Part 1

I decided to leave the dormitory and search for Hirata.

He probably hadnt gone back to the school building, so he was most likely at Keyaki Mall or at least in the area nearby.

Assuming he didnt want to run into anybody, there was a high probability he was outside somewhere.

Ultimately, I decided to check the entire area.

After about an hour of searching, I came across his distinctive, lonely-looking figure seated on an outside bench.

Hirata.

I walked up behind the bench and, once he was within an arms reach away from me, called out his name.

Ayanokji-kun.

His response came out slowly as he raised his head to face me, his eyes still downcast.

It had been a long time since I had gotten a good look at his face like this.

He didnt seem to be getting enough sleep, as there were dark circles under his eyes that I had never seen him have before.

Can you spare some time?

Upon hearing my request, Hiratas eyes opened up a little bit more.

Im sick and tired of all of this. Of everyone coming after me over and over again. I thought you understood me, Ayanokji-kun. I thought youd know to just leave me alone. Im disappointed.

Sorry. If you dont like it, why dont you push me away like you did to Mii-chan and run away?

Despite taking the risk and provoking him, Hirata didnt get up from the bench.

Spare some time, was it? It doesnt matter. I dont have anywhere to hide at this school anyway. Im so tired today that I dont even have the energy to run away. But I dont think Ill be able to meet your expectations either.

In just this short period of time, quite a few other students mustve tried reaching out to him.

Regardless of whether they were expressing their concern, or offering him encouragement, it mustve been unbearable for him.

Although I didnt know who exactly had reached out to him, I could imagine what they wouldve said.

I was sure they had all attempted to gently comfort him and heal his broken heart.

There, on a bench on the outskirts of campus, the two of us sat together.

So you had something to say, right?

I already knew how Hirata was going to handle this conversation.

He was going to sit there and listen, letting my words go in one ear and out the other.

I want you to tell me your story.

Eh?

Hirata responded meekly. He had probably expected me to offer him words of sympathy.

What you were like as a kid, what kind of thoughts you had. Id like to hear about it.

Why?

Who knows. I guess I just want to know for some reason. Im having a hard time giving you a reason for it.

Hirata let out a deep sigh before slowly shaking his head.

I dont have the energy to reminisce about my past right now. Theres nothing to talk about.

You dont have the energy? Why?

Why? Thats

He turned and looked at me, as if to question why I didnt already know the answer to that.

Why is it?

I repeated the question, ignoring the look he gave me.

Its because Yamauchi-kun got expelled.

He was being forced to say things that he didnt want to say.

Hirata spoke as if he had been greatly offended, as he was well aware of my intentions.

Youre making me say some horrible things.

I was just curious. I apologize if Ive offended you.

Its fine.

Hirata sighed once again, lacking the motivation to continue the conversation.

He sat with his back hunched over, listlessly shaking his head from side to side.

Pleading for me to leave him alone. Pleading for me to stop caring.

What does Yamauchis expulsion have to do with not talking about your past?

Confronted with my obstinate request for an answer, Hirata let show a dumbfounded expression for the second time.

My past doesnt matter right now, does it?

Not necessarily.

I continued immediately, denying Hirata a chance to shut down the conversation.

Having one of your classmates expelled is certainly unpleasant. Pretty much anyone would agree with that. But, we dont have the luxury to regret it forever. The Event Selection Exam is already right around the corner. Not just Horikita and Kushida, but even Ike and Sud are trying to buckle down and fight. But what about you, Hirata? Youre so hung up on Yamauchis expulsion, and even if you tried to cooperate

I purposefully stopped speaking for a moment.

And then, I changed the topic to show him I didnt really want to talk about what had happened anymore.

What I want to know is, what happened in your past that instilled this sense of values in you?

Whats the point in asking that? Do you really think Im going to tell you?

Youll tell me. Because as you are now, you desperately want other people to know about you.

In truth, he probably really does want to get everything off his chest. He had ended up like this because he couldnt find a way to do it.

This time, I spoke to him with my eyes.

I looked at him forcefully, almost as if I were threatening him to speak.

Upon seeing the look in my eyes, a sense of fear welled up in his heart.

I finally understand the reason, the true reason, why Karuizawa-san decided to reveal everything to you, Ayanokji-kun. She saw your eyes no, you showed them to her. Those eyes, and that deep, eerie darkness diffused within

I slowly ate away the darkness held within Hirata.

This man wasnt simply waiting to die. Day by day, he had been praying for someone to come and save him.

All he could do was reach for the black spiders silk that dangled before him in order to crawl up from the depths of hell.

Ive told you once before, havent I? About my friend who I had been close with since childhood? The one who started getting bullied once we got into middle school?

Yeah. His name was Sugimura, right?

To think youd even remember his name

It was precisely because I knew about this story that I was able to predict Hiratas mental state.

Back then, he had wanted to help this friend of his, but he was afraid hed end up getting targeted by the bullies as well.

As a result, he simply ended up watching it happen from the sidelines.

And then

My friend committed suicide by jumping off a building.

He was probably beginning to recollect what had happened back then.

Little by little, he began opening up about it.

