"What if-"

Julian placed a firm finger over his lips. "Don't borrow trouble. We won't know until you get the results. How long before you find out?"

Ralph wrapped arms around Julian and squeezed. "This week, I think, if they're not too overwhelmed."

"Okay. One day at a time." He brought Ralph up with a finger to his chin. "I love you, Ralph."

"But-"

"Shh. It's going to be okay." Somehow Somehow. Ralph trembled in his embrace. He didn't doubt the man was terrified out of his wits. He could only hope as well that there was no hidden threat. "Is this why you haven't wanted to kiss me?"

Ralph nodded once. "Not until I know," he said.

His chest expanded as he drew a deep lungful trying to calm himself. Julian savored the feel of his body. It had been too long already since they'd been close the way Julian wanted and craved.

When Ralph sat straight next to Julian, his green eyes were watery but clear. "I want to." He cupped Julian's jaw in a smooth hand. "I didn't know how to deal with this. If...." Julian scowled, and Ralph just shook his head. "If there is something wrong, I won't hide it from you. I won't hide anything and hurt you to keep you." there is something wrong, I won't hide it from you. I won't hide anything and hurt you to keep you."

Julian swallowed hard. "And that's why I love you," he said. "You know you can't give it to me with a kiss."

"I know." Ralph breathed shakily. "But I won't be able to stop at a kiss. Not now."

Julian reached and covered the hand still holding him. "Now?"

"Because I love you too. I want it all."

Julian groaned, a searing heat flooding him as his heart pounded an erratic pace. He planted a kiss on Ralph's cheek, skimming warm skin to the corner of his mouth. When Ralph tried to pull away, he captured him on the other side and held him still. Both were already panting.

Wrestling with his desires while the scent of the man he held filled his nostrils, he forced himself to let go.

He'd never been good at waiting for things.

Chapter 12.

RALPH SPENT SPENT the next three days in a numb limbo. He had his fingers, toes, good luck charms, anything he could think of, crossed. One thing he did find out was if the a.s.shole who'd attacked him was a carrier, his charges increased. He didn't understand all the legalities, but if Ralph's tests showed anything.... the next three days in a numb limbo. He had his fingers, toes, good luck charms, anything he could think of, crossed. One thing he did find out was if the a.s.shole who'd attacked him was a carrier, his charges increased. He didn't understand all the legalities, but if Ralph's tests showed anything....

He shook his head, clearing it from the spiral it was trying to be sucked into.

A knocked tap on the doorway of his photo suite at West TonDe Press pulled him further out of his thoughts.

"We got the go ahead to do the tour at the youth center next week. And several of the staff have agreed to interviews." Tony came in and shut the door. "Are you doing okay?"

Ralph rolled a shoulder. "As well as a person can, I guess. You haven't said anything?"

"Only to Brandon."

Ralph knew Tony wouldn't keep a secret from his lover.

"The kids and staff are really hyped about all of this," Tony said, redirecting his conversation. Ralph knew it was an effort to keep him from falling into the pit of maudlin despair again. "It's going to be fun." Tony lifted a hand and shook Ralph's shoulder lightly. "Fun, I say."

Ralph huffed a quietly barked laugh. "Okay, okay. Darvin and the others are still excited?"

"Yep. Darvin and Jameson are going with us next week. Darvin knows the Center's director already. Have you decided on photo scenes?"

"Several. And I want to take some natural shots, for the bios," Ralph replied, pushing away his worry and focusing more on the coming project. He wasn't dumb. He knew Tony's ploy.

Following Tony back to his office, they discussed the calendar ideas and shot options Ralph was hoping for so they could be discussed with the Center director.

That evening, he held his mail in his hand.

The letter he'd been waiting for was right on top. He was pretty sure his stomach was turned inside out with fear. Yet, somehow, he managed to climb his stairs without a single stumble, trying to not fall apart right there on the stairs before he was even inside his own door.

Setting everything down on the counter, he pulled out his phone. Unfortunately, it went to voicemail. Julian was on duty, probably on a call.

All he said were three words. "I got it." Then hung up. He couldn't do this alone. Even if he wasn't there in person, he needed at least his voice. He wasn't weak because he wanted that.

