, freed himself to pull off her shift.

Thus, finally, she was naked, and fear hit her. Not fear of joining, but fear of disappointing.

He put a hand to her breast, slid it down over her ribs, her hip, her thigh, then back up again. aYou are so beautiful,a he murmured.

aYou donat have to lie to me.a He looked up at her. aIam not lying, love. Donat you know? Your legs, your hips, your breastsa Youare cream and gold and honey. A perfect, delicious sweetmeat.a He suddenly swooped down and licked, licked up her belly, around her breast.

She had a beautiful body? Shead never thought beyond her plain face, but the way he was cherishing her with touch and gaze, the hunger she sensed in every touch, tempted her to believe. The perfect jewel in a perfect day. He was taking pleasure, true pleasure, in her body.

He tongued her nipple, making her catch her breath, mostly in anticipation. This she already knew, and she remembered the way head been swept beyond sense in the wilderness.

She wanted to do that to him again.

Again and again.

Forevera He suckled her, first gently, then more deeply, and she arched. aHurry,a she said. aHurry.a aPatience,a he murmured. aPatience.a aI donat want to be patient!a aTrust me.a He slipped away from her breast and began to lick slowly toward the other one.

She punched at his shoulders with both fists.

He laughed.

Loving the feel of his broad shoulders, she began to knead them. She loved the feel of his tongue, too, though not as much as the suckling.

He hummed again, approvingly, so she kneaded him some more, more deeply as he suckled, kneading her need into his deep muscles again and again.

Her leg was rubbing against his and his breeches bothered her. aUndress,a she commanded.

He pushed away from her, and she grabbed for him. aNo, donat stop.a aPatience,a he said, laughing and escaping. aA little waiting will definitely do you good.a She sat up, hands on hips, pretending annoyance, not having to pretend frustration at their separation. But it was almost worth it to watch as he stripped off his remaining clothes.

He stepped out of his drawers and looked at her, and suddenly his jutting manly part grew larger, rising.

aOh, my,a she said. aI thought the pictures exaggerated.a aPictures?a He climbed back on the bed and gently pushed her down.

aMen have books, and women steal them.a She was still looking at his Rod of Rapture, wondering if the book was right, and he would like her Felicitous Fingers. aSome of the girls brought interesting treasures back to school.a aBut you didnat quite believe them? From what Iave seen of such books, you were very wise.a He captured her face and looked into her eyes. aAre you frightened, love?a She thought about it. Something was beating in her, but she didnat think it was fear. She certainly didnat want to stop. aWhat Iam feeling is nothing Iave ever experienced before.a He kissed her, laughing. aStill analyzing.a Despite the fluttering inside and outside of her skin, she chuckled. aOf course. I donat want to miss or forget any of this. Perhaps I should keep a diary.a aNow that would shock our grandchildren.a His hand had found her breast again.

Grandchildren. An astonishingly beautiful thought.

Grandchildren at Hawkinville.

aIad write it in code,a she murmured, dazed by his touch. aThe first sight of you. The first feel of your skin. The special smell of your body. My own strange state. Your every touchaa His hand stilled. aIt is somewhat disconcerting, you know, to think of you taking notes.a She looked at him. aHawk, are you nervous?a aYou think Iam not?a When she just looked at him, he said, aI want this to be perfect for you, my heart. But perfection really isnat possible.a She smiled and ran her hand through his hair. aWhatever it is, it will be perfect.a He kissed her quickly. aContinue to take notes, then,a he said, and turned his attention to her breasts.

aI like that,a she said. aOh! I feel as if Iam coming down with a fever. But not at all ill. Uncomfortable, though. Inside.a His hand slid down. aPerhaps I can heal that.a He paused to circle her navel; then his fingers pushed into the hair between her thighs, close to the tingling ache.

She followed every touch and sensation in her mind, marveling.

aOpen for me, sweetheart.a When had she pushed her thighs so tightly together? She hastily spread them, breath held, and his fingers slid deeper.

