[Exit Socrates]

For matters of this sort are somehow accustomed to turn the other way.

[Enter Strepsiades and Phidippides]

Strep. By Mist, you certainly shall not stay here any longer! But go and gnaw the columns of Megacles.

Phid. My good sir, what is the matter with you, O father? You are not in your senses, by Olympian Jupiter!

Strep. See, see, "Olympian Jupiter!" What folly! To think of your believing in Jupiter, as old as you are!

Phid. Why, pray, did you laugh at this?

Strep. Reflecting that you are a child, and have antiquated notions. Yet, however, approach, that you may know more; and I will tell you a thing, by learning which you will be a man. But see that you do not teach this to any one.

Phid. Well, what is it?

Strep. You swore now by Jupiter.

Phid. I did.

Strep. Seest thou, then, how good a thing is learning?

There is no Jupiter, O Phidippides!

Phid. Who then?

Strep. Vortex reigns, having expelled Jupiter.

Phid. Bah! Why do you talk foolishly?

Strep. Be a.s.sured that it is so.

Phid. Who says this?

Strep. Socrates the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows the footmarks of fleas.

Phid. Have you arrived at such a pitch of frenzy that you believe madmen?

Strep. Speak words of good omen, and say nothing bad of clever men and wise; of whom, through frugality, none ever shaved or anointed himself, or went to a bath to wash himself; while you squander my property in bathing, as if I were already dead. But go as quickly as possible and learn instead of me.

Phid. What good could any one learn from them?

Strep. What, really? Whatever wisdom there is among men.

And you will know yourself, how ignorant and stupid you are. But wait for me here a short time.

[Runs off]

Phid. Ah me! What shall I do, my father being crazed?

Shall I bring him into court and convict him of lunacy, or shall I give information of his madness to the coffin-makers?

[Re-enter Strepsiades with a c.o.c.k under one arm and a hen under the other]

Strep. Come, let me see; what do you consider this to be? Tell me.

Phid. Alectryon.

Strep. Right. And what this?

Phid. Alectryon.

Strep. Both the same? You are very ridiculous. Do not do so, then, for the future; but call this alektryaina, and this one alektor.

Phid. Alektryaina! Did you learn these clever things by going in just now to the t.i.tans?

Strep. And many others too; but whatever I learned on each occasion I used to forget immediately, through length of years.

Phid. Is it for this reason, pray, that you have also lost your cloak?

Strep. I have not lost it; but have studied it away.

Phid. What have you made of your slippers, you foolish man?

Strep. I have expended them, like Pericles, for needful purposes. Come, move, let us go. And then if you obey your father, go wrong if you like. I also know that I formerly obeyed you, a lisping child of six years old, and bought you a go-cart at the Diasia, with the first obolus I received from the Heliaea.

Phid. You will a.s.suredly some time at length be grieved at this.

Strep. It is well done of you that you obeyed. Come hither, come hither O Socrates! Come forth, for I bring to you this son of mine, having persuaded him against his will.

[Enter Socrates]

Soc. For he is still childish, and not used to the baskets here.

Phid. You would yourself be used to them if you were hanged.

Strep. A mischief take you! Do you abuse your teacher?

Soc. "Were hanged" quoth 'a! How sillily he p.r.o.nounced it, and with lips wide apart! How can this youth ever learn an acquittal from a trial or a legal summons, or persuasive refutation? And yet Hyperbolus learned this at the cost of a talent.

Strep. Never mind; teach him. He is clever by nature.

Indeed, from his earliest years, when he was a little fellow only so big, he was wont to form houses and carve ships within-doors, and make little wagons of leather, and make frogs out of pomegranate-rinds, you can't think how cleverly. But see that he learns those two causes; the better, whatever it may be; and the worse, which, by maintaining what is unjust, overturns the better. If not both, at any rate the unjust one by all means.

Soc. He shall learn it himself from the two causes in person.

[Exit Socrates]

Strep. I will take my departure. Remember this now, that he is to be able to reply to all just arguments.

[Exit Strepsiades and enter Just Cause and Unjust Cause]