Ralph recalled their dates, their evenings together, and especially the wonderful surprise of the museum. Julian had stressed it more than once, and adamantly, that the results didn't matter. He loved Ralph and if the news went the wrong direction, he'd be there for him. They'd find a way to make it work. Ralph didn't want to imagine how that would affect Julian's life, his job. It chilled him to the bone.

Leaving everything, his fears and the mail for a moment to change, he heard the chime of his phone as he finished dressing.

There was a text waiting for him. I'm on my way. I'm on my way.

Ralph had no idea how he managed it, but his throat tightened as his emotions peaked. Julian was coming there. To hold him. To be there.

Ralph waited.

When the knock came, the sound was surreal, as though he were underwater, or in a vacuum.

Seeing Julian in his full uniform was a shock. He'd have to enjoy it at another time. He let the man in.

"Have you read it?"

He shook his head. That twist of his stomach was growing worse. He really didn't know why he was so scared. Just because it had happened didn't mean the a.s.shole had purposely tried to transmit something to him.

The man had been vile. An animal, and he'd deliberately sought Ralph out after a lucky glimpse.

That was why Ralph was terrified.

An arm around Julian's waist drew him inside. "I only have a few minutes."

Ralph nodded. "Thank you for being here."

Julian kissed his jaw. "Anything for you."

Ralph held the envelope and finally steeled himself to tear into the flap. He read quickly, trying to find the pertinent points. At first he whimpered, then he read it again.

"What does it say?"

"Two tests. First was a false positive." He raised his eyes, his brain trying to understand. "How do you get a false positive?"

"So, you're negative?"

Ralph gulped and handed over the pages. "I think so." He lowered his head, his heart clenching painfully as he tried to figure out what it all meant. So was he, or wasn't he?

"You're negative, sugar." Julian's sweet voice was a balm to his stretched nerves.

When he felt his legs grow wobbly in a wave of relief, Julian captured him against his chest. "Easy." He crooned tenderly. "I have you."

Ralph clutched at Julian like he was a life preserver, his fingers digging into the back of his uniform shirt. "He was so disgusting," Ralph choked out. "I got it into my head that he had to have a reason for doing it. Payback." Something. Something.

"Shh." Julian caressed his body. "Listen to me. He's in jail and will be for some time. He won't be hurting anyone." Julian's pack mic squawked. "I have to go. I'll be back right after shift."

Ralph nodded. "Thank you. For being here." Who knew how he would have interpreted that letter with the muddled head he'd been carrying around the last few days.

This time, when Julian angled him for a kiss, Ralph didn't fight at all, both making up for the lost time of the last few weeks in that one kiss.

"LET'S GET GET a couple of you on the basketball court. Let's try two on two." Ralph directed the kids and two of the cops out onto the court. Sunlight played peek-a-boo through the clouds, but the outside naturalness would fill out the artistic range of some of the other shots they already had to work with. a couple of you on the basketball court. Let's try two on two." Ralph directed the kids and two of the cops out onto the court. Sunlight played peek-a-boo through the clouds, but the outside naturalness would fill out the artistic range of some of the other shots they already had to work with.

"Kinky," one of the youth counselors, nicknamed Shrek, playfully tossed out. He was tall and kind of ordinary, until he opened his mouth, then his intelligence shined through. He'd worked at the center for two years and was known for bridging the distance between the kids who were hurting and hiding to getting them the help they so desperately needed in their lives.

His innocent remark earned a hard laugh from the two cops who'd volunteered for the afternoon. Then the playful compet.i.tion was on.

The project was becoming a rousing success. The kids had been shy at first, but now on their third trip for shooting to work around the officers' hours, the kids in the center were getting used to seeing these guys coming and going, laughing and horsing around. From what he'd seen, a few friendships, and a far deeper understanding for all, had been happening in the background.

After about thirty minutes of jostling, dunk shots, and guys being guys, Ralph called a stop.

"But we're winning!" the other teen cried, smacking the basketball into his teammate's hands to make the play.

"I didn't say you you had to stop," he called, laughing because no one actually did. He secured the cover to the lens, then looped the camera strap around his shoulder to watch them battle for the last six points. Surprisingly, with an adult on each team, it was pretty well matched. had to stop," he called, laughing because no one actually did. He secured the cover to the lens, then looped the camera strap around his shoulder to watch them battle for the last six points. Surprisingly, with an adult on each team, it was pretty well matched.

