Nevertheless, she decided to take the risk and, to her amazement, she earned more money in that role than she had working part time.

"And I had more flexibility and fewer ha.s.sles," she said.

When You're Ready to Take the Job You have a good feeling and you're ready to take the job. The final discussion you need to have with your prospective employer is one that outlines exactly when you work, how much you work, and what happens when you go over those hours. Be very specific about what you're asking for. Is it important for you to take your children to school? Schedule your work hours to start after you drop them off. Do you want to go on field trips with your child? Let your employer know.

The career counselors we've talked to say it's important to have set hours you're in the office that everyone knows about so they can see you when they need to. It's also better, if you can do it, to be in the office every day because you pick up on little things that people wouldn't put in an e-mail or call you about but that can affect how well you do your job.

Edith arranged to work from 1:00 to 6:00 P.M., five days a week. She's a computer networker and people start calling the office a lot in the afternoon, which is why she thought it was important to be there after lunch. A couple of days a week she also made a point to come in at noon and have lunch with her coworkers so she could keep abreast of workplace dynamics.

Hillary decided to work in the mornings because that's when the meetings for the human resources department were held. When she started part time she had tried to work two and a half days a week but her coworkers could never keep straight when she was supposed to be in the office and when she was out. After two months, she changed to showing up every morning because she thought the daily face time with her coworkers would alleviate their confusion. It did. At the morning meetings, she was able to clear up any issues that had developed the previous afternoon.

Worming Your Way Back In If your former employer didn't warm to the idea of part time, it's time to look elsewhere. This makes your search more challenging. Other companies don't know you. They have no idea what kind of worker you are. They don't have any loyalty to you personally. You have to present a compelling case as to why you are worth taking a risk on.

Think hard about what you have to offer.

Danielle is a nurse. For some years now there has been a nursing shortage in this country. Many hospitals are actively recruiting mothers with nursing degrees out of their homes and into the workforce. Danielle had been at home for five years when she decided to go back to work. She didn't have to look too hard. Hospitals were bending over backward to get her to pick up shifts. She was able to craft a schedule around her children. She started working two nights a month at a hospital to ease her family into the change in lifestyle-basically she thought her husband could only handle cooking a couple of nights. She did that for four months. When the hospital had an opening, she picked up more shifts. She ended up working thirty hours a week, two nights and the rest of the time when her children were in school.

Emily used to work for a bank. She was the vice president of marketing and she had her securities and insurance licenses. By the time she wanted to go back to work her licenses had expired and her former employer was happy with her replacement, so she couldn't slip back into her old job or anything like it. Through a friend, she met a life insurance agent who mentioned his company had recently started offering financial planning and investment advice as part of its services. The planners were paid solely on commissions. She decided this would be a perfect way to get back into work. She could use the knowledge she had from getting her licenses but she didn't need them to be current. Since she was working on commission, she could set her own hours and not feel guilty about taking time off because she wasn't an expense to the company, she wasn't getting a salary or any benefits like health insurance.

She worked on commission for two years and built a loyal client base. Her employer was happy. Other companies heard about her performance and started talking to her about working for them. Her track record was her best calling card. If she didn't perform, she didn't get paid.

"That I was able to make a good income spoke volumes to other companies about how good I was at my job," she says.

Her old employer even offered her old position to her after her replacement moved to Boston. She took it. At first, she worked thirty hours a week. When her children went to school, she ramped up to forty hours.

We know two-count them, two-women who secured part-time positions at law firms where they had not previously worked. They are both named Debbie.

The first Debbie moved from New York to Philadelphia after the birth of her second child and snagged a part-time position. She said she applied to all the firms she was interested in working for, waited until they contacted her, and then told them she wanted to work part time. Out of the five firms she contacted, three said they were okay with her working reduced hours.

"I knew Philly was a family-friendly city and that law firms there value New York lawyers," she said.

In addition to working part time, she also started Flex-Time Lawyers, which is a group that supports lawyers who work a reduced schedule and seek work/life balance. The group meets monthly. Debbie established two chapters in New York and Philadelphia. She also consults with law firms that want to obtain better retention rates for women.

