At the doctor's office, Nurse Roberts greeted them. "h.e.l.lo, Alex. Ah, Uli so good to see..." He trailed off when the doctor entered. The nurse snapped to attention and smoothed his hair back. "Good morning, Doctor."

The pa.s.sing doctor failed to respond. Nurse Roberts shook his head and trudged to the refrigerator. He retrieved a vial, notated a file labeled Alex Waterman, and handed over the gla.s.s tube. "Here you go. I'll wait outside."

Nurse Roberts appeared to understand Alex's reluctance to consume the male essence with an audience and always gave him privacy, but his younger friend didn't.

Uli beamed. "I thought my cousin and Jasper were the only ones getting it from vials before they mated."

Alex shrugged. He didn't want to explain how the doctor had to sedate him after his freak-out the first time he tried to ingest male essence in the normal way at Club Zombie. The entire incident was mortifying, but the doctor had a.s.sured Alex the episode would remain confidential.

Uli seemed to be regarding Alex with antic.i.p.ation. "Um, what's it taste like?"

Sometimes, Alex was reminded Uli was only eighteen and hadn't had many experiences. It explained a lot.

Alex's face flamed. "It depends. Each vial tastes a little different. Sometimes salty or sweet, but usually I don't notice."

"Do you like it?" Ulrich's breaths sounded loud in the small room.

"I don't think about it." Alex's T-shirt had become too warm. The fuzzy disorientation zombies got from lack of male essence weighed on him. As their eyes locked, Alex wished this was Uli's essence, and drank.

The rich cream hit his system and gave him shivers. As the nourishment fed his body, he restrained himself from sticking his tongue into the vial to lick up the remaining drops.

"Yeah, but if you think about it, do you like it?" Uli shifted from foot to foot, staring intently.

"Um..." Alex enjoyed Uli watching him. His body went hard as he studied the other man.

Uli's blond hair was going every which way. He was breathing quicker. Alex allowed his eyes to follow past his concert T-shirt depicting the German band Tokio Hotel to his faded black jeans that hung low on his hips. Innocent or not, Alex wanted to do something with Uli's erection.

"So do you like the taste?" Uli s.n.a.t.c.hed the gla.s.s from him to sniff. His saucy grin only endeared him further to Alex.

"Um, I'm less muddled in my head."

Uli's gaze landed on Alex's zipper. "You're hard?"

Oh G.o.d. If only Uli's warm palm would cup Alex through his denim. "Probably a side effect." Though Alex never seemed to be soft around Uli, Storm, or Cutter.

"Yeah, of not taking care of business." Uli set the empty vial on the table. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

The Extraction rooms weren't far from the doctor's office, but Alex never visited.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" Alex glanced around. What if someone a.s.sumed they were donating their seed instead of just getting a ma.s.sage? A twisty ball of worry formed in his gut. You shouldn't be doing this! His mother's voice echoed in his head. He stopped himself. No more was he going to be led by the past.

Uli hugged him. "Hey, Earth to Alex. Just remember we're helping out."

The way Uli's slender body pressed against him chased away all ability to think. "Huh?"

"Mark and Phil need to practice their techniques to pa.s.s their boards. Right?" As soon as Uli stepped back, Alex missed the warm weight resting against him.

Alex bit his lip and he tried to follow Uli's logic. "Yeah. I suppose."

"Without those ma.s.sage licenses, they can't open the spa here." Uli's frustrated huff lifted a strand of his hair before it dropped prettily into place.

"Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about and you know it." Alex moved on instinct and pinned Uli against the wall. The position of control felt right.

"Oh, listen to your tone. You're hot when you get all toppy."

"Shh, hush. Stop that." Alex's cheeks heated up. He was acting all toppy. "You're silly."

"No. Right now, I'm h.o.r.n.y as f.u.c.k." Uli bit his lip as if to take back the admission.

"I wish..." In a bold move, Alex grabbed Ulrich's jaw and caught that lip with his thumb, pulling it from between Uli's teeth. Alex licked his thumb and rubbed Uli's wetness against his lips.

Everything slipped away. Alone in a deserted hallway, Alex's desire won the fight. Confidence poured into him from an unknown source. He grasped Uli's hair to bring those plump lips to his own.

The kiss was infinitely soft and sweet, but the perfection didn't surprise Alex. When it ended, he rested his forehead against Uli's.

"I wish..." Alex couldn't give words to the impossible dream. He needed everything. An image of Uli, Cutter, and Storm entangled with him flashed through his mind.

