"Guys," Kris snorted.

"Really."

"Perhaps," snarled the man on the throne, his lip curled in disdain, "you'll find the situation less amusing after a little torture."

"With a tampon?"

The disdain became confusion. "What?"

"You're going to torture us with a tampon?"

Became distaste. "Stop saying that!"

"Saying what?" Diana asked. "Tampon?"

"Feminine hygiene product?" Kris offered.

"Maxi pad?"

"Cramps."

"Bloating."

"Clotting."

"Yeah, I hate it when that happens."

He stared at them for a long moment, eyes wide and disbelieving. "Nice girls do not talk about those kinds of things!"

"But torture, that's okay?"

"Double standards of the patriarchy," Kris growled.

His grip tightened on the arms of the throne to the point where already pale knuckles whitened. "Get them out of here!"

Diana yanked at the chains securing her wrist cuffs to the wall and sighed. "I hate to say it, but the nameless nasty was right; this is already less amusing."

"Are they really going to torture us?" Kris panted, hanging limp and exhausted. It was fairly clear they wouldn't be able to kick, twist, or thrash their way to freedom.

"Probably." If she only had the wand. It was times like this, chained to a wall by the nameless evil who planned to use a shopping mall to take over the world, that a few hours of unconsciousness followed by a little puking started to look good. "First they'll leave us here to think about it for a while."

"You know what? I'm thinking about it. And you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking I don't want to be tortured!"

"Who does?"

Kris found the strength for another yank at the chains. "So do something!"

"Like what?" Diana demanded, sagging back against the rough rock. "If I reach into the possibilities to free us, I break one of the big Rules. If I break a big Rule, that opens the way for them to break a big Rule and you really don't want that to happen."

"Hey! Read my lips, I really don't want to be tortured either!"

"So you do something!"

"You're the freakin' wizard!" Kris slapped her chains against the wall for emphasis.

"It's Keeper! Now stop yelling at me and let me think! Just because you couldn't come up with something useful doesn't mean I can't!"

Their breathing sounded unnaturally loud in the silence that followed.

Finally, Diana sighed. "Sorry. It's just . . ."

"Yeah. I know."

She turned to see Kris frightened and battered but almost smiling at her.

"You're supposed to be saving the world, not just hangin' around here with me."

"For what it's worth, I'm glad you're here. Not, here . . . here." Diana winced as Kris' eyebrows rose. "I mean, I'm glad I'm not alone."

"For what it's worth, I'd rather you were."

Diana sighed again as Kris returned to yanking the chain. This was not going well on a number of levels; personal, professional, and probably a few other "p" words she'd come up with later. If they had a later.

They'd been chained in an alcove hacked out of the limestone walls not far from the throne room. Chained and abandoned; they hadn't seen meat-minds or bugs since.

"How long do you think we've been here?"

Diana twisted her wrist until she could see her watch. "About six minutes."

"Seems longer."

"Yeah."

The torches across from their alcove flickered although the air was still. In the distance, something screamed.

"So, about those Rules."

When Diana turned, Kris' expression announced I'm not f.u.c.kin' scared as loudly as if she was shouting the words. The profanity was particularly obvious. "You want me to tell you about them now?"

Her upper lip curled. "You going somewhere?"

"Well, no." Maybe defining a few metaphysical parameters was just the kind of distraction they needed. Maybe not, but it was all she had. Kris didn't seem like the type to be interested in "the cute things my cat's done lately" or what Ms. Harris and the graduating president of the chess club had been doing with two tubes of acrylic paint and a number three sable in the art supply closet on the last day of school. Which had only been... ? Diana counted back. She'd traveled to Kingston on Friday; the same day school'd ended. They'd crossed over into the Otherside mall on Sat.u.r.day. Was it still Sat.u.r.day and, if so, which Sat.u.r.day? That whole "time was relative" thing made her want to hurl, although in this instance the urge to hurl likely had more to do with the bug leg, arm? limb? that had impacted with her stomach. Bruises were rising even . . .

"Hey!" Part summons, part protest, it yanked her wandering attention back to the alcove.

"Right. The Rules. The uh, the Rules impose order on the chaos of metaphysics. Magic," she amended catching sight of bravado becoming impatience. "Right here and now, the biggest Rule to remember is that the Otherside is neutral ground, so neither good nor evil can control it."

"Why would evil give a s.h.i.t?"