"I see a lot of firms wanting to change their ways. They're losing women in droves, which is adding to their costs. It takes a lot of time and money to train a lawyer," she said.

Our second Debbie, a mother of three, applied for and got a part-time position at a small law firm in 1985-the stone ages as far as part time is concerned. She worked part time for eight years under a boss she liked. She got good a.s.signments by picking up the slack for other lawyers. When she saw that her coworkers were overwhelmed, she offered to take pieces of the projects they were working on. Her boss noticed.

"He came up to me and said, 'You're not supposed to be doing that. Can you handle it?' I said, 'I'm eighty percent done. I'll finish it by the end of the week,'" she said. He was impressed and handed her bigger and more challenging a.s.signments.

The firm even fought for her when they were in negotiations to merge with another law office. Twelve years ago, she went full time. After a year and a half of full-time work, they offered her a partnership.

FINDING A PART-TIME JOB* Many career counselors recommend going on interviews for full-time jobs as well as part time because if a company likes you, they'll adapt their hours to get you.* Think of part time, three-quarters time, and flex-time as part of the job negotiations like when you try to bargain for extra vacation time. When you start to think of it as another negotiation point it becomes easier to ask for and you also can craft an argument for it including some of the things you may give up, for example, vacation time.* Part time and flex-time are becoming much more prevalent. Don't feel self-conscious about pursuing these alternatives. If a prospective employer gives you a hard time, know there are many more out there that are much more accepting.* The best way to find a new part-time job is to network with your old coworkers, other mothers, your husband's coworkers and friends.* You can also check out Web sites like www.monster.com, which list job openings around the country.* If you are a member of a professional a.s.sociation, that would also be a good place to check.

I GET PAID PART-TIME BUT I WORK FULL-TIME.

A lot of times we get into situations that are supposed to be part time but turn out to be part-time wages for full-time work. We call it sanctioned slave labor.

WORK SUPPORT GROUPS* Flex-time lawyers, www.flextimelawyers.com* Part-time moms, www.mom-in-the-middle.com* National a.s.sociation of Part-Time and Temporary Employees, www.members.tripod.com/~NAPTE/* a.s.sociation of Part-Time Librarians, www.canisius.edu/huberman/aptl.htm

When one friend, Nicole, tried to leave work at 3:00 P.M., which was the agreed-upon time, her manager pulled her into her office. The manager, also a mother, explained to her that it would be in her best interest if she could show her commitment to work and stay until at least 5:00 P.M. She told Nicole that even when her own children were sick, she didn't take days off. When Nicole pointed out to her that she was only being paid part time, the manager smiled and told her good night.

After that discussion, Nicole noticed a significant drop in the quality and importance of the work she was given. Her manager became dismissive of her and joked about her leaving at three. Nicole overheard her calling it her "nap time." She noticed that the manager started scheduling meetings at 4:00 P.M., long after Nicole was supposed to be gone.

Needless to say, Nicole didn't last at the job long.

GUIDELINES FOR PART-TIME EMPLOYEES* Before taking the job, ask to speak with other part-time employees and moms who already work there. Go out to lunch if you can because you get them out of the office where others can't listen to what they're saying. Ask them how the company's policies really work. What do they say when you want to leave at 3:00 P.M.?* Once you decide to take the job, be as explicit as you can with your employer about the parameters of the part-time arrangement, particularly with respect to the hours you'll be working and what happens when you go over those hours. If you can, get the agreement in writing.* While working there, have set hours so coworkers know when and where they can reach you.* Fully live up to your commitment. Work the hours you agreed to work.* If the employer makes demands on you that result in you exceeding the agreed-upon hours, remind the employer about the terms of the agreement. Don't be confrontational. Instead, simply say, "Remember we agreed I would work three days a week." By putting it in terms of "we" she'll be reminded that she agreed to this arrangement too.* On the occasions when you do agree to make an exception to your arrangement, remind your boss in a nice way that you're making an exception. Otherwise, he may begin to automatically a.s.sume that you'll always be available to work additional hours when he needs you.* Respect your full-time coworkers as such. While you needn't behave like a second-cla.s.s citizen on the job, you can't expect to run the place either.* Always remember that your supervisor's role is to utilize each member of his staff in order to accomplish the task a.s.signed to him by the company. When he doesn't seem to care that your child is sick or is performing in a school play you want to see, he's not necessarily being a heartless jerk. He may simply be concerned about how he's going to get the job done.