Uli gave him a sad smile. "Me too. But that's not what's meant to be."

Alex extended his fingers under the blond mop to the nape of Uli's neck and tipped his head back. He again captured Uli's lips. His tongue pushed into Ulrich's mouth to take control of the younger man. Uli tried to partic.i.p.ate, but Alex took the lead and kissed him until Uli trembled in his arms.

When the kiss finally ended, Uli stared up from beneath his heavily lashed lids as he tried to catch his breath. Alex ma.s.saged the back of his head for a moment. Uli's shivering became more p.r.o.nounced.

A frown marred Uli's face. He stared off into s.p.a.ce and words tumbled out of his mouth as if they weren't his own decision to say them. "We're not mates. I don't see that. G.o.d, I wish I did. But I love you. I do. And that won't change."

A knife plunged into Alex's heart. Right, Cutter. No matter how Alex might wish otherwise, Uli believed he belonged to another. Alex turned to stare down the empty hallway. "So you've said a number of times."

Uli had to be wrong. He just had to be. No way could he feel so right in Alex's arms and not belong there. He opened the door and gestured his friend inside.

The dim lighting and soft, new age music gave the room a spa-like feel. The walls were a soft gray with darker gray cabinets. A delicious scent wafted off a wheeled cart laden with an a.s.sortment of oils and lotions. Two-padded leather ma.s.sage beds covered with black sheets stood on either side of a colorful device.

"Hey. Glad you guys finally decided to give us a chance to practice on you."

Phil had been with his mate, Mark, for five years. They were complete opposites. Phil was a quiet large hulk of a man whereas Mark was almost delicate but always boisterous. But the dichotomy worked because they always seemed to be in sync.

"Hey, thanks for wanting to practice on us." Uli sn.i.g.g.e.red. "What do we do?"

Phil held up a small bath towel. "Get undressed and cover yourself with this. Press the b.u.t.ton under the table when you're lying face down and want to begin."

"You got it." Ulrich's voice cracked a little. The minute Phil and Mark left, Uli started tearing off his clothes. He shimmied and hummed a tune that Alex recognized as Club Zombie's striptease song. Between Ulrich's goofy grin and the playful glances directed at Alex, it seemed impossible to hold onto the awkwardness that had reigned moments before.

Alex pried his gaze from the way Uli gyrated and swung his T-shirt in a circle above his head. Getting undressed shouldn't be a big deal, but Alex couldn't convince his p.e.n.i.s of this information. He turned so he couldn't watch the performance.

After removing his clothing, Alex jumped up on the table to hide his nudity from Uli. He lay facedown on the ma.s.sage bed. Ow. The hole at face level to let him breathe was nice, but he'd have preferred one through which he could push his hardness.

Oh, the thought sounded wrong in his head.

He covered his b.u.t.t with the extra towel. His erection grew more painful than he ever remembered it being as he shoved his hot face deeper into the cushioned opening. He shifted again and again before finally finding a comfortable position for his hardening shaft.

"Ready?" Alex turned his face toward Uli, knowing he'd seen him squirm.

"Yeah."

A soft ding echoed in the other room. Only a moment pa.s.sed before Phil and Mark re-entered.

"We're going to start with a basic ma.s.sage and see if there are any problem areas we need to address."

Alex didn't know what to say, so he was grateful when Uli thanked them. The idea that someone's touch could relax him was completely foreign to him, but he'd agreed to give it a try. He'd committed himself to taking control of his life and making it what he wanted it to be. This might be a small step, but a step nonetheless.

He shifted to watch Phil ma.s.sage Uli in the same slow, repet.i.tive motions Mark used on him. Alex could feel hands gliding over him, but he disconnected from the pleasure because witnessing someone else's hands on Uli was painful.

As if Uli could read Alex's mind, he turned toward him to stare for a moment. "Mark, Phil, you two are obliviously skilled, but I think we'd like to move to the extraction part of the process."

"What?" Alex asked.

Mark laughed, but Phil agreed. "Of course. I'll just..."

"Um, no, if you don't mind, could you just leave the tubes next to me? We'll take care of it."

Antic.i.p.ation and excitement raced through Alex and outran the voice of his mother. He fixated on silencing the harmful influence. But still he questioned: could he really allow himself relief? Maybe he could just watch Uli. No, he wanted to do this and he would.

The therapists shared a grin but said only, "Of course."

Phil retrieved the device and explained to them how the dials worked. "Is there anything else we can do to a.s.sist you?"