He managed to just barely hang onto his life, but hes been in a coma ever since

Hirata tightly clasped his hands together.

My decisions caused him to take his own life. The weight of my sins will never go away.

That isnt entirely your fault. In fact, the blame mainly falls on the bullies.

Sure, but I think being a bystander makes me equally guilty.

Hirata had said something similar back when we were on the cruise ship. This was the reason why he was always striving to save those around him.

In fact, every time the class ran into problems, Hirata would always be the first one to intervene.

He was the type of man whod spare no effort to search for a solution.

For example, back when Sud got into a fight with those guys from Class D, or when he and Kei pretended to be a couple.

However, there were still a few things that hadnt been explained yet.

I understand that you still have doubts.

Without turning to look at me, Hirata continued.

Back when my friend attempted to commit suicide. Theres actually more to the story

He hadnt mentioned this back during the cruise.

Back when he attempted to commit suicide by jumping from a building, I thought that the whole mess was finally over. That, after making such a heavy sacrifice, there wouldnt be any more bullying in our school. But I was naive. From that day onwards, I saw for myself the unfathomable darkness of human nature.

His body trembled, and I could see something akin to a murderous impulse flash across his eyes.

The bullies chose a new target, and this time it was one of my own classmates.

As he took a deep breath to suppress his emotions, Hirata began speaking to himself in a hushed tone.

I couldnt believe it. Something so horrific had literally just happened, and yet the bullying had already started up again. One of my classmates, who had been nothing more than an innocent bystander, began suffering the same treatment as my friend. And whats more is that some of our classmates who previously hadnt been involved with the bullying began joining in on it.

The scope of the bullying had expanded indefinitely.

If the person at the bottom of the caste system is gone, its only natural that somebody will have to take their place. In a way, its part of the natural order of things.

I knew I couldnt allow history to repeat itself. I knew I absolutely had to stop it.

So you took action?

Hirata nodded his head several times over.

I did it in a certain way in order to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Hirata slowly lifted his head and stared out into the distance in front of him.

Well, to put it simply, I tried to control the class through fear-mongering.

You did that?

Yes. Im not particularly good at fighting like Sud-kun and Ryen-kun. However, there arent very many people who can seriously hit someone. Even if I were serious enough to throw a punch, nobody would be willing to hit me back. I alone stood on top while the rest of the class sat at the bottom. By doing so, I was looking to get rid of the bullying. Whenever things started getting out of hand, Id step in. I gave both sides an equal punishment, equal amounts of pain. My actions were no different than bullying. But, there was at least a brief moment of peace.

Hirata was probably well aware that his actions were by no means justice. That what he had done was wrong.

But even so, he didnt want to acknowledge a world where the people around him were being abused.

Based on what happened I find myself wondering if I ended up ruining that year for everyone. They just trudged through each day like lifeless robots who never smiled anymore. At the time, it was the talk of the town back where I lived It was pretty much treated like a scandal.

How did the school end up dealing with it?

Their response was fairly unprecedented. They forcefully broke up all of the classes for a while, and then redistributed everyone, including me. We were also placed under strict observation until the day we graduated.

With a scandal that famous, its only natural that itd end up getting a lot of attention.

In which case, there was no way that this high school hadnt caught wind of it, right?

No, they may actually have chosen to enroll Hirata here precisely because they knew about the scandal.

Either way, I could finally see the reason why Hirata had been placed in Class D.

You cant forgive yourself for letting Yamauchi get targeted, can you?

Yes Back then, I thought that as long as it didnt come to my attention, I could just pretend not to know about it. I had wanted to just keep quiet about it until the day of the vote.

Ultimately, Horikitas actions back then led to him being marked as unnecessary.

Im just useless. I never shouldve tried to keep the class together in the first place. Despite doing everything I could, I still couldnt protect Yamauchi-kun You probably knew that already, Ayanokji-kun. I just cant do it anymore. In order to protect someone, Ive even thought about using fear tactics again. I get that I should know better. That itd be a mistake, and yet

Hiratas voice trembled.

His heart was on the brink of collapsing.

He felt like the entire class should share the load, through both the good times and the bad.

He couldnt bear the thought of somebody suffering. Of somebody disappearing.

Yes, he had probably always been questioning himself each time something happened. And he probably always will.

It wasnt clear if he had confided in Mii-chan and the other students and if he had, just to what extent.

However, I could easily imagine what sort of things theyd end up saying to him.

Theres nothing you couldve done.

Its not your fault, Hirata-kun.

Yamauchi only has himself to blame for betraying the class.

No matter who it was, they would end up saying that Hirata was in the right and somebody else was in the wrong.

That simply wasnt going to change.

And because of this, its unlikely that the problem would ever be solved.

There was no point in telling Hirata to blame the very person he had set out to protect.

Instead, that would only end up making him retreat back into his shell even more.

Theres something I want to make clear to you. Its not Horikitas fault that Yamauchi got expelled from the school, and, of course, its not my fault either. You know that, right?

Yes. It was unavoidable. There was nothing we couldve done about it. And I dont blame you either.

He quietly added in that last part.

To Hirata, it probably sounded like I was emphasizing that it wasnt my fault.