Slid. She could feel moisture there. aThe Delectable Dew of Deliquescent Desireaa aWhat?a She hadnat realized that shead spoken aloud. aA book called it that.a aA bedazzling book of bridal bemusement?a Laughing, she said, aThe Annals of Aphrodite. It was rather alliterative.a aSo I hear. You are Definitely Delectable.a aImpossibly Impatient?a aDauntingly Demanding.a They collapsed into laughter, but he looked at her. aDonat you think perhaps we could take this seriously?a aWhy?a aBecause Iam becoming Desperately Desirous.a He was ruffled and rosy. She laughed again at all the ras, but said, aThen I am Wonderfully Willing.a He pressed his hand back between her thighs. aBut not Rapturously Ready, my Pulchritudinous Pleasure.a Beautiful pleasure. She didnat know if she was truly beautiful, but he was, and this was, made more so by the blessing of laughter. She would never have imagined being in a bed with a naked man entwined in laughter.

Her hips rose of their own accord to greet his fingers, and an ache intensified. Passionas Penultimate Pang. They were near the end?

It was deep, deep inside her. Where he would go.

Soon, she prayed. Soon.

aDoes that feel good?a he asked.

aOh, yes. Butaa He began to circle his hand. aBetter?a All the feelings seemed to rush to the place he pressed on, and her hips pushed up again. aOh! The Precious Pearl of Edenas Ecstasy.a aProbably.a He laughed into her dazed eyes. aBy all means, tell me what else you recognize as we go.a aThe Wanton Wave of Womanly Welcome,a she gasped as her body rose up and fell of its own accord. aI tried it. Stroking the Precious Pearla It was pleasant, but not like this!a Her body seemed to clench itself painfully, but she wanted more.

aBooks for men tend to emphasize the delicacy of the pearl,a he murmured into her ear. aThose for women should doubtless emphasize firmness. Tell me if I hurt you.a His hand pressed harder, and his mouth settled hot against her breast. Something shot between his mouth and his hand, and Clarissa let out a little shriek. aThe Searing Spear of Sensual Sublimation!a Her senses were firing off into sparks and sparkles, but she tried to comment as head asked, aAnda the Final Fragrant Fragmentation. Oh, my! Donat stop!a aI wonat.a She wanted to push back, so she did, again and again, desperately seeking something that wasnat alliterative at all.

And then she died.

She felt it. That sudden, perfect stop, then the torrent of sensation that left her shaking and breathless.

Then he moved over her, and as her mind came together she realized that it wasnat his hand anymore.

It was him against her.

She was still quivering and aching, and she caught back a cry, not sure if it was of need or protest. Her body seethed with sensitivity, but he was forcing her hips wide, forcing her open in a way his fingers had not. She felt impaleda"

She stifled the shriek, but then said, aThat hurt!a and was shocked back to the real and awkward world.

He stilled. aAre you all right?a She wanted to say no, that she needed time to get used to this, that perhaps they should try again another day. But she could sense his tense desperation, and could imagine what he might be feeling.

aOf course,a she said, trying for laughter again. aThea Perfumed Portal has been Pierced.a Oh, but she was invaded. aSo itas time for thea Masculine Mastery of Maidenly Mysteries.a aNot maidenly anymore,a he said, but she was rewarded by his abrupt surrender to his needs.

The Fearful Phallic Ferocity. She knew just what the Annals had meant.

Again, and again, and again.

She could bear it, she could bear it, she could bear it.

But then pain faded and other feelings flowed back. Fierce, thunderous feelings, shared with him. She found she was meeting his movements, harder and harder, thrust for thrust.

The Joyous Joust!

Then he froze. She could feel the rigid tension in every inch of his muscular body. She opened her eyes to revel in the sight of him, beautiful in the light and shadow of this perfect room, lost in the little death.

Oh, yes, making love was a very dangerous thing. They were more than naked here. They were naked to the soul.

He relaxed as if the Wave of Womanly Welcome had rolled over him, and collapsed to kiss her in the way she needed to be kissed. In the way that expressed the shattering experienced.

Then he rolled to the side, still tangled with her, to hold her close. They were plastered together at every possible point, sealed by sweat, and she found it impossible to imagine ever being separated again, even by clothes.

They were one. Forever. Indivisible.