Tony was helping get the formatting, biographies, and personal quotes together. Ralph was definitely getting some really awesome shots. It looked like it would be ready to go on sale before Christmas too. Just in time to start working the budget for the coming year for the center.

"Having fun, sugar?"

Julian's purred voice startled him. Ralph bounced against the fence, rattling his boyfriend where he hung on with his fingertips.

Julian laughed. "Tony said you were still here. You know, you're going to be late."

He looked at the time on his phone. "s.h.i.t!" He popped up. "Hey, guys. I got to go. I'll be back for one more round next week, Shrek." The majority of the calendar was a collaboration of the kids at the youth center and the different police officers being mentors, friends, and supportive. There were only two shots in the whole collection that would show officers in uniform. The collective imagery was to create a positive link between the youths and the men who cared for their well-being in the various ways and means the center provided, not between troubled youth and the law.

Shrek waved from the court, leaping to block a bullet for the net. "Ha!" he crowed. "Okay. See you Tuesday!" The game went on like there hadn't been any interruption at all.

Ralph circled the chain wall leaving the court, meeting Julian at the front of the building. It needed a new paint job, but for the most part wasn't doing as badly as some. The calendar project would bring funds in for maintenance and resources for the center to help the kids that came through, everything from counseling to food and clothes. Julian clasped fingers to walk at his side. "You guys are doing a wonderful job, Ralph."

"Tony is putting a lot into this. Ever since he met Shrek and Steven, it's like he found a mission." He'd even made a sizable donation. The man really wanted to do right by these kids.

"The guys at the station really appreciate it." He leaned close. "So do I."

Ralph kissed his cheek. "Thanks. It's been fun." Not without its ups and downs, but fun.

"Do you need to change before we meet everyone?"

"I brought a spare shirt."

"I like you in yellow," Julian argued kindly. "You're like my own personal rainbow." His smile was set to full tease.

"Not doing the sniff test. I'm going to change."

Julian chuckled, nudging Ralph with a b.u.mp in his stride. "Okay, sunshine." He walked Ralph to his car and caged him against it. "Almost want to skip this little dinner thing Tony's doing." He nibbled at Ralph's jaw. "Want to take you home. Get naked," he crooned, drawing it out with that southern drawl that sank into Ralph's blood. "Get you all soapy slick in the shower and then rub all over you. And then when you're clean, get you all dirty again in bed."

Ralph shivered, even under the strong sunlight. Blood began to course through his body at the graphic imagery that came to mind, making his c.o.c.k ache as it filled. Julian would make good on that promise, too.

Since the test results had come back, Julian had taken no end of efforts to show how much he adored, cherished, and wanted Ralph. "You're still a sweet talker, arrogant, pushy-"

Julian's laugh deepened. "And I love you."

Ralph sighed, looping his arms over Julian's shoulder. He moaned quietly as Julian's mouth made a beeline from beneath his ear to the corner of his mouth. "It's just dinner, with friends. We won't be out late."

"Mm hm," Julian murmured, otherwise occupied.

"That means when we get home, we can still do all of that, twice if you want."

Julian twitched, his fingers clasping snuggly against Ralph's hips. "I see. Antic.i.p.ation." He nibbled lightly at Ralph's bottom lip. "I like the way you think."

Honestly, Ralph had a few more suggestions to add to that get clean to get dirty get clean to get dirty idea. And he was pretty sure once Julian realized what they were he'd be panting like an animal. idea. And he was pretty sure once Julian realized what they were he'd be panting like an animal.

"Just think," he whispered. "All weekend together." He added a bit of firmness to his voice to see if Julian picked up on it. He wasn't disappointed.

Julian slowed to pause, moving enough to gaze into Ralph's eyes. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip. The pulse in his neck ticked as desire heated the very air between them. "Don't tease me," he rasped.

"I never tease about the dungeon."

Julian's gaze grew heavy-lidded and seductively hot. "Tony-"

"Would never forgive us for skipping tonight." He knew perfectly well where Julian's mind had just veered off to.

"f.u.c.k. You don't play fair." His sulk was cla.s.sic. And endearing.

"Love you," he murmured before sipping a gentle kiss. The shudder that rolled down Julian's frame was electric. Now they'd both be antic.i.p.ating the coming hours.