It wouldve sounded like I was asking him if he had some sort of grudge held against me.

Who do you think is responsible for Yamauchis departure from Class C? From this school?

I think he has nobody to blame but himself.

This was the conclusion Hirata had come to, though he didnt want to admit to it.

Yamauchi had suffered the consequences of his own actions. Expulsion was the natural consequence of his lack of ability and lazy lifestyle.

Thats not true.

I denied it. I straight up kicked Hiratas naive idea to the curb.

Its your fault that Yamauchi got expelled, Hirata.

!

He raised his head and looked at me.

The expression on his face was telling me that he couldnt understand what I had said.

If you really wanted to save Yamauchi, you shouldve done everything in your power to make it happen.

B-but- I tried my best! There was nothing more I couldve done!

Ichinoses Class B didnt lose a single person.

That- But thats because she was a special case. We didnt have a huge amount of private points like she did!

In which case, the problem is that you failed to lead the class like that. You shouldve been saving up points for the past year like Ichinose so you could save somebody when theyre about to be expelled.

As a result, Yamauchi wouldnt have been expelled, and there would still be forty people in our class.

Impossible. We lost all of our Class Points just after we enrolled here. And, even if we hadnt, theres no way that our classmates would have agreed to hand over their points. You do know that, right?

Between ending up with zero Class Points and failing to lead the class, either way, its still your responsibility.

No matter how much Hirata may try to escape, the fact that it was his fault wouldnt change.

Unreasonable. Thats unreasonable.

Yeah, its unreasonable. But it cant be helped. You chose to walk down that path. You shouldve kept this fantasy you have of wanting to save everyone to yourself. That way, no matter who ends up expelled from school, the blame wouldnt fall on you. But, if you keep projecting your feelings on the people around you, you have to bear the full responsibility when it doesnt end up working out. You should be resolved for at least that much.

I-Im-!

I had the wrong idea about you. I thought you were an honor student, a man of character who was well respected by many of our classmates. But, I guess youre not. Youre just a shallow, incompetent student who boasts about things you cant even do. That, Hirata Ysuke, is the type of person you are.

This was an excessively extreme argument followed through to its logical conclusion. He was by no means an incompetent person.

Hirata was such an exceptionally talented person that his capabilities went well beyond whats expected of a first-year high school student.

There was nothing wrong with him saying he wanted to protect everyone, and just because he failed to do so doesnt mean that hes responsible.

But even so, I still blamed him.

I forced the blame on him until the bitter end.

I put him under heavy pressure, relentlessly driving him into a corner until he was about to break.

Was I doing this for Hiratas sake? No.

Was I looking to empower him so that he could better protect everyone? No.

There was no way he could protect everyone.

And, there would definitely be even more expulsions at some point later on as well.

I was doing this because, when that time comes, Hirata would be necessary to keep the class operating smoothly.

Just how long are you going to keep dreaming?

Hirata simply hadnt moved on from how things were back in middle school. He hadnt moved on from doing only what was required of him.

It was up to you to decide whether or not youd continue your education into high school, and it was up to you to decide whether or not youd stay there.

This This is your true nature, isnt it? Your words are so terrible, ruthless, cold

I could see tears start welling up in Hiratas right eye.

And before long, he sat there crying in front of me.

Youre free to wish for whatever you want. But if you really want to see your wishes come true, you at least need to fight for it until the very end. Strive to do whatever you can. Theres no other way. If there end up being expulsions along the way, you have no other choice but to accept it. Even so, you still have to keep moving forward.

How cruel

If you stop now, the students around you are going to fall behind and disappear one after another. Thats why, if you keep walking forward, if you keep your eyes on your goal, then there will surely still be people standing behind you after everything is over.

It takes an awful lot of courage to lead others.

You never know what kind of obstacles you may face, and you could always fall down at any moment.

But Then How do I vent frustrations? Do I have to keep moving forward all alone? Bottling up everything deep inside?

Not at all. When youre feeling troubled, you can rely on your classmates. Horikita, Kushida, Sud and Ike, Mii-chan and Shinohara, it doesnt matter who. You can vent your frustrations to whoever it is that you rely on. Were all in this together.

Theres no such thing as a rule stating that leaders arent allowed to show weakness.

The people who stand behind them can always be there to lend a hand in case theyre about to fall.

Our classmates should be more than willing to listen to Hirata vent his frustrations.

I I I wonder if its okay for someone like me to lead everyone?

Its alright. As you are now, its okay for you to take the lead.

I placed my hand on his shoulder.

With this small gesture, even more tears began to pour.

To bury the past.

To get rid of the huge, cumbersome burden that Hirata had been carrying once and for all.

He, who had been stuck and unable to move, could once again stand up on his own two feet.

Thank you Thank you, Ayanokji-kun

He hung his head, countless tears falling from his face.

Men are troublesome, difficult creatures who cant cry in front of others very easily.

Thats why I also wanted a friendship where nobody was forced to hide their tears from one another.

As for this, no more words needed to be said.

All that he needed was a friend at his side, somebody who would lend him their ear and hear out his frustrations.

As long as he did- he could start walking forward once again.