She kissed his chest, then wriggled up to kiss his mouth, then looked into his sated eyes. aThat was perfect.a aPerfectly Perfect? Thatas as close to alliteration as I can come at the moment.a His eyes were amused, but above all they were deeply content and centered on her. aPerfection will come, and weall enjoy the practice.a He closed his eyes and laughed. aIs it possible to say a sentence without two words starting with the same sound? After this, Iam going to embarrass myself every time I open my mouth.a She sprawled on his chest, looking at him. aPersistent Practice?a His eyes opened. aYou want to fly higher and higher?a aWhy not? Why stay close to ground?a aFor safety?a aDo we care about safety?a aYes,a he said, smile fading, aI rather think we do. I intend to keep you safe, love, even if it does mean staying in the nest.a She snuggled even closer. aThat wonat be too bad if the nest has a bed. When can we do it again?a He looked at her. aI had the impression it hurt you quite a bit.a When she thought about it, she could feel soreness. aThe design of the female body is very inconvenient.a aMost parts of it are thoroughly delightful,a he said, cradling a breast and kissing it. aEspecially yours.a She dared to ask. aDo you like my breasts?a aI adore your breasts.a aMore than other womenas breasts?a He looked up. aDonat. Thatas a game that no one wins. You are you. I love you. I have never loved a woman as I love you. As it happens, you have very beautiful breasts, full and pale, with generous, rosy nipples. But it wouldnat matter if they were otherwise. They would still be the breasts of the woman I love.a She put wondering hands to her body, to her breasts. aItas hard for me to think of myself that way.a aAs beautiful?a aAnd loved.a She felt tears threaten, and she didnat want to spoil this with tears. She smiled and put one hand on his chest. aYou have a beautiful body, too.a aIs that all I am to you? A beautiful body?a He spoke teasingly, but she sensed that the same need pulsed through him as her.

aNo, youare the man I love. If you went back to war and came home scarred and maimed, you would still be the man I love.a aWhy?a But then he put up a hand to stop her answer. aGod, no. Thatas another game that no one wins.a She wanted to laugh. aWhy wouldnat any woman fall in love with you? Youare handsome, honorable, brave, strongaa But she moved down to kiss the hawk on his chest. aFor me, though, the most wonderful thing is the way Iave been able to talk to you from the first. You are my deepest, lifelong friend. I know you have other friendsa"a He sealed her lips with his fingers. aNone closer. Now.a aTruly?a His eyes were steady and deep. aTruly. For as long as you wish.a She began to cry. She couldnat help it. This was the most perfect moment of her life, but she was sobbing as if shead lost everything that mattered. He gathered her close, rocking her and murmuring for her to stop. She tried, but she couldnat.

aItas all right,a she managed. aIam happy, not sad!a aLord save me from you sad, then, love. Do stop, please.a She laughed and wiped her face on the sheet. aI look a mess when I cry, too.a He helped her dry her eyes and didnat deny her statement. For some reason, that put the perfect finish on perfection.

This was all completely honest.

She ran a hand across Hawkas wide shoulders, then down the center of his chest, just wanting to touch. She traced the scar again, chilled by how close it must have been to fatal.

aIt was a mere glancing blow.a aIam surprised it didnat break your ribs.a aCracked them. Hurt like the devil.a She stroked along the scar. aIam glad youare not at war anymore.a aI was rarely in much danger. Unlike others.a She looked up. aWhy do you blame yourself? Your work was important.a aI know.a aBut you still felt as if you were shirking,a she risked, sliding down and holding him, his head on her shoulder.

She thought he wouldnat speak of it, and she didnat dare to press him further. But then he began to talk, about his army life, but especially about others, including Lord Vandeimen and Lord Amleigh.

She listened, stroking his hair, blending deeper with him at every word. She kept feeling shead found perfect happiness, only to rise up to more, and more. She truly felt she might fly away, but it would be to heaven.

Heaven. Ah, yes. No purgatory for her. Certainly no hell. Instead, miraculously, she had heaven.

Except for the small worm of her involvement in Deverilas death.