Another friend, Samantha, was penalized for doing only her part-time hours. As a practice manager at a doctor's office, Samantha was in charge of completing billings, updating patient records, and coordinating schedules. The doctors in the group agreed to allow her to work part time as long as she continued to do the billings and patient records. They thought they could handle scheduling.

Samantha worked in the office afternoons from 1:00 to 5:00P.M. She was able to finish all the agreed-upon paperwork during her allotted hours. She worked in this arrangement for a year and thought it was going great. She was able to spend mornings with her son. After lunch she dropped him off at her mother-in-law's house.

The doctors weren't happy. Over the previous year they had fumbled with the schedule several times. They fought over who was going to deal with equipment repairs. They fired Samantha and they told her they were looking for a full-time practice manager. When she suggested that instead of letting her go they hire another part-time person, they said it was too much ha.s.sle.

"I think they had built up so much resentment for me over the past year because they hated doing scheduling and all the other stuff I used to do that they wanted me out of there. They weren't open to any kind of adaptations," Samantha said.

Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings, speaking as a former part-timer, says don't give yourself short shrift. When you work part time be realistic about what you can accomplish in the time you're being paid for. If you work more than that amount, tell your employer and ask to be compensated.

If your boss doesn't understand that may be a signal to start looking for another job. Spellings said that President George W. Bush has always been flexible with her about work hours even when she had to leave early every other Friday for months to travel back to Texas for her daughters. That's why she's still working for him eleven years later.

WORKING FROM HOME.

There are different considerations if you're working from home. Karen Hughes said the one thing she regrets about working at home was that she didn't physically separate her work area from her home. A war could be going on in her kitchen and she wouldn't know it. She could concentrate in any situation. As a result, she didn't have a dedicated office and worked while her family was around her. Work and family blended almost seamlessly. When her son was a toddler, she could keep one eye on him while she was on a conference call. A lot of us wish we could mult.i.task like that but Karen says it has its downside.

"I was too distracted when my son was little. I wish I spent more time focused on him," she says.

Our friend Terry has an office in her house that is strictly for work. When she goes in there and shuts the door, her children know not to disturb her. Her husband understands that he should only knock on the door in an emergency. She has set office hours from 9:00 A.M. to 2:00 P.M. A nanny is in the house while Terry is working and her children have adjusted to her schedule. The only time there's an issue is if her son tries to bounce a tennis ball in the house. Terry can hear it in her office downstairs.

Another woman only works if her children are asleep, at school, or at their grandparents. It's an erratic schedule. One day she'll have five hours of uninterrupted time; the next day she might only have two. Despite the unpredictability, she says she manages to get in about twenty-five hours a week.

"When I'm home and my kids are up I want to focus on them. They're the reason why I'm working from home," she says.

FLUID WAYS OF WORKING* Identify a room or s.p.a.ce in your house, for example, a spare bedroom or desk in the living room, that you can claim as your own. Only use this s.p.a.ce for work.* Explain to your family why this is your s.p.a.ce and why it's important that they respect it.* Buy office supplies and use them strictly in that place.* Consider installing a dedicated or second phone line because then you're the only one answering the phone and you'll feel more like you're in an office.* Establish office hours, meaning tell your family when you're working and explain to them that they can't talk to you when you're in the office unless it's an emergency.