"Could you put our beds closer together?" Alex wanted to hear Uli's gasps and maybe even kiss him again.

"Of course." Mark rushed to join the beds, flipping a latch that locked them together.

Phil tossed the connector on the other end of the ma.s.sage table before handing Uli a bottle of scented oil to be used with the machine. "It's already heated."

A pole in the center of the contraption extended from the ceiling in a dazzling display of lights. Alex guessed the machine's original purpose was to milk cows before the fancy makeover. Four hollow, rubber-coated metal rods invited insertion.

As the door shut, they rolled toward each other. Before Alex could feel any shame, Uli reached out to grab his hand. Their fingers locked and Uli squeezed.

"You okay with this?"

Was he? His body had been ready for years-his mind was another story. But he was determined to claim the life that was meant to be his, and the first step was reclaiming his own body. Uli pulled away the useless towel that did little to hide Alex's shaft. Alex concentrated on Ulrich so he could push away the negative thoughts as they attempted to take hold.

"Here's some oil." Uli pointed the bottle at Alex's rampant arousal. When he couldn't quite reach, Alex helpfully thrust his shaft closer.

"Mm, you're so hard." Uli watched as the oil drizzled over Alex's erection and gathered in a slick pool around his b.a.l.l.s. Then he did the same to himself, hissing as the warm oil slid over him. "Let me turn this on."

The soft popping noise of a piston echoed from the walls. The long rods moved, and inside them, the rubber coating flexed with the rush of pneumatic pressure. Expectation raced through Alex.

"Ready?"

Though he shook his head, his mouth moaned a.s.sent. Uli pushed an elongated cylinder toward Alex. As it moved, Alex saw the tubing connecting it to the sucking machine.

The teasing suction strengthened as Uli brought the cylinder closer. One moment Alex felt an irresistible pull and the next he was dragged inside.

"Oh!" he shouted in surprise when the pleasure of suction cascaded over him.

"Good?" Uli studied Alex's face. Seeming to be satisfied with what he saw, he released the device. Unrestrained, the cylinder pumped, slurped, sliding up and down over Alex.

With all the overwhelming sensations attacking his body, Alex couldn't speak. Instead, he nodded and watched as Uli repeated the process on himself. The machine's mouth slurped Uli in and made him gasp.

Uli's expression was downright gleeful. "Mm-mm. That's incredible." Unable to resist that smile, Alex leaned in to give Uli a kiss. Uli moaned and returned the kiss with a pa.s.sion that swept Alex away. His heart drank in everything the blond provided. Their closeness, the thought of this intimacy shared with Uli, was enough to make him find release.

Breaking the seal of their lips, Alex howled as the machine swallowed his donation. He convulsed as the sweet explosion of his first true release rushed through his body. Waves of pleasure, a kaleidoscope of colors spun out of control as he grabbed for the only stable thing in his world: Uli.

He woke before he realized he'd fallen asleep. His body felt amazing, relaxed and refreshed. Why hadn't he ever done this before?

"You okay?" Uli sounded nervous.

Alex could feel the big, stupid grin he wore. "Great."

His friend sighed in relief. "I think you pa.s.sed out or something."

"Is it always like that?"

Chuckling, Uli shrugged. "Not always. Depends on how long since your last one."

"Oh." The intensity overwhelmed him, and though inexperienced, he imagined sharing this with Uli made it more so. Alex groaned.

"Looks like you're ready to go again."

Both boys peered at Alex's growing erection. It appeared eager for another round.

"Oh. Hm." A glance at Uli told Alex he was ready as well. "We shouldn't."

Should they?

"Why not? I need more too." Ulrich's eagerness made Alex rethink his hasty refusal.

Actually, there was no reason in the world Alex could think of not to indulge. "Okay. You ready?"

"Definitely."

"Give me the dials. I'll take care of you." Alex grabbed the oil and poured some over Uli. He hesitated only a moment before smoothing the slick down Uli's jutting erection.

When the tip glistened and leaked, Uli grabbed one of the elongated tubes. Alex held out his hand, and without a word exchanged, Uli gave him the controller.

Alex turned on the machine and heard a familiar, hissing pop that made him throb in antic.i.p.ation. He held the cylinder close to Uli but not close enough for the suction to draw him inside. The distance teased Ulrich without providing the possibility of climax.

"Please, Alex." Uli tried to thrust into the machine, but Alex thwarted every effort. He allowed Uli only as much as he wanted him to have.