It was time to tell her story. But not quite yet. This time was for him. He was talking about Hawkinville now.

aI went into the army to escape it. When I returned a few weeks ago, I planned to deal with whatever problems my father had and ride away. I didnat intend to cut myself off from Van and Con, but I didnat think I could live there.

aBut when I rode in, people recognized me. God knows how, since most of them hadnat seen me since I was sixteen. And I recognized them. Not always immediately, but within minutes it was as if the passing years had disappeared. Even my old nurseaa He moved his head restlessly against her. aNanny Briggs saved my life. She was my mother in all true senses of the word. Even after she left my fatheras service, I spent more time in her house than at the manor. I sent her letters and gifts. But I hadnat thought she really mattered to me anymore until I saw her.

aIn ten years shead gone from a robust woman to a frail one, shrunken, crooked, and in pain. And in ten years, Iad hardly given her a thought apart from casually sent packages. Of course, shead treasured every one.a He suddenly shifted, moving up to look at her. aWhy am I boring you with all this? Come and be kissed for being such a good listener.a The kiss was Hawkas kiss, as skillful and delightful as ever, and yet afterward, cuddled against him, Clarissa pined for the links that might have been forged with the words he had left unsaid.

aI wasnat bored,a she said. aI donat think you should blame yourself for not thinking of them. When a person grows, he will often leave his home and start anew. And Iam sure war demands a manas attention. You would not have wanted to be distracted.a His hand was stroking her back again, and she remembered him stroking Jetta, remembered wanting to be stroked that way. And now she had it. For as long as they both should livea He nuzzled her hair. aIave never embarrassed myself with so much chatter before.a She smiled against his skin. aYouave never been married before.a aWeare not now.a aAs good as. In the eyes of heaven. Iave never felt like this, either, Hawk. Iave never truly had someone to be with like this. Itas like catching sunlight and finding it can be held in the hands forever.a aOr having heaven here on earth.a aPerfect Perpetual Paradise,a she murmured on a laugh. This would be the moment to tell him. So at peace, so relaxed, so inextricably bound.

And yet, it would change things. Theyad have to talk, to make sense, to leave the soft clouds. Better surely to sleep now, and do the telling in the morning.

Chapter Twenty-three.

Clarissa awoke to sunshine and warm, musky smells, to strangeness inside and around. And then to memory.

She turned her head slowly, but he was there, beside her, still trustingly asleep, turned away. Head thrown the covers off down to his waist, so she could indulge in luxuriant study of the lines of his back, of his muscular arm bent close to her. She longed to ease forward and kiss it, taste his warmth and skin, but she wouldnat wake him yet.

When he awoke she would have to tell him, and it pricked at her. It wasnat precisely wrong not to have told him. It couldnat make any particular difference to him. It wasnat as if she was in danger of being arrested.

But she wished this moment was enshrined in perfect honesty.

On that thought, she reached out to touch his arm.

He stirred, rolled, then his eyes opened sharply. She saw that second of disorientation before he relaxed and smiled. But guardedly. Such shadows behind his smile. Why?

Ah.

She smiled for him. aI have no regrets. I love you, and this was the first night of our life together.a He took her hand, the one wearing the rings, and pressed it to his lips. aI love you, too, Clarissa. This will be as perfect as I can possibly make it.a She almost let go of why shead awakened him, but she would not weaken now. aAlmost no regrets,a she amended. As he became suddenly watchful, she added, aI have something to tell you, Hawk, and I think it requires clothing and cool heads.a He kept hold of her hand. aYouare already married?a aOf course not!a aYouare not Clarissa Greystone, but her maid in disguise.a aYouave been reading too many novels, sir.a He pulled her closer. aYou eloped only because you were consumed with carnal lust for my luscious body.a She resisted. aYouare beginning to sound like The Annals of Aphrodite,a she said severely, aand of course I lust. But I also love.a aThen nothing troubles us.a aI could have lost all my money on wild investments in fur cloaks for Africa.a His smile deepened. aYouare a minor.a aI gammoned my trustees.a aIam not at all surprised.a He gently tugged her closer. aWould you care to gammon me?a She went, let herself be drawn to his lips, but in a moment she tugged free and clambered out of the bed. aLater,a she said, but then froze, suddenly aware of her total nakedness.

Then she laughed and faced him brazenly.