Be honest with yourself about what type of person you are-structured or fluid. If you're structured, make sure you have a dedicated works.p.a.ce with everything you need in it. Like a girl-friend of ours said, "When you have the right tools, work is easy." Be sure you have a child-care situation that will allow you uninterrupted time. Don't think you'll figure it out as you go along, you'll only end up frustrated.

I DON'T GET TENURE FOR PART-TIME WORK, WHY BOTHER?

We went to coffee with one woman who promised us she was going to tell us what it's like to work part time. Adrian was going to unload the nasty awful truth about cruel employers, unsympathetic coworkers, and clueless husbands. She promised we'd be depressed about our options after we left. She told us that there are no happy endings.

We prepared ourselves. This is what we suspected. We wondered if underlying all those promises about women being able to take time off work, stay home with their kids, and then go back to work was a reality a whole lot less rosy. Finally there was a woman ready to admit that it wasn't possible to have half of it all.

We waited. She was late. Ten minutes, a half hour went by. We looked up and were surprised to see a jittery, agitated woman with two-inch roots walk in. Was this our friend?

Adrian sat down. She had rings under her eyes. Her face had aged five years in six months. She had lost weight and her skin had a grayish undertone. She looked intently at both of us and it seemed like she was near tears. Then she spoke. Her voice was tinged with the bitterness we detected on the phone.

She regaled us with her attempt to go part time at the university where she had tenure. She said the university agreed to it, but it was difficult. Her cla.s.s schedule was not just bad, it was intentionally impossible. Her other duties, like office hours, overlapped on time she had mapped out to spend with her children. The hourlong commute was intolerable to make every day if she was only going to be there two hours at a time.

"They were horrible. They won't change my schedule. They won't let me cut my office hours. They ruined my career," she said vehemently.

She quit because the situation was impossible. As she ran her fingers repeatedly through her hair and tapped her feet, she repeated that her academic career was over. We tried to cheer her up. We told her she was exaggerating. She cut us off.

"I can't work there again. I won't do part time somewhere else because I'll never get tenure, and I'm not doing that, so my academic career is over," Adrian said as her eyes became watery.

She announced that she started a catering business with her husband. She radiated anger and resentment.

Does she even like cooking?

"I like running a business with my husband. The business was his idea," she said. Her husband is a professionally trained chef.

She said she misses the academic work, her students, and dressing up to go to work. Now she constantly has dough under her nails and the most intellectual stimulation she gets from her job is doing the books.

"This is my life," she said as she laid her palms flat on the table and bowed her forehead in between them. You know what we took away from all this-our friend is one bitter woman.

Of course, there were problems with her situation. Her commute was long. But hadn't it been long when she worked full time? Her cla.s.s schedule was insane. But couldn't she adjust it the next semester? What was wrong with working part time somewhere else without tenure?

Adrian, like so many of us, feels she has reached a point in her career and life where things shouldn't be so difficult. She thinks she should have seniority at this stage in her life. Unfortunately she doesn't.

Don't get us wrong. We're all for leaving a job where the boss treats you badly and your coworkers are venomous, but we aren't for giving up because things get hard. A lot of times when you go part time there's a transition period in which you're back to paying your dues. You put up with the c.r.a.ppy schedule and a.s.signments for a few months; you show that you have a good att.i.tude. Then things improve. If they don't, you talk to your boss again. If things still don't improve, quit.

We have to tell you, as your friend, don't be a princess. Don't give up your career because everything isn't perfect. Remodel it.

IMPROVING PART TIME* If people complain that they never know when you're there, adjust your work schedule so you're in the office every morning or every afternoon.* Find two mentors. Seek out an administrative a.s.sistant who's been there awhile and who can show you the ropes and give you personality breakdowns on everyone. Find a peer who can do the same thing from a different vantage point.* Make sure you don't take your work home with you. Up until now you've either worked full time or not at all. Don't fall into the trap of feeling you're back at work, which means full time.* In the first couple months, check in with your boss once a week and see what needs to be changed and what's working.* If it's not working after six months, don't be afraid to quit.

THE SERIAL SUCCESSFUL PART-TIMER.

Elena is a very focused woman. She's one of those people who actually writes down her New Year's resolutions on January 1 and then does them. She decided she wanted to have a baby two years before she did it. She finished her PhD and opted to live close to where she studied because she had a large pool of contacts she could tap into and her husband had good job options in the area.

She knew she wanted a part-time job and put out feelers to her contacts. One put her in touch with Johns Hopkins University and she was hired for a temporary, six-month-long job. She took it. It didn't have job security, definitely not tenure, but she made some money while she looked for the next job and made good contacts. She impressed her bosses so much that when her six-month position ended, they found another position for her.

This is an important point to make about temporary jobs. Oftentimes temporary jobs turn into permanent positions. If the employer likes you, she'll usually find a way to keep you and if she can't, she'll refer you to others or try to hire you later. A temporary job is definitely worth the time.

Getting back to Elena, she accepted the job at Johns Hopkins and worked there part time for another year. But she was getting restless. She wanted to find something a little closer to home and more in her field of study, which is teaching people how to be science educators.

She started going on interviews for full-time jobs. She thought if she got herself in front of people in organizations she wanted to work for, they'd know who she was and when a part-time job came open they'd think of her. The strategy worked twice.

Another thing we want to emphasize: Apply for everything in your field. Full time or part time, it doesn't matter. Get in front of people. When a manager likes you, he'll try to hire you. Even if you're not right for the opening at hand, he'll mentally file away your name and call you when another job becomes available. It also helps if you e-mail occasionally after you interview.

Elena applied for a job developing educational software even though it was advertised as a full-time position. The firm liked her so much they were willing to reduce the hours and work around her schedule. She had been working at the job two years when a contact she made applying for jobs a couple years before called her and offered her a part-time teaching position at a nearby university.

Don't be afraid to quit. Elena's employers knew what she was looking for and they knew that the positions they offered her weren't ideal. The commutes were more than an hour and the work wasn't exactly in her field. When she quit she gave each employer a month's notice and offered to help anytime after that.

She accepted the teaching position, of course. She now works three days a week, ten minutes from her home. She drops her son off at day care on the campus, checks in with him at lunch, and walks the quarter of a mile to the day care from her office to pick him up.

Sounds idyllic, and to her it is. But she doesn't have tenure. She doesn't make the biggest salary. If she was our friend Adrian she'd be miserable. This proves to us what our grandmothers always told us and we never believed: your att.i.tude as much as the circ.u.mstance is what makes you happy.

IS MY CAREER OVER BECAUSE I WORK PART-TIME?.

Anita McBride is Laura Bush's chief of staff. It's a high-profile, sensitive position. Many would camp out in front of the White House for days just to have a chance at an interview. What did Anita do to land the t.i.tle? Well, she worked part time for eight years, volunteered free of charge for several months, and took a year off work completely.

To all of us who toss and turn in our beds, staying up half the night wondering if we're doing the right thing, if our careers are over because we scaled back, the answer is no. You can go back to work. You can wind up in your most desired dream job. Anita McBride is a case in point.

Anita didn't chart her career. She isn't one of those women who has a five-year plan or a ten-year job goal.

Instead, she just always wanted to work. She wanted to keep her finger in the professional pool. Keeping up her contacts and remaining flexible is what helped put her in the position she's in today.

When her husband needed to relocate to Philadelphia from Washington, D.C., she got a part-time job at SmithKline Beacham, a pharmaceutical company. She managed projects in their philanthropy division, including a summer science program for inner-city kids at local libraries.

They moved back to D.C. three years later. Shortly after the move, Anita gave birth to the first of her two children. She decided she wanted to be at home with her baby and took a part-time job for an executive search firm that allowed her to work from her house two days a week. She stayed with them for five years.

She had gained personnel experience in the Reagan and first Bush administrations, rising to the position of director of White House Personnel.

"I was fortunate to land in personnel. It's ideal work to stay connected. Everyone who comes into a business or leaves it talks to you. It's like you're a den mother," Anita said.